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Neighbour Jokes

124 neighbour jokes and hilarious neighbour puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about neighbour that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Popular Neighbour Short Jokes

Short neighbour jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The neighbour humour may include short door neighbor jokes also.

  1. My neighbour's 4-year-old has been learning spanish since lockdown. He still can't say "please" though, which I think is poor for four.
  2. My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that, 2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.
  3. My next door neighbour just knocked on my door with her dinner in her hands. With Facebook and Instagram down she wanted me to see what she was having
  4. I helped my neighbour with something this morning and she said, ''I could marry you!'', I couldn't believe it You do something nice for someone and they threaten to ruin your life in return
  5. Sometimes I hide my wife's inhaler.... The neighbours think I am a stud when they hear her panting heavily "give it to me!"
  6. My lesbian neighbours asked me what I wanted for my birthday. They gave me a Rolex. I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.
  7. Just been chatting to my neighbour's teenage daughter and it turns out she's really into UFOs and alien. Which is cool because tomorrow she's getting abducted.
  8. Wife: I'm afraid our Neighbour died Husband: Who, Ray?
    Wife: It's inappropriate to cheer when someone dies
    (My 7 year old came up with this joke)
  9. I shouldn't make jokes at the expense of my anti-vax neighbours so much... They tend to get offended by those hurtful little jabs
  10. Color vs Colour, Favorite vs Favourite, Neighbor vs Neighbour British English: I think you're having problem understanding these words.
    American English: no u

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Neighbour One Liners

Which neighbour one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with neighbour? I can suggest the ones about good neighbor and bad neighbor.

  1. I installed a high-voltage fence around my property. My neighbour is dead against it.
  2. My neighbours are always listening to loud music whether they want to or not.
  3. My neighbours listen to great music Whether they like it or not
  4. My neighbours listen to good music Whether they want to or not
  5. My neighbour wrongly accused me of property theft. I didn't take a fence.
  6. I asked my Indian neighbour if i could have some bread He had naan
  7. I'm annoyed with my loud obnoxious neighbour. Now I know how Canada feels.
  8. My neighbours are really obnoxious and crass So now I know how Canada feels...
  9. Internet went down last night My neighbour added a password
  10. My wife ran off with my next door neighbour.. I sure do miss him.
  11. My next door neighbour is really loud and obnoxious... So now I know how Canada feels.
  12. My neighbours love my taste in music. They even call the police to listen it.
  13. I headbutted my neighbour's electric panel. I now face charges.
  14. Apparently I have boundary issues Or at least thats what it says in my neighbours diary
  15. My neighbour says his frog is of Ukrainian origin. I however believe it was a tad pole

Neighbour joke, My neighbour says his frog is of Ukrainian origin.

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about neighbour can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of neighbour puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty Neighbour Jokes with Friends.

What funny jokes about neighbour you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean neighborhood jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make neighbour prank.

My Lesbian neighbours Eva and Julia asked me to help them conceive a child recently.


They said they wouldn't mind if we did it the old fashioned way as they weren't man haters!
For six months now we've been trying but I just don't have the heart to tell them I had a vasectomy last year.

CPR

I popped my head over my s**... neighbour's fence today to see her lying in her bikini.
"Wow, you're gorgeous!" I burst out, "I hope you know how to do CPR."
"Why?" she asked with a giggle, "Because I've taken your breath away?"
"No," I replied. "I've just run your son over out front."

My wife ran into the house...

"Guess what!" she said, "I got a new job down the street on the corner.''
''What!'' I replied, ''It better not be what I think it is!...You'll bring shame on the family!.. What will the neighbours say?"
''No, no, stop worrying'' she said reassuring me, ''Not in the Tescos!..... I'm gonna be a p**...!!

I woke up hung-over to the sound of my neighbour mowing his lawn.

He'll have to mow around me. I'm not moving.

Death Notice

An old man and his wife had just moved to Australia when the wife passed away after a s**.... While talking to the neighbour about her passing, it was mentioned that in their new country, it is common to announce deaths with a classified ad in that section of the newspaper. Well, the old man decides that's a great idea and heads back home to dial the newspaper.
"Hi there, I'd like to place a death notice."
"OK then. Firstly, sorry for your loss. Now what would you like it to say?"
"Have it say, "Ruth died.""
"Well, um, that's, um, somewhat blunt, but the minimum charge is for five words. Is there anything else you'd like to add?"
"OK. Let me think, um... "Ruth died. Toyota for sale.""

