Nephew Jokes
107 nephew jokes and hilarious nephew puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about nephew that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Make your nephew's birthday or any family event unforgettable with these hilarious nephew jokes! From Uncle-Nephew to Aunt-Nephew, these humorous stories will have you and your son or daughter laughing out loud.
Quick Jump To
- Short Nephew Jokes
- Nephew One Liners
- Uncle Nephew Jokes
- Niece Nephew Jokes
- Nephew Birthday Jokes
- More Nephew Jokes
Funniest Nephew Short Jokes
Short nephew jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The nephew humour may include short niece jokes also.
- From my 7yo Nephew, Why should you always bring toilet paper to gatherings? For all the party poopers!
- Why did the kid eat his homework? Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake.
-My 6 year old Nephew - You guys wanna hear a construction joke? ..... hold on I'm working on it.
(Brought to you by my 8 year old nephew) - My nephew is in the 'why' phase of his life as a 6 year old... and I told him 'Because it feels nice and you're an unreliable witness!'
- My 4-year-old nephew has been learning Spanish since lockdown. He can't say 'please' which I think is poor for four
- Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the dummies house.
Knock knock... Who's there?
A chicken.
My 6 year old nephew's favorite joke. Tells it every chance he gets. - Two flies riding on a motorbike. One says to the other: Stop! Stop! A bug just flew into my eye.
- From my 3yr old nephew: Why do chickens sit on their eggs? Because they don't have chairs.
- My little nephew wanted to share a joke he was very proud of coming up with: Why did the hotdog get grounded? It was being a brat!
- From my 7 year old nephew: What's the difference between a cat and a frog? A cat has nine lives, but a frog croaks every night.
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Nephew One Liners
Which nephew one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with nephew? I can suggest the ones about grandson and uncle.
- My four-year-old nephew still can't say 'please' in Spanish. That's poor for four.
- What do you call an incestuous nephew? An aunt-eater.
- Also from my 7 year old nephew: What is it called when Olaf is crying? A meltdown.
- What do you call a cow that can't moo? A milk dud
Credit to my 5 year old nephew - My 12 yr old nephew: What do you call a reptile that always starts drama? An instigator!
- What kind of bird fixes stuff? A repair-a-keet.
- Props to my 7 year old nephew for this one. What do you call a spicy pig? Peppa.
- I was injured playing Peekaboo with my nephew. I had to go to the I.C.U.
- Who's the male version of Denise? The nephew
- Why did Jesus's nieces and nephews hate his wife? Because she was the Aunty Christ.
- What is Bruce Jenner's nephew's favorite movie? Aunt Man
- My nephews hate my 'dad' jokes They say I'm very un-cool
- What do you call a dolphin in the woods? Dead.
My 4yo nephew just made this one up. - \ \ What did the clam say \ \ at his nephew's bar mitzvah? \ \ Mollusktov Shellhome! \ \
- Did you hear the one about the cannibal who passed his nephew in the jungle? ...
Uncle Nephew Jokes
Here is a list of funny uncle nephew jokes and even better uncle nephew puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why cant the uncle touch his knees anymore? His father filed a restraining order after what he did to his nephew.
- Johnny's uncle has 3 nephews; Huey, Duey and... ..no, Johnny of course!
- My nephew has dyslexia And I'm not a bad uncle, but is so funny when my sister goes crazy every Christmas because he write a letter for "Satan".
Niece Nephew Jokes
Here is a list of funny niece nephew jokes and even better niece nephew puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- [OC] I'm gonna name my daughter Vaccine... That way she will have to explain to her nieces and nephews why she is Auntie Vax.
- Having a baby girl? You should name her Artica. It's awesome because all her nieces and nephews will have an Aunt Artica.
- October You will know how much your niece's and nephew's will love you when you ask for candies from their bag and they pick the good one or the bad one.
- Do you know where nieces and nephews come from? Aunt holes
- If Jesus had a s**... change, what would their nieces and nephews call them? Auntie Christ
- A r**... couple gets pregnant, what will they have? Either a niece or a nephew.
Nephew Birthday Jokes
Here is a list of funny nephew birthday jokes and even better nephew birthday puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My nephew wants to be an accountant, so for his birthday, I got him a big bag of receipts Not to worry if he doesn't like them, I've kept all the presents
- I couldn't decide whether to get my nephew a toy or a pet for his first birthday. Ended up buying him a rattlesnake.
- My nephew wanted an Xbox for his birthday but didn't get one and was very upset. He had to be consoled.
- Happy Birthday question from grandpa Hey nephew are you trying to overtake me?
Silly & Ridiculous Nephew Jokes to Spread Joy & Laughter
What funny jokes about nephew you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean elder brother jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make nephew pranks.
