Nerd Jokes
144 nerd jokes and hilarious nerd puns to laugh out loud. Read science jokes about nerd that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Nerd Short Jokes
Short nerd jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The nerd humour may include short geek jokes also.
- If I had a dollar for everytime someone called me a boring nerd.. I'd have a mean daily income of $5.64 with a standard deviation of $1.25
- What's a stalker and a Pokemon nerd got in common? They both hide in the bushes trying to get a Pikachu.
- What do you call a death match between E.T. and a nerd with no social life? Alien versus Redditor.
- Nerd joke A photon walks up to an airline counter to buy a ticket and the clerk asks "any baggage to check?" The photon replies "No, I'm traveling light."
- Q: How many geeks does it take to ruin a joke? A: You mean nerd, not geek. And not joke, but riddle. Proceed.
- Just because someone found out how to connect a keyboard and a portable radio together doesn't make them a nerd That would be stereotyping.
- The bully loomed threateningly over the nerd and said, "You know what snitches get don't you?" Ummm, "150 points?"
- [Nerd joke] What do trespassers have in common with logical fallacies? They both violate the rules of the premises.
- Two kinds of nerds: May the force be ____________
a. equal to mass times acceleration.
b. with you. - For you internet nerds! I would tell you a UDP joke, but you might not get it.... I would tell you a TCP joke but I don't want to keep repeating it.
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Nerd One Liners
Which nerd one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with nerd? I can suggest the ones about gamer and hacker.
- What do nerds and racists have in common? They both aspire to be wizard.
- Why do a lot of math nerds wear glasses? It helps with division.
- What do a gay Mexican and a highschool nerd have in common? They both do their essays.
- Why is it so warm in Linus Torvalds' office? Because he doesn't have Windows.
- I asked a nerd what his New Year's resolution was. He said, "1920x1080".
- you know what really turns on a nerd? unprotected wifi
- I’m not a nerd, I’m just smarter than you.
- What do you call a nerd after highschool? Boss
- What does a deaf math nerd speak? Sine language.
- Come over to the Nerd side... We have Pi.
- A nerd walked into bar He wasn't wearing his glasses
- What company makes Nerds? Your mom.
- what's a nerds favourite dessert? Raspberry pi
- [Nerd Joke Warning] What Tea makes you original? Novel-tea
- Why are D&D nerds better in bed? Because they always take initiative in the roleplay.
It Nerd Jokes
Here is a list of funny it nerd jokes and even better it nerd puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do gay cholo gangsters and nerds have in common? They love being in their homes and doing their essays.
- [Walks into a bar] An sql query walks into a bar. Looking around, he sees a pair of tables. Going up to them, he asks, "Excuse me, but do you mind if I join you?"
- Glasses wearers are less likely to get Covid-19... I guess you could say we have nerd immunity.
- Two atoms walk into a party at the Large Hadron Collider... It was full of nerds so they split.
- I can't eat whale blubber. I've tried it, I'm just not Inuit.
-my beloved nerd of a husband - Comeback Joke * nerds phone rings in class *
Cool Guy - awww, was that your mommy?
* whole class laughs *
Nerd Guy - nope, it was yours.
* whole class is silent * - Joke for chemistry nerds ;) Argon walks into a bar and the bartender says:
-We don't serve noble gases here!
Argon doesn't react. - You Are What Your Eat I used to love the candy Nerds, but I stopped eating them when I realized that for me, it was basically cannibalism.
- Why can't the math nerd ever use the smartphone developed by Apple? Because the iPhone is imaginary for him.
- what do you call a pale, introvert nerd? Fair and square
Computer Nerd Jokes
Here is a list of funny computer nerd jokes and even better computer nerd puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you hear about the computer nerd who was eaten alive by a giant snake? Now he's programming in python.
- What do you call a tall, obese computer nerd with a bladder control problem. A Big Fat Geek Wetting.
- Why was the computer nerd sad that there weren't any barbecues with wifi? Because there aren't any grills on the internet.
- you should make sure chrome doesn't save your password on lab computers i logged you out
prequel nerd - Hide a seek champion...
;
Since 1958 - Q: What will my computer printer warranty cover?
A: Your mouse pad. - Computer nerd dirty talk I'm going to stick my D: disk into your V: drive.
- What do you call a computer nerd Um it's pronounced 'jif'
- For Every Computer Nerd Out There Learning binary is as easy as 01 10 11!
- Where does the computer nerd goes to have a drink? At the download bar.
Nerd Math Jokes
Here is a list of funny nerd math jokes and even better nerd math puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Me being a math nerd I was certain that my crush would reject me if I asked her out But either way, I was 2² to ask her out
- When a South African tells me they really love math I can't work out if they're a nerd or an addict
- When people tell me I'm a nerd for being good at math... ...I simply tell them that I'll add a knife to my hand, divide all their blood vessels, and subtract them from this world.