Dreams.

3 guys are camping, and after a night of drinks & laughs around the fire, they climb into their tent and fall asleep side by side.
The next morning, the guy on the left wakes up smiling. "I had a dream I was getting j**... off all night by a supermodel!"
The guy on the right chimes in. "Me too, but it was my hot neighbour!"
The guy in the middle looks a bit dejected. "Lucky b**.... I just dreamed I was skiing."


My blonde neighbour has put 'Missing Cat' posters all over the trees on our estate.


I said to her, "I thought your cat died last week, Becky?"
"It did," she replied, "That's why I'm missing him."

A husband came home and found his wife laying n**... on the bed

and asks her "Why are you n**..., woman ?" "Because i have nothing to wear." "You have nothing to wear? You have a closet full of clothes !" He then goes and opens the closet doors and starts going through her stuff. "Look, you have one dress, two dresses, three dresses, Hello neighbour, four dresses !"

Legs Up

Nina comes home after school and asks her mother "mommy, why do people go to heaven with their legs up?". Mother responds: "I don't think that's true, Nina. Why do you think so?". "Because I just walked past the neighbours house" Nina says "and the lady was screaming 'Oh God, i'm coming', so it was a good thing daddy was lying on top of her, otherwise she would have really gone too!"

A teacher asks her class

to use the word "contagious". Roland, the teacher's pet, gets up and says, "Last year I got the measles and my mum said it was contagious."
"Well done, Roland," says the teacher.
"Can anyone else try?"
Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails, says, "My grandma says there's a bug going round, and it's contagious."
"Well done, Katie," says the teacher. "Anyone else?"
Little Irish Sean jumps up and says in a broad Dublin accent, "Our next door neighbour is painting his house with a two inch brush, and my dad says it will take the contagious."

What's a word that starts with an N ends in an R, and is something you never want to call a black person?

Neighbour

Typical Johnny

Teacher asks the class if they can think of a sentence with the word 'contagious' in it.
After a long pause little Johnny puts his hand up. "yes Johnny, give it a go"
I was in the car with my dad and we were driving past one of our neighbours who was painting his garden fence with a toothbrush. My dad said "it's going to take that contagious to finish that"

Contagious

"Right class," said the teacher. "Who can make a sentence with the word 'contagious'?"
Little Johnny threw up his hand excitedly.
"Yes, Johnny?"
"My dad saw our neighbour painting his fence with a little brush, and said, 'Blimey, that'll take the contageous!'"

My neighbour has had a record 44 concussions.

He lives very close to me.
A stone's throw away in fact
-StewartFrancis

My neighbour owes me £500 and he won't pay up...

A man went to his lawyer and told him, 'My neighbour owes me £500 and he won't pay up. What should I do?' 'Do you have any proof he owes you the money?' asked the lawyer. 'Nope,' replied the man. 'OK, then write him a letter asking him for the £1,000 he owed you,' said the lawyer. 'But it's only £500,' replied the man. 'Precisely. That's what he will reply and then you'll have your proof!'

Two kids camping in the backyard

Two kids are camping in their backyard, it's gotten pretty late and neither of them have watches.
"What time do you think it is?" One of them asks the other.
"Just make a ton of noise" says the other.
The first kid gets confused and decides to do it anyways. After a few seconds of screaming a light turn on in another yard and a neighbour yells "YOU CRAZY KIDS IT'S 2 IN THE MORNING!!"

Facebook Problem

Someone knocked at my door last evening. When I opened it, I saw a guy from Dominos holding a chicken pepperoni pizza with extra cheese and onion rings.
"I haven't ordered any pizza," I said. "This must be a mistake."
"I know," he replied. "Your neighbour forgot his Facebook Password and wanted to show you what he was eating for dinner."

The wife told her husband

"look at your neighbour everyday he kisses his wife before going to work, why don't you do the same ?", he says " I would, but would she accept ?"

Me to My Neighbour

we get it. you can hold your breath (*looks at watch*) for 19 days. Quit showing off and come out of that pool.

I Am Using Your Wife.

A man received message from his neighbour.
Sorry sir I am using your wife.
I am using day and night.
I am using when u r not present at home.
In fact I am using more than U R using.
I confess this because now I feel very much guilt.
Hope U will accept my sincere apologies.
Man went home and had a big fight with his wife.
Few minutes later he received another massage.
Sorry Sir spelling / auto correct mistake ...
it's not wife but WIFI.

