Neighborhood Watch Jokes
13 neighborhood watch jokes and hilarious neighborhood watch puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about neighborhood watch that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Neighborhood Watch Short Jokes
Short neighborhood watch jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The neighborhood watch humour may include short neighborhood jokes also.
- I joined the neighborhood watch program last night... There's 7 of us, so I get to wear it 1 day a week.
- The NSA doesn't understand public television Why do people enjoy watching Mr. Rogers so much when they could watch the entire neighborhood
- Yall watch out. My lady said there is some w**... running around the neighborhood. She said he is offering a bottle of wine if the woman shows him her b**....
She also says the wine taste terrible.
Share These Neighborhood Watch Jokes With Friends
Neighborhood Watch One Liners
Which neighborhood watch one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with neighborhood watch? I can suggest the ones about door neighbor and neighbourhood.
- In my community we have a neighborhood watch, It's actually more like a clock tower.
- How does the homeowner's association tell time? It checks its neighborhood watch.
Neighborhood Watch Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about neighborhood watch you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean good neighbor jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make neighborhood watch pranks.
I installed a new home alarm system I've never felt safer
I've disconnected my home alarm system and de-registered from the Neighborhood Watch.
I've got two Pakistani flags raised in the front yard, one at each corner, and the black flag of ISIS in the center.
The local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching the house 24/7. I've never felt safer and I am saving $49.95 a month.
Took down my rebel flag and peeled off my NRA sticker off the front door.
We have disconnected our home alarm system and quit the candy-a**... neighborhood watch. We bought two Pakistani flags on eBay and raised them in the front yard, one at each corner, plus a black flag of ISIS in the center. Now, the local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching the house 24/7. I have never felt safer and we're saving $49.99 a month!
So the Bears were looking for a new quarterback.
The coach had put together the perfect team for the Chicago Bears. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.
Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan . In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghan Muslim soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away.
KABOOM!
He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney.
KA-BLOOEY!
Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph.
BULLS-EYE!
"I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!"
So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Bears go on to win the Super Bowl.
The young Afghan is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.
"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"
"I don't want to talk to you", the old Muslim woman says."You are not my son!"
"I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans."
"No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get r**...!" The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says, "I will never forgive you for making us move to Chicago !!!!
Home safety
I took my name off the Neighborhood Watch List.
I've got two Pakistani flags raised in my front garden, one at each corner and the black flag of ISIS in the center.
The local police, and multiple intelligence services are watching my house 24/7.
I've never felt safer in my entire Life!
Just saved 50 bucks!
I've disconnected my home alarm system and de-registered from the Neighborhood Watch. I've got two Pakistani flags raised in the front yard, one at each corner, and the black flag of ISIS in the center. The local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching the house 24/7. I've never felt safer and I'm saving $49.95 a month!
Boys cutting through the yard
A group of boys are running back home after dark and decided to cut through the neighborhood's back yards to get home quicker. As the boys run along, one of them stops at a window and yells to the others.
"Guys, come here!"
The other boys run to their friend to see he is staring at a lady getting undressed through the window.
After a few moments of watching, one boy quickly runs off. His friends run after him and once they catch up to him, they find him crying.
"What's wrong?" Asks one of his friends.
The boy replies through tears, "My mom said if I ever looked at a n**... girl I would turn to stone.... And I felt something get hard!"