nephew Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious nephew stories

What are the best Nephew puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Nephew? Well here is a complete list of Nephew dad jokes:

My six year old nephew just told me this joke... Why does a a duck have feathers?

To cover its butt quack.

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My 7 year old nephew showed me with pride the "telephone" he had just made from a string and two tin cans...

I pulled out my iPhone and said, "That's nice, but look at what kids your age make in China!"

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My nephew is in the 'why' phase of his life as a 6 year old...

and I told him 'Because it feels nice and you're an unreliable witness!'

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Nephew asks about sex

My young nephew Harry asked me how babies are made. I had no idea how to approach it so I looked online and found a video that explains it all. At the end of the video I told him "It's basically just like that, only the white goo on her face should have gone up her pussy and normally there isn't a horse involved".

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What do you call an incestuous nephew?

An aunt-eater.

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From my 3yr old nephew: Why do chickens sit on their eggs?

Because they don't have chairs.

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My brother just fed my 10 m.o. nephew a whole bowl guacamole before dropping him off with me. Now I've gotta change the diaper.

What a dip shit.

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A joke my 4 year old nephew made up. (It makes no sense, but still made me laugh.)

If the three legged turtle crosses the road what color is the rabbit?
Green! Because Space Jam was a good movie.

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So old man Charles is lying on his deathbed.

His great nephew Peter comes to see him, and Charles gets to talking about his life and rambling on, like old men do.

He points out the window and says "Pete, you see that road out there? I built that road myself before there was a town here. I cleared the forest, I leveled the land, I laid the paving stones myself. But my whole life, I have not been known as 'Chuck the roadbuilder'."

Charles, now making a point, points angrily out the window again and says "You see that clinic there?! I donated all the money to build that to take care of my less fortunate neighbors, but am I known as Charles the generous? Or Charles the healer? No! But you fuck one sheep..."

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- Congratulations, my boy! - Says the uncle to the nephew who is getting married the next day.

- I'm sure a couple of years from now, you will remind of this day as the happiest day of your life!
- But I'm only getting married tomorrow - responds the nephew.
- Yeah - explains uncle - That is exactly what I meant!

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A joke my six year old nephew told at dinner tonight.

What do you call a bear with no teeth?


A gummy bear!

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My nephew is turning three next week,

but due to budget issues, we're not going to tell him.

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Courtesy of my five year old nephew

What do you call an onion ring shaped like a bell?


An onion ding!

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I have an autistic nephew...

and I'm starting to think my dog is autistic as well because she also barks at the vacuum.

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Got this one from my nephew

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Hoo.

Hoo who?

Big summer blowout!

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Why wasn't Donald Duck's fourth nephew in any Disney cartoons?

He had Down Syndrome

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My worst joke. [OC] [NSFW]

So a middle aged man and his mentally disabled nephew are walking down the street, when suddenly the man grabs the boy, drags him in to a nearby alleyway, and starts aggressively molesting him. After about 15 minutes of ferocious grabbing, squeezing, probing, and squirming, the man is overcome with a sudden wave of crushing sadness, and starts to cry. Unable to continue, he tosses the child aside, emerges from the alleyway, and finds a bench to sit down and cry on. After a while, his grief subsides a little and he manages to regain some self control. A passing stranger sees him and asks:
"Hey what's wrong, are you OK?"
To which the man replies:
"Oh yeah I'm fine, I was just feeling a little down."

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I had to explain racism to my five-year-old nephew. It's just not acceptable. He didn't really understand.

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Courtesy of my 5yr old nephew.

Him: why did the man throw butter out the window?

Me: I don't know. Why?

Him: Because it wanted to fly too.


I don't think he understands jokes...

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The man who ran over himself.

Person 1: Have you ever heard about the man who ran over himself?

Person 2: No, tell me about it.

Person 1: There's a man waiting at a bus-stop and he realizes that he needs to pick up some candy for his nephew, which he usually does when he goes to see him. Meanwhile, theres a little boy riding a tricycle by him, so he offers him $20 saying "Could you run over to the candy store and get some candy for me?" The boy refuses, so he ran over himself.

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Do we really need to preface every joke with our relation to the teller and as much info about them as possible?

>My 7 year old nephew told me this while we where out on a camping trip back in '94 when there was the great tractor meet and greet with the beetles

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A man calls his brother's home...

