New Doc Jokes
23 new doc jokes and hilarious new doc puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about new doc that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest New Doc Short Jokes
Short new doc jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The new doc humour may include short new kid jokes also.
- Doc Brown goes for a new paint-job on his car, and decides to go that extra step and theme the vehicle after Star Wars Whenever people see it they say, "Man, DeLorean!"
- I asked my friend why his new boots had whoopee cushions on the soles He said "they're my new Doc Fartens"
- "Don't panic Jack... this a new procedure but everything is going to be alright" - Doc, I am not Jack!
- I am. - "Doc, you gotta help me. I can't stop singing 'What's New p**...'."
"Ah. That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"It's not unusual." - A new comprehensive study found that only ~14.3% of dwarves are Happy The study went on to show that the rest of them are Grumpy, Sleepy, d**..., Bashful, Sneezy, and Doc.
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Great New Doc Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends
What funny jokes about new doc you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean new fresh jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make new doc pranks.
A man goes to his doctor
"Doc, you gotta help me. I can't stop singing What's New p**...."
"Oh, that sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome," said the doctor.
"Tom Jones Syndrome? Is that rare?"
"It's not unusual."
An 85 year old man goes to his doctor...
"Doc, I got a big problem."
"I understand you were recently remarried, is that right?"
"Yes. My new wife is 23 years old, and that's exactly the problem. She just told me she's pregnant! I haven't been a father in sixty years, and I don't know what to do."
"Hmm. Let me tell you a story that I think will help explain what's going on here: A near sighted man decides to go bear hunting. On his way out the door, he accidentally picks up his umbrella instead of his rifle. Once he gets to the woods, he is instantly attacked by a ferocious 1,200 pound bear. He picks up his umbrella and shoots it dead. Does that story make sense to you?"
"No! Somebody else must have shot that bear."
"My point exactly."
A old Jewish man goes to the doctors...
He says "Doctor I've got a huge problem."
The doctor says "What is it?"
He says "I keep getting these silent, smelly, gassy emissions I was with my wife and the Grossmans yesterday and it happened about 100 times during dinner and created a nauseous gas but it was silent so no one new who it was and then again on the bus this morning and even in your office now I must have had 20 of them, Do you have anyway to fix this problem doc?"
The doctor looks up and says "Well first off I'm going to send you to specialist."
The man interrupts him "What kind of specialist doc?"
"A hearing specialist!"
Dyslexic man walks into a bra
Whole joke in title! New era of convenience! In mother Russia, joke laughs at you!
***Bonus***, since you came in here anyway:
Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked. 'It's not unusual' he replied.
Relapse
"Great news, Mr. Oscarson," the psychiatrist reported. "After eighteen months of therapy, I can pronounce you finally and completely cured of your kleptomania. You'll never be trapped by the desire to steal again. "Gee, that's great, Doc," the patient replied."And just to prove it, I want you to stop by Sears on the way home and walk the length of the store.
You'll see - you'll feel no temptation to shoplift whatsoever. "Oh, Doctor, whatever can I do to thank you? "Well," suggested the psychiatrist, "if you DO have a relapse, I could use a new microwave. "
A guy goes to the doctor
He says, You got to help me, Doc! I have the song, What's New,p**... stuck in my head. It just keeps going around and around. It's driving me CRAZY!
Doctor replies, Hmmm, that sound like Tom Jones Syndrome.
Tom Jones Syndrome? Is that serious??
Well, it's not unusual.
Doctor: I have some bad news and some good news.
Me: What's the bad news doc?
Doctor: I have to amputate your left foot.
Me: What's the good news?
Doctor: You are going to start the new year on the right foot.
Old man visits his Doctor...
Old man: Doctor, my hips hurt and need to be replaced. My knees are sore all the time. I need a CPAP machine for sleep, my hair is falling out and I need new glasses.
Doctor: Do you remember all the mornings when you used to jog, all the deserts you passed on, all the salads you ate so you would live longer?
Old man: Yes, Doc, I remember.
Doctor: Well, this is it!