Teacher: "OK Sarah, what's your sentence with contagious?"

Student: "Our neighbour is painting his house with a 2 inch brush and my dad said it will take the contagious."

A little boy walks in on his parents having s**...

Confused he asks his parents what they're doing. Without missing a beat his dad tells him he's making him a little sister and he has to go play in the back yard.
The boy wanders outside and see's the neighbours dogs having s**.... He asks the neighbour what they're doing and the neighbour explains they're making puppies.
The little boy runs back in and bursts into his parents room yelling DAD! Flip her over I'd rather have a puppy!

I'm not sure if putting Christmas lights up would offend my Jewish neighbours.

So just to be sure, i'll hang a massive s**... in my window too.

My neighbours named their child "Saturn".

That's not something I'd call my child, but it has got a ring to it.

Seeing my ex for the first time in months left me with just one thought...

I wish the neighbour's dog would stop digging up my garden…

One of my neighbours has stopped talking to me after I accused him of stealing from my back garden...

...I think he took a fence.

A man and a monkey

A man found a monkey by the side of the road, but he didn't know what to do with it. When he got home with the monkey he asked his neighbour:
-What should I do with this monkey?
-Take it to the zoo, the neighbor answered.
-That's a good idea, I'll do that tomorrow.
The next day the neighbour saw the man come home again with the monkey.
-You didn't take it to the zoo?
-Yeah, I did. Next week we're going to Disneyland!

Life's been a bit weird lately.

A while back I showed up late to a dinner at my hot lesbian neighbours. They forgave me, and eventually we got chatting about my birthday. They asked me what I wanted for it. Answer was pretty obvious, I told them I wanted a watch. They giggled a bit, and eventually agreed.
I think they were just teasing me though, its been a week since my birthday and I still can't tell the time.
Seen two girls have s**... though.

A 70-year-old man goes to the doctor for a s**... test.

The doctor gives him a bottle to collect his s**... with. The next day he comes back with an empty bottle. He looks at the doctor and says:
"I've tried with my left hand and then with my right hand. My wife tried with both her hands. Even my daughter tried with both her hands and her mouth as well, same with my granddaughter. Even the neighbour and her daughter couldn't get it done! Doctor, could you open this bottle for me?"

God said to Gabriel:

"I've finally finished my masterpiece. Beautiful mountains, spectacular lochs, and whisky - the most amazing drink in my creation. I shall call this land 'Scotland'"
"That sounds fantastic" Gabriel said. "What have the people of this land done to deserve all this?"
"Well" said God. "Wait til you see the neighbours they're getting"

Little johnny was asking his dad

J: Dad, what's the difference between confident and confidential
D: Well, it's difficult to explain, so let me give you an example. You are my son - I'm confident about that.
J: How about confidential?
D: You see our neighbour little Timmy over there? He's my son - that's confidential

dog keeps chasing people...

I've really had it with my dog, says a guy to his neighbour. He'll chase anyone on a bicycle.
Hmmm, that is a problem, says the neighbour. What are you going to do about it?
Guess the only answer is to confiscate his bike!

A baby is born

And to the surprise of everybody, after a few minutes, he starts talking.
"I was born to live 3 days" he says
"my mother will die in 6 days and my father in 14 days"
After 3 days the baby dies. After 6 days it is the mother to pass away. The father becomes histerical. He knows he is next. He sells all his possessions, spends all his money.
14 days later his neighbour dies.

The snow in the UK is pretty bad right now

So I thought I'd check on my elderly 85 year old neighbour Valerie to see if she needed anything from the shops.
She said she did so I gave her my list too, no point us both going out in this weather.

I saw six men k**... and punching my mother-in-law.

My neighbour said 'Well, are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'

God was creating all the countries and it was Canada's turn

He turned to his angels and said "this country will have unmatched beauty, plenty of natural resources, and its citizens will be the happiest and friendliest in the world"
The angels ask God, "aren't you blessing this country a little TOO much?" and God replies, "wait till you see who their neighbour is"

I asked my neighbours if they knew who's the idiot that keeps leaving his trash bags in the elevator.

They didn't so for now I'm gonna keep doing that.

Don't Kiss!

