Never Fail Jokes
64 never fail jokes and hilarious never fail puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about never fail that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Never Fail Short Jokes
Short never fail jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The never fail humour may include short fail jokes also.
- Why do January 6 deniers never last very long in Dungeons & dragon campaigns? They always fail their Constitution checks.
- What did the gangster's son tell his dad when he failed his exams? "Dad, they questioned me for 3 hours,
but I never told them anything!" - Gravity will never fail you... But it will always let you down.
I'll see myself out... - Why did Dracula always fail job interviews? He could never answer, "Where do you see yourself in five years?"
- When the magician failed at his trick, he could feel everyone's eyes on him. He never felt so embarassed. He just wanted to disappear.
- I never told them anything. Q: What did the gangster's son tell his dad
when he failed his examination?
A: Dad they questioned me for 3 hours
but I never told them anything. - A failed knock knock joke My friend: Knock knock.
Me: ...
My friend: Oh, come on! Just play along.
Me: I'm Deaf. I never heard the knock…
*Source*: I'm Deaf myself. - The Soviet Union never failed... ...it was so successful that they decided that they no longer needed each other
- My sister failed high school and has never been in a relationship I told her "If you tried harder, you could have gotten a D"
- Jesus Never Fails If Jesus was a program, he would never fail.
Why?
Because he was born in a stable environment.
Share These Never Fail Jokes With Friends
Never Fail One Liners
Which never fail one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with never fail? I can suggest the ones about exam fail and never trust.
- Take it or leave it Medusa never failed making a man hard.
- There's one test I will never fail A blood test I always get an A+
- I failed algebra class when I was in school... I never knew Y.
- I just failed my third drug test this month At this rate, I'll never become a pharmacist.
- Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
- Why did Coronavirus spread so quickly? Because Asians never fail tests!
- When I failed biology in 10th , I never knew one day it would fail me
- Black humor is so good It never fails to steal a laugh from me
- Name something your wife does that never fails to put you in the mood Leaves the house
- I've failed as an artist and a musician I could never get the right tones
- Why did the 999byte band fail? Because they never had a Gig!
- I love going climbing with my friends... They never fail to let me down.
- Why did LeBron never attend college? Because he always fails the finals
- Did you hear about the detective who failed geometry? He could never get an angle.
- What's something that can stop water but never fails to make someone wet? A k**....
Never Fail Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about never fail you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean succeed jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make never fail pranks.
Chintu: "You never study, so how come you don't fail your math tests?"
Pintu: "Because whenever there is a math test, I don't go to school!"
A man is moaning to his mate that he never has any luck with pulling women.
His mate tells him he has a chat up line that never fails, no matter how good looking the women are he always ends up in bed with them.
Great says his mate, what is it!
Just walk up to any woman you fancy and say, "Excuse me love, could I ask your opinion! Does this damp piece of cloth smell like chloroform to you?"
Christ and Moses...
...are playing a round of golf. Jesus is on the green, but he puts away his putter and takes out a driver. Moses says "Put that away. You'll never get it in." "Nonsense," replies Jesus. "If Sam Snead can do it, I can do it too." Jesus hits the ball too hard, and it falls into the water. Moses rolls his eyes, parts the waters, and brings the ball back. Not one to be deterred, Jesus takes out the driver again, saying "If Sam Snead can do it, I can do it too." The ball once again goes into the water, Moses parts it, retrieves the ball, and gives it back. When once again Jesus fails to get the ball in, Moses refuses to help. So, Jesus steps out onto the water and proceeds to search for the ball. A man walking by looks incredulously at Jesus, turns to Moses and says "Who does that guy think he is, Jesus Christ?" "No," replies Moses. "Sam Snead."
h**... wanted to be a painter but failed. Ended up almost killing entire ethnicities of people.
He never did learn to mix the colours.
TIL That Oscar Pistorius once opened a pizza parlor only to have it fail and go bankrupt. The cause?
His car was always breaking down, so OP never delivered.
Bungee Jumping
Two guys in America are bungee jumping on a bridge, they meet at the top and say, "hey this is fun, I bet you they never heard about this in Mexico."
A few months go by and the two have set up a bungee jumping business, ready to start testing it out. There is a big crowd at the bottom of the bridge, all are curious.
One of them puts on the bungee gear and the other stays at the top to catch him.
The guys testing jumps and comes back up with a few bruises, the guy at the top fails to catch him, the tester goes back down.
One more time the tester comes back up, it appears he has a few broken bones, the guy at the top fails to catch him again, the tester goes back down.
Finally the tester comes back up, more bruises, more broken bones, the guy at the top finally catches him and asks what happened?
The tester can barely speak because he is in pain, but quietly says, "What is Piñata?!?"
Why did h**... fail math in high school?
Because he could never get to the Final Solution.
Psychologists go ice-skating
(Read in an old magazine)
So this group of psychologists go for ice-skating. Being novices, all of them failed in their first attempt.