- What's a math nerd's favourite coffee? A calculatte
- Life is like a definite integral.
Integral from birthday to death ( LOVE ) dx = LIFE - How do nerds relieve their s**... frustration? They maths debate.
- What do you call 2 guys who like math? One friend said Alge*bros*.
Another friend said "f***ing nerds".
They're both right. - What do you call two Australian math nerds having s**...? A square root.
- What joke will annoy a math nerd? What do you read at a mathematician's f**...?
[A Eulergy](#s)
Hilarious Fun Nerd Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter
What funny jokes about nerd you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean freak jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make nerd pranks.
Q: What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?
A: He was booked for a salt and battery.
My nerdy friend just got a phd on the history of palindromes.
We now call him Dr. Awkward.
What do you call an irritated nerd?
A noyd.
Yo momma is so dumb, she thought a kernel panic was a kfc that was out of chicken.
Nerd Joke: What's the difference between UDP and an epileptic?
Only one of them shakes hands.
I guess if you're worried about offending epileptics, you can swap out "epileptic" with "well-trained dog." I came up with this after hearing another UDP joke: "I know a great UDP joke, but you might not get it."
Whatever you do, don't tell this joke to a math person; they will just make you upset
Bill is a giant nerd, and he knows that he isn't perceived as cool; in fact, lots of people call him a square. So, in an effort to be cool, he finds some cool guys and decides to go do everything he can with them.
They say, "Hey Bill, we're going to the bar. Want to come?"
He says, "Sure," and comes to the bar. They all order shots and beers. Bill doesn't want to be a square, so he orders shots and beers, and they all have a great time.
Next week, they call Bill up and tell him that they're going to a club. Bill comes along with them. They all start grinding on women and ordering tons of booze. Bill doesn't want to be a square, so he does the same and has a good time.
The next week, they call Bill up and tell him that they're going to a football game. Bill doesn't want to be a square, so he comes along. The guys are all cheering for their team enthusiastically, but Bill just sits quietly in his seat. Finally one of the guys says, "Bill, this isn't like you. Everything else we've done, you've joined in happily. Why won't you root for the team with us?"
Bill replies, "Well, I don't want to be a square. And rooting? Rooting is for squares."
A nerdy sysadmin joke for today
Why do programmers think Halloween's the same as Christmas?
Because 31OCT == 25DEC
(thank you very much)
"Who are they? Who do they look up to?
And if they're so awkward with the opposite s**..., why are there so many of them
Heisenberg gets pulled over (Nerd humor)
Finding great success as a scientist Heisenberg decides to buy a sports car. He is blazing down the highway when he sees a cop car behind him. He pulls over and the cop comes up to the window and asks: "Do you have *any* idea how fast you were going?!"
Heisenberg looks at him and replies: "No, but I can tell you *exactly* where I am."
I see your nerd joke and raise you mine
A neutron walks into a bar, orders a drink and sits down. He says to the bartender "How much?". Bartender replies, "For you no charge."
(Nerdy joke) Two chicks walk into a bar...
Two chicks walk into a bar. One says to the other,"Have you ever heard of the Bechdel test?" The other says,"Yeah, my boyfriend was telling me about it the other day."
A nerd rides up to his friend on a new bike.
The friend asks "Wow! Where'd you get the cool bike?"
The guy replies "A beautiful blond woman rode up to me on it, then took off all her clothes, and said I could have anything I wanted!"
The friend says "Good call, dude! The clothes would never have fit!"
Nerdy financial humor. You have been warned.
I started showing more interest in one of my investments.
It appreciated it.
What do Jesus and a nerd have in common?
Both are long-haired, live at their parents' till their 30's, and if they'll do anything, it is considered a miracle.
A nerd walked into my Bio class today sipping a full martini glass...
Me: Why did you decide to bring alcohol into class??
Nerd: I needed to prove that I was more of a daredevil than I get credit for.
Me: Well what's in the glass then?
Nerd: Ahh, its a little cocktail I call the "Jellyfish".
Me: Why do you call it that?
Nerd: Because its 98% water...
Nerd joke.
Einstein, Newton and Pascal are playing a rousing game of hide and seek. Einstein begins to count to ten. Pascal runs and hides. Newton draws a one meter by one meter square in the ground in front of Einstein then stands in the middle of it. Einstein reaches ten, uncovers his eyes, and exclaims Newton! I found you! You're it! Newton replies You didn't find me. You found a Newton over a square meter. You found Pascal!
What's the nerdiest birthday?
