Neighbor Jokes

163 neighbor jokes and hilarious neighbor puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about neighbor that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

"Neighbor jokes - love thy neighbor, and have a laugh at their expense! Find the funniest collection of jokes and gags about everything from good neighbors to bad neighbors, flatmates to pals, and even people you owe. Laugh out loud and enjoy!"

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Short Neighbor Jokes
Neighbor One Liners
Door Neighbor Jokes
Good Neighbor Jokes
Bad Neighbor Jokes
Elderly Neighbor Jokes
Love Thy Neighbor Jokes
More Neighbor Jokes

Funniest Neighbor Short Jokes

Short neighbor jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The neighbor humour may include short neighbour jokes also.

If I'm reading their lips correctly, my neighbors are arguing about some creepy guy next door.
Daughter: Mom, I have a new boyfriend, our neighbor joe. Mom: But he could be your father! Daughter: Age is not that important to me.
Mom: That's not what I was talking about.
My next door neighbor is Bulimic and she was making so much noise last night, that I banged on the wall and shouted... "For goodness sake, keep it down!"
I've been bored recently so I have decided to take up fencing. The neighbors said they will call the police unless I put it back.
My neighbor knocked on my door this morning at 2:30 AM! Luckily for him i was still up playing my drum
This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious that she thought her cat could understand her.
I came to my house and told my dog. We laughed a lot.
My neighbor has two German Shepards that he has named "Rolex" and "Timex".... They're watch dogs
What gets bigger every time I watch my neighbor undress in her bedroom window? The restraining order
I before E Except when you run a weird heist on a feisty foreign overweight neighbor wearing beige.
My next door neighbor banged on my door at 3:00 am last night. Fortunately, I was wide awake, playing my bagpipes on the back porch at the time.

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Neighbor One Liners

Which neighbor one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with neighbor? I can suggest the ones about enemy and siblings.

My neighbors listen to awesome music whether they like it or not.
I asked my Indian neighbors if he had any bread I could use. He said Sorry, I have naan.
My neighbor blamed my gravel for making him fall But it was his dumb asphalt
I named my dog wifi Because I stole it from my neighbor
I put up an electric fence around my house. My neighbor is dead against it.
I told my neighbor I was too scared to grow an apple tree. He said grow a pear.
My neighbor is loud and obnoxious Now I know how Canada feels
I built an electric fence around my property yesterday… My neighbor is dead against it…
I caught my neighbor putting a layer of topsoil on my allotment The plot thickened
My neighbor traded in his KIA yesterday. Sold his Soul for a Mustang.
My neighbor and I are having a land dispute. Well, it's actually more of a ground beef.
My neighbors listen to great music and I don't care if they want it or not.
What's 668? The Neighbor of the Beast.
What's does America have that Canada doesn't? Nice neighbors.
My neighbor says he is too afraid to plant an apple tree. I told him, "Grow a pear"!

Door Neighbor Jokes

Here is a list of funny door neighbor jokes and even better door neighbor puns that will make you laugh with friends.

My neighbor pounded on my door at 2:30am last night! Can you believe that?! 2:30am! Fortunately, I was still up practicing my bagpipes.
My neighbor came pounding on my front door at 2am last night lucky for him, I was up practicing my bag pipes.
My lesbian next door neighbors just gave me a Rolex for my birthday I really like it but I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch .
Won't believe the nerve of my neighbor knocking on my door at 3AM. Fortunately I was up playing the drums.
My neighbor knocked on my door at 3 a.m. 3 a.m.!!!
Fortunately, i was still awake, playing my bagpipes.
Ever since the government lockdown, my neighbor has had to run her business out of her backyard. She bakes delicious pastries. Google Back Door Cream Pies if you're interested.
Not saying we were poor, but many a time, my mother would send me next door with a button... ...and ask our neighbor if she would sew a shirt on it.
My neighbors yelled and banged my door 3 in the morning, literally 3! Luckly, I was still up practicing my bagpipe.
So a neighbor knocked on my door at 3am. *3am* Luckily I was already playing the bagpipes
My neighbor is so inconsiderate! He came pounding on my front door at 4am.
Thankfully I was already awake practicing my drum solo, but very rude!