I have never seen so many Freudians slip at a time
Why God never got a PhD
1. He had only one major publication.
2. It was written in Aramaic, not in English.
3. It has no references.
4. It wasn't even published in a refereed journal.
5. There are serious doubts he wrote it himself.
6. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since
then?
7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
8. The Scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results.
9. He unlawfully performed not only Animal, but *Human* testing.
10. When one experiment went awry, he tried to cover it by drowning his
subjects.
11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from
the sample.
12. He rarely came to class, just told his students to read the book.
13. Some say he had his son to teach the class.
14. He expelled his first two students for learning.
15. Although there were only 10 requirements, most of his students
failed his tests.
16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountain top.
Two statisticians were traveling in an airplane from LA to New York.
About an hour into the flight, the pilot announced that they had lost an engine, but don't worry, there are three left. However, instead of 5 hours it would take 7 hours to get to New York.
A little later, he announced that a second engine failed, and they still had two left, but it would take 10 hours to get to New York.
Somewhat later, the pilot again came on the intercom and announced that a third engine had died. Never fear, he announced, because the plane could fly on a single engine. However, it would now take 18 hours to get to New York.
At this point, one statistician turned to the other and said, Gee, I hope we don't lose that last engine, or we'll be up here forever!
Dad-Son
Dad: There's this test we need to go for.
Son: You never told me earlier! I'm going to fail now.
Dad: It's a DNA test. You have to pass.
Why did h**... turn to genocide after a failed career as an artist?
He never learned to mix the colors
It never fails to get a laugh..
My m1911 is pretty persuasive when it's aimed at someone's head
I`m not getting any younger so.....
I decided to get in shape by going to the local gym. I said to the trainer "Which machine should I use for best results in attracting women." He said "There`s one outside never fails, it`s called an ATM."
Chuck Norris once went inside /dev/null, guess what?
He never came out..
Sorry, Linux fails not.
We can learn so much from Internet explorer.
Even if it's clicked on by accident still it never fails to aspire to be the default browser.
What's the difference between your wife and the car?
Your wife will never fail you, and always go with you
through the toughest roads.
My grandfather had an act that never failed to 'bring the house down'
He was a ~~terrible~~ terrific pyrotechnician.
George wasn't feeling too good. He felt worn out.
"How's your s**... life?" asked the doctor.
"Every Saturday, Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday, never fail", said George.
"Why not cut out Sunday?", suggested the doctor.
"I can't do that. It's the only day I'm home."
Two old men were waiting for their steam train which was running late.
"I know this train driver, his name is Bob. First time he's ever been late," one says.
"All train drivers are late some days," replies the other.
"No, not Bob, ever. He may never speak to anyone, or even look them in the eye, but he gets on that train and burns his secret ingredient and arrives on time every day without fail. 20 years, and never a minute late, quite incredible."
"Secret ingredient?"
"Oh yes, he adds mussels and oysters to the fuel. Reckons it gives a boost."
"So why is he late today? Think he got fed up and quit?"
"Oh no, not Bob. He just has low shellfish steam."
I make no apologies.
A drunk man is walking home through a graveyard at the end of an evening
and in the dark, he falls into an unfinished grave that's still being dug.
He tries and tries to climb the dirt walls and fails, so he yells and yells for help, but no one is nearby. So finally he lies down and goes to sleep.
A little while, another drunk man comes along and falls in the same hole. He too tries and tries to climb out, and fails.
The he hears a hoarse voice behind him in the dark say, "You'll never get out of here."
_Voom_ He did.
An old joke I once heard from a friend, never fails to crack me up
A homeless man finds a shiny lamp by the road while trying to find a place to pass the night.
Picking it up, the man was just about to shove it in his bag when a genie appeared out of it.
"I can grant you one wish." Said the genie.
Not wanting to waste the wish, the man spent much time to think of the best wish.
"I want an apartment, make it a big one and make sure it's in downtown." The man said.
The genie shook his head.
"I can't fulfill that wish."
The man was disappointed. "I thought you were supposed to be able to do anything!"
The genie simply said: "Do you think I would be living in this lamp if I could afford a place of my own?"
A man spends his days studying archeology at university, and his nights dreaming of someday finding a girlfriend.
No matter how hard he tried, he could never master the techniques of dating.
Eventually, his professors had to fail him.
A guy walks into a bar and sees that there are dozens of cuts of meat hanging from the ceiling.
Confused, he asks the bartender why this is.
Well, it's a promotion we are running. If you can jump up and grab one, you get a free New York s**... dinner, on us! But, if you attempt to do so and miss, you gotta buy one for every person here instead.
The guy takes a moment to scan the bar, counting up the number of patrons in his head, before turning to the bartender and replying
Ah, no thanks. The steaks are too high.
———
Shout out to my dad for telling me this joke dozens of times throughout my life. It never fails to get a laugh outta a new crowd. Thanks Joe, you da best.