Netflix Jokes

I slept with a girl who works at Netflix last night

It was pretty cool, she even recommended some girls I might like to sleep with next

I emailed Netflix and asked if they had Batman Forever

they said, "No, just till the end of June".

Did you hear about Peewee Herman's new movie?

It's going straight to Netflix because he already released in theaters

Are you ready kids? AYE AYE CAPTAIN! I can't hear youuuu! AYE AYE CAPTAIN! Ohhhhhh, who lives with a GPA under a C?

CO-LLEGE STU-DENTS

Who's living with stress induced anxiety? CO-LLEGE STU-DENTS!

If wanting to drop out is something you wish...CO-LLEGE STU-DENTS

Then take a long nap and watch some Netflix!

COLLEGE STUDENTS, COLLEGE STUDENTS, COLLEGE STUDENTS, COLLEEEEGGEEEEE STUUUDEEEEEEEENTSSSSSS!

I tried "Netflix and chill?" on my wife.

We're now on season 3 of Gilmore Girls.

She told me she wanted to Netflix and chill.

But when I got there she had Redbox.

Girl asked me to netflix and chill, but I download all my movies illegally....

So I was like na, more like pirate and b**....

Back when I went to college, we didn't have Netflix and Chill.

We had Room and Bored.

Use the promo code Netflix for 15% off of your grades

Hey baby, forget Netflix and chill

Let's Imax and c**...

What do you call movie night at Bill Cosby's house?

Netflix and pill

I saw my sister watching the show "Dexter" yesterday..

I thought it was a pretty weird show, but then again, I have seen stranger things on Netflix.

The best part about Netflix is there are no commercials.

On an unrelated note, does anyone know how to get u**... stains out of a couch?

Why would the Queen let Netflix use her likeness in "The Crown"?

She probably gets royalties

TIL That in 2014 Netflix announced they wouldn't be pursuing science-fiction themed original content.

But Stranger Things have happened.

This evening I watched a Series of Unfortunate Events

Then I turned off the news and watched Netflix.

My new personal trainer encouraged me to do do fifteen push-ups every commercial break on TV

Man... I love Netflix!

Netflix is replacing its star ratings with thumbs up and thumbs down.

Whether you like it, or not.

Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?

I think it's called Two Baroque Girls

My girlfriend and I watched 3 movies back to back on Netflix

Good thing I was facing the TV.

Life is pretty much like Netflix

If you eliminate your standards completely, there's more to enjoy

Hey girl, are you looking for a stud?

I've got the STD, all I need is U.

Credit goes to Rooster from the Netflix series *The Ranch*

What if Netflix doubled as a dating service

Like here are 7 other singles close by that also watched That 70's Show for 8 hours straight.

My local church held a Netflix and Chastity event

31 people registered as going, but nobody came

I finally watched that Netflix sci-fi show that everyone is watching...

I keep hearing from everyone that it's a very wierd show, but to be honest, I've seen stranger things.

The Japanese version of Netflix and Chill

is h**... with Senpai

I have no idea how many exes I have

But I can always change my Netflix password

My girlfriend is like my Netflix account

I pay for it and all my friends get to use it.

I like it when Netflix do Scifi shows.

I hope they continuum

When gf and I are both sick

Netflix and ill

I was just about to watch Armageddon on Netflix, when my subscription expired.

"Ah well," I thought. "It's not the end of the world."

I was watching the Ted Bundy tapes on Netflix

When he was first arrested, the police departments from the different states got together in a hotel to have a conference and share knowledge with each other.

It was the world's first Ted Talk.

Netflix has asked viewers to please stop referring to Ted Bundy as "Hot"

As he was electrocuted in 1989, they are fairly certain he has cooled off by now.

Netflix tried to get the Jeffrey d**... tapes...

...but it was going to cost them an arm *and* a leg.

I left my wife for the same reason I left Netflix...

Too many period dramas.

This Valentine's Day, 1 in 3 people will be crying into a bag of popcorn while watching Netflix alone.

Not me, though. I can't afford a subscription.

H.P. Lovecraft just signed up for netflix...

Next he'll get Cthulhu.

What's the difference between a frog giving a speech and the worst thing Netflix has ever done?

One is Ribbit Ribbit the other is Reboot Reboot.

Netflix: Are you still watching Madeleine McCann?

Kate and Gerry: No we are out for dinner

That new Madeleine McCann documentary on Netflix was great and all...

It just felt like there was something still missing...

So they made a documentary on Netflix about Madeline McCann....

8 episodes, roughly 8 hours, and if you watched it you watched her more than her parents did.

I watched a gripping rock-climbing documentary on netflix the other day

It was great but it ended on a cliffhanger

Bert Tom Chris Joke

(Bert Kreischer) In L.A. people get offended for other people - (Tom Segura) So, I like to say offensive things because it makes me feel warm inside to invoke that reaction - (Chris D’elia) Matter of fact, I have to do crazy things to feel like a normal human...?

My girlfriend invited me to her house to watch Netflix.

She says Stay here, I have to do laundry really quickly.