... and his little nephew Timmy answers the phone. The man says, "Can I talk to your daddy?"
Timmy says, "No, he's busy."
The man says, "Can I talk to your mommy?"
Timmy says, "No, she's busy too."
The man says, "Well is there anyone else at the house?"
Timmy says, "Yeah, the police."
The man becomes alarmed and says, "What's wrong? Can I talk to one of the policemen?"
Timmy says, "No, they're all busy."
The man gets frustrated and says, "Why is everyone so damn busy?"
Timmy lets out a hushed giggle and says, "They're looking for me!"

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Knock knock...(who's there?)

I-et-mahp


(told to me by my 10-year-old nephew last night)

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My nephew Leaf

I have a nephew named Leaf. seriously. His parent's are nature douches, and the kid is
totally a dick. I hate him. He lives on a farm and during one summer I had to babysit him and his pet goat.
He literally had a pet goat. The goat was pretty badass tho. Leaf would be out in the yard all day playing with
him and the goat was chill as fuck. He would chill with me on the couch and whatever. I remember when it was
time for me to go back home, I got the money from his parent's and said. "I hate to see you Leaf
. But I love watching you goat"

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Snoop Dogg's Sister Must Sure Get Around...

Because everyone he runs into is his nephew!

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So I was giving my nephew a bath...

He asked me uncle, why is my penis different than yours?" I answered because, yours isn't erect"

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The last joke my autistic nephew told me, before he died of brain cancer.

"Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side!"

I know it sounds stupid, but you clearly do not understand the grief I'm going through. Thanks, and please upvote.

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What is a six figure income?

9 year old Nephew:

Triangle??
No

Square??

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Yoga pants and Walmart

My nephew told me all women have nice butts in yoga pants, so I took him to walmart so he could see the error of his thoughts.

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I spent the night at my brother's place

and had to share a double bed with my little nephew. He was kneeling beside his bed when I entered the room, so to be a good Christian example I knelt down on my side of the bed and closed my eyes.

"What are you doing?" he asked curiously.

"Same as you," I replied.

"You'd better not," he said. "There's no potty on that side, and Mum will be really cross."

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Why did Mr. Rooster try to kill Mr. Peacock?

"Mr. Rooster is a dick! [2 secs of silence]Just kidding!... no, because colored eggs were found in Mrs. Hen's nest! hahahahaha, and actually, [1 sec of silence] Mr. Peacock is the DICK!"

--verbatim
--from my 7y.o nephew.
everything was blurted out rather quickly, sorry for the bad delivery.

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A boy and his grandpa

A 5 year old and his gramps are out fishing. The gramps pulls out his beer and his nephew asks, "hey grandpa, gimme a beer!"
The grandpa asks him, "can your dick touch your asshole?"
The boy says no.
"Then you're too young to drink booze"
The boy then pulls out his snack. Starts munching on cookies. The grandpa says," hey boy, gimme some cookies".
The boys asks, " Can your dick touch your asshole?"
"Sure can!"
The boy responds, "then go fuck yourself, these cookies are mine"

...sorry for improper formating and grammar errors. I'm on mobile at work.

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This is what I told my nephew when he said he wanted to be a videogame journalist when he grew up

The only thing worse than a job in video games or journalism is a job in videogame journalism

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Talking to my old man on the phone

Dad: Who was that coughing in the background?

Me : Oh, that was Denise.

Dad: Oh, da' niece? I thought it was da' nephew.


Buh dum tsssssssss

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Come here kid! [OC]

So my grandfather is a real funny guy. I was at my grandparents' place and my little nephew was playing on the floor. He slips and falls on his tiny bum and starts crying. My grandfather calls him and says '' hey kid come here ! ! let me get you on your feet.''

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Uncle Robert was talking to his nephew Jimmy

"Uncle Bobby, how did you become my uncle?"

"Well Jimmy, your parents went wham-bam and now Bob's your uncle."

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CONCLUSION

You've red some of the best nephew jokes of all time. We hope you had fun with this collection of 36 puns about nephew. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise your chidlren not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty nephew gags to your kids. So please respect and be a good joking daddy !

How do I make my girlfriend or boyfriend laugh? How do you make someone laugh? Well, this list of funny stories will make you cry in laughter just like dad jokes. Some of these nephew jokes are funny and some are hilarious. With this collection it's easy to be a joker. Have fun and dig deeper into our archive.

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