The Best 68 Neil Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Neil jokes. There are some neil mineshaft jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these neil neil hamburger puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Neil Jokes and Puns

RIP Neil Armstrong

When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous "One small step for man; one giant leap for mankind" statement, but followed it by several remarks, including the usual COM traffic between him, the other astronauts, and Mission Control. Before he re-entered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky."

Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, [they found] there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs.

Over the years, many people have questioned him as to what the "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky" statement meant. On July 5, in Tampa Bay, FL, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26- year-old question to Armstrong. He finally responded. It seems that Mr. Gorsky had died and so Armstrong felt he could answer the question. When he was a kid, Neil was playing baseball with his brother in the backyard. His brother hit a fly ball which landed in front of his neighbors' bedroom window. The neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, he heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky, "Oral sex? Oral sex you want? You'll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!"

What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Whitney Houston?

The rock Neil was on made him famous, the rock she was on made her dead.

First Michael Jackson, and now Neil Armstrong....

The world is running out of moonwalkers

Neil joke, First Michael Jackson, and now Neil Armstrong....

Kanye West shows up at Neil Armstrong's memorial service...

and says "Imma let you finish, but Micheal Jackson had one of the best moon walks of ALL TIME"

I was born Mary Patterson...

but then I married and, naturally, I took my husbands name. So now I'm Neil Patterson.

From "A Bit of Fry and Laurie"


neil diamond........

Singer Neil Diamond started his career as Neil Coal, he changed his name when the pressure got to him.

A virus walks into a bar...

A virus walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, I don't serve viruses".
The virus turns him into the kind of bartender that does.

(Heard from Neil DeGrasse Tyson on his star talk show)

Neil joke, A virus walks into a bar...

How can we be sure the government wasn't involved in the Kennedy assassination?

Well he's dead, isn't he?

(Adapted from Neil Gaiman's *American Gods*)

What would you call Neil Armstrong had he burnt up in the atmosphere returning to earth instead of landing safely?

An unfortu-naut...
God that was horrible....

I was the second person on the moon.

Neil Before me!

How does Neil Armstrong say he is sorry?

He Apollogizes.

You can explore neil dave reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean neil david dad jokes. There are also neil puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What do you call a man with no feet?

Neil.

Why shouldn't you be concerned when your dog slobbers on your Neil Degrasse Tyson poster?

Because pet drool can't melt Neil memes.

Doogie Houser isn't getting shorter when he gets a haircut

Neil Patrick hair is

What Do you Call Neil Degrasse Tyson when he pours champagne on his bare chest?

**An astro-fizzy-tits**

What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?

Neil Armstrong *walked on the moon* but Michael Jackson was a *pedophile.*

Neil joke, What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?

Man on the moon

Buzz Aldrin's best pick-up line: 'Hey, I was the second man on the moon. Neil before me.'

What does Neil Degrasse Tyson say to pickup a lady?

"Hey, would you like to get astro physical with my dark matter?"

What would you get if Geddy Lee, Neil Peart and Alex Lifeson all died in a plane crash?

Take your time, there's no Rush...


Neil Armstrong

Neil Armstrong used to tell really bad jokes about walking on the Moon. Nobody would laugh, but then immediately after Neil would follow up with, "Ah well, I guess you had to be there."

Did you know Neil deGrasse Tyson has a relative who lives in New Orleans?

His name is Marr deGrasse Tyson.

Neil Armstrong would go to parties, tell anecdotes about when he was on the moon, then laugh hysterically at his story, though no one else would understand what was so funny...

So he'd add 'well I guess you had to be there.'

How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Four. One to screw in the light bulb and three to talk about how Neil Peart could've done it better.

What does Neil Patrick Harris call his toilet?

His Dookie Houser

A photon checks into a hotel..

The bellhop says: "Can I get your bags?"

The photon says: "that's ok, I'm traveling light"

- I heard Neil DeGrasse Tyson tell this joke with pure giddiness

Neil Degrasse Tyson and Mike Tyson have something common...

I don't understand what either one is saying, but I know I'll end up seeing stars.

Can you name a grateful astronomer?

How about Neil Degracias Tyson?

Why is Neil Degrasse Tyson such a famous physicist?...

