New Doctor Jokes
124 new doctor jokes and hilarious new doctor puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about new doctor that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest New Doctor Short Jokes
Short new doctor jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The new doctor humour may include short a young doctor jokes also.
- Doctor: (handing me my new born baby) I'm sorry but your wife didn't make it Me: (handing baby back to him) Bring me the one my wife made
- I just got my new pair of orthopenic shoes. "Actually, it's *orthopedic*", my doctor said.
"I stand corrected", I replied. - Congratulations, said the doctor, you have a new life growing inside you! The patient said, I'm a man.
The doctor said, the tapeworm doesn't care. - A doctor says to his patient, "I have good new and bad news..." Patient: "I'd like the good news first"
Doctor : "Well, you're going to have a disease named after you..." - A new hospital opens for the first time, and the doctor is getting antsy... "What are we waiting for?" the doctor asks.
"Patients, Doctor," replied the nurse. "Patients." - At last, I finally got around to watching the new episode of "Doctor Who" ... ... it was about time.
- The new Joker went to see a doctor for his mental health, but didn't make an appointment. It was a Joaquin.
- My new family doctor wrote me a prescription ... and I was able to read all of it perfectly, disappointed by how underqualified medical professionals are these days.
- Doctor：I've found a great new drug that can help you with your sleeping problem. Patient：Great, how often do I have to take it ?
Doctor：Every two hours. - If you're easily offended, the FDA just approved a new drug. Ask your doctor if Growacet is right for you.
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New Doctor One Liners
Which new doctor one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with new doctor? I can suggest the ones about new doc and bad doctor.
- Have you heard the new United Airlines motto? "One drag a day keeps the doctors away!"
- My doctor prescribed a new drug to treat my depression. It's called Enditol.
- My doctor gave me a prostate exam this morning... ...I really need to find a new dentist
- Doctor, what happens when we die? We just give the beds to a new patient.
- As a new father, I have found my infant is like a struggling doctor No patients.
- The new Doctor Strange trailer just dropped... It's Mind Bendingdict ^^^Cumberbatch.
- I didn't vaccinate children... And now I'm searching a new job as a doctor
- A doctor moved hospitals and got a new medical staff He didn't expect a doctor's cane
- What does a doctor say to the new father of a stillborn child? Close, but no cigar.
- What did the doctor call his new metal band? Inflamed
Comedy New Doctor Jokes to Make Your Friends Giggle
What funny jokes about new doctor you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean female doctor jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make new doctor pranks.
A gynecologist notices that a new patient is nervous.
While putting on the latex gloves, he asks her if she knows how they make latex gloves. The patient says no. The doctor says, "There is a plant in Mexico full of latex that people of various hand sizes dip their hands into and let them dry. She does not crack a smile, but later she laughs. The doctor says, "What's so funny?" She says, "I'm imagining how they make condoms."
A woman went to doctors office.
She was seen by one of the new doctors, but after about 4 minutes in the examination room, she burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall.
An older doctor stopped and asked her what the problem was, and she explained.
He had her sit down and relax in another room.
Little Johnny's neighbour had a baby.
Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears.
When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnny's family was invited over to see the baby.
Before they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears.
His dad also told him that if he so much mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking of his life when they came back home.
Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely.
When Johnny looked in the crib he said: "What a beautiful baby."
The mother said, 'Why, Thank you Johnny."
Johnny said: "He has beautiful little feet, beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see all right?"
"Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 Vision."
"That's great", said Little Johnny, "cos he'd be f*cked if he needed glasses!"
After a long labour, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, "
Ma'am, I've got some good news, and some bad news. What would you like?"
After quickly thinking it over, she responds, "I'll have the bad news first doctor".
The doctor replies, "We'll, I'm not sure how to put this, and I'm sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair".
Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother face. "Doctor, if that's the bad news, what's the good news".
The doctor replies, "He's dead".
I sent a reminder to a client that it was time to visit the eye doctor.
He called back to inform me that he would not be coming in because, as he put it, "I have a new obstetrician."