4/16/25 - 3 squares in 1
How did the Machine Learning professor pick which of his undergrads to have s**... with?
He used a Naive Babe Classifier.
... Sorry for the nerd joke; I'll show myself out.
Nerdy pickup line.
Hey baby, Are you uranium because I'm Iodine and if it was up to me I would rearrange the periodic table around and put U and I together. ;)
Nerdiest joke I know.
I'd tell you a joke about UDP packets, but I'm not sure you'd get it.
What is the difference between a Nerd and a Troll.
Trolls were once Nerds too before they went over to the Dork side.
Classroom Nerd
(In a high school class room)
Girl: Do you see that F@#$ING nerd over there.
Teacher: Don't be so mean, he could be your boss one day.
Nerd: Sorry I don't plan on being a p**...
What did the little nerdy kid get for his birthday?
Bullied
Help, I need nerd jokes the average high school student can understand.
Something along these lines,
Why can't you trust an atom? They make up everything.
What do nerdy mermaids wear?
Algae-bras
The functions were throwing a party
Sinus, cosinus and tangens were dancing like crazy. Only e^x was all alone in the corner of the room, so sinus walked to it and asked "Hey, exponential! How are you doing? Why don't you try to integrate yourself?" "I'm trying!!! But nothing happens..."
ha. ah. ah. \*cough\* _i'm a nerd :'(_
I was a bit of a nerd in high school. Instead of chasing girls I was studying philosophy
My friends always said that I put Descartes before the w**....
What do you get when you cross a s**... with a halo nerd?
Masterchief
If nerds play RPGs, what do Geeks play?
RBGs.
Nerdy pickup line
Hey baby, are you a compressed file format, because rar.
^^^^^now ^^^^^where ^^^^^did ^^^^^I ^^^^^put ^^^^^the ^^^^^bleach...
What's the difference between a nerd and a s**...?
One gets high scores, while the other gets high on scores.
What do you say to a nerd that broke their arm?
Wow, ***algebraic*** it?
What's a nerdy witch's favorite kind of spell?
a hexadecimal
A nerd was invited to compete in the Trigonometry Mathletic Competition...
he said:
"Sine me up!"
My computer nerd friend had a failed s**... attempt today...
He wrote CTRL-X on both of his wrists
Why did the chemist wear gloves to brush his teeth?
His mouth was 4 molar
Post your favorite nerd chem jokes!
What do nerds eat for breakfast?
Terabytes
What do you call a female nerd?
A ner.
Because she's a nerd with no D.
"There's no escape..."
...says a nerd in front of a broken keyboard.
What's a k**... nerd into?
USBDSM
Nerds buy Bitcoin currency because it reminds them of their girlfriend
Completely virtual.
What did the nerd say to the dirty energy drink stained window that he was cleaning?
Die Red-Bull s**...!
An unpopular math nerd in school never really interacted with anyone.
Some girls decided to play a prank by giving him a piece of paper saying "i <3 u".
Unfortunately, the nerd did not understand and just responded, "Assuming solving for u, u > i/3".
Nerd Joke: What do you get if you cross a robot with a pirate?
Aaaarrrrr2D2
What do nerds and Creationists have in common?
They're offended by The Big Bang Theory.
Came to me while folding laundry (bad nerd pun incoming).
What was the name of the first Protozoa to circumnavigate the globe?
Flagellan
My nerdy friend got a Ph.D on the History of Palindromes.
He's now Dr.Awkward.
A skinny nerd walks into a bar.
Hey! he shouts to one table All you idiots should move to table seven! and to another table he shouts And all you morons should move to table nine! A big a**... body builder gets up from the first table and faces the nerd and growls Hey, I'm not an idiot! The nerd straightens his glasses, looks up to the body builder and replies Well, you go sit at table nine then.
Come in our nerd group!
We have pi
A nerd is riding a bike on the college campus when he comes across his friend.
The friend asks, "Where did you get that awesome bike?"
"You won't believe what happened," the nerd says. "I was walking on a trail yesterday, minding my own business, when this really beautiful woman rode up to me. She threw the bike on the ground, took off all her clothes, and said '*take what you want.*'"
"Good choice," says the friend as he nods approvingly. "The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."
The newest sci-fi movie on Netflix is about a death match between E.T. and a nerd with no social life.
Alien versus Redditor.
A nerdy friend of mine just got his Ph.D. on the history of palindromes.
He is now Dr. Awkward.
How can you tell the difference between a nerd and someone with a b**... fettish?
Ask them what a dungeon master is
So my brother told me this joke. He said it is a nerd joke
What's red and bad for your teeth?
A brick!
What's blue and bad for your teeth?
The same brick moving really really fast.
