Nevermind Jokes
114 nevermind jokes and hilarious nevermind puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about nevermind that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Nevermind Short Jokes
Short nevermind jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The nevermind humour may include short preferably jokes also.
- My asian waiter just handed my food to the wrong customer because he's racist and thinks all white people look the same. Wait, nevermind. That wasn't my waiter.
- Have you heard my joke about the Ebola outbreak yet? Eh... Nevermind. You probably won't get it.
- My wife left me because of how insecure I am. Nevermind, she is back. She was just getting some tea.
- Me: Sweet dog you got there Police officer: Yes, this is our new drug-sniffing dog.
Me: Still in training, huh?
Police officer: What do you mean?
Me: Nevermind - I met a girl named Nirvana yesterday... I asked her "Did your parents give you than name while you were still In Utero?". She was like "What?".. I just shook my head and said "Nevermind...".
- First women in space. "Houston, we have a problem."
"What?"
"Nevermind."
"Whats the problem?"
"Nothing."
"Please tell us."
"I'm fine." - "Wanna hear a really good joke about half-grown bananas?" "Nevermind, now's not the ripe time!" 😉
I made this myself, instead of sleeping at night. - drug-sniffing dog Me: "Sweet dog you got there"
Policeman: "Yes, this is our new drug-sniffing dog."
Me: "still in training, huh?"
Policeman: "What do you mean?"
Me: "nevermind" - I know its old but I have not seen it on here
So, wanna hear a Chemistry Joke? Nevermind, all the good ones Argon - My wife just left me, she always said I was too insecure Wait, nevermind
She was just in the bathroom
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Nevermind One Liners
Which nevermind one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with nevermind? I can suggest the ones about cheesy and nah.
- The first rule of passive aggressive club is... You know what, nevermind. It's fine.
- Monica Lewinsky i have a joke I have an intern joke and it ... nevermind.
- Nevermind, figured it out Just wondering if anyone knows how to edit the thread title.
- Did you hear about the one about the heart and stomach? Nevermind, it's an inside joke.
- So I was going to tell you a joke about a broken pencil... But nevermind, it's pointless.
- Monica Lewinsky joke I have an intern joke and it... nevermind.
- Want to hear a joke about pizza? Nevermind, its too cheesy
- Did you hear the one about the unsharpened pencil? Nevermind, there's no point.
- Wanna hear a joke... a joke about paper? Nevermind, it's tearable...
- Whats a nihilists favourite joke? Nevermind, it doesn't matter
- My girlfriend left me because I'm so insecure. Oh, nevermind, she was walking the dogs.
- How do pachyderms hear so well? Eh, nevermind, it's earelephant.
- Wanna hear a Nirvana joke? Nevermind.
- I lost my Nirvana CD nevermind
- What did the nihilist say to the physicist? Nevermind, it doesn't really matter.
Delightful Fun Nevermind Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about nevermind you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean duh jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make nevermind pranks.
[salem witch trials]
**judge:** You are guilty of doing magic! What do you have to say for yourself young lady?
**woman:** It's misdirection!
**judge:** Oh sorry! *"Miss"* Direction, do you have anything to say?
**woman:** *sigh* nevermind...
911 What's your emergency?
**Kangaroo:** I CAN'T FIND MY KIDS!
**911:** Did you check your pockets?
**Kangaroo *[pats pocket]*:** Oh... nevermind.
Irish guy in a parking lo
theres an Irish guy driving through a packed parking lot. Upset, he shouts "dear lord, if ya help me find a parkin spot I swear on me moothers grave that I will give up mah whiskey." Just then a car backed out of a spot in front of him. Suprised, he then shouts "Nevermind lord, I found one!"
Silly Drunks.
A drunk phoned the police to report that thieves had been in his car.
"They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator!" he cried out.
However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time with the same voice on the line.
"Nevermind," he said with a hiccup. "I got in the back seat by mistake."
So p**... was driving down the street
And he was in a sweat. He was late for an important business meeting and he couldn't find a place to park. In desperation he looked up to god and prayed, "if you find me a parking space, I will go to mass every Sunday from now on and give up drinking whiskey." Miraculously a spot appeared. p**... looked up again and said, "nevermind, I found on."
Did you hear about the joke about the broken pencil?
Well, there-- Nevermind, it's pointless.
Did I tell you the one about the maize?
Nevermind, it's too corny.
Did you hear the one about the pizza?
Ugh, nevermind. It's too cheesy.
Have you heard the rumor about butter?
Nevermind... I wouldn't want to spread it
A man is in town for the weekend...
He's driving through the city looking for a place to park. Unable to find one he looks up and says, "God, if you find me a parking spot, I will go to church every Sunday for the rest of my life." Just after he finishes saying this, a spot appears. The man turns to God and says, "Nevermind, I found one"
Do you guys know the story about the broken pencil?
Nevermind, it has no point.
So I walked in to a brothel..
And shortly after entering I began assaulting everyone in the queue...then...umm...s**... nevermind, I just punched up the fuckline.
You guys ever hear the joke about the pizza? Nevermind, it's too cheesy...
Those pizza jokes are all about the delivery.
NASA decides to send up an all-female crew for their next shuttle mission...
"Houston, we have a problem."
"What's the problem?"
"Nothing. Nevermind."
"Repeat, what is the nature of the problem?"
"It's fine, whatever."
Can someone help me decide which Nirvana album to buy?
Wait, Nevermind
Did you hear the one about Jonathan Davis in Nebraska?
Nevermind, it's too korny.
What did the passive aggressive raven say to Edgar Allen Poe?
