Nephew Jokes

What are some Nephew jokes?

My 7 year old nephew showed me with pride the "telephone" he had just made from a string and two tin cans...

I pulled out my iPhone and said, "That's nice, but look at what kids your age make in China!"

My 7 year old nephew told this joke to my sister : what's the first thing you do after waking up and the last thing you do before going to bed?

Nephew: Brushing your teeth!

Mom: oh honey that's not a joke.

Nephew: it is if you think that's what I do!

I invited my girlfriend of 3 months to a party for my 13 year old nephew. She let out an audible "awww," told me how sweet I was and that my invitation meant the world to her.

Should've seen the look on her face when I told her it was a search party.

Why did the kid eat his homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake.
-My 6 year old Nephew

"Am I mentioned in the will?" the nephew asked anxiously.

"You certainly are" , replied the lawyer.

Right here in the third paragraph your uncle says:
To my niece Sarah I bequeath a hundred thousand dollars,
to my cousin Janice fifty thousand dollars,
and to my nephew Charles, who was always curious to know if he was mentioned in my will, I say "Hi, Charles"

You guys wanna hear a construction joke?

..... hold on I'm working on it.


(Brought to you by my 8 year old nephew)

My nephew is in the 'why' phase of his life as a 6 year old...

and I told him 'Because it feels nice and you're an unreliable witness!'

"I know what you have been sucking on"

My nephew has a habit of sucking his thumb, so i had a brilliant idea to make him stop. I told him people that suck their thumbs become fat.

At the store yesterday however, we ran across a pregnant lady and he had the great idea to shout "I know what you have been sucking on" in the middle of the store.

What do you call an incestuous nephew?

An aunt-eater.

My 12 yr old nephew: What do you call a reptile that always starts drama?

An instigator!

What do you call a cow that can't moo?

A milk dud



Credit to my 5 year old nephew

From my 3yr old nephew: Why do chickens sit on their eggs?

Because they don't have chairs.

An elderly woman is holding a funeral for her recently deceased husband

After the viewing, she discusses how kind and honest of a man her husband was, how she was so sad to see him go, and she bursts into tears.

Her nephew, after consoling his mourning aunt , asks May I say a word .

Through tears she says, Of course

He takes a moment and says Plethora .

His aunt, wiping her eyes, says Thank you, that means a lot.

Last week, I took a Dallas Cowboys jersey away from my 2-year-old nephew.

It was a choking hazard.

Why do dinosaurs need deodorant?

Because they're ex stincked.

Courteousy my five year old nephew, be nice.

Came out to my parents at Christmas. Later that day my nephew asked to play hide and go seek.

Now I'm back in the closet.

My nephew was doing his history homework and asked me what I knew about Galileo?

I said, "He was a poor boy, from a poor family."

A joke my 4 year old nephew made up. (It makes no sense, but still made me laugh.)

If the three legged turtle crosses the road what color is the rabbit?
Green! Because Space Jam was a good movie.

Who's the male version of Denise?

The nephew

Joke from a 1920s Australian Newspaper

**Diplomacy**

Uncle to nephew playing a game of War with a companion: "If you take the fortress within a quarter of an hour, I'll give you a sixpence."

Youngster (a minute later): "Uncle, sixpence please, the fortress is taken."

Uncle: "How did you manage it so quickly?"

Youngster: "I offered the besieged threepence and he gave in."

Source: The Narracoote Herald, Friday 13, February 1920

What do you call a sick Darth Vader?

Barf Vader

-Courtesy of my 6 year old nephew.

Talking about planets with my nephew.

He asked if you could Plow thru Uranus because it's all gas

Why is it a bad idea to give Elsa a balloon?

Because she'll "Let it go! Let it go!"

This joke was made up by my 5 year old nephew.

Eclipse is when earth is between sun and moon, what is it called when sun is between earth and moon ?

