Nevermind Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

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Premature ejaculator in need of smoking hot size 6 blonde.

Preferably with blue eyes and huge double d....

Nevermind.

Have you heard my joke about the Ebola outbreak yet?

Eh... Nevermind. You probably won't get it.

First woman on the moon

W: Houston, we have a problem

H: What is it?

W: Nevermind its nothing

H: What is the problem?

W: Nothing...

H: Tell us what the problem is!

W: NO!

Ban?????

"How did things go organizing a muslim travelling band?"

"Band? Sir, i'm sorry we thought you said ban."

"Ban! That's a bit harsh isn't it? Nevermind, how are things progressing with our new Mexican mall?"

I met a girl named Nirvana yesterday...

I asked her "Did your parents give you than name while you were still In Utero?". She was like "What?".. I just shook my head and said "Nevermind...".

First women in space.

"Houston, we have a problem."
"What?"
"Nevermind."
"Whats the problem?"
"Nothing."
"Please tell us."
"I'm fine."

"Wanna hear a really good joke about half-grown bananas?"

"Nevermind, now's not the ripe time!" 😉

I made this myself, instead of sleeping at night.

Nevermind, figured it out

Just wondering if anyone knows how to edit the thread title.

I know its old but I have not seen it on here
So, wanna hear a Chemistry Joke?

Nevermind, all the good ones Argon

drug-sniffing dog

Me: "Sweet dog you got there"

Policeman: "Yes, this is our new drug-sniffing dog."

Me: "still in training, huh?"

Policeman: "What do you mean?"

Me: "nevermind"

Did you hear about the one about the heart and stomach?

Nevermind, it's an inside joke.

Silly Drunks.

A drunk phoned the police to report that thieves had been in his car.

"They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator!" he cried out.

However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time with the same voice on the line.

"Nevermind," he said with a hiccup. "I got in the back seat by mistake."

Have you heard the rumor going around about butter?

Nevermind, I shouldn't be spreading it.

Irish guy in a parking lo

theres an Irish guy driving through a packed parking lot. Upset, he shouts "dear lord, if ya help me find a parkin spot I swear on me moothers grave that I will give up mah whiskey." Just then a car backed out of a spot in front of him. Suprised, he then shouts "Nevermind lord, I found one!"

My wife just left me, she always said I was too insecure

Wait, nevermind

She was just in the bathroom

NASA decides to send up an all-female crew for their next shuttle mission...

"Houston, we have a problem."

"What's the problem?"

"Nothing. Nevermind."

"Repeat, what is the nature of the problem?"

"It's fine, whatever."

So I was going to tell you a joke about a broken pencil...

But nevermind, it's pointless.

911 What's your emergency?

**Kangaroo:** I CAN'T FIND MY KIDS!

**911:** Did you check your pockets?

**Kangaroo *[pats pocket]*:** Oh... nevermind.

My wife just left me because of my anxiety and paranoia.

Nevermind, she just returned from the shops.

Did you hear the one about the unsharpened pencil?

Nevermind, there's no point.

The first woman on the moon.

"Houston we have a problem."
What?
"nevermind"
What's the problem??
"nothing"
Please tell us!?
"You know what the problem is."

Have you heard the joke about your neighbor?

Actually, nevermind. That might be a little too close to home.

Does anyone know where I can find the "Surrender" Emoji?

Nevermind the French flag works fine. 🇫🇷🇫🇷🇫🇷

Did you hear the rumor about butter?

Nevermind, I shouldn't spread it.

My girlfriend left me because I'm so insecure.

Oh, nevermind, she was walking the dogs.

How do pachyderms hear so well?

Eh, nevermind, it's earelephant.

Goddam it what was the name of that Nirvana album?

Ah nevermind

I want you to close your eyes for a moment and imagine a world without procrastination…

…actually, nevermind let's do that later

I lost my Nirvana CD

nevermind

Did you guys hear the one about the perfume factory that went out of business?