A woman goes into labor with her child.
The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of child birth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.
A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.
Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it.
The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine.
The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic.
When they got home, the mailman was dead on the porch.
An 85 year old man goes to his doctor...
"Doc, I got a big problem."
"I understand you were recently remarried, is that right?"
"Yes. My new wife is 23 years old, and that's exactly the problem. She just told me she's pregnant! I haven't been a father in sixty years, and I don't know what to do."
"Hmm. Let me tell you a story that I think will help explain what's going on here: A near sighted man decides to go bear hunting. On his way out the door, he accidentally picks up his umbrella instead of his rifle. Once he gets to the woods, he is instantly attacked by a ferocious 1,200 pound bear. He picks up his umbrella and shoots it dead. Does that story make sense to you?"
"No! Somebody else must have shot that bear."
"My point exactly."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A doctor and his patient
**Doctor**: After the operation, you'll be a new man.
**Patient**: Could you send the bill to the old man?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An elderly man was lying on his death bed
and in his bank account had 300,000 dollars. Being a man that didn't trust wills and didn't want the government to get their hands on the money, he decides to call over his three most trusted people. He calls over his priest, his lawyer, and his doctor and gives them each 100,000 dollars. He then informs them that he wishes to be buried with his wealth and at the f**... they should each drop the 100,000 into his coffin. After the burial the priest announces that he must confess he donated some of the money to the orphanage. The doctor chimes in and says he has to admit that he bought a new MRI machine for the hospital. "I felt guilty but it will save many lives" he proclaims. The lawyer takes a step back and looks at both of them with disdain. "Shame on you for dishonoring a dying man's last wish. I'll have you know I enclosed a check for the full 100,000."
A married couple is having a baby...
As she is going into labor, the doctor asks the man, "would you like to take part in this new technology that allows half the pain of the pregnancy to be put on to the father." The husband accepts, and they go on with the birth. Afterwards they ask him how he felt, he replied, "I didn't feel anything I don't understand what the big deal is about this. Later that day, they find the postman dead at their house.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The older man and his problems
A man getting along in years finds that he is unable to perform s**.... He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems to work. Finally, as a last hope, the doctor refers him to an African medicine man. The medicine man says, "I can cure this." With that said, he throws a white powder into a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke.
Then he says, "This is powerful healing but you can only use it once a year. All you have to do is say '123,' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!"
The man then asks, "What happens when it's over, and I don't want to continue?"
The medicine man replies: "When your partner can take no more s**... and is completely raddled, all she has to say is '1234', and it will then go down. But be warned: The pork swordsman will not rise again for another year."
The old gent rushes home, anxious to try out his new powers. That night he showers, shaves, and smothers himself in aftershave. He slides into bed,cuddles up to his wife, says "123" and suddenly he has the most gigantic stiffie ever, just as the medicine man promised.
His wife turns over and asks: "What did you say '123' for?"
A child was born without a body...
The doctor said there was nothing they could do, but the parents cared for their child anyways.
Several years later, the parents were approached by the same doctor, saying, "I've got some good news. We now have the capability to give your child a body, would you like that?" Of course the parents were overjoyed and immediately agreed.
Another few years went by, and the parents enjoyed being able to hold their child at least, but they wanted their child to have the best life possible, so of course they accepted when the doctor offered to give their child arms.
They loved being able to play with their baby, but were sad that they couldn't teach him to walk. They prayed for the day that the doctor would come just one last time, and it finally came. The doctor asked if they would like to try a new procedure to give their child legs, and they joyfully accepted.
They enjoyed all their time running and playing with their newly whole child, until one day the child was playing in the yard and ran right in front of a cement truck and died.
I guess you could say that the moral of this story is, "stop while you're a head".
A new doctor goes to work for a year in Cambodia, where people still get maimed from landmines left over from the Vietnam War era
In his very first day in the hospital, the doctor sees a young girl in the post-operation area. She is crying, and in a panic, she says to him, "Doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
He looks down at the young girl, and in his best bedside manner, tells her, "That's because the doctors had to amputate your arms."
