Nervous Jokes
137 nervous jokes and hilarious nervous puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about nervous that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Explore the science and effects of nervousness through the humorous lens of nerves jokes. Learn about nervous system anatomy, nervous tissue, nervous breakdowns, and feelings of anticipation, antsy, and queasy. Enjoy the comedic relief of jokes about the anatomy and effects of being nervous.
Quick Jump To
- Short Nervous Jokes
- Nervous One Liners
- Nervous System Jokes
- Nervous Breakdown Jokes
- More Nervous Jokes
Funniest Nervous Short Jokes
Short nervous jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The nervous humour may include short anxious jokes also.
- During a job interview yestarday I poured some water into a cup and it overflowed slightly "Nervous?" asked the interviewer, I simply replied "No I always give 110%"
- Surgeon: "Stay calm John, it's just a little cut with a scalpel, no need to be nervous." Patient: "Thanks Doc, but I'm not John"
surgeon: "I know, I am" - During my interview today… I poured some water into a cup and it overflowed a little bit.
Nervous? asked the interviewer.
I simply replied No, I just always give 110% - This barista at starbucks looked so nervous as she handed me my coffee. I think she was scared because she spelt my name wrong, she wrote "callthecops".
I didn't bother leaving a tip. - An old one. What lies on the bottom of the sea and shakes? A nervous wreck!
I first heard this at xmas 1952 (64 years ago) and it still makes me smile. - I was nervous about meeting new people on a cruise... ... until I realised, we are all in the same boat.
- Yesterday at a job interview I filled my glass of water until it overflowed a little. "Nervous?" asked the interviewer
I replied, "No, I always give 110%" - When I went to my interview, I poured a glass of water and it overflowed onto the table. The interviewer asked if I was nervous and I said no - I always give it 110%
- Hey, are you the bottom of my laptop? Because you're really hot and it's making me nervous.
- What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck.
(I'll see myself out.)
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Nervous One Liners
Which nervous one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with nervous? I can suggest the ones about irritable and stressful.
- What shakes and sits at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous wreck.
- What do you call a nervous Jedi? Panakin
- What lies at the bottom of the sea and twitches? A nervous wreck.
- What do nervous carpenters do? Bite their nails
- What do you call a nervous javelin thrower? Shakespeare
- I was nervous leaving my ex in the backyard with my wife. I'll put a patio on them later.
- Why Don't vampires like gambling? They get nervous when the stakes are raised.
- What do you call a group of anxious dinosaurs? Nervous Rex
- What lies on the bottom of the ocean and sweats? A nervous wreck...
- What do you call a network of shy people? A nervous system.
- Q. Why was the fly so nervous at the fruit market? A. Because he was on a date.
- What lies at the bottom of the ocean and quivers? A nervous wreck!!
- Nervous systems are too reckless They always do everything on impulse
- me: im so hungry horse: *nervously* how hungry
- I'm a nervous gardener... and sometimes I wet my plants.
Nervous System Jokes
Here is a list of funny nervous system jokes and even better nervous system puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why does the brain experience so much anxiety? Because it's part of the nervous system
- Why is the brain always anxious? It's part of the nervous system.
- Why are smart people socially anxious? Because they have a strong nervous system.
- Why do you have anxiety all the time I'm basically a walking NERVOUS system
- I wish my nervous system... ...could be my confidence system for once.
- What nervous system does the Ouroboros utilize while consuming itself? The autonomic.
- I'm not really sure I trust my nervous system. Something about it makes me...... uneasy...
- Why was the spinal cord really jumpy? It was part of a nervous system.
- I have no nervous system I am a nervous system
- My Autonomic Nervous System is out of control! ANSANSANSANSANSANSANSANSANSANSANSANSANSANSANSANSANSANSANSANSANSANSANSANSANSANSANSANSANSANSANSANSANSANSANSANSANSANSANSANSANSANSANSANSANS
Nervous Breakdown Jokes
Here is a list of funny nervous breakdown jokes and even better nervous breakdown puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I bought a new phone, the first thing I did was push redial... The phone started having a nervous breakdown.
(The legendary Steven Wright) - Did you hear about the tire... Mildred: Hey, Gorge, did you hear about the tire that had a nervous breakdown?
George: Nope. Tell me about it.
Mildred: It just couldn't take any more pressure! - What's the definition of a nervous breakdown?
A chameleon on a tartan rug.
Happy Nervous Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends
What funny jokes about nervous you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean emotional jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make nervous pranks.
Russian pharmacy
Doctor: This medicine is from insomnia, this one is from nervous break-down, and also take this one from depression.
Patient: Thank you very much, doctor, but do you have any other medicine besides v**...?
Three engineering students.