A man stormed into the Doctor's office
A man stormed into the doctor's office full of excitement. He grabbed the doctor's hand and pumping it furiously, exclaimed Doc, I just want to thank you and tell you how your treatments have improved my life! The bold way that incorporate new scientific breakthroughs with traditional holistic has made all the difference, Thank you!
The doctor, amazed and confused, stammered Thank you, but you're not one of my patients..
I know, said the man, but my uncle was and I'm his only heir!!
Amazing Really
A man spills a new RNA virus on himself and immediately begins turning into corn. He rushes into the doctors office and says "help me doc, can you do something about it?!"
The doctor says, "I have a theory on what we can do".
The man says, "I'm all ears."
High Blood Pressure
When a physician remarked on a new patient's extraordinarily ruddy complexion, he said, "High blood pressure, Doc. It comes from my family."
"Your mother's side or your father's?" I asked.
"Neither," he replied. "It's from my wife's family."
"Oh, come now," I said. "How could your wife's family give you high blood pressure?"
He sighed. "You oughta meet 'em sometime, Doc!"
A man goes to see a new therapist...
A therapist has a new patient and has no idea what his condition or problem is. The patient finally walks in but he is completely dressed in saran wrap. The doctor begins to greet the odd new patient but is interrupted, "Skip the niceties Doc. What is wrong with me?" The doctor took a minute and responded, "Well, I can clearly see your nuts."
A psychiatrist meets a new patient
The doctor is shocked by his new ward, because the man is wearing only saran wrap, no clothes.
The patient asks his new doctor, "What do you think doc', am I crazy?!"
The doctor calmly replies, "Well, I can clearly see your nuts."
Narcolepsy
A man with narcolepsy visits his doctor and asks for help.
"Well I have a drug that can help keep you awake, or I've just heard of a new treatment which can fully cure you! However, it's still in the testing phase and could possibly kill you. You need to decide which treatment you'll have."
After a short time considering, the man is still unsure.
"Is it okay if i come back tomorrow? I'll have to sleep on it doc."
As a child I was told there's a monster under my bed.
As an adult I went to see a therapist.
"Doc I got issues, man I know it's ridiculous but I think there's a monster under my bed"
"Well young man, you have come to right place give me three months and you'll be right as new"
"What will it cost me doc?"
"Well we will have two session every week for 3 months, and every session will be 50 dollar"
"Phew that's a lot doc, I gotta sleep on that"
"Sure, whatever makes you comfortable"
Six months later I ran into that therapist again and he goes.
"Oh you never came back, how's your ailment"
"Oh it's fine, my japanese friend helped me out for free"
"Oh really what did he do?"
"Well he cut off bed's legs"
Doctor has a point.
A Lexus mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a LS460 when he spotted
a well-known cardiologist in his shop.
The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his car
when the mechanic shouted across the garage,
"Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?"
The cardiologist, a bit surprised walked over to where the mechanic was working.
The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked,
"So Doc, look at this engine. I opened its heart, took the valves out, repaired or replaced anything damaged,
and then put everything back in, and when I finished, it worked just like new.
So how is it that I make $48,000 a year and you make $1.7M when you and I are doing
basically the same work?
The cardiologist paused, leaned over, and then whispered to the mechanic.
"Try doing it with the engine running."
A New Kind of Speech Therapy
So there is a twelve year old boy who has never uttered a sound. He just DOESN'T speak. His mother has spent a fortune on various doctors, but no success.
One day she meets an old friend who's child had a similar problem. She suggested a certain specialist who might be able to help, but she said "I have to warn you, his methods are a little frightening!".
The woman takes her son to this new doctor, and he gives the boy a complete physical examination. At one point the Doc asks the boy to drop his shorts, and close his eyes. The boy does so, and the doctor grabs the boys t**... and twists them.
The boy screams out "AAAAAAYYYY!!!"
The doctor says "Good. Tomorrow we work on B!".
The price they charge to repair.
A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop.
The surgeon was there, waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his bike.
The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey, Doc, can I ask you a question?"
The surgeon a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, fix 'em, put 'em back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"
The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic...
"Try doing it with it running."