Nephew Jokes
104 nephew jokes and hilarious nephew puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about nephew that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Make your nephew's birthday or any family event unforgettable with these hilarious nephew jokes! From Uncle-Nephew to Aunt-Nephew, these humorous stories will have you and your son or daughter laughing out loud.
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Funniest Nephew Short Jokes
Short nephew jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The nephew humour may include short niece jokes also.
- From my 7yo Nephew, Why should you always bring toilet paper to gatherings? For all the party poopers!
- Why did the kid eat his homework? Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake.
-My 6 year old Nephew - You guys wanna hear a construction joke? ..... hold on I'm working on it.
(Brought to you by my 8 year old nephew) - My nephew is in the 'why' phase of his life as a 6 year old... and I told him 'Because it feels nice and you're an unreliable witness!'
- Two flies riding on a motorbike. One says to the other: Stop! Stop! A bug just flew into my eye.
- From my 3yr old nephew: Why do chickens sit on their eggs? Because they don't have chairs.
- My little nephew wanted to share a joke he was very proud of coming up with: Why did the hotdog get grounded? It was being a brat!
- From my 7 year old nephew: What's the difference between a cat and a frog? A cat has nine lives, but a frog croaks every night.
- BREAKING. With Disney buying Star Wars Donald Duck will now have four nephews. Huey, Louie, Dewey and Chewie.
- (A joke my 3 y/o nephew came up with) Kiddo: knock knock
Mom: who's there?
Kid: Daddy. Because I locked the door. *laughs hysterically*
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Nephew One Liners
Which nephew one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with nephew? I can suggest the ones about grandson and uncle.
- Also from my 7 year old nephew: What is it called when Olaf is crying? A meltdown.
- What do you call a cow that can't moo? A milk dud
- My 12 yr old nephew: What do you call a reptile that always starts drama? An instigator!
- What kind of bird fixes stuff? A repair-a-keet.
- Props to my 7 year old nephew for this one. What do you call a spicy pig? Peppa.
- Who's the male version of Denise? The nephew
- Why did Jesus's nieces and nephews hate his wife? Because she was the Aunty Christ.
- What is Bruce Jenner's nephew's favorite movie? Aunt Man
- My nephews hate my 'dad' jokes They say I'm very un-cool
- What do you call a dolphin in the woods? Dead.
My 4yo nephew just made this one up. - \ \ What did the clam say \ \ at his nephew's bar mitzvah? \ \ Mollusktov Shellhome! \ \
- Went to my nephew's football match the other day What a semi !
- Why wasn't Donald Duck's fourth nephew in any Disney cartoons? He had Down Syndrome
- My 6 yr old nephew asked me... what did the bee say to his wife? Oh honey!!!
- If my nephew was born in a colony does that make me his ant?
Niece Nephew Jokes
Here is a list of funny niece nephew jokes and even better niece nephew puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I'm gonna name my daughter Vaccine... That way she will have to explain to her nieces and nephews why she is Auntie Vax.
- Having a baby girl? You should name her Artica. It's awesome because all her nieces and nephews will have an Aunt Artica.
- October You will know how much your niece's and nephew's will love you when you ask for candies from their bag and they pick the good one or the bad one.
Nephew Birthday Jokes
Here is a list of funny nephew birthday jokes and even better nephew birthday puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My nephew wants to be an accountant, so for his birthday, I got him a big bag of receipts Not to worry if he doesn't like them, I've kept all the presents
- I couldn't decide whether to get my nephew a toy or a pet for his first birthday. Ended up buying him a rattlesnake.
- My nephew wanted an Xbox for his birthday but didn't get one and was very upset. He had to be consoled.
- Happy Birthday question from grandpa Hey nephew are you trying to overtake me?
Uncle Nephew Jokes
Here is a list of funny uncle nephew jokes and even better uncle nephew puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why cant the uncle touch his knees anymore? His father filed a restraining order after what he did to his nephew.
- Johnny's uncle has 3 nephews; Huey, Duey and... ..no, Johnny of course!
- My nephew has dyslexia And I'm not a bad uncle, but is so funny when my sister goes crazy every Christmas because he write a letter for "Satan".
Silly & Ridiculous Nephew Jokes to Spread Joy & Laughter
What funny jokes about nephew you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean elder brother jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make nephew pranks.
My 7 year old nephew showed me with pride the "telephone" he had just made from a string and two tin cans...