Out of nowhere, her s**... sister comes in and sits by me.

She asks Do you want to have s**... before she gets back?

I got up and went straight to my car.

My girlfriend was outside the door and hugged me, and said I knew I could trust you.

Moral of the story: always leave your condoms in the car.

Depressed people's favorite Netflix category

is "watch again"

The newest sci-fi movie on Netflix is about a death match between E.T. and a nerd with no social life.

Alien versus Redditor.

Almost done watching that Netflix special on Epstein.

I hope it doesn't leave me hanging.

Quarantine is like a Netflix series

When you think it's over, another season gets released

Netflix and Disney should just join forces to create the most controversial movie ever: a young girl becomes infatuated with makeup and skimpy outfits, but first she must save China from the threat of the Uighur.

Call it *Mulan Rouge*

Was watching Netflix with my friend when the new sink I ordered finally reached my house.

So I said to him, "I'm going to pause to let that sink in".

Netflix announced another karate kid spinoff, this time the dojo trains insufferable whiney entitled children.

It's called Cobra Caillou.

My ex was just like my Netflix account

Shared by five dudes

I heard Netflix and Yahoo are merging. They are moving their HQ to Jerusalem.

They'll be known as Net 'n' Yahoo.

3 months since I had COVID and I've still got very little sense of taste.

Sometimes I just find myself settling down on the sofa, opening up Netflix and sticking on Friends

Ginny and Georgia sexist joke

What do you care? You go through men faster than Taylor Swift!

A man returns home…

…and finds his wife dressed in a s**... l**....

Wife: You want to change positions tonight?
Husband: Yeah!
Wife: Ok, you do the dishes and I'll sit on the couch and watch Netflix!

Netflix is producing a documentary about the end of BlockBuster....

Thats like if the school shooters produced "Bowling for Columbine"

Netflix is cracking down on password sharing as it turns out one-third of users share logins

Recent news from the company shows they are not worried about the other two-thirds who are Redditors with no friends

That new program on netflix about subliminal persuasion and mind control is a load of boring s**....

Turned it off after just five seasons.

My boss came into the store yesterday

I was working alone and there were at least 5 people in there. That is when my boss walked in, clearly in a bad mood. He walked right up to me and said, "You're fired!" I couldn't believe it, and in the middle of a rush. I immediately paused Netflix and asked, "Why?"

Movie night

We wanted to "Netflix and chill" last night, so my wife asked me to put on a movie called " scent of a woman". I could not find it so I put on the next best thing...." A fish called Wanda"

I was playing a flat earth documentary on Netflix when my wife walked in.

What you watching?

Sci-fi.

Netflix is launching in Russia, but with a very limited catalogue.

They're calling it Nyetflix.

Netflix and Amazon Prime are no longer available in Afghanistan.

Because of the telly ban.

TIL after his show on Netflix was cancelled, Jon Bernthal was forced to take a job as a doorman in a theatre who would occasionally warm up the audience with dad jokes

He became widely known as the pun usher.

I was browsing through Netflix with my cooking teacher.

She said, "I don't know what we should watch."

I said, "Would you consider Squid Game?"

She said, "No, because it isn't wild meat."

s**... with a fat woman is like subscribing to Netflix

You have so much content, you can't handle it.

Netflix is releasing a movie about the inventor of the t**...

It's a period piece

For those who don't understand why management at Netflix has collectively s**... the bed.

It's a Heard mentality.

Netflix's new subscription fees are so high I've had to stop paying the heating bill,

Brings a whole new meaning to Netflix and chill…

Netflix has been making some questionable decisions on its content

Then again, I've seen Stranger Things

If Netflix ran the world, a year would only be 6 months...

Cause it would end after 2 seasons.

What's the difference between Netflix and a Bass guitar?

Netflix has Stranger Things 4 and a Bass guitar has 4 Strange Strings.

Did you hear about the Netflix series Summer to Winter?

It never got a 5th season.

Did everyone hear about the new Beastie Boys documentary coming to Netflix?

The 5-part series will release parts A through D this winter. Upon completion, viewers are required to fight for their right to part E.

A Black person, a Gay Person, and a Woman walk into a Bar

"This is Gold!" cried the Netflix executive.

"But I haven't even told you the story yet."

"Who cares? It hits all the right demos!"

"But don't you need to know this stuff if you're going to produce it?"

"That's ok, we're going to abandon it after 2 seasons anyway."

I just finished watching a m**... biopic on Netflix and some of those cops were really, really dumb.

The serial killer was d**... though.

Netflix is coming up with a new series about Abraham Lincoln.

The finale…will be shot before a live audience.

Dumb, Yet s**...

Godzilla: I don't feel so well...
Mothra: What did you eat?
Godzilla: Netflix.
Mothra: Why did that make you sick?
Godzilla: Dunno. I feel like I've eaten Stranger Things...

Netflix is releasing a new series on the life of Abraham Lincoln.

The finale will be shot before a live audience.

My wife is like Netflix

She has regional content I don't have access to.