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
Getting a haircut is a lot like the first time with a new lover...
There isn't really any conversation besides some nervous laughter and her asking me "How long has it been?" and "Do you like that?" and I'm never sure how much tip is appropriate.
Then I pay her, say thanks, and leave.
A Foot And A Half
Maria had just got married and being a traditional Italian, she was still a v**.... So, on her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was nervous. But her mother reassured her. Don't worry, Maria. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take care of you.
So up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says, Mama, Mama, Tony's got a big hairy chest.
Don't worry, Maria, says the mother, all good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you.
So, up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again, Maria ran downstairs to her mother. Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants and he's got hairy legs!
Don't worry. All good men have hairy legs. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take good care of you.
So up she went again. When she got up there, Tony took off his socks and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs. Mama, Mama, Tony's got a foot and a half!
Stay here and stir the pasta, says the mother.
This is a job for Mama.
Getting Married!
A young couple came into the church office to fill out a pre-marriage questionnaire form.....
The young man, who had never talked to a pastor before, was quite nervous and the pastor tried to put him at ease...
When they came to the question, "Are you entering this marriage of your own free will?".....
There was a long pause. Finally, the girl looked over at the apprehensive young man and said, "Put down 'Yes.'"
Three Engineers are having an argument...
The first says: "God must be a mechanical engineer -- just look at the joints in the human body."
The second says: "God is an electrical engineer -- just look at the nervous system."
The third says: "God has to be a civil engineer -- who else would run a waste disposal pipeline through a perfectly good recreational area?"
i'm really nervous about getting my girlfriend's pregnancy results back...
and i'm not even the one who'll have to raise the baby alone!
Three engineers are debating what kind of engineer designed the human body
The first says "It has to be an electric engineer! The nervous system resembles some fantastic electrical work!"
The second says "It was obviously a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints throughout the human body."
The third says "It was a civil engineer! Who else would put a waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
A few minutes ago while I was lifeguarding, an old lady told me that I looked like a lion pacing back and forth.
Now I'm nervous for my dentist appointment on Thursday.
Gf just passed her driving test
My girlfriend had just passed her driving test so she drove me to town.
It was packed but we managed to find a space but she was nervous about doing a parallel park.
"I'm confident in you babe just do what you did in the test" I said
She slowly started unziping my flies.
I have a bad habit of screaming during r**... exam.
It really makes my patients nervous.
I always get nervous before injections so I shut my eyes.
I usually end up stabbing the chair.
My Son's #1 Concern
When my three-year-old was told to pee in a cup at the doctor's office, he unexpectedly got nervous. With a shaking voice, he asked, Do I have to drink it?
A young couple are in bed for the very first time
The guy asks " Are you nervous?"---
"Yes " she says.---
"Is this your first time?"---
"No, i've been nervous before"
I told my boss that when I get nervous, I like to imagine my audience n**......
... she said I should probably stop teaching the 2nd grade.
An elderly man was on the operating table, about to be operated on by his son, a famous surgeon. Just before they put him under, he asked to speak to his son:
"Don't be nervous, boy, just do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me… your mother is going to come and live with you and your family."
Operation successful
An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting a complicated surgery on him and.....
he insisted that his son-in-law, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anaesthesia, he spoke to his son-in-law.
'Yes, Dad, what is it?'
'Don't be nervous son; do your best and just remember, if something happens to me.........
........your mother in law will come and live with you.'
The surgery was a great success....
What did the nervous spider say to the audience?
"Forgive me guys, but I've got butterflies in my stomach."
A tourist group
A tourist group is lead over a mountain path.
One of the tourists gets extremely nervous and says to their native guide:
"You really could have put a handrail on the side"
The guide answers:
"There was a handrail, but it became too expensive, the tourists always took it down with them when they fell"
Nervous about watching new game of thrones with my parents, due to all the s**....
Hopefully if I turn the volume up loud I won't hear them.
Do not Get Nervous
Ashok: Why did you run away from operation Table ?
Ramesh : The nurse was repeatedly saying- "don't get nervous" ,"don't be afraid.
"Be strong" This is a small operation only."
Ashok : So what was wrong in that? Why are you so afraid?
Ramesh: She was talking to the surgeon!
Whenever I shake someone's hand....
I always ask if they're nervous. They usually say no, and then I reply with "Then why are you shaking?"
At a job interview, I sat down at at the table and in front of me was a pitcher of water and an empty cup. I poured too much and the cup started to overflow.
"Nervous?" The interviewer asked me.
"No," I responded, "I always give 110%"
Don't Get Nervous
Patient 1: Why did you run away from the operation table?
Patient 2: The nurse was repeatedly saying 'don't get nervous', 'don't be afraid', 'be strong', 'this is a small operation only', things like that.
