Negative Jokes
168 negative jokes and hilarious negative puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about negative that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Do you need a good laugh? Check out this article with negative jokes that are sure to get you chuckling! These hilarious jokes will help lighten your mood and add a bit of levity to a tough day. From jokes about negative Covid tests and negative numbers to jokes about negative minds, Negative Nancys, and negative love, these jokes are sure to put a smile on your face. Plus, you'll find some jokes about double negatives and irrational thinking, as well as some pessimism and pessimism-fueled jokes. Check it out now and see which ones you find funny!
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Funniest Negative Short Jokes
Short negative jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The negative humour may include short positive jokes also.
- Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of negative number? He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.
- With all the negativity in the world today... ...at least charlie sheen is staying positive.
- I heard that, while a double negative makes a positive, a double positive doesn't make a negative... Yeah right.
- How do you tell an optimistic tree from a pessimistic tree? If it's negative, its roots are imaginary.
- The grammar teacher said "In English, two negatives make an affirmative, but two affirmatives never make a negative." A student replied... "Yeah, right!"
- Drug test A couple of days ago I had to do a drug test and it came up negative. Now, I have to have a serious talk with my dealer...
- When someone tells you that the integers are a more useful set of numbers than the natural numbers, stop talking to them. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life.
- Chinese Joke Got my blood results today turns out my blood type is A negative.
My dad is going to kill me - Being married to a photographer is depressing... ...they're always looking at the negatives.
- In the 18th century it was common practice to ignore negative numbers People stopped at nothing to avoid them
Share These Negative Jokes With Friends
Negative One Liners
Which negative one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with negative? I can suggest the ones about neutral and downside.
- My drug test came back negative. My drug dealer has some explaining to do.
- When counting down, I can't stand negative numbers I stop at nothing to avoid them.
- My IQ test results just came in and I'm really relieved. Thank God it's negative.
- I'll stop at nothing to avoid using negative numbers.
- What's Autocorrect's blood type? typo negative
- My house-mate is terrified of negative numbers He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.
- I just took an IQ test and I am SO happy... Thank God it came back negative!
- 2019: Stay away from negative People 2020: Stay away from positive people
- First rule of English grammar, Double negatives are a no no.
- I never misspell words. My blood is typo negative
- I tested negative For an IQ test
- I was born pessimist My Blood Group is B negative
- Kellyanne Conway did not test positive for Covid-19 She tested alternative-negative
- Two positives never make a negative. Yeah, right.
- Don't use double negatives. They're a big no no.
Positive Negative Jokes
Here is a list of funny positive negative jokes and even better positive negative puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Psychiatrist: "You need to think more positive and generalize less." Me: "Yeah, it's a shame that everyone's so negative."
- What did the positive charge say to the negative charge after their first date? *"We have potential."*
- One of the most negative words... ..of 2020 is 'positive'.
- There are zero types of people in the world Those who are positive and those who are negative.
- As the United States reopens, the federal government has issued a rapid coronavirus test that's just 25 cents. Heads is positive. Tails is negative.
- This year I decided to rid of all negativity in my life. 2020 wasn't the best year to start, I'd hate to be surrounded by positive people now.
- When my grandfather was dying we struggled to figure out his blood type. He just kept telling us to be positive. and then they just gave him o-negative because it works with all blood types
- What's the difference between a seal and a sealion? A seal is neutral but a seal ion has a positive or negative charge
- What do you call an assault which is both positive and negative? A battery.
- So this dude's giving a lecture about how two negatives can make a positive but two positives can't make a negative, when a voice from the lecture hall shouts:
"Yeah, Yeah!"
Double Negative Jokes
Here is a list of funny double negative jokes and even better double negative puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My wife just left me because i cant stop using double negatives. But in my opinion I haven't done nothing wrong.
- Why should you never use double negatives in English? Because they're just a no-no.
- Double Negatives ...are no-nos.
- "We don't need no education." Yes, you do. You just used a double negative.
- What do you call two pessimists dating? A double negative.
- What did the one explorer say to the other when they arrived in Northern Canada? Eh, you take this one. I don't want Nunavut.
