net Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious net stories

What are the best net puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Net? Well here is a complete list of the top net jokes:

I made a joke about net neutrality

Americans didn't get it.

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If I had a $ for every post I've seen today about Net Neutrality...

I'd have enough money to view a post next year about Net Neutrality.

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Calm down about the Net Neutrality thing...

Paying additional money to access certain sites will give you a sense of pride and accomplishment.

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Where's the red light district in Toronto?

Behind the Maple Leafs' net.

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There are two men on opposite sides of the earth.

One is 300 ft up on a tight rope with no safety net, and the other is getting a blowjob from 96 year old women. They think the same exact thing at the same exact time


Oh god, don't look down!

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The most groan-worthy joke in existence...


Q: How do you catch a rabbit?






A: A hare net.

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Don't worry too much about Net Neutrality!

Spending extra dollars to use some websites will give you a "sense of pride and accomplishment"!

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Jogger finds a tennis ball

So Joe is out jogging alongside a tennis court. Unspurprisingly, he spots a tennis ball which has gone over the net. It's getting late and nobody's left playing, he figures they just left the ball there.


So Joe picks up the ball and puts it in his shorts pocket, to play with his dog later. He runs off, and stops by his regular watering hole to rehydrate. One of his friends spots the bulge in his shorts and asks:

"What have you got there Joe?"


"That? That's a tennis ball."


"Dear lord, and I thought having a tennis elbow was bad!"

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How to wave a towel... (my Dad's favourite joke, this version was found on the net)

No matter what the husband does in bed, his wife never achieves orgasm.

Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to

consult their rabbi.

The rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the following

suggestion:

"Hire a strapping young man.

While the two of you are making love have the young man wave a towel over

you.

That will help your wife fantasize and should bring on an orgasm."

They go home and follow the rabbi's advice.

They hire a handsome young man and he waves a towel over them as they

make love.

It doesn't help and his wife is still unsatisfied.

Perplexed, they go back to the rabbi.

"Okay," he says to the husband, "Let's try it reversed."

Have the young man make love to your wife and you wave the towel over them."

Once again, they follow the rabbi's advice.

They go home and hire a strapping young man.

The young man gets into bed with the wife and the husband waves the towel.

The young man gets to work with great enthusiasm and the wife soon has an

enormous, room-shaking, ear-splitting, screaming orgasm.

The husband smiles, looks at the young man, and says to him

triumphantly:

"'You see, you young schmuck? THAT'S how you wave a towel.

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What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when he saw a dolphin caught in a net?

"It's not a too-nah!"

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Magic Wish Fish

So, Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit are walking through the woods together when they find a golden trout struggling to free himself from a net. The pair go over to investigate and the trout says 'Help! Free me and I shall grant you three wishes each!'. The pair are skeptical but the free the trout, and sure enough the trout lives up to his promise and grants them each three wishes.

Mr. Bear goes first and says 'I wish every bear in this forest was female!', sure enough through the wonders of trout magic it is so. Mr. Rabbit goes next and says 'I wish I had a motor cycle helmet!'. Mr. Bear is perplexed and enraged that Mr. Rabbit would waste a wish on something as trivial as a motor cycle helmet. He yells at Mr. Rabbit but Mr. Rabbit just stands there.

For his next wish Mr. Bear thinks really hard for a long time. Finally he speaks up 'I wish all the bears in the WORLD are female except for me'. Mr. Bear is visibly pleased with himself. Mr. Rabbit says 'I wish I had a motor cycle'. Once again Mr. Bear is angry at Mr. Rabbits small thinking.

For his final wish Mr. Bear says 'I wish I was the only male bear in the world'. Mr. Bears mind is racing with the possibilities. Mr. Rabbit then says 'I wish Mr. Bear was gay!', and rode off on his motor cycle.

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Bunga

Three friends travelling through the Amazon jungles become lost, when all of a sudden they are snared up in a huge net. Suddenly, 100 angry looking tribesmen appear and drag the 3 men back to the village.

When they arrived at the village, the chief comes out and says in broken English "You trespass on our sacred land. You have two options, death or Bunga"!

The first man thinks about his family back home and chooses Bunga. Ten of the largest tribesmen come over, pick the man up, bend him over and each has their way with him.

The next man, also thinking of his family, chooses Bunga despite how horrible that looked. Again, 10 giant tribesmen come over and have their way with the man.