Good Neighbor Jokes

Here is a list of funny good neighbor jokes and even better good neighbor puns that will make you laugh with friends.

A horse moved next door to me yesterday. I heard that they make good neighbors.
I ran over my neighbor's cat the ither day.. And I felt really bad about it so I told her that I will replace her cat. She said "that's all well and good but how are you at catching mice?"
My neighbors listen to good music every night. Whether they want to hear it or not.
My neighbor and I are good friends so we decided to share our water supply. We got a long well.
Did you know fences make good neighbors And bad neighbors make good fertilizer.
What does a wife and a tin roof have in common? You better nail both of 'em good or they'll end up at the neighbor's house.
Free to Good Home: Small terrier, cute and cuddly but barks constantly. If interested, I'll hop the neighbor's fence and get him for you.
At first I was upset when a drug dealer moved in next door, but now.. Let's just say he puts the "GHB" in "good neiGHBor"
I've been bored lately so I decided to take up fencing. My neighbors said they will call the cops if I don't put it back. My monk also said it's good for my Karma for reposting.
I thought my neighbors were good people But then they got a wifi password

Neighbor joke, I thought my neighbors were good people

Bad Neighbor Jokes

Here is a list of funny bad neighbor jokes and even better bad neighbor puns that will make you laugh with friends.

Neighbor: I'll have you know our lawyer has a $50,000 retainer! Me: Wow, how bad are his teeth?
I feel bad for my neighbor the lawyer. She seems to be suffering from occupational burnout. These days she just goes through the motions.
I am not saying my wife is a bad driver but ... our neighbors walk in the middle of the road to avoid getting hit by her car.
My neighbors daughter keeps crying... Too bad, I'm not letting her out.
If you s**... at playing the trumpet... ...that's probably why.
My neighbor who had horrible jokes passed away this week. This was one of his favorites. Enjoy a good (bad) pun in his memory.

Elderly Neighbor Jokes

Here is a list of funny elderly neighbor jokes and even better elderly neighbor puns that will make you laugh with friends.

A lesbian couple got their elderly neighbor a Rolex for his birthday... Upon opening it the man said, This is really nice, but I think you ladies misunderstood when I told you I wanna watch
My neighbor, an elderly p**..., adopted a puppy and asked me if I could help train it.
I told her "No sorry, you can't teach an old trick's new dog."
My elderly neighbor loved s**...; he would just keep going and going. He reminds me of that battery brand DieHard

Love Thy Neighbor Jokes

Here is a list of funny love thy neighbor jokes and even better love thy neighbor puns that will make you laugh with friends.

Bible teaches you to love thy neighbor. Kama-sutra tells you how.
Love thy neighbor.. But don't get caught.
So, I know a guy and his motto is 'Love Thy Neighbor' He lives next to a brothel.
i have a friend whos saying is love thy neighbor he lives next door to a brothel
"Love thy neighbor as thyself", the bible said! But my neighbour did not appreciate me jerking him off :-/
My Wife Got Angry I Was m**... Our Neighbor I told her but the bible says "Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself".
Love thy neighbor as thyself. Somebody's getting a h**....

Neighbor joke, Love thy neighbor as thyself.

Delightful Fun Neighbor Jokes for a Roaring Good Time

What funny jokes about neighbor you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean partner jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make neighbor pranks.

My attractive female neighbor is completely paranoid.

She thinks I'm following or even stalking her, she is worried that I may be obsessed with her and any time she hears a noise in her house she is...purified? Oh, wait: petrified. Sorry, it's not easy reading a diary through binoculars from a tree.

My neighbor just got arrested for growing m**....

I guess my property line isn't where I thought it was.

Wow. The neighborhood barber just got arrested for dealing drugs. I've been his customer for years.

I had no idea he was a barber.

A man goes to see a s**... therapist

"My problem is that my neighbor says he can do it six times a night, but I can do barely three"
"Please open your mouth," the therapist says.
The man, now confused, opens his mouth, and the doctor inspects it carefully.
"I see nothing wrong here, so you should be able to lie just like your neighbor."