"...ugh nevermind"
Dumb Nirvana Joke
I was gonna tell a Dumb Nirvana joke About a girl I knew named Polly that lived On a Plain. Her favorite drink was Pennyroyal tea with crackers and Mexican Seafood, she had a sliver in her finger and once had an Aneurysm at School but Nevermind that.
Anyone know a good roofer?
Nevermind, the glass ceiling didn't get smashed...
"Did you hear that?!"
"No! What was it?!"
"Oh, nevermind then. You'll smell it later."
I was carefully measuring out a dab of Cannabis extract for my roommate, when she said,
"Did you remember to-- Oh, nevermind; you're concentrating."
Say, have you heard the joke about the pizza without the sauce?
Well, it goes like- Nevermind, it's too cheesy.
g**... it what was the name of that Nirvana album?
Ah nevermind
Ban?????
"How did things go organizing a muslim travelling band?"
"Band? Sir, i'm sorry we thought you said ban."
"Ban! That's a bit harsh isn't it? Nevermind, how are things progressing with our new Mexican mall?"
I would like to tell you about my favorite Nirvana record that came out 26 years ago today.
Nevermind
Did you guys hear the one about the perfume factory that went out of business?
Nevermind, it doesn't really make scents anymore
Here's a picture of a dead grizzly..
Nevermind. I can't bear it.
A boy was standing on the top of the building about to jump
The physicist said: "You have so much potential!"
So the boy came down, and then the physicist said: "Nevermind."
It's 4:04, you know what that means!
Nevermind, 404 not found.
We should start taxing people who don't comprehend math or basic probability.
Nevermind. I forgot about the lottery.
How do you know when your girlfriend is getting fat?
When she starts fitting in your moms... nevermind I take that back. No one's ever gonna be as fat as yo mama.
Did you hear that joke about the letter that didn't have a stamp?
— Did you hear that joke about the letter that didn't have a stamp?
— No.
— Nevermind, you wouldn't get it.
i almost cracked an i**... joke that fits perfectly into our conversation
nevermind i just realized it's actually unrelated
Does anyone know where I can find the "Surrender" Emoji?
Nevermind the French flag works fine. 🇫🇷🇫🇷🇫🇷
My wife just left me because of my anxiety and paranoia.
Nevermind, she just returned from the shops.
If I had a nickel for every nickel I have...
Oh wait, I do. Nevermind.
FM radio is the future! Just think about it, a trillion songs to listen to.
Nevermind, it's only playing the same 20 songs everyday.
Did you guys hear about the archaeologist's recent discovery?
Nevermind, I wouldn't want to rune the surprise.
Have you heard the joke about your neighbor?
Actually, nevermind. That might be a little too close to home.
I want to tell you a joke about 'original content'
I mean... nevermind, this sub won't get it.
A story of a pencil.
Nevermind, it's pointless.
A man was looking for a space to park his car in the parking lot of a mall...
After a lot of effort of going round and round he couldn't find an empty space so he started praying, please God help me find a parking space, I will go to church everyday for the rest of my life and would even give half of my life savings to charity..
Suddenly he sees a car pulling out of a spot..
Man : OKAY, Nevermind I found one..!!
Wanna hear a joke about Jim Jones?
Oh, nevermind. The punch line is too long.
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Nevermind. They can't change anything
Did you hear about the guy who stole all the bananas from the market?
Nevermind, the story wouldn't appeel to you.
Ever heard the one about the giraffe?
Nevermind, it'd probably go over your head.
I want you to close your eyes for a moment and imagine a world without procrastination…
…actually, nevermind let's do that later
Hey, have you heard the joke about a guy who kept procrastinating? No. Can you tell me?
Actually, nevermind, I'll tell you later.
A ghost walks into a bar.
Wait, nevermind, it went through it.
I was gonna tell a joke about Nirvana,
But nevermind.
How does a robot identify?
It doesnt its non-binary...well technically it is but...nevermind
I have a good joke about 2020
Nevermind, in hindsight it wasn't that good.
Hey guys, have you watch the movie "Constipation?"
Nevermind, it hasn't come out yet!
Wanna hear a joke about paper?
Nevermind. It's tearable.
I am a proud anti-vaccine Father of 3.
Edit- Two Now
2nd Edit- One Now
3rd Edit- Nevermind
4th Edit- WOW this really blew up. I would like to dedicate all these wonderful awards to my 3 children Byeson, Dieanne, and Ammunity. They would have been so proud. RIP
An Irishman was flustered because he couldn't find a parking space in a large mall's parking lot.
"Lord," he prayed. "I can't stand this! If you open up a space for me, I swear I'll give up drinking whiskey, and I promise to go to church every Sunday."
The clouds parted, sun shining on an empty parking spot. Without hesitation, the Irishman said, "Nevermind, found one!"
Trump visits an elementary school
Trump visits an elementary school to greet the students and teachers. He asks the students, what do you all want to be when you grow up?
A farmer, shouts one.
An astronaut, shouts another.
The President of the United States, confidently says a little girl.
Who said that, shouts Trump. The little girl raises her hand and he darts eyes at her. He begins to fume, are you joking? Are you brainless? Are you a complete m**...? Are you s**...? Are you an idiot?
The little girl, taken aback, says, on second thought, nevermind! That sounds like too many requirements!
Women see s**... like buying a car
Can I see myself in this long term?
Is it safe?
Is it reliable?
Can it kill me?
Guys look at s**... like parking a car.
There's a spot.
There's another spot.
Oh I have to pay? Never-mind.
Handicapped? Hope no-one sees this!
I have a good set of unemployment jokes.
Nevermind none of them work
An atheist comes into a mall
And there is no parking spot, so he says "God, if you give me parking spot, I will convert myself and become Christian".
Two minutes later he says "Nevermind I found one"