Neighbourhood Jokes
58 neighbourhood jokes and hilarious neighbourhood puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about neighbourhood that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article explores how neighbourhood watch groups can have a great time bonding with one another by sharing neighbourhood-related jokes. Learn more about the hilarity of engaging in a never-ending string of puns about lawn care, flags, and downtown areas.
Funniest Neighbourhood Short Jokes
Short neighbourhood jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The neighbourhood humour may include short neighborhood jokes also.
- What's does a black man have in common with a tornado? It only takes one to ruin a good neighbourhood
- My Roomba accidentally went out the front door, and the neighbourhood animals immediately started attacking it. Nature abhors a vacuum.
- A robot went on a crime spree in our neighbourhood right before it ran out of battery. The cops are refusing to charge the perpetrator.
- Our neighbourhood barber got arrested for selling drugs after we had been his customer for 5 years. We had no idea he was a barber
- My neighbourhood barber just got arrested for selling drugs. I've been a customer for 6 years. I never knew he was a barber.
- Did you hear about the new LEGO store in the neighbourhood? Folks are lining up for blocks!
- I don't mind being back on my meds... I just think it's sad that at the same time all the dogs in the neighbourhood stopped talking to me.
- A barber in my neighbourhood got arrested for selling drugs I was shocked, never knew he was a barber too.
- What's a horse's house called? A stable. What is a group of stables called? A *neigh*bourhood
- Is there really racial inequality in America? Because in my neighbourhood as a kid, EVERY time a white kid got a new bike, a black kid got a new bike.
Share These Neighbourhood Jokes With Friends
Neighbourhood One Liners
Which neighbourhood one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with neighbourhood? I can suggest the ones about neighborhood watch and door neighbor.
- What do you call a rough Italian neighbourhood? A spaghetto
- Where do horses like to hang out? In the neigh-bourhood.
- How are a black man and a tornado similar It only takes one to ruin a good neighbourhood
- I think the dwarf in my neighbourhood admires me... He always looks up to me.
- What do you call a neighbourhood full of idle novelists? Writer's block.
- What do you call the bad neighbourhoods in Italy? Spaghettos
- How do you know if your neighbourhood is french? The landlord is missing
- I'm the undefeated champion of water fights in my neighbourhood. Nothing beats the kettle
- What do you call a residential area for horse lovers? A neighbourhood.
- I wouldn't say my neighbourhood's been gentrified But it's been demilitarised
Heartwarming Neighbourhood Jokes that Make You Laugh
What funny jokes about neighbourhood you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean good neighbor jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make neighbourhood pranks.
So I went to ask about some yoga classes in my neighbourhood as it's my first time. The instructor asked me if I was flexible...
... I said "I can't do Tuesdays."
Safe Neighbourhood
Now that my wife and I have a child we want to ensure that we live somewhere with excellent emergency services.
Turns out we're already in a great spot; there's firetrucks and constables everywhere!
Mother superior is doing the orientation ...
of the new nun. The neighbourhood is rough and so she thought she would put some hypotheticals. "What would you do if you were walking alone at night and got cornered by a man on who demanded to have s**... with you?"
"Well, I would ask him to drop his pants." replied the new nun coolly
Flabbergasted the Mother pressed "And what then?"
"Well, then I would hike up my habit above my knees." replied the nun, still calm.
Aghast at this the Mother could not but ask "And what then?"
"Well, I would start running. I can run a lot faster with my habit hiked up than the man whose trousers are at his ankles."
My neighbour was about to lose his house.
So i decided to organise a neighbourhood wide charity o**... to help him.
It was truly awe inspiring to see the whole neighbourhood come together like that.
An pakistani in the US fears for his safety
Email note from Abdul in Washington to his friend Ahmed in Pittsburgh:
I was fed up with being burgled every other day in my neighbourhood.
So, I tore out my alarm system & de-registered from our local Neighbourhood Watch.
I've planted a Pakistani flag in each corner of my front garden and a large Black Flag of ISIS in the centre. I grew a beard and only wear turbans in my freetime.
Now, the Washington Police, the FBI, the National Security Agency, Scotland Yard, MI-5, MI-6, the CIA and every other intelligence service in the world are all watching my house 24x7x365.
My children are followed to school every day and my wife when she goes shopping. I'm followed to and from work every day. So no one bothers me at all.
I have never felt safer.
I heard there was a p**... roaming my neighbourhood.
I don't know who it could be, nearly all of my neighbours are s**... little kids...