My next door neighbor with massive b... keeps walking around the backyard t....

I wish his wife would do the same.

A cat owner invited their neighbor over for dinner and introduced their four cats. "That's Alogue, Aract, Erpillar, and Astrophe," they announced. The neighbor was surprised and asked, Where on Earth did you get those names?

Oh, those are their last names, the owner said. Their first names are Cat.

Why does Donald Trump secretly want to lose the election?

Because if he wins, he'll have to move into a smaller house in a black neighborhood.

Wife asks her husband to fix the fridge. He replies "What am I, a repairman?" So she got their neighbor to fix it. She tells her husb "It's fixed. Our neighbor said he would fix it if I either slept with him or baked him a pie."

Husband laughs and asks "So what kind of pie did you bake him?"
Wife replies "What am I, a baker?"

All the proof you need.

A man went to his lawyer and told him, "My neighbor owes me $500 and he won't pay up. What should I do?"
"Do you have any proof he owes you the money?" asked the lawyer.
"Nope," replied the man.
"OK, then write him a letter asking him for the $5,000 he owed you," said the lawyer.
"But it's only $500," replied the man.
"Precisely. That's what he will reply and then you'll have your proof!"

Trumpets and Guns

In a small town, a man just opened a small store selling trumpets and guns.
One day his neighbor pays him a visit and says, "So how is your strange business going?"
"What do you mean strange?"
"Because you sell only trumpets and guns!"
"So?"
"Well, let me put it this way, what do you sell the most, trumpets or guns?"
"It evens itself out. Each time a customer buys a trumpet, one of his neighbors buys a gun."

My wife hates it when our next door neighbor sunbathes t**... in her yard.

Personally I'm on the fence.

There was a b**... in my neighborhood last night

The police told us to stay inside until they shot him

"The neighbors hate us."

"The neighbors hate us."
"Why?"
"Well, you remember when we had that bonfire in my yard, and were roasting marshmallows?"
"Yeah, that was really fun."
"And remember how the house up the road caught fire, and all those fire engines came, and we ran to see what was going on, and the wife was crying in her husband's arms, and how everyone looked at us funny?"
"Yeah, I remember! I wondered what we'd done..."
"We were still holding our marshmallow sticks."

A son ask his dad to explain the difference between reality and fiction.

Dad: It's complicated but let me try to explain. Honey, would you sleep with the neighbor for 100,000$?
Mom: Yes of course because I know we need the money.
Dad: Very good. Alright now Tasha, would you have s**... with the neighbor's son for 200,000$?
Daughter: Yeah sure!
Dad: Perfect. So you see son, right now we would have 300,000 fictional dollars but in reality we have two w**... in this house.

A teacher asks her class to use 'contagious' in a sentence

A teacher asks her class to use the word 'contagious' in a sentence. Sally, the class genius, raises her hand and says, "Last year I got the mumps, and my mom said it was contagious."
"Very good," says the teacher. "Would anyone else like to try?"
Little Johnny raises his hand and stands to give his answer.
"Our mean next door neighbor was painting her house by hand, and my dad said it would take the contagious.

My daughter, 10, won tonight

My wife and I were stepping out to the neighbors for a get together and she is staying home tonight, so I reviewed the ground rules - don't answer the door, let the dog out the back door, call us if you need, etc.
She looked at me and said You know the rules, and so do I
Rickrolled as a dad joke.
Later, called to remind her to let the dog, who is a white goldendoodle, out. Speech to text s**... up and put make sure Ginger isn't at the door into make sure Ginger isn't at the bar
The reply?
Too late, she's white dog wasted
We have a natural here…

My wife is furious at our next door neighbor who sunbathes n**... in her backyard.

Personally I'm on the fence.

My lesbian neighbors asked me what I wanted for my birthday.

I was quite surprised when the gave me a rolex. It was an incredibly generous gift, but I think they misunderstood me when I said "I wanna watch."

In my community we have a neighborhood watch,

It's actually more like a clock tower.

Why doesn't Melania Trump want her husband to become President?

