Neil Jokes
105 neil jokes and hilarious neil puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about neil that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you looking for a good laugh? Check out this article for some of the best Neil jokes from Neil Hamburger, Neil Tobin Cavan, Neil Parrish, Allan Soar, and Dave. Get ready to roll in the aisles!
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Funniest Neil Short Jokes
Short neil jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The neil humour may include short pressure jokes also.
- What did Neil Armstrong say when no one laughed at his moon jokes? I guess you had to be there.
- Neil Armstrong used to tell really bad jokes about walking on the Moon. When nobody laughed he would follow with, "Ah well. I guess you had to be there."
- Neil Degrasse Tyson and mike tyson have something common... I don't understand what either one is saying, but I know I'll end up seeing stars.
- I used to date a girl who was missing a shin.
Her name was eileen. She had a brother who was missing both shins. His name was Neil. - Kanye West shows up at Neil Armstrong's memorial service... and says "Imma let you finish, but Micheal Jackson had one of the best moon walks of ALL TIME"
- Buzz Aldrin is a man who demands respect. I saw him speak a while ago and he said I'm the second guy to walk on the moon... Neil before me
- neil diamond........ Singer Neil Diamond started his career as Neil coal, he changed his name when the pressure got to him.
- Neil DeGrasse Tyson is finally coming to give a lecture in my University. It's about time.
- Why is Neil Degrasse Tyson such a famous physicist?... On the day he was born he escaped a black hole...... and then he spent his life studying them.
- What does Neil Degrasse Tyson say to pickup a lady? "Hey, would you like to get astro physical with my dark matter?"
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Neil One Liners
Which neil one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with neil? I can suggest the ones about and .
- I am Buzz Aldrin, the second man to step on the moon. Neil before me.
- Buzz Aldrin was the second man to step foot on the moon. Neil before him. Neil.
- I'm Buzz Aldrin, the second person to walk on the moon. Neil before me!
- I bought a volvo from Neil Diamond on eBay... Swede car online!
- What do you call a man who is about to be knighted? Neil
- If you apply enough heat and pressure to Kid Rock... he turns into Neil Diamond.
- I bought a used Volvo from Neil Diamond on Autotrader.... Swede car online.
- I always listen to Neil Diamond during the holidays. He's got sweet carol lines.
- Just bought a Volvo from Neil Diamond on eBay..... Swede car online
- The opposite of Neil Gaiman... Is Stand StraightWoman
- I was the second person on the moon. Neil Before me!
- Neil Patrick Harris and Elton John are so much alike... I can never get them straight.
- Neil arms weak Neil joins gym
Neil does chin ups
Neil Armstrong - What do you call a guy with no shins? ...Neil
- What do you call a one legged man? Neil
Neil Armstrong Jokes
Here is a list of funny neil armstrong jokes and even better neil armstrong puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Neil Armstrong used to enjoy telling unfunny jokes about the moon.
When nobody laughed he paused and said, "I guess you had to be there." - What did Neil Armstrong say when people didn't laugh at his moon jokes? I guess you had to be there
- What would you call Neil Armstrong had he burnt up in the atmosphere returning to earth instead of landing safely? An unfortu-naut...
God that was horrible.... - Buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong are telling bad moon jokes at a party, and nobody is laughing. Buzz sighs, "I guess you had to be there"
- What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Whitney Houston? The rock Neil was on made him famous, the rock she was on made her dead.
- What do you call An Astronaut that goes to the gym ? Neil *ArmStrong*
- Why did Neil took a small step Because he was Armstrong not legstrong
- What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong? Neil Armstrong walked across the moon. Micheal Jackson touches little boys
- Do you know who had the second step on the moon ? It was NEIL ARMSTRONG
He had two legs. - What did Neil Armstrong do after getting caught harrassing a woman? He apollogised
Neil Diamond Jokes
Here is a list of funny neil diamond jokes and even better neil diamond puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you know that Neil Diamond used to be known as Neil Coal? That was until the pressure got to him.
- I have a now famous relative I have a now famous relative named Neil Coal who works in music. Back in 2003 he was under pressure to release his first album.
You might know him as Niel Diamond. - As we were driving down the road, "Sweet Caroline" came on the radio. I said to my son, "Little known fact, Neil Diamond used to be called Neil Coal." "Until the pressure got to him."
- Why is Neil Diamond always late to Zoom meetings? He's forever in BlueJeans, yeah!
Neil Patrick Jokes
Here is a list of funny neil patrick jokes and even better neil patrick puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Doogie Houser isn't getting shorter when he gets a haircut Neil Patrick hair is
- Just in: Neil Patrick Harris is starring in a new afro-american sitcom! How I met yo mama
- Boy that Neil Patrick Harris is a real, man's man.
- What does Neil Patrick Harris call his toilet? His d**... Houser
Neil Peart Jokes
Here is a list of funny neil peart jokes and even better neil peart puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Four. One to screw in the light bulb and three to talk about how Neil Peart could've done it better.