My 7 year old nephew showed me with pride the "telephone" he had just made from a string and two tin cans...
I pulled out my iPhone and said, "That's nice, but look at what kids your age make in China!"
- Congratulations, my boy! - Says the uncle to the nephew who is getting married the next day.
- I'm sure a couple of years from now, you will remind of this day as the happiest day of your life!
- But I'm only getting married tomorrow - responds the nephew.
- Yeah - explains uncle - That is exactly what I meant!
I have an autistic nephew...
and I'm starting to think my dog is autistic as well because she also barks at the vacuum.
A joke my 4 year old nephew made up. (It makes no sense, but still made me laugh.)
If the three legged turtle crosses the road what color is the rabbit?
Green! Because Space Jam was a good movie.
My nephew is turning three next week,
but due to budget issues, we're not going to tell him.
Why is it a bad idea to give Elsa a balloon?
Because she'll "Let it go! Let it go!"
This joke was made up by my 5 year old nephew.
Talking about planets with my nephew.
He asked if you could plow thru Uranus because it's all gas
My nephew got me with this one
He said "they've been together for 15 years." When I asked who, he said "DEEZ NUTSS"
Came out to my parents at Christmas. Later that day my nephew asked to play hide and go seek.
Now I'm back in the closet.
Vincent Van Gogh's Relatives
His Obnoxious brother: Please Gogh.
His Dizzy aunt: Verti Gogh.
His prune-loving brother: Gotta Gogh.
His Convenience-Store-Owner cousin: Stop'n'Gogh
His Constipated uncle: Can't Gogh
The Ballroom dancer aunt: Tan Gogh
His Nephew psychoanalyst: E Gogh
His Fruit Loving cousin: Man Gogh
His sister who loves disco: Go Gogh
His bouncy little Nephew: Poe Gogh.
"Am I mentioned in the will?" the nephew asked anxiously.
"You certainly are" , replied the lawyer.
Right here in the third paragraph your uncle says:
To my niece Sarah I bequeath a hundred thousand dollars,
to my cousin Janice fifty thousand dollars,
and to my nephew Charles, who was always curious to know if he was mentioned in my will, I say "Hi, Charles"
Yo momma so ugly...
That even Bob the builder said he can't fix it.
Credit to my 8 year old nephew.
What do you call a snail on a ship?
A snailor
(My nephew is watching Spongebob please send help my brain cells are leaving one by one)
What do you call a bra?
A b**... trap. Thanks 3rd grade nephew.
My nephew complained about hair in his food.
I told him that in my day that is how all fish tacos were served.
My newborn nephew entered the world with the innate ability to dance. They ran tests and found that he got the ability by being born with an extra chromosome. The doctors are calling it...
"Get down syndrome"
"I know what you have been s**... on"
My nephew has a habit of s**... his thumb, so i had a brilliant idea to make him stop. I told him people that s**... their thumbs become fat.
At the store yesterday however, we ran across a pregnant lady and he had the great idea to shout "I know what you have been s**... on" in the middle of the store.
My nephew was driving me crazy with his juvenile comebacks to everything I said, so I pushed him into the campfire.
Roasted!
Last week, I took a Dallas Cowboys jersey away from my 2-year-old nephew.
It was a choking hazard.
What's the first thing you do after waking up and the last thing you do before going to bed?
Nephew: Brushing your teeth!
Mom: oh honey that's not a joke.
Nephew: it is if you think that's what I do!
My 9 year old nephew told me he wished he could be like Batman.
So I killed my brother & his wife & tossed my my nephew into a pit filled with bats.
Joke from a 1920s Australian Newspaper
**Diplomacy**
Uncle to nephew playing a game of War with a companion: "If you take the fortress within a quarter of an hour, I'll give you a sixpence."
Youngster (a minute later): "Uncle, sixpence please, the fortress is taken."
Uncle: "How did you manage it so quickly?"
Youngster: "I offered the besieged threepence and he gave in."
Source: The Narracoote Herald, Friday 13, February 1920
Eclipse is when earth is between sun and moon, what is it called when sun is between earth and moon ?
Apocalypse
P.S . My 11 yr old nephew said this and I found it very funny
What do you call a sick Darth Vader?
b**... Vader
-Courtesy of my 6 year old nephew.
Courtesy of my nephew... what music do planets listen to?
Neptoons
An elderly woman is holding a f**... for her recently deceased husband
After the viewing, she discusses how kind and honest of a man her husband was, how she was so sad to see him go, and she bursts into tears.
Her nephew, after consoling his mourning aunt , asks May I say a word .
Through tears she says, Of course
He takes a moment and says Plethora .
His aunt, wiping her eyes, says Thank you, that means a lot.
My d**... nephew puts on loads of deodorant and I have a hard time understanding him.