She doesn't want to move into a smaller house in a black neighborhood.

My neighbor grew tired of being a taxidermist after 15 years, and went to veterinarian school.

His new business never got off the ground so he decided to operate both his taxidermy and vet business together to save money. His new slogan was: "No Matter What Happens - You Get Your Cat Back."

What do you call a sketchy Italian neighborhood?

The spaghetto

Honey, your son said he's thinking of burning down the neighbor's house!!

You mean, arson?
(I probably coulda worded it better, but you see where I'm going with it at least)

My lesbian neighbors got me a Rolex for Christmas

I guess they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.

A daughter and mother are talking.

"You're dating John, the neighbor?!", asks the mother. "He is 30 years older than you, it's-"
"But I love him!", she interrupts.
"What do you mean you love him, he could be your father!"
"I don't care about his age, he loves me too!"
"I think you misunderstood me."

I just found out my neighborhood barber was arrested for dealing drugs!

I've been his customer for 25 years and I never knew he was a barber.

Just saw my next door neighbor with big b..., laying t... by the pool

Just wish his wife would do the same

My new puppy just bit the neighbors kid so we had to have it killed

He was going to tell his parents

My neighbor claims his Golden Retriever dog can bring a ball back from half a mile away..

That seems a bit far-fetched to me..

When my wife and I got married,

we mutually decided to each select that one person who we'd most like to have s**... with and, if by some miracle, it happened, the other wouldn't get angry. She picked Brad Pitt and I went with Uma Thurman (Uma!!). For our 20th anniversary, I thought it would be fun to change things up and she agreed. So, she picked George Clooney and I chose the next door neighbor.

My neighbor's in the guinness book of records.

He's had 44 concussions. He lives very close to me, in fact it's just a stone's throw away.

The neighbors hate us.

My lesbian neighbors asked me what I want for my birthday.

I wanted a Timex, but all I got was a black eye.

whenever my wife starts singing around the house I immediately go into the yard

That way the neighbors know I'm not hitting her

My neighbor visited my house the other day

He said: Isn't your house the same as mine? How many rolls of wallpaper did you buy for your living room when you moved in?
12 I said.
A few days later he came back, pretty p**.... "I just finished, and I have 7 rolls of wallpaper left!"
Yeah, so did I.
\*Heard in Dutch and translated.

In a confession booth...

ME: I committed all seven deadly sins in 30 minutes.
PRIEST: Wow I gotta hear this.
ME: I was angry and envious at my neighbor so I lazily seduced his wife and ate all his groceries and I didn't share.
PRIEST: You forgot pride.
ME: No, Im pretty proud of this.

We're having a traditional Thanksgiving this year.

We're going to invite the neighbors to dinner, m**... them, and take their land.

In an elementary school English class, kids are learning the word contagious . Teacher calls on students, asking them to use it in a sentence.

- Susan?
- I had a flu and mommy made me stay home for 3 days because I was contagious!
- Very good. What about you, Johnny?
- Our neighbor Mrs. Henderson has started painting her fence last night, daddy says it's gonna take the contagious!

so, my neighbors just got arrested for making their kids get Botox.....

none of the kids looked surprised

I dressed up as a gifted kid for Halloween.

When my neighbors asked what I was supposed to be, I sadly replied, "I was supposed to be a lot of things..."

FRESH HARAMBE OF BELL AIR....

In west Cincinnati I was born and raised on the zoo grounds is where I spent most of my days,Chillin out hangin out acting all cool, eating bananas out by the pool When a mom and her kid, they were up to no good, crawled over the fence into my neighborhood,I got in one little fight and my zoo keeper got scared, heard a gunshot just before I stopped breathing air.......

girl are u my neighbor's wifi?

cuz u have a s**... name and im having trouble connecting

My lesbian neighbors got me a rolex for my birthday.

I guess they didn't realize what I meant when I said I wanna watch .

Color vs Colour, Favorite vs Favourite, Neighbor vs Neighbour

British English: I think you're having problem understanding these words.
American English: no u

A guy is sitting on his porch when his blonde neighbor walks out to her mailbox.