A cheeky sacrifice
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny, so the wife offered to donate some of her own skin. The doctor took a large piece from her buttocks.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the man's new face. He looked more handsome than he ever had before! All his friends and relatives just went on and on about his baby face!
One day, when he was alone with his wife, he was overcome with emotion at her sacrifice and said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?"
"My darling," she replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."
A old Jewish man goes to the doctors...
He says "Doctor I've got a huge problem."
The doctor says "What is it?"
He says "I keep getting these silent, smelly, gassy emissions I was with my wife and the Grossmans yesterday and it happened about 100 times during dinner and created a nauseous gas but it was silent so no one new who it was and then again on the bus this morning and even in your office now I must have had 20 of them, Do you have anyway to fix this problem doc?"
The doctor looks up and says "Well first off I'm going to send you to specialist."
The man interrupts him "What kind of specialist doc?"
"A hearing specialist!"
An Arab and a Jew
There was an Arab oil Sheikh that was in a coma and needed a blood transfusion to survive. Being AB+ it was hard for him to get a donor with the same rare blood type. Finally they found an old Jewish farmer that was listed as a blood donor with the same blood type. However he was very reluctant to give his blood to save an Arab guy. Finally after lots of discussions and pestering by doctors he agreed to donate only enough blood to help make sure the Arab guy was stabilized. After the blood transfusion and when the Arab guy is healthier, he sends the Jewish farmer a brand new John Deere tractor and a Cartier watch and $100000 as a token of appreciation. After a year, the Arab is requires another transfusion. The old Jewish farmer is contacted and this time is willing to give more blood. After the transfusion the Arab send the Jewish guy a box of chocolates and a bouquet of flowers. When the Jewish guy gets this he is furious as he is expecting much more since he gave more of his rare blood type. He contacts the Arab sheikh and asks him why he only gave him such a paltry gift? The Arab says, ya Akhie (brother) I have Jewish blood in me now….
A clinic was trialling a new, cheap way to numb a patient for surgery.
The new method involved blunt force trauma to the patient's head.
The strategy was such a success that people would line up around the block to receive the new anaesthetic.
A man asked the doctor what the line was for.
The doctor replied "that's the punchline."
An Arab Sheik was admitted to Hospital for heart surgery.
But prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his blood in case a need arose.
As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally, so the call went out.
Finally a Scotsman was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab.
After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman as appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW motorcycle, diamonds and a substantial sum of money.
A couple of days later, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery.
His doctor telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate his blood again.
After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a box of Quality Street chocolates.
The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated.
He phoned the Arab and asked him: "I thought you would be generous again, that you would give me another motorcycle, diamonds & money... but you only gave me a thank-you card & a box of Quality Street chocolates."
To this the Arab replied: "Aye laddie, but I now have Scottish blood in ma veins".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Oprah goes to the doctor for a check up
After the usual tests, the doctor asks oprah who is n**... to please crawl around the outside of the room, after which she gets dressed and asks the doctor what that test was for, he says, it wasn't a test, "I am getting a new leather couch this week and wanted to know where it would look the best"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
New kinds of implants.
So a girl went into a plastic surgery clinic to get a breast e**..., the doctors told her that they ran out of silicon and all they had left was wood. She didn't get it obviously that would be s**... woodentit?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A young burn victim gets new eyelids made from his f**...!
Doctors say he will be a little cockeyed.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A lady almost 9 months pregnant falls down some stairs and knocks herself out...
When she wakes up, she is in a hospital bed.
Doctor: "We had to deliver your fraternal twins while you slept, but they are completely healthy. Also, your brother stopped by and named them for you"
New Mother: "My brother named them? But he's an idiot! What are their names?"
Doctor: "Well, the little girl is named Denise."
New Mother: "Well, that's not so bad. What about my son?"
Doctor: "Denephew."