Apocalypse

P.S . My 11 yr old nephew said this and I found it very funny

Vincent Van Gogh's Relatives

His Obnoxious brother: Please Gogh.
His Dizzy aunt: Verti Gogh.
His prune-loving brother: Gotta Gogh.
His Convenience-Store-Owner cousin: Stop'n'Gogh
His Constipated uncle: Can't Gogh
The Ballroom dancer aunt: Tan Gogh
His Nephew psychoanalyst: E Gogh
His Fruit Loving cousin: Man Gogh
His sister who loves disco: Go Gogh
His bouncy little Nephew: Poe Gogh.

My nephew wants to be an accountant, so for his birthday, I got him a big bag of receipts

Not to worry if he doesn't like them, I've kept all the presents

A boy gets caught cheating on a test by his substitute teacher

"you are getting a zero".

the kid looks and the sub and says "You do know who I am, don't you"

"no, and I don't care. anyone who I catch cheating gets a zero."

"A zero?" the boy says. "I can't believe you don't know who I am." the boy says with a superior sounding voice
"You can't give ME a zero."


"I'll give you a zero, I don't care who you are. you could be the president's nephew, but you still get zero" the teacher yells.


"so you DON'T know who I AM?" the kid asks again

"no!" the exasperated substitute yells

"good" the kid says, and slips his test into the middle of the stack and walks away.

- Congratulations, my boy! - Says the uncle to the nephew who is getting married the next day.

- I'm sure a couple of years from now, you will remind of this day as the happiest day of your life!
- But I'm only getting married tomorrow - responds the nephew.
- Yeah - explains uncle - That is exactly what I meant!

Told my nephew the story of the grasshopper and the ant. The ant saved up for winter while the grasshopper didn't. I asked my nephew at the end of the story Me:What is the moral of the story?

Nephew: You should never live in a Fall's sense of security

My nephew got me with this one

He said "they've been together for 15 years." When I asked who, he said "DEEZ NUTSS"

I couldn't decide whether to get my nephew a toy or a pet for his first birthday.

Ended up buying him a rattlesnake.

My douchebag nephew puts on loads of deodorant and I have a hard time understanding him.

He has too strong of an axe scent.

My newborn nephew entered the world with the innate ability to dance. They ran tests and found that he got the ability by being born with an extra chromosome. The doctors are calling it...

"Get down syndrome"

Yo momma so ugly...

That even Bob the builder said he can't fix it.
Credit to my 8 year old nephew.

My nephew complained about hair in his food.

I told him that in my day that is how all fish tacos were served.

My nephew is turning three next week,

but due to budget issues, we're not going to tell him.

Why cant the uncle touch his knees anymore?

His father filed a restraining order after what he did to his nephew.

Courtesy of my five year old nephew

What do you call an onion ring shaped like a bell?


An onion ding!

What do you call a snail on a ship?

A snailor

(My nephew is watching Spongebob please send help my brain cells are leaving one by one)

Did you hear the one about the cannibal who passed his nephew in the jungle?

...

My 9 year old nephew told me he wished he could be like Batman.

So I killed my brother & his wife & tossed my my nephew into a pit filled with bats.

What do you call a bra?

A boobie trap. Thanks 3rd grade nephew.

My nephew was driving me crazy with his juvenile comebacks to everything I said, so I pushed him into the campfire.

Roasted!

Courtesy of my nephew... what music do planets listen to?

Neptoons

My nephew is at that age where he no longer wants to be held.

I guess turning 39 changed his attitude.

Why wasn't Donald Duck's fourth nephew in any Disney cartoons?

He had Down Syndrome

I have an autistic nephew...

and I'm starting to think my dog is autistic as well because she also barks at the vacuum.

Went to the local videogame shop to buy my nephew a decent fighting game for christmas...

Tried to find mortal kombat but they were all Tekken.

If my nephew was born in a colony

does that make me his ant?

Which woman has Jesus as a nephew?

The Auntie Christ.

My nephew hated working outside in landscaping, so I got him a job in the twin towers;

I don't know why he keeps complaining about it being an inside job

I threw my back out playing with my nephew.

Didn't know you could do that playing peekaboo.

How to make Nephew jokes?

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