She opens the mailbox, looks in, colses it up and walks back into the house. Five minutes later, she does the same thing. After another five minutes, the same thing, but this time she's visibly angry. She comes out again after another five minutes, looking furious. She looks in the mailbox and slams it closed. As she's walking back to the house, the guy says,
"Not to be nosy, but are you expecting an important package?"
The blonde answers, "No! It's my d**... computer! It keeps telling me I have mail!"

Dad explained the difference between theory and reality.

Dad told me to ask mom if she would sleep with the neighbor for one million dollars. Mom said she would. Dad then told me to ask my sister if she would sleep with the neighbor for one million dollars. Sis said she would. Dad said right. In theory, we are sitting on two million dollars. In reality, we are living with two w**....

Dear Charlie, We've been neighbors for 6 tumultuous years.

When you borrowed my snowblower, you returned it in pieces.
When I was sick, you blasted Metallica.
And when your dog decorated my lawn, you laughed.
I could go on, but I'm not one to hold grudges. So I am writing this letter to tell you that your house is on fire.
Cordially, Harry

My s**... neighbors got divorced

but it's okay because they got joint custody

Wife: Our new neighbor always kisses his wife when he goes to work, why don't you do that?

Husband: How can I ?
I don't even know her.

The difference between rural, suburban, and urban.

- If you stand n**... on the front porch and the neighbors can't see you, it's rural.
- If you stand n**... on the front porch and the neighbors call the cops, it's suburban.
- If you stand n**... on the front porch and the neighbors ignore you, it's urban.
Credit to someone on /u/jasonreid1976's Facebook.

A robber breaks into a house where two people are just finishing having s**....

The robber ties the man and woman up. He starts looking around the room for valubles. When he doesn't find any, the robber asks the man
"Where's the good stuff!"
The man replies, "I'll tell you, just untie her and let her go."
Robber: "you love your wife that much huh?"
The man: "No, that's my neighbors wife, mine's on her way home!"

My gay neighbor gave me a sextape of him and his husband for my birthday.

I think he misunderstood me when I said, "I wanna watch."

How to get free internet @ home

I live in an apartment complex so I have neighbors left to right and below me. One day I asked my neighbor if he was interested in splitting the cost of my wifi 50/50 so he could also use it. He agreed. I went on to my other neighbor downstairs and asked him the same thing. Now both my neighbors are paying for my wifi.

A joke I was told by an old man I golfed with.

A man was at the bar with a couple of his neighbors. One of his friends says "Have you seen that new pool boy the Johnsons hired? I heard he's had his way with all the women in the neighborhood except one."
Worried, the man goes home and confronts his wife. "Honey I heard the new pool boy has had with every woman in the neighborhood except one, do you know anything about that?" She replies "hmm, I bet it's Betty, she's a real p**...."

A doctor was treating a victim of a beating.

Doctor: How did this happen?
Patient: I was b**... my neighbor over her kitchen table when we hear the front door open.
She said "It's my husband! Quick, try the back door!!"
Thinking back, I really should have ran, but you don't get offers like that every day.

-My daughter, are you really dating our neighbor?

-My daughter, are you really dating our neighbor?
-Yes, I am, mum!
-But he could be your father!
-Age does not matter, mum!
-That's not what I meant.

A moderator of this sub is my neighbor in real life, and is demanding that my fence be removed

...just because I re-posted it.

My neighbor thinks I spy on her..

I would tell her otherwise, but she's in the shower right now

How about some Little Johnny...

Little Johnny asks his Dad "What's between mom's legs?"
The father answers: "Paradise, my son."
Little Johnny asks again: "What's between your legs?"
The father replies: "The key to paradise."

Little Johnny says: "Piece of advice Dad, change the lock the neighbor has a duplicate key."

A guy walks into a bar

A guy walks into his favorite neighborhood bar and is shocked to see that all the dart boards are now hanging from the ceiling. "This is ridiculous!" he complains to the bartender. "It really makes me want to throw up."

I can't believe my neighbors came to my house at 5:00 AM...

...thank god I was already up playing the bagpipes.