I pulled out my iPhone and said, "That's nice, but look at what kids your age make in China!"
What do you call an onion ring shaped like a bell?
An onion ding!
- Congratulations, my boy! - Says the uncle to the nephew who is getting married the next day.
- I'm sure a couple of years from now, you will remind of this day as the happiest day of your life!
- But I'm only getting married tomorrow - responds the nephew.
- Yeah - explains uncle - That is exactly what I meant!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call an incestuous nephew?
An aunt-eater.
I have an autistic nephew...
and I'm starting to think my dog is autistic as well because she also barks at the vacuum.
A joke my 4 year old nephew made up. (It makes no sense, but still made me laugh.)
If the three legged turtle crosses the road what color is the rabbit?
Green! Because Space Jam was a good movie.
My nephew is turning three next week,
but due to budget issues, we're not going to tell him.
Which woman has Jesus as a nephew?
The Auntie Christ.
Talking about planets with my nephew.
He asked if you could plow thru Uranus because it's all gas
I think I might be a genius!
My nephew has a 12 piece jigsaw puzzle that says 3-5 years on the box and I managed to complete it in just 7 hours!
My nephew got me with this one
He said "they've been together for 15 years." When I asked who, he said "DEEZ NUTSS"
My nephew hated working outside in landscaping, so I got him a job in the twin towers;
I don't know why he keeps complaining about it being an inside job
Came out to my parents at Christmas. Later that day my nephew asked to play hide and go seek.
Now I'm back in the closet.
Vincent Van Gogh's Relatives
His Obnoxious brother: Please Gogh.
His Dizzy aunt: Verti Gogh.
His prune-loving brother: Gotta Gogh.
His Convenience-Store-Owner cousin: Stop'n'Gogh
His Constipated uncle: Can't Gogh
The Ballroom dancer aunt: Tan Gogh
His Nephew psychoanalyst: E Gogh
His Fruit Loving cousin: Man Gogh
His sister who loves disco: Go Gogh
His bouncy little Nephew: Poe Gogh.
"Am I mentioned in the will?" the nephew asked anxiously.
"You certainly are" , replied the lawyer.
Right here in the third paragraph your uncle says:
To my niece Sarah I bequeath a hundred thousand dollars,
to my cousin Janice fifty thousand dollars,
and to my nephew Charles, who was always curious to know if he was mentioned in my will, I say "Hi, Charles"
What do you call a snail on a ship?
A snailor
(My nephew is watching Spongebob please send help my brain cells are leaving one by one)
Went to the local videogame shop to buy my nephew a decent fighting game for christmas...
Tried to find mortal kombat but they were all Tekken.
My nephew complained about hair in his food.
I told him that in my day that is how all fish tacos were served.
My nephew had a cellphone wedding...
The ceremony was great but the reception was terrible.
Ba dum tss
My newborn nephew entered the world with the innate ability to dance. They ran tests and found that he got the ability by being born with an extra chromosome. The doctors are calling it...
"Get down syndrome"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"I know what you have been s**... on"
My nephew has a habit of s**... his thumb, so i had a brilliant idea to make him stop. I told him people that s**... their thumbs become fat.
At the store yesterday however, we ran across a pregnant lady and he had the great idea to shout "I know what you have been s**... on" in the middle of the store.
My nephew was driving me crazy with his juvenile comebacks to everything I said, so I pushed him into the campfire.
Roasted!
Last week, I took a Dallas Cowboys jersey away from my 2-year-old nephew.
It was a choking hazard.
What's the first thing you do after waking up and the last thing you do before going to bed?
Nephew: Brushing your teeth!
Mom: oh honey that's not a joke.
Nephew: it is if you think that's what I do!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Joke from a 1920s Australian Newspaper
**Diplomacy**
Uncle to nephew playing a game of War with a companion: "If you take the fortress within a quarter of an hour, I'll give you a sixpence."
Youngster (a minute later): "Uncle, sixpence please, the fortress is taken."
Uncle: "How did you manage it so quickly?"
Youngster: "I offered the besieged threepence and he gave in."
Source: The Narracoote Herald, Friday 13, February 1920
Eclipse is when earth is between sun and moon, what is it called when sun is between earth and moon ?
Apocalypse
P.S . My 11 yr old nephew said this and I found it very funny
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a sick Darth Vader?
b**... Vader
-Courtesy of my 6 year old nephew.
I threw my back out playing with my nephew.