PS: I realize it's a double negative. - My college professor talked about double negatives today He said that you could use a double positive to describe something, but never a double negative.
Yeah, right. - My friend says a double negative can make a positive, but a double positive can never make a negative. Yeah, right.
- Double negatives are positives Ain't nothin' right about that.
- Double negative isn't a positive Instead it is a triple negative
Negative Numbers Jokes
Here is a list of funny negative numbers jokes and even better negative numbers puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- We found a list of negative numbers at the crime scene It doesn't add up
- I'll stop at nothing... ...to avoid using negative numbers.
Bonus:
What's yellow and swings from cake to cake?
Tarzipan - When you square root a negative number the result is imaginary Just like my friends
- What do mathematicians call it when you try to square root a negative number? A sin.
- If you're afraid of negative numbers Stop at nothing to avoid them
- Did you know NASA hates negative numbers? When counting down they will stop at nothing to avoid them.
- Why did the negative number look so surprised? He was nonplussed.
- My GF is like a two's complement binary number if I flip her and add 1, she will become negative ;(
- What's the most positive number? 0, because it leaves everything negative behind it.
- Why are Jedis allowed to use negative numbers? Because only Siths deal in absolutes.
Negative Covid Test Jokes
Here is a list of funny negative covid test jokes and even better negative covid test puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Trump just got tested again, and he's still negative. IQ, not COVID-19.
- SO happy to announce my mother has tested negative for COVID-19... Doctor said the breathing issues are only pulmonary fibrosis, a collapsed lung, and stage 4 cancer. Phew!
- Now that there are confirmed infections in The White House, Donald Trump is getting a COVID-19 and an IQ test every day... So far all tests have come back negative.
Hilarious Fun Negative Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter
What funny jokes about negative you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean negativity jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make negative pranks.
2 people walk into a building...
and 3 come out. A logistician says "There must have already been a person in the building". A biologist says "They must have reproduced", and a mathematician says "There are now negative one people in the building"
I'm still on my first marriage, and... Wait, that sounded very negative, as if I don't expect this marriage to last.
My current wife hates it when I talk like that.
A physics professor and his assistant...
A physics professor and his assistant are working on liberating negatively-charged hydroxyl ions, when all of a sudden, the assistant says, "Wait, professor, what if the salicylic acids do not accept the hydroxyl ions?" And the professor responds, "That's no hydroxyl ion; that's my wife!"
Why was Six afraid of Seven? Because Seven ate Nine. Lame, right? I made up some more!
Why did Two pay more for socks?
Because it was a three-for-five deal!
Why did Four get jealous of Five?
Because Five had six with Seven!
(And I heard that Seven ate Nine out)
Why did Negative One share its cash prize with Zero after they tied for first place in the race?
Because Zero won too!
Why couldn't the radical get his pictures developed?
He didn't have any negatives!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Washington r**... are changing the team name because of all the negativity, shame, humiliation, dissent, polarity, adversity, defiance, animosity, contempt, discrimination, division, counter-productivity and hostility associated with their name.
....from now on they will be known simply as the r**....
Two atoms bump into each other, and become stuck.
"Oh, no," said the first atom. "We're going to be stuck like this forever!"
"It'll be okay. Try not to be so negative! Think positive for a second."
The first atom thought real hard, and the two flew apart.
My atheist, mathematician friend insists religion is negative...
Because at it's root, it's imaginary!
What is a pessimists blood type?
B-negative.
How many of those brownies did you eat, private?
"All of them sir!"
"That was my stash private."
"Negative sir it was labeled private!"
My dad used to tell the ultimate dad joke passed on by his Native American father from Arizona.
"You boys know how all these cacti got their name?"
*sigh* "No dad how did they decide on a name?"
"Well, when the first Native American tried the water from them, he exclaimed 'Yucca!'"