Wife: "Our new neighbour always kisses his wife when he leaves for work. Why don't you do that?"
Husband: "How can I? I don't even know her."

Sometimes I hide my girlfriend's inhaler

So that the neighbours think I am a stud when they hear her panting, "Give it to me!"
Also, so that I can still take her breath away, after all these years...

My next-door neighbour accused me of stealing her underwear from her washing line.

I was so shocked I almost crapped her pants.

Once I got annoyed with my Nokia and threw it at the wall

Now I'm in jail for murdering my neighbour

My lesbian neighbours gifted me a Rolex today!

I don't think they understood when I said I wanna watch.

...Blonde dog!

...Blonde lying in bed with her husband listening to next door neighbours' dog barking for hours and hours every night!
* **blonde:** "I've had enough of this," ....the blonde runs downstairs, finally returns back to bed.
* **husband:** "The dog is still barking. What have you done?"
* **blonde:** "I've put their dog in our yard, now we'll see how they like it!"

A thief entered a house one mid-afternoon to find...

a couple in the middle of l**.... He t**... the woman and at gun-point asked the man to handover all their money and jewellery. The man started sobbing and said, "Brother, take anything you want. But please, untie the rope and let her go." The thief replied, "You must really love your wife, having no regard for your own safety." The man said, "No, she's my neighbour's wife. Mine will be back shortly!"

(True story, for what it's worth) My neighbour has a new Spanish teacher at school, his name is Mr Armada.

Like the Spanish Armada? I asked.
Yeah, he said and I shook my head in disbelief.
Well, I sighed. At least he isn't called Mr Inquisition. Nobody would have expected that.

A woman is talking to her next door neighbour and she says I'm worried about my 16 year old son...

I looked in his school bag and found a gimp mask, n**... c**... and a whip. What should I do.
And the neighbour replyed I'm no expert but I wouldn't s**... him.

My neighbour banged on my door yesterday asking if I'd seen who stole her laundry off her line.

I got such a fright I almost wet her p**....

A robber breaks into a house to see a n**... couple at it......

He quickly ties them up at gunpoint and goes around the whole house collecting all the valuables, when the t**... man pleads "Please untie her and let her go, you can keep me t**... for as long as you want"
"Do u love you your wife that much? "
"No!" sighs the man "she's the neighbours wife........... it's nearly time for my wife to return from work!!"

Little 8-year-old Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbour peered over the fence. Interested in what the youngster was doing, he asked: What are you doing there, Nancy?

My goldfish died, Nancy sobbed. And I've just buried him.
The obnoxious neighbour laughed and said condescendingly: That's a really big hole for a little goldfish, don't you think?
Nancy patted down the last heap of earth with her shovel and replied: That's because he's inside your cat.

My dog came bounding into the house this morning with the neighbour's rabbit hanging lifeless from it's jaws.

Panic set in and so I scrubbed it clean and got all the blood marks off until it was pure white again. I then sneaked into their garden and popped it back in its hutch.
That evening my neighbour knocked at my door and said "I can't believe it, flopsy is lying dead in its hutch and the kids are hysterical."
"Sorry to hear that" I replied nervously.
"The strange thing is" he said "we buried it a couple of days ago."

So my neighbour is outside gardening t**... again today

I just wish his wife would do the same

"The word of the day is 'contagious'" Said the teacher, "Who can use it in a sentence?"

Little Jenny stood up and said "My dad has a cold and said its contagious"
The teacher praised Jenny and ask for an example from another student.
Billy stood up and said "Miss, my mum has the flu, and I think its contagious"
Happy with Billy's response, the teacher asked for one more student to stand up and give an example.

Little Johnny stood up...
"Miss, my next door neighbour is painting his house with a 1 inch brush and my dad said its going to take the contagious."

My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:00am

I know 2:00am!? Good thing I was still up playing my drums

During lockdown my next door neighbours 4 year old started learning Spanish.

He still can't say 'Please' though, which is poor for four.

My neighbours recently made a s**... tape ....

Well obviously they don't know that yet!

I have the worst neighbour ever! He keeps on b**... on the wall at 3 a.m.

Completely ruins my drumming practice.

‌‌My L‌‌esbian neighbours Jane a‌‌nd Caroline a‌‌sked m‌‌e t‌‌o h‌‌elp t‌‌hem c‌‌onceive a‌‌ c‌‌hild r‌‌ecently.