Patient 1: So what was wrong in that? Why were you so afraid?
Patient 2: She was talking to the surgeon!
A lot of homophobes turn out to be secretly gay..
..I'm getting nervous thinking I might secretly be a giant spider
A secret service agent, nervous on his first day, sees Donald, Melania, and Barron Trump walking through the Whitehouse.
The new agent asks his supervisor, "Wow, is that really the First family?"
The supervisor, unfazed, replies, No, I think this is at least the third for Mr. Trump."
Three engineers are discussing God's engineering background.
The first one says, "God was clearly an electrical engineer. The human nervous system is a feat of electrical engineering genius!"
The second one says, "Absolutely not! He was a mechanical engineer. The way the muscles and bones interact are mechanically brilliant!"
The third one says, "Nope, you're both idiots. God was a civil engineer. Who else would run a sewage line right through a playground?"
At the Doctor's Office
Was at the doctor's office to get a check up this morning:
*doctor pulls out needle for shot*
Me: Oh boy, needles make me a little nervous. I'm not gonna look.
Doctor: That's okay. I won't either.
Then he gave me the shot before I had the chance to chuckle!
When I get nervous on stage people say "imagine the audience n**..."
But that just makes it harder for me.
A nervous looking young man walks into a drug store
A nervous looking young man walks into a drug store. He walks up to the counter and mutters, "Uh... hi... I'd like to buy some... condoms."
Cashier replies, "sure thing! That'll be $9.75 including tax."
The young man starts to panic and says, "Tacks?! I thought they stayed on by themselves!!!"
A forbidden love
"I'm in love with one of my sheep," the nervous young man told his psychiatrist.
"Nothing to worry about," the psychiatrist consoled. "Many people are fond of animals. As a matter of fact, my wife and I have a dog we are very attached to."
"But, doctor," continued the troubled patient, "I feel physically attracted to my sheep."
"Hmmmmm," observed the doctor. "Is it male or female?"
"Female, of course!" the man replied curtly. "What do you think I am, GAY?"
Why'd the nervous couple leave the o**... early?
They were afraid that someone would come between them.
A guy is getting his routine checkup.
The doctor is doing the usual, checking his ears, checking his nervous responses, going over his records, etc. Over time, the doctor looks increasingly grave. Eventually, he stops his examination, takes off his glasses, and says: "I'm so sorry to have to tell you this, but you're going to have to stop m**...."
The man is shocked. "Why?" He asks, flummoxed and concerned. The doctor replies:
"Because I'm trying to examine you."
I murdered the pizza delivery man for messing up my order and had to cover it up.
I ordered another pizza to calm my nerves and the second delivery man noticed the body, so I had to kill him too. Now I feel even more nervous so I ordered yet another pizza. I think it's starting to become a domino effect.
Today during my job interview I over poured water into a glass
Nervous? Said my interviewer
No I just always give 110% I said
Trump wakes up, goes to the garden and starts picking up random rocks...
He picks a rock, carefuly examines it from from all sides, carefully puts it back and then goes to find another one. After this has been going on for a couple of days, his cabinet starts to get nervous, so Pence calls Putin to see if he can help them.
"Hey Vlad! It's Mike. Listen, we have a little problem..."
He describes the situation and Putin promises to look into it. After a few minutes Putin calls back.
"He should be fine now. It was our fault, sorry. We accidetnally sent him instructions meant for our lunar lander."
First time bungee jumping...
ME: [l**... lips in anticipation] I'm nervous. I've never done a bungee jump before.
INSTRUCTOR: Don't lick my lips again.
I was waiting in a long line to order food when I saw this beautiful girl.
I was very nervous till she laughed at the pick up line.
A mechanical, electrical, and civil engineer were discussing God.
The mechanical engineer said, God had to have been a mechanical engineer. Look at the skeleton and how it's designed.
The electrical engineer said, No, no, no. God was an electrical engineer. Look at the nervous system and the way it works.
The civil engineer said, God had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a waste disposal pipeline through a great recreational area?
*nervously plays with tie* "I'm sorry. I'm no good during job interviews."
"That's ok, just let go of my tie and go on your side of the desk."
"relax Peter, it's just a small cut with a scalpel, no need to be nervous"
*... said the doctor.*
"Doctor, my name isn't Peter..."
"I know, I'm Peter."
An indian lady visited a bar for the first time
She was nervous but sat on one tall stool in front of the bartender.
The guy sitting on her left said: "Jack Daniels, Single"
The guy on her right side ordered: "Johnny Walker, Single"
Then the bartender looked at the lady & said: And you..?
The lady replied: "Parmjeet kaur, Married.
