Nelson Jokes
51 nelson jokes and hilarious nelson puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about nelson that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Check out this collection of humorous one-liners featuring some of the most influential figures in history - Lord Nelson, Jackson, Mandela, and more! Laugh away your worries and share a smile with your friends with these classic Nelson Jokes!
Quick Jump To
Funniest Nelson Short Jokes
Short nelson jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The nelson humour may include short napoleon jokes also.
- bill Clinton tried to cheer up Hillary this morning. He reminded her that Nelson Mandela wasn't elected President until after he had served 27 years in prison.
- There is still hope for for Hillary Clinton Nelson Mandela became President after 27 years in prison.
- Comedian Lee Nelson threw money at Sepp Blatter at a FIFA conference as a protest. It backfired as he now has to host the 2026 World Cup in his back garden.
- How did Nelson Mandela do laundry while in prison? He used one part water, a part corn starch, and a part Tide.
- What is the difference between Donald Trump and Nelson Mandela? Mandela went to jail before becoming President.
Share These Nelson Jokes With Friends
Nelson One Liners
Which nelson one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with nelson? I can suggest the ones about martin and newton.
- Lord Nelson was 5ft 6 inches. His statue is 17ft 4 inches. That's Horatio of 3:1.
- Where do South Africans buy their pastrami and salami? At the Nelson Mandeli.
- Both Nelson Mandela and Paul Walker Died at 95
- Which unit describes the intensity of light in South Africa? Nelson Candela
- What's black and slides down Nelson's column? Winnie Mandela.
- What is Nelson Mandela's favorite snack? Apartheid pods
- What do you call a Hindu South African? Nelson Mandala.
- I made sand art of the Battle of Trafalgar It's a Nelson Mandala
- A feminist problem Why Nelson Mandela ? Why not Neldaughter Womandela ?
- What did Lord Nelson say to his shipmates before they got on the ship? Get on the ship
- What is the South African base unit for luminous intensity? Nelson Candela
- So I heard that the leader of the Monkees died recently... R.I.P. Nelson Mandela
- I guess w**... Nelson died He was hit by a truck. He was playing on the road again.
- What gets higher with age? w**... Nelson
- What's worse than giving w**... Nelson a b**...? Finding out it's not w**... Nelson
Hilarious Fun Nelson Jokes to Bring Joy & Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about nelson you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean noel jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make nelson pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the worst thing you can hear while s**... off w**... Nelson?
*"I'm not w**... Nelson".*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear the one about the dad who told his son that if he didn't stop m**... he would go blind?
The son said, "Dad! I'm over here!"
(w**... Nelson gets credit for this one, and you absolutely give a man like w**... credit.)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The minute the great man dies, cryogenics should be employed until a cure is found for old age and chest problems...
Freeze Nelson Mandela!
Nelson and Deepak, both engineering students, happen to be close friends.
One day, while sitting in a coffee shop, Deepak asks Nelson, "How's it going with your girlfriend?"
Nelson: Ooh, I forgot to tell you, she came to my house yesterday.
Deepak: What happened?
Nelson: Well, I put on some music, and we danced.
Deepak: Then what happened?
Nelson: As we were dancing, we kissed.
Deepak: And? Keep going.
Nelson: I picked her up in my arms and sat her on the table next to my new laptop.
Deepak: You got a new laptop?
Nelson: Yeah, just last week. My parents got it for me.
Deepak: Wow! What configuration?
Nelson: 750 GigaByte drive, 6 Gigs of RAM, 3 GHz processor...
Deepak: HDMI port?
Nelson: Oh yeah.
Deepak: Blu-ray burner?
Nelson: You know it.
Deepak: Awesome man!
Nelson Mandela...
Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer when he hears a knock at the door. When he opens it, he is confronted by a Japanese man, clutching a clipboard and yelling, "You Sign! You sign!" Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts.
Nelson is standing there in complete amazement, when the Japanese man starts to yell louder: "You sign! You sign!"
Nelson says to him, "Look, you've obviously got the wrong man", and shuts the door.
The next day he hears a knock at the door again. When he opens it, the Japanese is back with a huge truck of brake pads. He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson's nose, yelling, "You sign! You sign!"
Mr. Mandela is getting a bit hacked off by now, so he pushes the Japanese man back, shouting: "Look, go away! You've got the wrong man! I don't want them!" Then he slams the door in his face again.
The following day, Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon, he hears a knock on the door again. On opening it, there is the same Japanese thrusting a clipboard under his nose, shouting, "You sign! You sign!"
Behind him are TWO very large trucks full of car parts. This time Nelson loses his temper completely, he picks up the man by his shirt and yells at him; "Look, I don't want these! Do you understand? You must have the wrong name! Who do you want to give these to?
The little Japanese man looks at him very puzzled, consults his clipboard and says...
"You not Nissan Main Dealer?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the sign language translator at Nelson Mandela's f**...?
Neither did his audience.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear beloved singer songwriter w**... Nelson died today?
He was playing on the road again.
Nelson Mandela
Nelson Mandela went on holiday, and booked into a hotel. After his first day he went to bed, however he was awoken in the morning by someone knocking at his door. The man at the door said "Are you Nelson Mandela?"
"Yes" He replied
"Well, I've got a parcel for you" The man replied
He was very confused by this, as no one even knew he was staying there. When he opened it, there was a bunch of steering wheels inside, which was even more strange as he couldn't drive.
He got on with the rest of his day, and yet again he was woken in the morning by the same man. This time the parcel was full of carburetors, he had no idea what was going on.
On the third morning, the man arrived again. "Got another parcel for you" He said
"Are you sure these are for me?"
"Yep, got your name on it right here" He said
Nelson had a look for himself "That's not my name" He exclaimed "This says to Nissan Main Dealer"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Wrestling demonstration.
This is a visual joke to be told with a friend to another or a group.
First. Put your friend in a Half Nelson hold and ask the others to identify the hold. If they can fine. If they can't you or your partner identifies the hold as a Half Nelson.
Second. Put your friend in a Full Nelson hold and ask the others: What is this hold called? Either someone identifies the Full Nelson hold or you explain that it is called the Full Nelson.
Third. While still holding your friend in the Full Nelson hold, start h**... him and ask the others to now identify that kind of wrestling hold. You then identify the hold as the Father Nelson.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What are the four words that you least want to hear, after having blown w**... Nelson?
"I'm not w**... Nelson."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Went hunting with w**... Nelson and we each got a turkey.
Now that's what I call killing 2 birds with one s**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What was the name of the woman who was having s**... with Nelson Rockefeller when he died?
I don't know, but she wasn't Happy.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How is w**... Nelson like Spider-Man?
They both love mary jane
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
w**... Nelson is doing a concert for Beto O'Rourke
Some fans are burning their m**... in protest.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Reports: w**... Nelson dead at the age of 85.
Officials say he was playing on the road again.
Ricky Nelson would be proud
I had a dream the other night. I was at an Italian restaurant, as I was walking in unnoticed Lou Abbot and Mary Tyler Moore waiting to be seated and Corey Hart was leaving having already ate. I made a gesture and said Hello Mary, Lou, and goodbye Hart.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
w**... Nelson has been hospitalized after being struck by a car today.
He was playing on the road again.