They s‌‌aid t‌‌hey w‌‌ouldn't m‌‌ind i‌‌f w‌‌e d‌‌id i‌‌t t‌‌he o‌‌ld f‌‌ashioned w‌‌ay a‌‌s t‌‌hey w‌‌ere desperate to have a baby.
For s‌‌ix m‌‌onths n‌‌ow w‌‌e've b‌‌een t‌‌rying b‌‌ut I‌‌ j‌‌ust d‌‌on't h‌‌ave t‌‌he h‌‌eart t‌‌o t‌‌ell t‌‌hem I‌‌ h‌‌ad a‌‌ v‌‌asectomy l‌‌ast y‌‌ear.

Teacher: So what's your sentence that contains the word contagious?

Student: our neighbour is painting a wall with 2 inch brush, my dad says it will take this contagious.

My neighbour holds the Guinness world record for most concussions.

He lives very close, just a stone's throw away

A woman rings at neighbour's door. A man opens the door.

Woman: "Hey, I just moved in, and I am just applying wallpaper in the kitchen. I just saw yesterday that you freshly papered you kitchen as well, and I thought you may be able to help me out. How many stacks of paper did you buy to do the job?"
Man:"Well yes, of course! I bought 16 stacks of paper."
The woman thanks the man and goes on to buy 16 stacks of paper. When she was finished with the kitchen she returns to the neighbour.
Woman:" well thanks again for the advice, I am done and the new kitchen looks awesome! I am just wondering, I still have 6 stacks of paper left...?"
Man:"Yeah, me too."

Angry neighbour "You slept with my wife, I am going to make you pay for that!"

Man: b**..., why should I pay twice.

As a Canadian, the Presidential Debate feels like...

As a Canadian, the Presidential Debate feels like overhearing your downstairs neighbours debating about whether or not to set the building on fire.

Like many people in lockdown I've been getting most of my clothes online

My neighbours now take their washing in at night

My next door neighbour knocked my door last night, wearing l**... and stockings. Asked to borrow a cup of sugar and if I wanted to come over for a night cap

I said, 'Fuck off Dave, I've got work in the b**... morning' .

Toilet brush

Whilst this is a joke, my nan actually told me this yesterday and insists it's a true story from the 60s when she lived in Cornwall...
So, my grandma was was walking down the street and her neighbour, let's call her Beverley, was heading towards her carrying her shopping but was walking kind of funny.
Naturally my Nan asked if everything was okay and if she's alright, had she hurt herself? No she said, I'm okay, I've just bought one of those new toilet brushes, but I think I'm going to switch back to paper

A father meets his son's teacher.

« Sir, I'm afraid your son is a cheater », says the teacher.
« What? No ! What makes you say that? » responds the father
« Well, in the last math test, he had the same answers as his neighbour. »
« Yeah, that's a math test, duh. There's only one good answer, right? »
« Indeed, but in one of the questions, your son's neighbour answered "I don't know" .»
« So what ? »
« Well, your d**... son wrote "yeah, me neither". »

My neighbour just banged on the wall at 4.20am, can you believe it!!? Luckilly I was still up playing music.

He banged and shouted ' can we have a little respect please!'
I shouted back..., 'I'm not a big Erasure fan, but ok this one's for you!'

Once, me and my family wanted to bake some marshmallows in the campfire.

We had the poles with marshmallows sticked to them prepared when we heard sirens. We all ran out to see what happened. The neighbours' house was on fire and I saw a lot of firefighters trying to get the fire under control. The neighbours looked at us with pure disgust. That was the moment I realized we were still holding the sticks with marshmallows.

The genie of the lamp

Two neighbours, one is rich and the other is poor.
The poor have a magic lamp : Every morning,he wipes the lamp and a genie comes out and say : "Ask what you want" ,and the poor asks for a cup of tea.
The rich neighbour,envious of the magic lamp,said to the poor : i'll give you my car and my house in exchange of the lamp." The poor accepted the deal.
The rich man wipes the lamp and a genie comes out and say : "Ask what you want" he asked for a very big house and a better car.the genie replied : « Sorry sir,i only serve tea and coffee »

My neighbours are complaining about my loud groans during s**... in the mornings.If . . .

they only knew its me putting my socks on!

Neighbour joke, My neighbours are complaining about my loud groans during s**... in the mornings.If . . .

jokes about neighbour

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these neighbour jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.