Negotiate Jokes
40 negotiate jokes and hilarious negotiate puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about negotiate that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Negotiate Short Jokes
Short negotiate jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The negotiate humour may include short negotiating jokes also.
- The year is 2077... Brexit negotiations continue.
Nevada has counted 98% of the votes.
Cyberpunk has been delayed again. - I negotiated salary for the first time ever, and I got what I wanted! I didn't really want to work there anyway.
- New Scottish First Minister just promised to renew negotiations for independence No matter what happens, I'm sure the English will walk out scot-free
- My girlfriend and I broke up today because she said she didn't like Indian food. I told her it was Naan negotiable
- "I don't know who you are, but I will find you, and I will kill you." And that was how I lost my job as a hostage negotiator on the first day.
- What’s the difference between an accordionist and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.
- A pakistani cabbie called me a racist I didn't say a word and left the cab. Because you don't negotiate with terrorists
- Can someone tell me who "bidden" is. I see all of these things that are for bidden, and I want to negotiate with him.
- Divorce I consider myself pretty lucky in my divorce because we negotiated a 50-50 split of our assets. My wife got half, my lawyer got half.
- I don't understand how Authorities can tell us that we "Can't Negotiate with terrorists..." I just got a free can of Coke with my kebab...
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Negotiate One Liners
Which negotiate one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with negotiate? I can suggest the ones about bargain and compromise.
- Why are spelunkers horrible negotiators? Because they love to cave.
- Teacher, I can't work with radicals! I don't negotiate with terrorists.
- Why did Hillary wait to give her concession speech? She needed time to negotiate her fee.
- Theresa may is so bad at negotiating she came out of DFS with a full price sofa
- What do you call an expert hostage negotiator? A master debater.
- What happened when Batman tried to negotiate a good deal on a hideout? He caved.
- I negotiated with a psychic the other night. It was a happy medium.
- A woman is being hired and is trying to negotiate her salary
- Where does Putin negotiate? The Crimea River
- Brexit is the worst trade negotiation, since Star Wars: The Phantom Menace.
- North Korea is sending a top diplomat to cancel the recent negotiations... Jo Xan Yu
- ISIS has a new site to discuss cheap hostage negotiations.. They call it "Infa-Deals"
- I'm Arab I asked my manager for a raise. He said, "We don't negotiate with t**...".
Silly Negotiate Jokes for a Good Time with Friends
What funny jokes about negotiate you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean communicate jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make negotiate pranks.
A joke I heard while working in China a few years ago
A Chinese state-owned container ship is highjacked by pirates. A Chinese Communist Party official is sent to negotiate.
The pirates' leader, waving his gun, shouted: the ransom is TEN MILLION dollars! Or everyone on the ship will die!
The official responded, calmly: I will give you twenty million, but you'll write me a receipt of forty million.
A man asks a woman if she would have s**... with him for a Million dollars.
The woman says "yes!"
The man then asks "Would you have s**... with me for one dollar?"
"NO! what do you think I am?!" she replies
"I think we already established that, now we're just negotiating"
A man walks up to a g**... the street
He asks her "would you have s**... with me for a million dollars?"
The girl replies "hmm.. for a millian dollars sure!"
The man asks "would you have s**... with me for free?"
The girl replies "for free? What kind of girl do you think I am?
The man replies "we've already found what kind of girl you are now we are just negotiating a price."
The male bees were unhappy with their lot ...
So they decided to stop fertilizing the Queen. They had the usual demands: larger honey rations, shorter hours, etc. The worker bees tried to negotiate, but it was too late, and the hive never recovered. Thus it became the first beehive destroyed in a drone strike.
A man walks into a bar and sees a young, attractive woman.
He approaches her and asks, "Excuse me, Miss. I was curious, would you be willing to sleep with me for one million dollars?" She responds, "Well certainly!" Again he asks, "How about for $10?" This time she answers, "Not at all. What do you think I am?" The man replies, "I have already established what you are. I'm just trying to negotiate a better price."
