Neighbor Jokes
154 neighbor jokes and hilarious neighbor puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about neighbor that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
"Neighbor jokes - love thy neighbor, and have a laugh at their expense! Find the funniest collection of jokes and gags about everything from good neighbors to bad neighbors, flatmates to pals, and even people you owe. Laugh out loud and enjoy!"
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Funniest Neighbor Short Jokes
Short neighbor jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The neighbor humour may include short neighbour jokes also.
- If I'm reading their lips correctly, my neighbors are arguing about some creepy guy next door.
- Daughter: Mom, I have a new boyfriend, our neighbor joe. Mom: But he could be your father! Daughter: Age is not that important to me.
Mom: That's not what I was talking about. - My next door neighbor is Bulimic and she was making so much noise last night, that I banged on the wall and shouted... "For goodness sake, keep it down!"
- I've been bored recently so I have decided to take up fencing. The neighbors said they will call the police unless I put it back.
- This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious that she thought her cat could understand her.
I came to my house and told my dog. We laughed a lot. - Honey, your son said he's thinking of burning down the neighbor's house!! You mean, arson?
(I probably coulda worded it better, but you see where I'm going with it at least) - My new puppy just bit the neighbors kid so we had to have it killed He was going to tell his parents
- My neighbor claims his Golden Retriever dog can bring a ball back from half a mile away.. That seems a bit far-fetched to me..
- My neighbor's in the guinness book of records. He's had 44 concussions. He lives very close to me, in fact it's just a stone's throw away.
- My lesbian neighbors asked me what I want for my birthday. I wanted a Timex, but all I got was a black eye.
Share These Neighbor Jokes With Friends
Neighbor One Liners
Which neighbor one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with neighbor? I can suggest the ones about siblings and partner.
- My neighbors listen to awesome music whether they like it or not.
- I asked my Indian neighbors if he had any bread I could use. He said Sorry, I have naan.
- I named my dog wifi Because I stole it from my neighbor
- I put up an electric fence around my house. My neighbor is dead against it.
- I told my neighbor I was too scared to grow an apple tree. He said grow a pear.
- My neighbor traded in his KIA yesterday. Sold his Soul for a Mustang.
- My neighbor and I are having a land dispute. Well, it's actually more of a ground beef.
- What's 668? The Neighbor of the Beast.
- What's does America have that Canada doesn't? Nice neighbors.
- My upstairs neighbor recently made a groundbreaking discovery... He can't fly
- My neighbor named his dog "Rolex"... He's a watch dog.
- Nothing makes you more tolerant of a neighbor's noisy party than being there.
- I don't always listen to heavy metal, but when I do... ...so do the neighbors.
- My neighbors cow had a abortion Now she's decalfinated
- Today I broke the lamp outside my neighbor's house For some reason he's delighted
Door Neighbor Jokes
Here is a list of funny door neighbor jokes and even better door neighbor puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Ever since the government lockdown, my neighbor has had to run her business out of her backyard. She bakes delicious pastries. Google Back Door Cream Pies if you're interested.
- Not saying we were poor, but many a time, my mother would send me next door with a button... ...and ask our neighbor if she would sew a shirt on it.
- My neighbor is so inconsiderate! He came pounding on my front door at 4am.
Thankfully I was already awake practicing my drum solo, but very rude! - Me, neighbor and cops are making a band I play electric guitar, Cops are playing drums on the door and neighbor sings outside the window.
- A horse moved next door to me yesterday. I heard that they make good neighbors.
- I'm pretty sure my next door neighbor thinks I'm a stalker. She wrote it on Facebook,Twitter, and in both of her diaries.
- i have a friend whos saying is love thy neighbor he lives next door to a brothel
- I gave the woman next door the Corona virus The husband was fuming, and I feel morally guilty it goes against what I've been taught.
Thou shall no COVID the neighbors wife.. - Dropped off a small meal to the lady next door with questionable morals. Let's be kind to our neighbors, y'all. Just a little food for thot.
- My neighbor knocked on my door and said it was too early to decorate my house for Halloween Big talk from someone who wears her witch costume year-round.
Good Neighbor Jokes
Here is a list of funny good neighbor jokes and even better good neighbor puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I ran over my neighbor's cat the ither day.. And I felt really bad about it so I told her that I will replace her cat. She said "that's all well and good but how are you at catching mice?"
- Did you know fences make good neighbors And bad neighbors make good fertilizer.