Narcolepsy
A man with narcolepsy visits his doctor and asks for help.
"Well I have a drug that can help keep you awake, or I've just heard of a new treatment which can fully cure you! However, it's still in the testing phase and could possibly kill you. You need to decide which treatment you'll have."
After a short time considering, the man is still unsure.
"Is it okay if i come back tomorrow? I'll have to sleep on it doc."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Computer diagnosis
One day, Pete complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor."
His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.
Simply put in a sample of your u**..., and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about and it will only cost you $10.00."
Pete figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a u**... sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00.
The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read:
1. You have tennis elbow.
2. Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor.
3. It will be better in two weeks.......
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this computer could be fooled.
He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and u**... samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he m**... into the concoction.
He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The machine again made the usual noises, flashed its alights, and printed out the following analysis:
1. Your tap water is too hard.
2. Get a water softener.
3. Your dog has ringworm.
4. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
5. Your daughter is using c**....
6. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic.
7. Your wife is pregnant ....... twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
8. And if you don't stop m**..., your elbow will never get better.
Four old guys go golfing...
And they start bragging about their sons.
The first says "My son is a lawyer, and he is doing so well, he just gave his friend a new car!"
The second says "My son is a doctor, and he is doing so well he just bought his friend a new boat!"
The third guy says "My son is an executive, and he is doing so well he just bought his friend a new house!"
The fourth guy says "Well, my son is a stripper at a gay club, but he must be doing pretty well because he just got a new car, a new boat, and a new house..."
Good news, Bad news joke
Doctor: I have good news, and I have bad news. Which do you want first?
Man: I want the good news first.
Doctor: Well, you have 24 hours to live.
Man: That's the good new?! What's the bad news?
Doctor: The bad news is that I should have told you yesterday.
Man: *Falls over, and dies*
Do you guys have better good news, bad new joke?
A mans monkey was very sick...
...so he took it to the vet.
Doctor: "Bobo will need a new brain"
Man: "How much will it cost?"
Doctor: "$5000 for a males brain, $3000 for a females"
Man: "Why the price difference?"
Doctor: "The female brain is used"
Just after Jane Fonda was born..
..the doctor approached her father Henry with bad news.
'I'm afraid your new baby daughter has an underdeveloped heart, we're going to have to inject her with pus and create an abscess.'
Henry is shocked.
'I've never heard of the like, what quackery do you call this?!?'
'Well, an abscess makes the heart grow, Fonda!'
The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.
Brain Transplant
Heard this joke from a gregarious bus driver in Yosemite:
A man at the hospital is discussing his condition with the doctor. The doctor says:
"So we have some good news, and some bad news."
"Ok... What's the bad news?"
"Your brain is busted. You're gonna need a new one."
"Alright. So what's the good news?"
"You have some options to pick from. First option is a lawyer's brain. This one is expensive. It'll be $5,000."
"Well. A lawyers brain. That's pretty good. What's the next one?"
"Second option is a doctors brain. That's even more expensive. It costs $10,000."
"Wow. $10,000! But a doctor's brain. That's even better. So what's the third option?"
"The third option is a busdriver's brain. And that one is $50,000."
"$50,000!?? Why is it so much??"
"Because that one has never been used. It's like brand new! Fresh outta the box"
Why was a young man in a used bookstore?
Guy in the used book store picks up a bunch of old magazines and takes them to the counter.
Store owner says he's got lots that are more recent than the ones the customer has chosen.
The guy explains he's a new doctor just setting up his practice and he wants patients to think he's been a doctor for a while.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
(AP) New York - A baby delivered without eyelids had surgery today at Mount Sinai Hospital in Manhattan, NY. Doctors successfully removed the child's f**... and were able to use the tissue to successfully form eyelids. Doctors said the child will be fine.
Just a little cockeyed.
Two men get into an elevator
Two men get into an elevator in a doctors office. One man, beaming says to the other, "I just got a brand new hearing aid. It works great; if you were to drop a pin, I could hear it; if a mouse were to sneeze cross the street, I would hear it." The second man replies "thats impressive, what kind is it?" The first man looks down at his watch and says "11 o'clock."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Euler is sitting on the p**... when...