- What would you get if Geddy Lee, Neil Peart and Alex Lifeson all died in a plane c**...? Take your time, there's no Rush...
Neil Hamburger Jokes
Here is a list of funny neil hamburger jokes and even better neil hamburger puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why is it always so hot at Grateful Dead shows? Because their fans don't work.
(Credit to Neil Hamburger)
Fun-Filled Neil Jokes to Boost Your Mood
What funny jokes about neil you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make neil pranks.
RIP Neil Armstrong
When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous "One small step for man; one giant leap for mankind" statement, but followed it by several remarks, including the usual COM traffic between him, the other astronauts, and Mission Control. Before he re-entered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky."
Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, [they found] there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs.
Over the years, many people have questioned him as to what the "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky" statement meant. On July 5, in Tampa Bay, FL, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26- year-old question to Armstrong. He finally responded. It seems that Mr. Gorsky had died and so Armstrong felt he could answer the question. When he was a kid, Neil was playing baseball with his brother in the backyard. His brother hit a fly ball which landed in front of his neighbors' bedroom window. The neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, he heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky, "o**... s**...? o**... s**... you want? You'll get o**... s**... when the kid next door walks on the moon!"
First Michael Jackson, and now Neil Armstrong....
The world is running out of moonwalkers
I was born Mary Patterson...
but then I married and, naturally, I took my husbands name. So now I'm Neil Patterson.
From "A Bit of Fry and Laurie"
A virus walks into a bar...
A virus walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, I don't serve viruses".
The virus turns him into the kind of bartender that does.
(Heard from Neil DeGrasse Tyson on his star talk show)
How can we be sure the government wasn't involved in the kennedy assassination?
Well he's dead, isn't he?
(Adapted from Neil Gaiman's *American Gods*)
How does Neil Armstrong say he is sorry?
He Apollogizes.
Why shouldn't you be concerned when your dog slobbers on your Neil Degrasse Tyson poster?
Because pet drool can't melt Neil memes.
What Do you Call Neil Degrasse Tyson when he pours champagne on his bare chest?
**An astro-fizzy-t**...**
Man on the moon
Buzz Aldrin's best pick-up line: 'Hey, I was the second man on the moon. Neil before me.'
Neil Armstrong
Neil Armstrong used to tell really bad jokes about walking on the Moon. Nobody would laugh, but then immediately after Neil would follow up with, "Ah well, I guess you had to be there."
Did you know Neil deGrasse Tyson has a relative who lives in New Orleans?
His name is Marr deGrasse Tyson.
Neil Armstrong would go to parties, tell anecdotes about when he was on the moon, then laugh hysterically at his story, though no one else would understand what was so funny...
So he'd add 'well I guess you had to be there.'
A photon checks into a hotel..
The bellhop says: "Can I get your bags?"
The photon says: "that's ok, I'm traveling light"
- I heard Neil DeGrasse Tyson tell this joke with pure giddiness
Can you name a grateful astronomer?
How about Neil Degracias Tyson?
Why did Neil Armstrong get to set foot on the moon before Buzz Aldrin?
They wrestled over it. Neil had the stronger arm.
Who are your favorite actors of all time?
Mine are Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin
Whats the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson ?
Neil Armstrong walked ON the Moon and michael jackson had s**... with kids.
Which famous astrophysicist used to play sports?
Neil lacrosse Tyson
What does a farmer, a p**..., and a bluegrass band all have in common?
They all know how to throw a h**... down.
(Disclaimer: I was exchanging dadjokes with our server at Krueger's in Cincinnati. He wrote this joke. Neil, if you're out there..cheers!)
America cheated going to the moon
Did you know Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin cheated going to the moon?
They took a buzz cut.
What do you call it when Neil Buchanan assaults a s**... worker?
Tart Attack.
(One for those UK readers out there)
Rumor has it that Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin decided to team up with NASA to fake the moon landing together, but to make it look as realistic as possible, they urged NASA to film on location.
Compliments of Neil De Grasse Tyson
Did you know Neil deGrasse Tyson has a son who owns a lawn trimming company?
His name is Moe deGrasse Tyson
The Superman 2 movie and a documentary about the Moon Landing had accidently been scheduled at the same time for the Lunar Background part of the movie lot. They argued about who should get to use it first, but then they remembered:
Neil before Zod.
What do you call Neil deGrasse Tyson with no shirt on pouring champagne all over himself?
An astrofizzytits
Three pieces of string walk into a bar.
String 1 asks for a drink for himself and one for each of his friends.
The barman says, 'We don't serve pieces of string here.'
So, string 1 goes back to his friends and says, 'They don't serve strings here'.
Then string 2 tries but gets the same result.
So string 3 gets up, ties himself around the middle, and he pulls his ends out. And he proceeds to order drinks.
The barman says, 'here, aren't you one of those pieces of string?'
And the piece of string, he says, 'No, 'I'm a frayed knot.'
From ***Neverwhere*** by Neil Gaiman
Here's 2 jokes: What do you call a woman with 1 arm and 1 leg?
Eileen
What do you call a man with no shins?
Neil