- Free to Good Home: Small terrier, cute and cuddly but barks constantly. If interested, I'll hop the neighbor's fence and get him for you.
- At first I was upset when a drug dealer moved in next door, but now.. Let's just say he puts the "GHB" in "good neiGHBor"
- I've been bored lately so I decided to take up fencing. My neighbors said they will call the cops if I don't put it back. My monk also said it's good for my Karma for reposting.
- A favor for a neighbor is a good deed. A favor for a favor is quid pro quo.
A favor for SpongeBob's neighbor is squid pro quo. - Kelly and Ron Kelly: A cowboy rides into town on Friday, stays two days, and comes back on Friday. How is this possible?
Ron: The horse's name is Friday, right?
Kelly: Correct, my good neigh-bor - Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there... ...and they called the cops when your wedding reception ran past 10:01 PM.
- Wishful neighbor A good neighbor dies and goes to heaven:
God: "Whatever you wish for i'll double that and give it your neighbor across the street"
The wishful neighbor: "Remove one of my eyes" - Like a good neighbor . . . . . . stay over there!
Elderly Neighbor Jokes
Here is a list of funny elderly neighbor jokes and even better elderly neighbor puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A lesbian couple got their elderly neighbor a Rolex for his birthday... Upon opening it the man said, This is really nice, but I think you ladies misunderstood when I told you I wanna watch
Bad Neighbor Jokes
Here is a list of funny bad neighbor jokes and even better bad neighbor puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I feel bad for my neighbor the lawyer. She seems to be suffering from occupational burnout. These days she just goes through the motions.
- I am not saying my wife is a bad driver but ... our neighbors walk in the middle of the road to avoid getting hit by her car.
- My neighbors daughter keeps crying... Too bad, I'm not letting her out.
Love Thy Neighbor Jokes
Here is a list of funny love thy neighbor jokes and even better love thy neighbor puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Love thy neighbor.. But don't get caught.
- So, I know a guy and his motto is 'Love Thy Neighbor' He lives next to a brothel.
Delightful Fun Neighbor Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about neighbor you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean landlord jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make neighbor pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My attractive female neighbor is completely paranoid.
She thinks I'm following or even stalking her, she is worried that I may be obsessed with her and any time she hears a noise in her house she is...purified? Oh, wait: petrified. Sorry, it's not easy reading a diary through binoculars from a tree.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My neighbor just got arrested for growing m**....
I guess my property line isn't where I thought it was.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man goes to see a s**... therapist
"My problem is that my neighbor says he can do it six times a night, but I can do barely three"
"Please open your mouth," the therapist says.
The man, now confused, opens his mouth, and the doctor inspects it carefully.
"I see nothing wrong here, so you should be able to lie just like your neighbor."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My next door neighbor with massive b**... keeps walking around the backyard t**....
I wish his wife would do the same.
A cat owner invited their neighbor over for dinner and introduced their four cats. "That's Alogue, Aract, Erpillar, and Astrophe," they announced. The neighbor was surprised and asked, Where on Earth did you get those names?
Oh, those are their last names, the owner said. Their first names are Cat.
Why does Donald Trump secretly want to lose the election?
Because if he wins, he'll have to move into a smaller house in a black neighborhood.
Wife asks her husband to fix the fridge. He replies "What am I, a repairman?" So she got their neighbor to fix it. She tells her husb "It's fixed. Our neighbor said he would fix it if I either slept with him or baked him a pie."
Husband laughs and asks "So what kind of pie did you bake him?"
Wife replies "What am I, a baker?"
Trumpets and Guns
In a small town, a man just opened a small store selling trumpets and guns.
One day his neighbor pays him a visit and says, "So how is your strange business going?"
"What do you mean strange?"
"Because you sell only trumpets and guns!"
"So?"
"Well, let me put it this way, what do you sell the most, trumpets or guns?"
"It evens itself out. Each time a customer buys a trumpet, one of his neighbors buys a gun."
"The neighbors hate us."
"The neighbors hate us."
"Why?"
"Well, you remember when we had that bonfire in my yard, and were roasting marshmallows?"
"Yeah, that was really fun."
"And remember how the house up the road caught fire, and all those fire engines came, and we ran to see what was going on, and the wife was crying in her husband's arms, and how everyone looked at us funny?"
"Yeah, I remember! I wondered what we'd done..."
"We were still holding our marshmallow sticks."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A son ask his dad to explain the difference between reality and fiction.
Dad: It's complicated but let me try to explain. Honey, would you sleep with the neighbor for 100,000$?