Nevermind, it doesn't really make scents anymore

A man is in town for the weekend...

He's driving through the city looking for a place to park. Unable to find one he looks up and says, "God, if you find me a parking spot, I will go to church every Sunday for the rest of my life." Just after he finishes saying this, a spot appears. The man turns to God and says, "Nevermind, I found one"

What did the nihilist say to the physicist?

Nevermind, it doesn't really matter.

If I had a nickel for every nickel I have...

Oh wait, I do. Nevermind.

i almost cracked an incest joke that fits perfectly into our conversation

nevermind i just realized it's actually unrelated

Do you guys know the story about the broken pencil?

Nevermind, it has no point.

Have you heard the rumor about butter?

Nevermind... I wouldn't want to spread it

Did you hear the one about the pizza?

Ugh, nevermind. It's too cheesy.

I was carefully measuring out a dab of Cannabis extract for my roommate, when she said,

"Did you remember to-- Oh, nevermind; you're concentrating."

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Nevermind. They can't change anything

Did you hear that joke about the letter that didn't have a stamp?

— Did you hear that joke about the letter that didn't have a stamp?
— No.
— Nevermind, you wouldn't get it.

What did the passive aggressive raven say to Edgar Allen Poe?

"...ugh nevermind"

Here's a picture of a dead grizzly..

Nevermind. I can't bear it.

Did you hear the one about Jonathan Davis in Nebraska?

Nevermind, it's too korny.

Dumb Nirvana Joke

I was gonna tell a Dumb Nirvana joke About a girl I knew named Polly that lived On a Plain. Her favorite drink was Pennyroyal tea with crackers and Mexican Seafood, she had a sliver in her finger and once had an Aneurysm at School but Nevermind that.

Say, have you heard the joke about the pizza without the sauce?

Well, it goes like- Nevermind, it's too cheesy.

I want to tell you a joke about 'original content'

I mean... nevermind, this sub won't get it.

Did you hear about the guy who stole all the bananas from the market?

Nevermind, the story wouldn't appeel to you.

How do you know when your girlfriend is getting fat?

When she starts fitting in your moms... nevermind I take that back. No one's ever gonna be as fat as yo mama.

Hey, have you heard the joke about a guy who kept procrastinating? No. Can you tell me?

Actually, nevermind, I'll tell you later.

A story of a pencil.

Nevermind, it's pointless.

Did I tell you the one about the maize?

Nevermind, it's too corny.

Wanna hear a joke about Jim Jones?

Oh, nevermind. The punch line is too long.

Did you hear about the joke about the broken pencil?

Well, there-- Nevermind, it's pointless.

Ever heard the one about the giraffe?

Nevermind, it'd probably go over your head.

Anyone know a good roofer?

Nevermind, the glass ceiling didn't get smashed...

We should start taxing people who don't comprehend math or basic probability.

Nevermind. I forgot about the lottery.

"Did you hear that?!"

"No! What was it?!"

"Oh, nevermind then. You'll smell it later."

You guys ever hear the joke about the pizza? Nevermind, it's too cheesy...

Those pizza jokes are all about the delivery.

FM radio is the future! Just think about it, a trillion songs to listen to.

Nevermind, it's only playing the same 20 songs everyday.

A boy was standing on the top of the building about to jump

The physicist said: "You have so much potential!"

So the boy came down, and then the physicist said: "Nevermind."

[salem witch trials]


**judge:** You are guilty of doing magic! What do you have to say for yourself young lady?

**woman:** It's misdirection!

**judge:** Oh sorry! *"Miss"* Direction, do you have anything to say?

**woman:** *sigh* nevermind...

So I walked in to a brothel..

And shortly after entering I began assaulting everyone in the queue...then...umm...shit nevermind, I just punched up the fuckline.

Butter

Did you all hear the rumor going around about butter?

Nevermind, I shouldn't spread it.

It's 4:04, you know what that means!

Nevermind, 404 not found.

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