A man goes into a bar and sees a woman
He asks "Would you spend the night with me for $10,000 dollars". The woman says" Yes". The man then asks if she would stay the night for $1.00. Her response is "No, what do you think I am?" The man then says, "We have established what you are and now are negotiating the price".
A guy walks into a Bar....
..and walks up to a beautiful woman. He asks her if she would have s**... with him for $10,000. She thinks about and says she would. He then asks her if she would have s**... with him for $100. Disgusted, she declares, What kind of woman do you think I am? He replies, we have already established that, now I'm just negotiating price.
[negotiating candy with a 3 year old]
**Me:** we can split this 50/50
**3yo:** 60/50
**Me:** that's not how math works...
**3yo [narrows eyes]:** 80/50
What's the difference between a lead guitarist and a t**...?
You can actually negotiate with a t**....
An economist found himself one night in a bar standing beside a gorgeous woman.
"Would you be willing to sleep with me for $1 million? he asked her.
She looked him over. There wasn't much to see—but still, $1 million! She agreed to go back to his room.
All right then, he said. Would you be willing to sleep with me for $100?
A hundred dollars! she shot back. What do you think I am, a p**...?
We've already established that. Now we're just negotiating the price.
A man sees a woman in a bar...
A man sees a woman in a bar and asks, "Ma'am, would you sleep with me for a million dollars?"
The woman is startled at first, but replies, "My goodness! Well, I suppose... we would have to discuss terms, of course..."
The man turns away from her and says, "I've changed my mind. Would you sleep with me for five dollars?"
The woman then says, "Of course not! What kind of woman do you think I am?"
The man says, "Madam, we've already established that. Now we're just negotiating.
A man and his ex-wife are negotiating child custody
The judge first asks the ex-wife to give him a reason why she should get the child.
**"Your honour, naturally, since I had to go through excruciating pain to bring this child into the world, I should get to keep the child."**
The judge is almost convinced but has to see the man's side first. The judge asks the man why he should receive custody of the child. The man thinks long and hard. Finally, he speaks up:
**"Your honour, if you went to a vending machine and put in a dollar and got a Coke, whose drink is it?"**
How do you tell the difference between a t**... and a tenured professor?
You can negotiate with a t**....
Q: What is the difference between a teenager and a t**...?
A: You can negotiate with a t**....
The right price
A man approaches a woman in a bar:
-- Miss, if I offer you a million dollars, would you agree to have s**... with me?
-- Yes, of course.
-- But what if I give you only $50?
-- Are you crazy? What kind of woman do you think I am?
-- That's what we established earlier, now I'm just trying to negotiate the price.
What's the difference between a Jewish mother and a t**...?
You can negotiate with terrorists.
A man at a party sees a very attractive woman
He walks up and says, "You are beautiful and I have to have you. Would you sleep with me for $2,000?"
"Yes." She says.
He walks away and comes back and says, "Would you sleep with me for $20?"
She gets angry and says, "What kind of woman do you thing I am!?"
Guy says, "We've already established that. Now we are simply negotiating the price. "
A French monk wrote a manifesto stating that every woman would agree to sell her body for money. The manifesto was read by the Queen of France and she invited the monk for a chat.
- So, you're stating that every women would agree to sell herself?
- Yes.
- Me too?
- Of course.
- And how much do you think I would cost?
- 500 francs.
- What?! Only 500 francs?!
- Here you go - you've already started to negotiate.
A Scottish Sargent knocks on a w**...-house door.
When the madam answers he says "Excuse me madam. But could you tell me how much you would charge for the pleasure of my company?"
The madam gives her price and they negotiate back and forth until they come to a bargain. Once the reach agreement the Sargent says "That sounds like a fair price."
Then he turns, gestures behind himself and yells "OK lads. We have a deal. Company h**...!"
