Negotiations Jokes
23 negotiations jokes and hilarious negotiations puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about negotiations that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Negotiations Short Jokes
Short negotiations jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The negotiations humour may include short agreement jokes also.
- The year is 2077... Brexit negotiations continue.
Nevada has counted 98% of the votes.
Cyberpunk has been delayed again. - I negotiated salary for the first time ever, and I got what I wanted! I didn't really want to work there anyway.
- New Scottish First Minister just promised to renew negotiations for independence No matter what happens, I'm sure the English will walk out scot-free
- My girlfriend and I broke up today because she said she didn't like Indian food. I told her it was Naan negotiable
- What’s the difference between an accordionist and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.
- Can someone tell me who "bidden" is. I see all of these things that are for bidden, and I want to negotiate with him.
- Divorce I consider myself pretty lucky in my divorce because we negotiated a 50-50 split of our assets. My wife got half, my lawyer got half.
- I don't understand how Authorities can tell us that we "Can't Negotiate with terrorists..." I just got a free can of Coke with my kebab...
- Helium Factory It looks like the negotiations at the helium factory were falling apart....everything was up in the air.
- My son threatened to hold his breath until he got ice cream He passed out on the floor.
I don't negotiate with terrorists.
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Negotiations One Liners
Which negotiations one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with negotiations? I can suggest the ones about arrangements and trade.
- Why are spelunkers horrible negotiators? Because they love to cave.
- Teacher, I can't work with radicals! I don't negotiate with terrorists.
- Why did Hillary wait to give her concession speech? She needed time to negotiate her fee.
- What do you call an expert hostage negotiator? A master debater.
- What happened when Batman tried to negotiate a good deal on a hideout? He caved.
- I negotiated with a psychic the other night. It was a happy medium.
- A woman is being hired and is trying to negotiate her salary
- Where does Putin negotiate? The Crimea River
- Brexit is the worst trade negotiation, since Star Wars: The Phantom Menace.
- North Korea is sending a top diplomat to cancel the recent negotiations... Jo Xan Yu
- ISIS has a new site to discuss cheap hostage negotiations.. They call it "Infa-Deals"
- I'm Arab I asked my manager for a raise. He said, "We don't negotiate with t**...".
Loads of Fun with Charming Humor Negotiations Jokes
What funny jokes about negotiations you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean business meeting jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make negotiations pranks.
A joke I heard while working in China a few years ago
A Chinese state-owned container ship is highjacked by pirates. A Chinese Communist Party official is sent to negotiate.
The pirates' leader, waving his gun, shouted: the ransom is TEN MILLION dollars! Or everyone on the ship will die!
The official responded, calmly: I will give you twenty million, but you'll write me a receipt of forty million.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man walks up to a g**... the street
He asks her "would you have s**... with me for a million dollars?"
The girl replies "hmm.. for a millian dollars sure!"
The man asks "would you have s**... with me for free?"
The girl replies "for free? What kind of girl do you think I am?
The man replies "we've already found what kind of girl you are now we are just negotiating a price."
The male bees were unhappy with their lot ...
So they decided to stop fertilizing the Queen. They had the usual demands: larger honey rations, shorter hours, etc. The worker bees tried to negotiate, but it was too late, and the hive never recovered. Thus it became the first beehive destroyed in a drone strike.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
[negotiating candy with a 3 year old]
**Me:** we can split this 50/50
**3yo:** 60/50
**Me:** that's not how math works...
**3yo [narrows eyes]:** 80/50
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a lead guitarist and a t**...?
You can actually negotiate with a t**....
A man sees a woman in a bar...
A man sees a woman in a bar and asks, "Ma'am, would you sleep with me for a million dollars?"
The woman is startled at first, but replies, "My goodness! Well, I suppose... we would have to discuss terms, of course..."
The man turns away from her and says, "I've changed my mind. Would you sleep with me for five dollars?"
The woman then says, "Of course not! What kind of woman do you think I am?"
The man says, "Madam, we've already established that. Now we're just negotiating.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man and his ex-wife are negotiating child custody
The judge first asks the ex-wife to give him a reason why she should get the child.
**"Your honour, naturally, since I had to go through excruciating pain to bring this child into the world, I should get to keep the child."**
The judge is almost convinced but has to see the man's side first. The judge asks the man why he should receive custody of the child. The man thinks long and hard. Finally, he speaks up:
**"Your honour, if you went to a vending machine and put in a dollar and got a Coke, whose drink is it?"**
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you tell the difference between a t**... and a tenured professor?
You can negotiate with a t**....