Mom: Yes of course because I know we need the money.
Dad: Very good. Alright now Tasha, would you have s**... with the neighbor's son for 200,000$?
Daughter: Yeah sure!
Dad: Perfect. So you see son, right now we would have 300,000 fictional dollars but in reality we have two w**... in this house.
A teacher asks her class to use 'contagious' in a sentence
A teacher asks her class to use the word 'contagious' in a sentence. Sally, the class genius, raises her hand and says, "Last year I got the mumps, and my mom said it was contagious."
"Very good," says the teacher. "Would anyone else like to try?"
Little Johnny raises his hand and stands to give his answer.
"Our mean next door neighbor was painting her house by hand, and my dad said it would take the contagious.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My daughter, 10, won tonight
My wife and I were stepping out to the neighbors for a get together and she is staying home tonight, so I reviewed the ground rules - don't answer the door, let the dog out the back door, call us if you need, etc.
She looked at me and said You know the rules, and so do I
Rickrolled as a dad joke.
Later, called to remind her to let the dog, who is a white goldendoodle, out. Speech to text s**... up and put make sure Ginger isn't at the door into make sure Ginger isn't at the bar
The reply?
Too late, she's white dog wasted
We have a natural here…
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My neighbor blamed my gravel for making him fall
But it was his dumb asphalt
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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What gets bigger every time I watch my neighbor undress in her bedroom window?
The restraining order
In my community we have a neighborhood watch,
It's actually more like a clock tower.
Why doesn't Melania Trump want her husband to become President?
She doesn't want to move into a smaller house in a black neighborhood.
My neighbor grew tired of being a taxidermist after 15 years, and went to veterinarian school.
His new business never got off the ground so he decided to operate both his taxidermy and vet business together to save money. His new slogan was: "No Matter What Happens - You Get Your Cat Back."
What do you call a sketchy Italian neighborhood?
The spaghetto
A daughter and mother are talking.
"You're dating John, the neighbor?!", asks the mother. "He is 30 years older than you, it's-"
"But I love him!", she interrupts.
"What do you mean you love him, he could be your father!"
"I don't care about his age, he loves me too!"
"I think you misunderstood me."
I just found out my neighborhood barber was arrested for dealing drugs!
I've been his customer for 25 years and I never knew he was a barber.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When my wife and I got married,
we mutually decided to each select that one person who we'd most like to have s**... with and, if by some miracle, it happened, the other wouldn't get angry. She picked Brad Pitt and I went with Uma Thurman (Uma!!). For our 20th anniversary, I thought it would be fun to change things up and she agreed. So, she picked George Clooney and I chose the next door neighbor.
whenever my wife starts singing around the house I immediately go into the yard
That way the neighbors know I'm not hitting her
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My neighbor visited my house the other day
He said: Isn't your house the same as mine? How many rolls of wallpaper did you buy for your living room when you moved in?
12 I said.
A few days later he came back, pretty p**.... "I just finished, and I have 7 rolls of wallpaper left!"
Yeah, so did I.
\*Heard in Dutch and translated.
In a confession booth...
ME: I committed all seven deadly sins in 30 minutes.
PRIEST: Wow I gotta hear this.
ME: I was angry and envious at my neighbor so I lazily seduced his wife and ate all his groceries and I didn't share.
PRIEST: You forgot pride.
ME: No, Im pretty proud of this.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
We're having a traditional Thanksgiving this year.
We're going to invite the neighbors to dinner, m**... them, and take their land.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My neighbor is loud and obnoxious
Now I know how Canada feels
so, my neighbors just got arrested for making their kids get Botox.....
none of the kids looked surprised
I dressed up as a gifted kid for Halloween.
When my neighbors asked what I was supposed to be, I sadly replied, "I was supposed to be a lot of things..."
FRESH HARAMBE OF BELL AIR....
In west Cincinnati I was born and raised on the zoo grounds is where I spent most of my days,Chillin out hangin out acting all cool, eating bananas out by the pool When a mom and her kid, they were up to no good, crawled over the fence into my neighborhood,I got in one little fight and my zoo keeper got scared, heard a gunshot just before I stopped breathing air.......
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girl are u my neighbor's wifi?
cuz u have a s**... name and im having trouble connecting
Color vs Colour, Favorite vs Favourite, Neighbor vs Neighbour
British English: I think you're having problem understanding these words.
American English: no u
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A guy is sitting on his porch when his blonde neighbor walks out to her mailbox.