Ive seen this place, filled with hills and green grass, people party and eat and just chill out. They live for hundreds of years in peace. Virtually no crime. sunshine most days, nice families, quaint neighbourhood...
anyone else notice there are no black hobbits in the shire?
I'm living in a rough neighbourhood...
Some t**... tore the front and back pages of my dictionary out!
It just goes from Bad to Worse
What does a suburban neighbourhood do if there's a b**...?
They lock their doors and windows.
I am visiting my old neighbourhood, where many of the cognitive scientists lived...
I will be going down the memory lane.
All of the people in my neighbourhood often come together to shake our knees suggestively...
We call it the Local Area Knee-twerk
TIFU by plugging in the wrong speaker into my computer, causing a b**... in my neighbourhood
Whoops, wrong sub
A planet is a celestial body that is in orbit around a star, has sufficient gravity to make itself round and has cleared the neighbourhood around its orbit.
That's why Pluto isn't a planet but your mum is.
Wow a lot of police in my neighbourhood tonight...
Apparently, the barber got arrested. He was dealing in drugs and running an e**... service. Crazy how you think that you know someone, have been customer for years! Never knew he was a barber too...
When I was a kid my mother always told me, "If you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all."
Conversely all the people in my neighbourhood used to say, "Boy that Charles kid, he sure is a man of few words!"
What did the hipster say when a Starbucks opened in his neighbourhood?
You can't gentrify this place! I just moved here!
How does uranium iodide introduce itself to ex-criminals in the neighbourhood?
I got Is on U.
The price of real estate in my neighbourhood has become so expensive only cats can afford it.
You need 9 lives to pay it off.
Ps - should this be in /showerthoughts?
Jacob was at his neighbourhood community swimming pool.
Lifeguard: Jacob! Stop Peeing in the pool!
Jacob: But everyone does it!?
Lifeguard: Yes, but not when on the DIVING BOARD.
An Irishman is going door to door in a suburban neighbourhood looking for work
He knocks on a ladies door and she asks him if he will paint her porch. Two hours later he knocks on her door and tells her that he's finished the job. She says "it doesn't look like you painted it" he replies " oh I painted the whole thing but I got to tell you lady it's not a porch it's a BMW"
My local neighbourhood committee leader lost his position recently
Needless to say he was dis-appointed
Until this crisis is over im going to stick to m**... just before 8pm on Thursday evenings
The neighbourhood applauding me as I finish is just the confident booster I need
My friends garage
I was speaking to my friend the other day about the fact he leaves his garage full of stuff completely open all the time and if he was worried about anything getting stolen.
I said to him, "You either have a massive pair of b**..., or nothing worth stealing"
He ranted about how safe his neighbourhood is and what not, anyway, in other news, I got a desk, some tins of paint and a pinball machine all for free today.
A Blonde woman moves into a brand new neighbourhood,
The following evening her house catches fire and starts burning quickly, she quickly calls emergency services and gets put through to the fire department,
Blonde: Hello my house is burning down, you must come quickly.
Fire Chief: Ok no problem tell us where you live.
Blonde: It's a new house outside of town, on a new development.
Fire Chief: we don't seem to have your address on our systems, tell us how to get there.
Blonde: Hellllloooooooooo in your fkn red truck !
I got a friend who is a demolition expert. One day, I made a bet with him, a dollar that he couldnt raze the whole neighbourhood
No matter who wins, its still four quarters gone
A rabbi and a priest are discussing their dreams
"I dreamt of the jewish heaven the other night" says the priest "It was horrible, a slum overflowing with people! It was chaos, I tell you, all the people talking and walking around! And making so much noise... Thank God I woke up from that nightmare!"
"Interesting" says the rabbi "The other night I dreamt of the christian heaven. It was the perfect neighbourhood, every house was impeccable, with well-kept lawns and streets!"
"And how were the people?" asks the priest
"People?"
There's a guy in my neighbourhood who I used to think was really weird. I'd always see him out walking his rabbit. The rabbit was always in a different outfit. One day a frock. One day a skirt. One day a suit-jacket combo. Then it multiplied into a flock of rabbits, all wearing really niche clothes.
Eventually, curiosity got the better of me and I approached him and asked "excuse me sir, I can't help but notice your entourage of dapper rabbits. Can I ask what you do?"
He replied "Oh I'm a hare stylist."
The neighbourhood kids just invited me to a waterfight!
I'm just submitting this post while the kettle boils.
The inventor of the crossword puzzle moved into my neighbourhood.
He lives five streets down and two houses across.