On the day he was born he escaped a black hole...... and then he spent his life studying them.

Why did Neil Armstrong get to set foot on the moon before Buzz Aldrin?

They wrestled over it. Neil had the stronger arm.

Buzz Aldrin was the second man to step foot on the moon.

Neil before him. Neil.

Why is it always so hot at Grateful Dead shows?

Because their fans don't work.

(Credit to Neil Hamburger)

Who are your favorite actors of all time?

Mine are Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin

Neil DeGrasse Tyson is finally coming to give a lecture in my University.

It's about time.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong?

Neil Armstrong walked across the moon. Micheal Jackson touches little boys

Whats the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson ?

Neil Armstrong walked ON the Moon and Michael Jackson had sex with kids.

What do you call a guy with no shins?

...Neil

Neil Armstrong used to tell really bad jokes about walking on the Moon.

When nobody laughed he would follow with, "Ah well. I guess you had to be there."

Which famous astrophysicist used to play sports?

Neil Lacrosse Tyson

What does a farmer, a pimp, and a bluegrass band all have in common?

They all know how to throw a hoe down.

(Disclaimer: I was exchanging dadjokes with our server at Krueger's in Cincinnati. He wrote this joke. Neil, if you're out there..cheers!)

Neil Patrick Harris and Elton John are so much alike...

I can never get them straight.

What did Neil Armstrong do after getting caught harrassing a woman?

He apollogised

Neil arms weak

Neil joins gym
Neil does chin ups
Neil Armstrong

Neil Degrasse is so in phase with planet earth, when he walks in a field...

The grass kneel

Just boughtο»Ώο»Ώο»Ώ a Volvo from Neil Diamond on eBay.....

Swede car onlineο»Ώο»Ώ

What did Neil Armstrong say when people didn't laugh at his moon jokes?

I guess you had to be there

America cheated going to the moon

Did you know Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin cheated going to the moon?

They took a buzz cut.

As we were driving down the road, "Sweet Caroline" came on the radio. I said to my son, "Little known fact, Neil Diamond used to be called Neil Coal."

"Until the pressure got to him."

Do you know who had the second step on the moon ? It was

NEIL ARMSTRONG

He had two legs.

Why did Neil took a small step

Because he was Armstrong not legstrong

I have a now famous relative

I have a now famous relative named Neil Coal who works in music. Back in 2003 he was under pressure to release his first album.

You might know him as Niel Diamond.

I bought a volvo from Neil Diamond on eBay...

Swede car online!

I bought a used Volvo from Neil Diamond on Autotrader....

Swede car online.

What do you call it when Neil Buchanan assaults a sex worker?

Tart Attack.

(One for those UK readers out there)

I always listen to Neil Diamond during the holidays.

He's got sweet carol lines.

The opposite of Neil Gaiman...

Is Stand StraightWoman

I'm Buzz Aldrin, the second person to walk on the moon.

Neil before me!

Rumor has it that Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin decided to team up with NASA to fake the moon landing together, but to make it look as realistic as possible, they urged NASA to film on location.

Compliments of Neil De Grasse Tyson

If you apply enough heat and pressure to Kid Rock...

he turns into Neil Diamond.

I am Buzz Aldrin, the second man to step on the moon.

Neil before me.

Did you know Neil deGrasse Tyson has a son who owns a lawn trimming company?

His name is Moe deGrasse Tyson

Neil Armstrong used to enjoy telling unfunny jokes about the moon.



When nobody laughed he paused and said, "I guess you had to be there."

Buzz Aldrin is a man who demands respect. I saw him speak a while ago and he said I'm the second guy to walk on the moon...

Neil before me

The Superman 2 movie and a documentary about the Moon Landing had accidently been scheduled at the same time for the Lunar Background part of the movie lot. They argued about who should get to use it first, but then they remembered:

Neil before Zod.

Did you know that Neil Diamond used to be known as Neil Coal?

That was until the pressure got to him.

What do you call An Astronaut that goes to the gym ?

Neil *ArmStrong*

What do you call Neil deGrasse Tyson with no shirt on pouring champagne all over himself?

An astrofizzytits

What do you call a man who is about to be knighted?

Neil

What do you call a one legged man?

Neil

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the neil denis jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working neil neil diamond piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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