net Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious net puns

I told my sister to come work for me at my porn company and that last year I made $1 million. She said that's gross.

I said no, that's net.


In light of the Net Neutrality debate, I want to say something to support my American friends.

Thoughts and prayers.


Everyone should calm down about that Net Neutrality thing...

You guys seem so Ajitated.


Man, if you thought No Nut November was bad...

Wait until No Net December.


I told my friend I made $600 a month selling dog shit

He said: "That's gross!"

I said: "No, that's net."


You really ought to hear this joke about Net Neutrality now.

Or you'll pay for it later.


If I had a $ for every post I've seen today about Net Neutrality...

I'd have enough money to view a post next year about Net Neutrality.


When Bill Gates donates 30% of his net worth

He is praised as a generous hero, But when I do it people tell me they don't accept donations under a dollar.


80% of Americans want net neutrality

The other 20% are dead


What's worse than no nut November?

No net December.
Defend net neutrality.


Scientists have just announced the finding of the world's longest penis. At just over five feet, the sight of it has shocked the nation...

...and, even worse, it's going to head a vote to repeal Net Neutrality on Thursday.


Even now, all this time later, we have to remain calm about the Net Neutrality thing...

Paying additional money to access certain sites will give you a sense of pride and accomplishment.


With the outrage regarding the repeal of Net Neutrality, it is important to remember that there are two sides to this issue.

The outraged side,

And the uninformed.


Why is net neutrality so important?

Somebody tell me, please! My ISP won't let me access the info for some reason.


Personally I think removal of net neutrality will be great. It will offer our businesses new opportunities for development which will help the economy in the long run


Have you heard about the guy who wants to repeal net neutrality?

What a piece Ajit.


With Net Neutrality gone I'm finally ready to start my new business- Carrier Pigeons

You may laugh now, but you won't be when my pigeons deliver nudes faster than your service provider


What did the fisherman do when he really liked a woman?

He invited her over to net fish and krill.


Personally, I'm looking forward to the end of Net Neutrality.

Watching porn in the internet slow lane is going to cure my premature ejaculation.


My dad

I nicknamed my dad net neutrality because he's gone and we don't talk about him anymore.



What was the first thing Hellen Keller noticed at the beach?

The volleyball net.


What did the fisherman and his girlfriend do last night?

Net fish and krill


Calm down about the Net Neutrality thing...

Paying additional money to access certain sites will give you a sense of pride and accomplishment.


Where's the red light district in Toronto?

Behind the Maple Leafs' net.


Bill Gates has a net worth of $86.9 billion

To get an estimate of how big that is, take your net worth and atdd $86.9 billion onto it


Selling all of my old tennis equipment but I can't figure out

What's the net worth?


Gorilla in my tree!

A guy goes outside to mow the lawn and sees a gorilla up in his tree. He calls animal control, they say the gorilla is from the zoo and they will send an expert over right away.

The expert shows up in a van, opens up the van and removes a coil of rope, a net, a pointy stick, a pet carrier with a dog in it, and a shotgun. The homeowner looks at these tools and says "How is this going to work?"

The expert says "I'm going to use the rope to climb up the tree. I poke the gorilla with the stick, the gorilla falls out of the tree, the dog run over and hold the gorilla by biting him on the balls, then you throw the net over the gorilla until I can get down and put him in the van."

The guy says "OK, but what's the shotgun for?"

The expert says "If the gorilla knocks *me* out of the tree, *you shoot that fucking dog!*"


First we had No Nut November....

Now we have No Net December.


A man takes his friend gorilla hunting...

He says :
"All you need is a trained dog, a net and a shotgun. I'll climb the tree where the gorilla is sitting and I will shake the branches as hard as I can ! As soon as the gorilla falls on the ground, the dog will bite and rip off his genitals. When it's done, you will be able to put the net on the gorilla and capture him !"

His friend asks :
" Yeah, that sounds nice, but what do we need a shotgun for then ?"

The hunter replies :
"If I fall from the tree...kill the dog."



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I went for a job interview and got offered the job as a fisherman

but turned it down as the net pay wasn't good


Jogger finds a tennis ball

So Joe is out jogging alongside a tennis court. Unspurprisingly, he spots a tennis ball which has gone over the net. It's getting late and nobody's left playing, he figures they just left the ball there.

So Joe picks up the ball and puts it in his shorts pocket, to play with his dog later. He runs off, and stops by his regular watering hole to rehydrate. One of his friends spots the bulge in his shorts and asks:

"What have you got there Joe?"

"That? That's a tennis ball."

"Dear lord, and I thought having a tennis elbow was bad!"


What'd the difference between Net Neutrality and Ajit Pai?

Net Neutrality would be missed if it died.



supports net neutrality



Three friends travelling through the Amazon jungles become lost, when all of a sudden they are snared up in a huge net. Suddenly, 100 angry looking tribesmen appear and drag the 3 men back to the village.

When they arrived at the village, the chief comes out and says in broken English "You trespass on our sacred land. You have two options, death or Bunga"!

The first man thinks about his family back home and chooses Bunga. Ten of the largest tribesmen come over, pick the man up, bend him over and each has their way with him.

The next man, also thinking of his family, chooses Bunga despite how horrible that looked. Again, 10 giant tribesmen come over and have their way with the man.

The third man is brought up to the chief, and he looks over at his two friends who are passed out from what just happened. He thinks about how he has no family and nothing worth enduring what his friends suffered, so he chooses death.

The chief, perplexed, says, "Hmm, nobody ever choose death before". After thinking a minute the chief proclaims, "Death by Bunga"!


What are the most funny Net jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Net? Well, here are the best Net dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Net pick up lines to share with friends.

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