nest Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious nest puns

The Irish Millionaire

Mick, from Dublin , appeared on 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire' and towards the end of the program had already won 500,000 euros.

"You've done very well so far," said Chris Tarrant, the show's presenter, "but for a million Euros you've only got one life-line left, phone a friend. Everything is riding on this question. Will you go for it?"

"Sure," said Mick. "I'll have a go!"

"Which of the following birds does NOT build its own nest?

a) Sparrow

b) Thrush,

c) Magpie,

d) Cuckoo?"

"I haven't got a clue." said Mick,

''So I'll use my last lifeline and phone my friend Paddy back home in Dublin ..."

Mick called up his mate, and told him the circumstances and repeated the question to him.

"Fookin hell, Mick!" cried Paddy. "Dat's simple it's a cuckoo."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm fookin sure."

Mick hung up the phone and told Chris, "I'll go with cuckoo as my answer."

"Is that your final answer?" asked Chris.

"Dat it is."

There was a long, long pause and then the presenter screamed, "Cuckoo is the correct answer! Mick, you've won 1 million Euros!"

The next night, Mick invited Paddy to their local pub to buy him a drink.

"Tell me, Paddy? How in Heaven's name did you know it was DA Cuckoo that doesn't build its own nest?"

"Because he lives in a Fookin clock!"


Paddy has just correctly answered the £500,000 question on Who Wants To Be a Millionaire.

He has only one question standing between him and the £1m jackpot.

"Which of these birds does not live in a nest?
A) Thrush, B) Kestrel, C) Blue Tit, D) Cuckoo"

Paddy has one lifeline left, phone a friend. He decides to call Murphy, the owner of his local pub. Murphy agrees, and immediately shouts "It's a cuckoo!" Paddy goes with that answer and wins the jackpot.

That evening, Paddy was round at Murphy's bar celebrating. He turns to Murphy and says "Murphy, how did you know that cuckoos don't live in a nest?"

Murphy answers, "That's the easiest question you could have had! Everyone knows a cuckoo lives in a clock!"


Hard Times

A pirate was standing on the crow's nest and then he slipped and fell. He fell through the first floor, then he fell through the second floor, then he fell through the third floor and hit the bottom floor of the ship!

The first mate comes up to him and asks "Are ye all right matey?"

The pirate replies, "Arrr, yes... I've been through hardship before!"


2 kids hear their dad cussing

So the two decide that the nest day they will both cuss at breakfast the next morning, the young one decides to say ass, the oldest says he will say damn, so the next morning their mother asks them what they would like, the oldest says "give me some of them damn cheerios." And WHAM! the mother slaps him off his chair and turns to the youngest one and asks, well what would you like? And he replies "you can bet your sweet ass I don't want any of them damn cheerios!"


A guy has a wasps nest in his garage

He goes to the hardware store and finds a can of spray that says it's for hornets, so he finds an employee just to check if it'll work on wasps.

"Excuse me, is this spray good for wasps?"

"No sir, it kills them."


Coloured Eggs

A rooster was strutting around the hen house one Easter morning and came across a nest of eggs dyed every color of the rainbow.

The rooster took one look at the colorful display, ran outside and beat the heck out of the resident peacock.


Baby eagle in his nest sees a fighter jet passing overhead.

Amazed at the speed, he turns to mamma and asks, "Why can't we fly so fast?" 

Mamma: "You too would my son, if your ass was on fire." 


I love animals. Yesterday I saw a baby bird that had fallen from its nest up in the tree.

I wanted to get the bird back up in the nest so it can be safe. It only took me three throws.

- Stollen from Norm's new show.


I was walking along and I saw a guy fall into a nest of mosquitoes... was malarious!


I found a baby bird the other day

The other day I found a baby bird that had fallen out of its nest.

I love animals, and I thought to myself 'I'm going to get this little guy back to its nest'.

Now, it took me about 5 or 6 throws...



I've never forgiven the Nazis for what they did to my grandfather.

12 hours a day he sat in that machine gun nest and no-one even brought him a cup of tea...


Why did the squirrel leave the tree?

Because it died...

Why did the bird leave the nest?
Because it died...

Why did the dog drop his bone?
Because it died...

Why did the man leave his house?
Because everything was dying in his yard and he said "fuck this, I'm out before I'm next!"


Nesta Carter was asked how he felt after winning a gold medal alongside Usain Bolt.

"That was dope!"


Grand pa needs explanation.....[NSFW]

One sunny day grand pa was masterbeting in his room. Suddenly little Johnny entered the room and asks his GPa what is this?
GPa gives his dick to little johnny and tells him its a bird, and if you pat him like this he will be happy.
johnny starts patting it nicely and asks what these?.....Gpa these are birds egg. johnny again asks what is this? Gpa says its the nest of the bird.
After some more patting Gpa cumes and during orgasm he faints.

He gains conscious and finds himself in the hospital,
wondering what happened.
when Johnny comes to hospital, GPa asks what happened that day?

Johnny- When i was patting your bird, suddenly the stupid fuck pukes all over my hand.
Then I said Ok you son of a bitch, and break his neck, then I ruptured his eggs, and finally I set his nest on Fire.


I bought a beehive to start my beekeeping company

I thought it was a good bees nest


Disrespectful parrot.

A little girl is playing around her sleeping dad, when she notices that her dad is naked from the waist down under the blanket. Curious, she wakes up her dad and point to his junk and asks him what is it? Her dad embarrassed tries to explain keeping her innocence,
"sweetheart, this is a parrot, the one's in the bottom are its eggs and the foliage surrounding it is its nest". Saying that he sends her away and goes back to sleep.
A few hours later the girls mom comes home and is shocked to find EMT's taking her husband in an ambulance. While the little girl sits terrified and crying. The mom runs to her and asks what happened?
"Mommy, i got bored and decided to play with the parrot, but after a few minutes of playing the parrot spit on me and i got angry. So i cut the parrots neck, smashed its eggs with a wrench and burned its nest".


What is brown and does not belong in a healthy sexual relationship?

A hornet's nest.


What kind of bird always gets stuck in the nest?

A vel-crow


Why did the undercover cop throw a wasp nest at the drug dealer?

It was a sting operation.


There was a pirate ship...

And the man in the crow's nest looked through his scope and yelled down to the captain "ONE ship on the horizon!". The captain then said "Get me my red shirt, for if I am wounded in battle, my crew will not see me bleeding and they will fight on". The man in the crow's nest looked again yelled down to the captain "TEN ships on the horizon!!!" The captain then said "Get me my brown pants."


They're building a brothel near my house. Honest!

Wait... I think I mean Ho nest.


Austin Powers

What did Austin Powers say when he spotted a bees nest?

"Oh beehive"


What did Nestle say when Kit Kats were discontinued?



Why did Batman climb the tree?

He was looking for Robin's nest.


A packrat decided to make a nest in my car's muffler.

By the time I got to the mechanic the poor bugger was exhausted.


I think they call them mocking birds

To mock the fact I am not a morning person.

If anyone else has experienced having a birds nest outside your window, youll understand.


What's it called when you attack a Cockroach nest?

A Raid


i'm a real hairy houdini

... i can't find my dick because of my giant nest of pubes.


Imagine putting your penis in a bee nest...

Just to make it thicker.


The Republican Party should change its Mascot to a Hole Nest.

Because that's where the swallow lies.


Beekeepers were brought in to the white house in D.C. because of a honeybee nest. Too bad they couldn't do anything about those old wasps.


What are the most funny Nest jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Nest? Well, here are the best Nest dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Nest pick up lines to share with friends.

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