I was at the supermarket, looked three freezers down and saw the most beautiful b**... blonde picking out Asian dinners. I took a quick glance at her hand and saw no wedding ring! Well, as you can imagine, I promptly did what any virile, red-blooded man would do with this opportunity...
I got really nervous, said absolutely nothing, and strictly avoided eye-contact at all costs...
My first time trying it, I told my girlfriend I was nervous because I didn't know anything about b**....
"Don't worry," she told me. "I'll show you the ropes."
Men with neck tattoos used to make me nervous.
Now they make me lattes.
Joe saw a s**... young exotic girl walking out from a bank, a remote control dropped from her mini skirt.
He picked it up and planed to give it back.
But the girl looked at him, her face turned red and seemed nervous and coy.
Joe understood it all of a sudden...
He smiled obscenely and pressed the button on the remote.
Then the bank exploded.
Me: *l**... lips in anticipation* I'm nervous. I've never done a bungee jump before.
Instructor: don't lick my lips again.
A nervous man walks into the bar
He goes to the counter and starts eating the nuts. Suddenly he hears a voice say you're handsome coming from the countertop, he looks around to find the source of the voice, but is unable to do so.
He continues eating the nuts when the voice once again says you have nice hair.
The man realises that the voice was coming from the nuts. He asks the bartender what's up with these nuts?
The bartender replies: oh those? They're complementary!
Why is Satan's barber always nervous?
Because last time he messed up there was h**... toupee.
My uncle's favorite joke.
A man with a wooden eye was always nervous asking girls to dance. He was always scared they would find his wooden eye too scary and say no. But he saw a pretty girl with a harelip across the dance floor and mustered up the courage to ask her to dance. Once he asked, she was ecstatic and couldn't believe someone asked her. She said, "Would I?! Would I?!". The man gets angry and says, "Harelip! Harelip!"
Nervous woman
A woman walked into the dentist very nervously and said, I'm scared. I'd rather have a baby than have my teeth checked.
Fine with me, said the dentist, But I'll have to adjust the chair.
An electrical engineer, a mechanical engineer, and a civil engineer are discussing the nature of God
"God is an electrical engineer" says the EE. "Look at the nervous system! It's all electrical impulses."
"Nonsense," says the ME. "God's a mechanical engineer. Look at the muscles and bones. That's mechnical engineering."
The civil engineer demurs.
"God is a civil engineer. Who else would put a waste disposal pipe through the middle of a recreational area?"
They say when you're nervous, you get butterflies in your stomach.
This really bugged me, so I had a surgeon perform an insect-ion to see if this was true. The results were extremely alarving. What they found in my stomach will moth likely make you feel sqwormish.
Poor planning?
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "it was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "no, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last said, "actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
My Native American girlfriend was nervous the first time she invited me back to her place
She had her reservations
Dad takes his son for a driving lesson
Son: Dad, I'm so nervous, I can't stop shaking, what are we going to do?
Dad: Parkinson.
A young man was about to propose marriage to his girlfriend...
Naturally, he was really nervous and couldn't think of how to pop the question. One day they were sitting on the couch and suddenly he just blurted out, I think we should get married!
Wait, his girlfriend said, taken aback, are you serious?
I think I am, he said.
You're proposing to me here on the couch? she asked.
Yes, I guess I am, he said.
That's not much of a proposal, the girlfriend said. I think you can do better.
I thought so, too, the young man said. But your sister already said no.
Three engineers argue about who designed the human body
"Look at all the supports and joints... " said the first engineer, "... it must have been a structural engineer."
"No, no, it was an electrical engineer; just look at the nervous system and all its connections and wiring." said the second engineer.
"Both of you are wrong" exclaimed the third engineer. "It was a civil engineer, because only a civil engineer would run a toxic pipeline through the middle of a recreational area."
Who designed the human body?
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints!"
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through the recreational area?"
A man in a taxi is shocked with the cabbie runs right through a red light...
He shouts "Hey, are you crazy? You just ran that light!"
The cabbie says, "Don't worry. My brother is a cabbie too and he does it all the time."
A few seconds later he runs another red light. The passenger is still nervous but decides that the cabbie knows what he is doing.
Then as they approached a green light, the cabbie slams on breaks and comes to a screeching halt.
"Are you crazy?", the man shouts, "That's a green light! Why did you stop?"
"My brother might be coming the other way."
Why did the vampire get nervous during the poker game?
His opponent had just raised the stakes.
Five minutes after I'd picked him up the hitchhiker turned to me and asked whether I was at all nervous that he could be a m**....
"Not at all", I replied. "What are the odds of both of us being killers?"
What do you call a nervous jedi?
Panikin Skywalker
I have a really bad habit of screaming at the top of my lungs during my r**... exam.
It makes my patients really nervous.