She opens the mailbox, looks in, colses it up and walks back into the house. Five minutes later, she does the same thing. After another five minutes, the same thing, but this time she's visibly angry. She comes out again after another five minutes, looking furious. She looks in the mailbox and slams it closed. As she's walking back to the house, the guy says,
"Not to be nosy, but are you expecting an important package?"
The blonde answers, "No! It's my d**... computer! It keeps telling me I have mail!"
Dear Charlie, We've been neighbors for 6 tumultuous years.
When you borrowed my snowblower, you returned it in pieces.
When I was sick, you blasted Metallica.
And when your dog decorated my lawn, you laughed.
I could go on, but I'm not one to hold grudges. So I am writing this letter to tell you that your house is on fire.
Cordially, Harry
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My s**... neighbors got divorced
but it's okay because they got joint custody
Wife: Our new neighbor always kisses his wife when he goes to work, why don't you do that?
Husband: How can I ?
I don't even know her.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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The difference between rural, suburban, and urban.
- If you stand n**... on the front porch and the neighbors can't see you, it's rural.
- If you stand n**... on the front porch and the neighbors call the cops, it's suburban.
- If you stand n**... on the front porch and the neighbors ignore you, it's urban.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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A robber breaks into a house where two people are just finishing having s**....
The robber ties the man and woman up. He starts looking around the room for valubles. When he doesn't find any, the robber asks the man
"Where's the good stuff!"
The man replies, "I'll tell you, just untie her and let her go."
Robber: "you love your wife that much huh?"
The man: "No, that's my neighbors wife, mine's on her way home!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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My gay neighbor gave me a sextape of him and his husband for my birthday.
I think he misunderstood me when I said, "I wanna watch."
How to get free internet @ home
I live in an apartment complex so I have neighbors left to right and below me. One day I asked my neighbor if he was interested in splitting the cost of my wifi 50/50 so he could also use it. He agreed. I went on to my other neighbor downstairs and asked him the same thing. Now both my neighbors are paying for my wifi.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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A joke I was told by an old man I golfed with.
A man was at the bar with a couple of his neighbors. One of his friends says "Have you seen that new pool boy the Johnsons hired? I heard he's had his way with all the women in the neighborhood except one."
Worried, the man goes home and confronts his wife. "Honey I heard the new pool boy has had with every woman in the neighborhood except one, do you know anything about that?" She replies "hmm, I bet it's Betty, she's a real p**...."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A doctor was treating a victim of a beating.
Doctor: How did this happen?
Patient: I was b**... my neighbor over her kitchen table when we hear the front door open.
She said "It's my husband! Quick, try the back door!!"
Thinking back, I really should have ran, but you don't get offers like that every day.
-My daughter, are you really dating our neighbor?
-My daughter, are you really dating our neighbor?
-Yes, I am, mum!
-But he could be your father!
-Age does not matter, mum!
-That's not what I meant.
A moderator of this sub is my neighbor in real life, and is demanding that my fence be removed
...just because I re-posted it.
My neighbor thinks I spy on her..
I would tell her otherwise, but she's in the shower right now
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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How about some Little Johnny...
Little Johnny asks his Dad "What's between mom's legs?"
The father answers: "Paradise, my son."
Little Johnny asks again: "What's between your legs?"
The father replies: "The key to paradise."
Little Johnny says: "Piece of advice Dad, change the lock the neighbor has a duplicate key."
A guy walks into a bar
A guy walks into his favorite neighborhood bar and is shocked to see that all the dart boards are now hanging from the ceiling. "This is ridiculous!" he complains to the bartender. "It really makes me want to throw up."
I can't believe my neighbors came to my house at 5:00 AM...
...thank god I was already up playing the bagpipes.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I installed a new home alarm system I've never felt safer
I've disconnected my home alarm system and de-registered from the Neighborhood Watch.
I've got two Pakistani flags raised in the front yard, one at each corner, and the black flag of ISIS in the center.
The local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching the house 24/7. I've never felt safer and I am saving $49.95 a month.
A man is walking down the street dragging 20 ft of rope behind him.
His neighbor is curious & asks, "Hey buddy, why you pulling that rope?"
The man replies, "You ever tried pushing it?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My 5 year-old son caught me having s**... with my wife.
He asked, "Dad, what are you doing with Mom?"
"I was just pushing the air out of her tummy." I replied.
"It's no use, I saw our neighbor blowing air between Mom's legs every morning after you leave for work."