He has too strong of an axe scent.
Why do dinosaurs need deodorant?
Because they're ex stincked.
Courteousy my five year old nephew, be nice.
Told my nephew the story of the grasshopper and the ant. The ant saved up for winter while the grasshopper didn't. I asked my nephew at the end of the story Me:What is the moral of the story?
Nephew: You should never live in a Fall's sense of security
My nephew was doing his history homework and asked me what I knew about Galileo?
I said, "He was a poor boy, from a poor family."
My nephew is at that age where he no longer wants to be held.
I guess turning 39 changed his attitude.
My friend rents out broken kites, no contracts or lease required.
No strings attached
Disclaimer: I know this joke is s**.... My 5 year old nephew did not tell me this.
I once dunked over someone so hard that they started to cry...
...my brother says I'm not allowed to see my nephew anymore
Oh, sure everyone loves Star Wars on May 4th...
Until you tell your nephew you're his father!
(A joke my 3 y/o nephew came up with)
Kiddo: knock knock
Mom: who's there?
Kid: Daddy. Because I locked the door. *laughs hysterically*
So I was staying at my uncles...
SO THIS IS A REAL STORY
My nephew, mommy you're kind of fat.
My uncle, no she's not son she's just big b**....
My nephews expression immediately drops,
Daddy is she okay?
Yeah why wouldn't she be?
Why do her bones jiggle?
My four year old nephew started learning Spanish during lockdown
I asked him if he could tell me what the Spanish for please was and he couldn't, which I think is poor for four
After his rich uncle's death, he was very anxious about his uncle fortune.
"Am I mentioned in the will?" he asked repeatedly.
"Of course you are," replied the solicitor.
Right here in the second page your uncle says:
"To my niece Sally, I bequeath $123,000; to my cousin Thomas, $55,000; and to my nephew Ricky, who was always asking too know if he's mentioned in my will, HELLO RICKY - I didn't forget to mention your name, did I?"
The other day I dropped my baby nephew and my sister started freaking out
I understand that I should be more careful, but let's be honest, who the f*** brings a baby to the Grand Canyon?
A joke from my nephew... so please be kind.
How many types of witches are there? 3
A good witch, a bad witch, and a sandwich.
(My nephew is 24, and yes, we're all a little worried about him. He's not developmentally disabled or anything. He's just....?)
Why are cows such great coworkers?
Because they're out standing in their field.
My 8-year-old nephew said this joke today and he can't stop laughing. I thought you all would enjoy it.
Clothes make the man (Joke from my nephew)
What's the difference between a sharp-dressed fellow on a bicycle and a raggedy looking guy on a unicycle?
Attire.
My nephew came to me with a look of pride on his face.
He said uncle, uncle look what I made it's a telephone. He proceeded to show me two tin cans tied together with string.
I pulled out my iPhone and said: this is what kids your age make in China.
(6yo nephew came to me and blurted) What does the cheese say to the other cheese passing by ?
Have a grate day.
What do you call a cheeseburger that's on the move?
A slider.
My 10 year old nephew came up with this one, I think he nailed it!
I bought my nephew a pair of airpods for his birthday.
The kid was so ungrateful, he didn't even say thank you. He just started throwing up gang signs at me.
I think he's fallen into a bad crowd ever since he went deaf.
The Don of the local Mafia's phone rang
It was his favorite nephew.
Uncle, the cops are closing in on me. I'm going to be arrested.
Thank you for telling me, said the Don, Be a good Sicilian don't talk until our lawyer gets there.
What if they beat me?
Don't worry, it's easy not to talk. Just sit on your hands.
I tried telling my 4 year old nephew that it's perfectly fine to accidentally p**... your pants…
But he's not buying it. In fact, he's still making fun of me
True story told by a friend: My nephew was gay and everyone knew it but he was slow coming out of the closet. One day, home from college, he was having breakfast and blurted out, "Mom - I'm gay."
She replied, "Does this mean that you sometimes put other men's p**... in your mouth?" Her son thought that this was an odd response but answered, "Yes." "Then I never want you to complain about my cooking again." (It was her hilarious way of saying that his orientation is not an issue for her.)
My nephew was genetically engineered to be like both frank sinatra and Albert Einstein.
He's a regular Frank Einstein.
A joke my nephew told me recently... Why do ducks have feathers?
To cover their a**... quack
Today, my 10 y/o nephew proudly showed me a model airplane he had built.
"Not too bad," I said, pulling out my iPhone. "But see what Chinese kids of your age can do."
It took a long time to teach my nephew that violence is never ever the answer.
I think I finally beat it into him.
"I don't like to send money via texts, so I need you to prove you're really my nephew. How many fingers am I holding up on my right hand?"
--This is a text, how should I know?
"I'm an amputee, and you'd know"