His stomach starts to feel a little stranger than normal and his bowels are coming out irregularly. The next day, he goes to see his doctor, who suggests he change his posture so that he squats while he does his business. When Euler gets home, he goes to try out this new method. To his surprise, his f**... comes out smoothly and without any problem. Excited by this new stressless way of going to the john, he quickly finishes his business and as he leaves the bathroom, calls for his wife.
"Honey, you need to try this new method of going to the bathroom! It'll make you feel better and makes natural logs!"
When the new patient was settled comfortably on the couch,...
... the psychiatrist began his therapy session, "I'm not aware of your problem," the doctor said. "So perhaps, you should start at the very beginning."
"Of course." replied the patient. "In the beginning, I created the Heavens and the Earth..."
A bucket goes to the doctor
The bucket was feeling ill, and decided to go to a physician.
The doctor, seeing as this was a new patient, asked him, "tell me about yourself first."
"Well, I can hold about 1/2 a gallon of liquid. I'm 3 years old, and I have to tell you, I feel pretty under the weather."
The doctor replied, "I can tell. You seem to be a little pail."
Sugar
A blonde would wake up every morning, go into the kitchen, carefully open the lid of the sugar container, look into it and then close it.
This made her new boyfriend very curious. So one day he asked her why she did that. She replied, "My doctor asked me to check my sugar level every day."
A 96 year old man...
After marrying a beautiful young woman, a 96 year old man informed his doctor that he and his new wife were expecting a baby.
"Let me tell you a story," the doctor said. "An absentminded fellow went hunting, but instead of a gun, he accidentally brought his umbrella on the trip. When he was in the woods, a bear charged him unexpectedly. The man whipped out his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and shot and killed it on the spot."
"That's impossible!" the elderly man exclaimed. "Someone else shot the bear."
"My point exactly," the doctor replied.
You know you're getting old when you go to a new doctor...
...and part of the new patient exam is carbon dating.
A new doctor came out of the operating room...
... Knelt down, raised his arms, looked heaven wards and said loudly:
"O Mother Goddess! please accept my first sacrificial offering"
"Doctors report a new super effective painkiller."
Its axed shaped for splitting headaches!
"Doctor, doctor! I need a new pair of glasses!"
"I can see that - this is a hotdog stand."
Have you heard about the new female doctor who can cure illness with all natural, homeopathic remedies?
Look her up! She just goes by the name, "Miss Information"
My wife lost her mind when i told her i was seeing someone new.
I mean, is going to a new doctor really that serious?
A man in need of a brain
A man was dying in the hospital and he needed a new brain or he wouldn't survive for long, the doctor told him there were 3 available brains but each with a price.
The first one was an professor's brain that costs 3000 dollar
The second brain was a teachers brain that costs 2500 dollar
The third brain was the brain of a blonde woman that costs a good 9000 dollar
The man asks why the blondes brain is so expensive
The doctor replies: because it's never used
A Doctor's Office gets a new Secretary who happens to be a mermaid...
She's great at answering calls but she keeps filing all the patients under C.
A doctor tells a man from New York he has Hepatitis B
The man replies: Yeah, but what kind?
What's in a name?
A pregnant woman lapses into a coma. She awakens and frantically calls for her doctor. "You had twins, a boy and a girl. They're fine," he says. "Your brother named them."
Oh, no, the new mother thinks. He's an idiot. Expecting the worst, she asks, "What's the girl's name?"
"Denise," the doctor says.
Not bad, she thinks. I guess I was wrong about him. "And the boy?"
"DeNephew."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A baby boy born without eyelids...
Recently at a baby boy was born prematurely without eyelids. The doctors decided to take him off to surgery and circumcise him and use the skin removed to make new eyelids.
The surgery went great except he came out a little cocked eyed...
At a psychiatric ward: Doctor, what should we do with the new guy in room 6?