The third man is brought up to the chief, and he looks over at his two friends who are passed out from what just happened. He thinks about how he has no family and nothing worth enduring what his friends suffered, so he chooses death.

The chief, perplexed, says, "Hmm, nobody ever choose death before". After thinking a minute the chief proclaims, "Death by Bunga"!

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Luigi the Fisherman

No one in this town could catch any fish except this one little old Italian man. The game warden asked Luigi how he did it.
Luigi said, "Comma down tomorrow...we go fish"

Once they got to the middle of the lake Luigi took out a stick of dynamite, lit it, and threw it in the water. After the explosion fish started floating to the top of the water He took out a net and started picking up the best ones.

"Luigi!" said the game warden, "You know that's illegal!" "I'm going to have to arrest you now."

Luigi took out another stick of dynamite, lit it and handed it to the game warden and said,

"Hey! are you gonna talk or fish?"

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3 Guys (Blacks) started a rubbish business.

They scraped up enough money to buy a truck, got some business, and all was going well until they had filled the truck up with rubbish. Then they realised that the rubbish was going to come off when they drove to the landfill. They only had just enough money left for the landfill fees and couldn't afford to buy a net to hold it on.

Being innovative they decided that two of them would spread themselves over the rubbish to hold it down. They get to the landfill, pay at the booth and go on their way.

The guy in the booth turns to his workmate and says "Look at that idiot, throwing out two perfectly good niggers".

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Network administrator

A network administrator decided to join the military, and as part of his basic training, he went out on the rifle range.

After taking a hundred shots and missing every one, the man's DI (drill instructor) came by to see what was wrong.

"What's the matter with you?" he asked. "Why can't you hit the target? What were you in civilian life?"

"I was a network administrator," replied the new recruit, "and I don't know why I can't hit the target. Let me see..."

The recruit checked his rifle, checked his rifle again, and checked his rifle a third time. He then put his finger in front of the muzzle, pulled the trigger, and blew the end of his finger off.

"Well," the he said, writhing in pain, "the bullets are leaving here fine. The trouble must be on the other end!"

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Gorilla in my tree!

A guy goes outside to mow the lawn and sees a gorilla up in his tree. He calls animal control, they say the gorilla is from the zoo and they will send an expert over right away.

The expert shows up in a van, opens up the van and removes a coil of rope, a net, a pointy stick, a pet carrier with a dog in it, and a shotgun. The homeowner looks at these tools and says "How is this going to work?"

The expert says "I'm going to use the rope to climb up the tree. I poke the gorilla with the stick, the gorilla falls out of the tree, the dog run over and hold the gorilla by biting him on the balls, then you throw the net over the gorilla until I can get down and put him in the van."

The guy says "OK, but what's the shotgun for?"

The expert says "If the gorilla knocks *me* out of the tree, *you shoot that fucking dog!*"

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My Favorite Golf Joke

A guys is working on his game by hitting golf balls into a net in his backyard. It's a pretty hot day and his wife comes out to bring him some lemonade. Just as she approaches from the side he takes a swing and shanks it. The ball zoom right towards his wife, goes into her mouth and she drops to the ground. The man takes his wife to the emergency room and is waiting for news from the doctor. Finally after some time the doctor comes to give him an update:


The doctor say, "Good new sir we were able to find the golf ball in your wife's stomach and remove it successfully....However, we do have one question. Why is it that we found another ball in her vagina?"


The man replies, "Well doc, that was my mulligan".

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A man takes his friend gorilla hunting...

He says :
"All you need is a trained dog, a net and a shotgun. I'll climb the tree where the gorilla is sitting and I will shake the branches as hard as I can ! As soon as the gorilla falls on the ground, the dog will bite and rip off his genitals. When it's done, you will be able to put the net on the gorilla and capture him !"

His friend asks :
" Yeah, that sounds nice, but what do we need a shotgun for then ?"

The hunter replies :
"If I fall from the tree...kill the dog."

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CONCLUSION

You've red some of the best net jokes of all time. We hope you had fun with this collection of 18 puns about net. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise your chidlren not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty net gags to your kids. So please respect and be a good joking daddy !

How do I make my girlfriend or boyfriend laugh? How do you make someone laugh? Well, this list of funny stories will make you cry in laughter just like dad jokes. Some of these net jokes are funny and some are hilarious. With this collection it's easy to be a joker. Have fun and dig deeper into our archive.

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