Didn't know you could do that playing peekaboo.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My d**... nephew puts on loads of deodorant and I have a hard time understanding him.
He has too strong of an axe scent.
I hurt my back today.
I was playing piggy back with my 6 year old nephew, and I fell off.
Q: Why did the window frame hurt?
A: It had window pains!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do dinosaurs need deodorant?
Because they're ex stincked.
Courteousy my five year old nephew, be nice.
Told my nephew the story of the grasshopper and the ant. The ant saved up for winter while the grasshopper didn't. I asked my nephew at the end of the story Me:What is the moral of the story?
Nephew: You should never live in a Fall's sense of security
My nephew was doing his history homework and asked me what I knew about Galileo?
I said, "He was a poor boy, from a poor family."
My nephew is at that age where he no longer wants to be held.
I guess turning 39 changed his attitude.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend rents out broken kites, no contracts or lease required.
No strings attached
Disclaimer: I know this joke is s**.... My 5 year old nephew did not tell me this.
I once dunked over someone so hard that they started to cry...
...my brother says I'm not allowed to see my nephew anymore
I asked my 7-year-old nephew today if they have Animal Crossing
He thought for a few seconds and responded " No, but we have deers crossing"
Oh, sure everyone loves Star Wars on May 4th...
Until you tell your nephew you're his father!
Nephew Joke Alert!
Him: Why don't cows talk?
Me: I don't know. Why?
Him: I don't know *hysterically laughs*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A r**... couple gets pregnant, what will they have?
Either a niece or a nephew.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So I was staying at my uncles...
SO THIS IS A REAL STORY
My nephew, mommy you're kind of fat.
My uncle, no she's not son she's just big b**....
My nephews expression immediately drops,
Daddy is she okay?
Yeah why wouldn't she be?
Why do her bones jiggle?
After his rich uncle's death, he was very anxious about his uncle fortune.
"Am I mentioned in the will?" he asked repeatedly.
"Of course you are," replied the solicitor.
Right here in the second page your uncle says:
"To my niece Sally, I bequeath $123,000; to my cousin Thomas, $55,000; and to my nephew Ricky, who was always asking too know if he's mentioned in my will, HELLO RICKY - I didn't forget to mention your name, did I?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The other day I dropped my baby nephew and my sister started freaking out
I understand that I should be more careful, but let's be honest, who the f*** brings a baby to the Grand Canyon?
A joke from my nephew... so please be kind.
How many types of witches are there? 3
A good witch, a bad witch, and a sandwich.
(My nephew is 24, and yes, we're all a little worried about him. He's not developmentally disabled or anything. He's just....?)
Why are cows such great coworkers?
Because they're out standing in their field.
My 8-year-old nephew said this joke today and he can't stop laughing. I thought you all would enjoy it.
(6yo nephew came to me and blurted) What does the cheese say to the other cheese passing by ?
Have a grate day.
What do you call a cheeseburger that's on the move?
A slider.
My 10 year old nephew came up with this one, I think he nailed it!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I bought my nephew a pair of airpods for his birthday.
The kid was so ungrateful, he didn't even say thank you. He just started throwing up gang signs at me.
I think he's fallen into a bad crowd ever since he went deaf.
The Don of the local Mafia's phone rang
It was his favorite nephew.
Uncle, the cops are closing in on me. I'm going to be arrested.
Thank you for telling me, said the Don, Be a good Sicilian don't talk until our lawyer gets there.
What if they beat me?
Don't worry, it's easy not to talk. Just sit on your hands.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
True story told by a friend: My nephew was gay and everyone knew it but he was slow coming out of the closet. One day, home from college, he was having breakfast and blurted out, "Mom - I'm gay."
She replied, "Does this mean that you sometimes put other men's p**... in your mouth?" Her son thought that this was an odd response but answered, "Yes." "Then I never want you to complain about my cooking again." (It was her hilarious way of saying that his orientation is not an issue for her.)
My nephew was genetically engineered to be like both frank sinatra and Albert Einstein.
He's a regular Frank Einstein.
Today, my 10 y/o nephew proudly showed me a model airplane he had built.
"Not too bad," I said, pulling out my iPhone. "But see what Chinese kids of your age can do."
It took a long time to teach my nephew that violence is never ever the answer.
I think I finally beat it into him.
"I don't like to send money via texts, so I need you to prove you're really my nephew. How many fingers am I holding up on my right hand?"
--This is a text, how should I know?
"I'm an amputee, and you'd know"