3 Big things happened to me today
1) My neighbor said he didn't like me
2) My neighbor got hit by a bus
3) I lost my bus drivers license
When my wife sings...
Whenever my wife starts singing, i go outside so that my neighbors don't think that I'm hitting her.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bury the dead!
One day little Timmy is in his back yard digging a hole. His neighbor, seeing him there, decides to investigate. "Whatcha doin?" he asked.
Timmy replies, "My goldfish died and I'm burying him."
"That's an awful big hole for a goldfish, ain't it?" asked the neighbor.
Timmy shot back, "That's because he's inside your f**...' cat!!!"
Texas: The Miracle State
At the urging of his doctor, Bill moved to Texas.
After settling in, he met a neighbor who was also an older man.
"Say, is this really a healthy place?"
"It sure is," the man replied.
"When I first arrived here I couldn't say one word. I had hardly any hair on my head. I didn't have the strength to walk across a room and I had to be lifted out of bed."
"That's wonderful!" said Bill. "How long have you been here?"
"I was born here."
A married couple is getting ready to go out for the evening. The husband is in the shower and the wife is just getting out of the bathtub when the doorbell rings.
The wife hurriedly wraps herself in a towel and answers the door. It's their neighbor, Bob. Bob looks at the wife, who is quite beautiful, and says, I'll give you $800 to let that towel drop. The wife thinks about if for a bit, then lets the towel fall. Bob gives her a thorough visual inspection, then reaches into his wallet and hands her $800. She goes back inside. Who was at the door, honey? asks the husband. Oh, it was our neighbor Bob, she says. Great, says the husband. Did he happen to mention the $800 he owes me?
A kid was talking with his mother.
He says : Mom i've seen Dad with maid doing.......
His mom shushed him and said wait till the dad comes home.
When his dad comes home, the mother asks her kid, Yes son what were you saying.
Kid Says : Mom i've seen dad with maid doing the same thing the neighbor does to you when dad isn't home.
Tried translating a joke from Latvian.
John, a rural farmer, decided to visit the zoo in the capital with his family. He has a lot of fun, and comes back ecstatic. His neighbor
Tolya asks him what he saw there.
"Well, I saw a giraffe."
"What's a giraffe?"
"Well, you know horses?"
"Yeah."
"It's like a horse, but really tall and with a long neck."
"Okay, what else?"
"Zebra."
"Zebra?"
"Well, you know horses?"
"Yeah."
"It's like a horse, but with stripes."
"Okay, what else then?"
"I saw a hippo. "
"What's that?"
"You know horses?"
"Yeah?"
"Like a horse, but big and fat."
"Hm. Okay. Anything else?"
"Yes... a crocodile."
"What's a crocodile?"
"You know horses?"
"Yeah?"
"Nothing like one."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Took down my rebel flag and peeled off my NRA sticker off the front door.
We have disconnected our home alarm system and quit the candy-a**... neighborhood watch. We bought two Pakistani flags on eBay and raised them in the front yard, one at each corner, plus a black flag of ISIS in the center. Now, the local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching the house 24/7. I have never felt safer and we're saving $49.99 a month!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I have the worst neighbor in the World. He keeps on b**... on the wall at 3:00 A.M.
It's really disrupting my drumming practice.
What is between moms legs?
One day a boy asked his father, Dad, what is between moms legs?
The father reply, The door to heaven!
Then what is between yours? – the boy asked. The father said, The key to the door!
Then the boy said, I think you should change the lock because our neighbor has the spare key.
A Muslim man sees the face of Muhammad in a tub of margarine one day
His neighbor from Nepal looks over and says "I can't believe it's not Buddha"
I'm dating the neighbor.
A young female tells her mother.
- "Mom I'm dating the neighbor"
- "But he could be your father"
- "Mom! Age is nothing but a number"
- "That's not what I meant"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman hears a knock a her door...
She answers and a man is standing on her front porch.
"Hello" he says, "I'm your new neighbor. I'm obligated to inform you that I am a registered s**... offender."
"This is totally unacceptable," she proclaims, "I'm calling my congressman!" And she slams the door.
A few seconds later there is another knock at the door. She opens the door and the same man is standing there.
"Hello, I'm your congressman."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If you s**... at playing the trumpet...
...that's probably why.
My neighbor who had horrible jokes passed away this week. This was one of his favorites. Enjoy a good (bad) pun in his memory.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Neighbor: I'll have you know our lawyer has a $50,000 retainer!
Me: Wow, how bad are his teeth?