He believes he's a wolf.
-
Doctor: Whatever you do, don't let his grandmother visit!
When doctors go on strike ....
"Doctors at a hospital in Brooklyn, New York have gone on strike. Hospital officials say they will find out what the Doctors' demands are as soon as they can get a pharmacist over there to read the picket signs!"
Doctors are reporting a new disease affecting commuters in New York.
It only appears to be affecting drivers traveling in groups through the Lincoln Holland Tunnels. The symptoms are pain in the hands and wrists.
Doctors are calling it Car Pool Tunnel syndrome.
The doctor is in.
Being a gynecologist brings a whole new meaning to the phrase "The doctor is in".
I guess, with the new Doctor being female...
It really has become a period drama.
Disclaimer: I'm hyped for the new season :D
A kid was born without eyelids.
Don't worry the doctor assured the father.
When we circumcise him we will use the skin to make him new eyelids. After the procedure the father is with the doctor. Well what do you think of the procedure? asks the doctor. I don't know? Does he look a little cockeyed to you?
A man goes to the doctors to find a cure for his lack of hearing
The doctor prescribed a hearing apparatus, and scheduled him in for surgery in December.
After the surgery was complete, the man asked the doctor if everything went well. The doctor responded, "everything is fine sir. We've run our tests and you're ready to be discharged. Merry Christmas, and a happy new ear.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The doctor told me to relieve stress by improving my s**... life.
So I started using some new search terms and I feel better already!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
s**... Rule.!
A new patient was quite upset when the doctor's nurse led him to a small, curtained cubicle and told him to undress. "But I only want the doctor to look at an ingrown toenail!" he protested. "Our rule is that everyone must undress," replied the blond nurse. "That's a s**... rule," grumbled the patient, "making me undress just to look at my toe." "That's nothing," growled a voice from the next cubicle. "I just came to fix the phones!"
My friend told me the doctor flossed his teeth for him after the prostate exam.
Long story short, he really needs to find a new dentist
The orthopedic surgeon Betty worked for was moving to a new office, and the staff was helping transport many of the items.
Betty sat the display skeleton in the front of her car, his bony arm across the back of her seat. She hadn't considered the drive across town. At one traffic light, the stares of the people in the car beside her became obvious, and she looked across and explained, I'm delivering him to my doctor's office.
The driver leaned out his window. I hate to tell you, lady, he said, but I think it's too late!
A man has been sleeping around and was worried he may have contracted AIDS. He goes to the doctor to get a check up. The doctor returns and says I have two good news for you
The man perplexed but hopeful asks: what's the first good news?
Doctor replies, you don't have AIDS!
The man relieved but now even more curious asks the doctor, then what's the other good news?
Doctor responds, we found a new strain of STD and they're going to name it after you!
A man calls his doctor
"Doctor, my wife has appendicitis, it's emergency !"
"That's impossible, I personally removed your wife's appendix ! I have never seen someone having appendicitis twice !"
"And someone having a new wife, have you seen that ?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Nurse comes out of doctor's office
Nurse comes out of doctor's office and says:
"Due to new GDPR rules I'm not allowed to call you in by names. The patient with s**..., please come in."
Why was the mal-nourished druid obsessed with planting saplings?
Their doctor told them they needed more new treants.
New cure-all! Stops your suffering, removes all pain, never visit a doctor again!
Go down to the river, stick your head in three times... take it out twice.
New life
- Well, I can congratulate you! A new life has arisen in you !!!
- Doctor ... but I'm a man!
- Yes? Well, actually, the worms somehow do not care.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Red head
Anxious new father: "Doctor, doctor, I'm so worried... Both my wife and I have black hair but our sons just been born with red hair. Do you think something funny had been going on?"
Doctor: "Not necessarily, how many times do you have s**...?"
Father: "About 5 times a year"
Doctor: "Well there's your answer then, you're just a little rusty"
My doctor prescribed me new drugs for my eye problem,
Now I see everything in High Definition