(Yucca is the name of an abundant species of cacti found in Arizona)
(I cringed when I heard this and I loved my grandfather very much so I understand any negative reaction)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My attempt at a s**... math joke
A sine wave and a cosine wave are trying to have a baby. They are deeply religious so the only position they are able to do is m**.... After many attempts they think they might have conceived a child. The cosine wave grabs a pregnancy test, goes into the bathroom, and comes out a couple of minutes later. The sine wave says "well is it negative or positive?" and the cosine wave says "no, it's tangent."
I went to the gym and did a negative pullup today.
It was a letdown.
A nutritionist is giving a speech at a conference on eating healthy
Red meat is terrible for your metabolism, soda rips apart your gastric wall. Fast food is almost all fat and sugar but there's one food that is the worst of all. Almost all of us eat it sooner or later and the negative effects can last for years after a single consumption. Does anyone know what this is?
After a moment of silence an elderly specialist sitting in one of the front rows gets up and says "wedding cake"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Shia Labeouf got rejected for a job he applied for...
During a practice run he caused negative results.
Apparently he wasn't what the s**... hotline was looking for.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Women are like numbers ...
* Some are Rational, but infinitely more are Irrational.
* The Real ones might be Proper or Improper, but only the Imaginary ones are ever Pure.
* Some are Natural, the rest are Negative, or just not there.
* Some are Prime, but those are hard to find.
* Every other one is just plain Odd.
which is the most negative animal in the barnyard?
the horse, because its a naysayer.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend was worried about the results of his h**... test, so I told him to assume he was going to die.
I don't see why he got angry at me though, I was just want him to be negative.
Why was Cleopatra so negative?
Because she was queen of denial.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A proton walks over to an electron and asks, "Hey electron, why are you always so negative?"
The electron turns around, stares at him deeply for a brief moment, and responds, "My parents died in a car c**...."
___
*Reposting this joke because I originally posted it on the wrong account.*
A linguistics professor is lecturing his class
A linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there isn't a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative."
A voice from the back of the room retorted, "Yeah, right."
Why are negative parabolas so introverted?
They have a hard time opening up
A Freshman Seminar Professor Was Trying To Wow His Students
He told them, "In the English Language, a double negative equals a positive. For example, I didn't not do it equals I did it. But no double positive in English equals a negative."
A student in the back shouted, "YEAH, RIGHT!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a pessimistic Mexican doing math?
Negative Juan.
Why was the photographer always depressed?
He could only see the negatives.
I told my friend a joke about my blood type...
He said it was a little too negative.
After many years as an accountant, I was asked to take a personality test.
The results came back negative.
Double positives
One day, during a lesson at the community college, the professor is explaining how a double negative will always be positive but a double positive can never be negative.
To which his student replies "yeah right"
A proton walks up to an electron
The proton says, "Why so negative?"
The electron says, "My wife is cheating on me."
An English teacher is giving a lesson on double negatives
He says to the class: "One of the curious conventions of the English language is that two negatives always result in a positive statement; however, never do two positives result in a negative one."
A voice from the back of the room says, "Yeah right".
This mnemonic joke helps you remember the alphabet...
Acronym
Based
Comedy
Doesn't
Ever
Feel
Good
Honestly,
I
Just
Keep
Lamenting
My
Negative
Opinion,
Perhaps
Questioning
Reality
Serves
The
Universe
Very
Well
...
Xylophone, yak, zebra.
Newly leaked documents from the Whitehouse show the results of Donald Trumps IQ test.
It came back negative.
An English teacher to his class...
"In some languages a double negative is interpreted as a negative while in some others it is interpreted as a positive. However a double positive is universally interpreted as a positive"
A voice from the back of the class replied "Yeah right"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You know what s**...?
Negative Pressure
Due to the negative connotation of the phrase "colored people" the NAACP is thinking about changing their name to reflect more modern terms like "African Americans"
But then they said NAAAA.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Navy ship hailed a civilian at sea...
**Navy**: We ask that you divert your course 15 degrees north, to avoid collision.
**Civilian**: Negative. Recommend that *you* divert 15 degrees north, to avoid collision.
**Navy**: This is the Captain of a U.S. Navy ship. I say again, divert your course.
**Civilian**: Negative. I say again, recommend you change course.
**Navy**: This is the aircraft carrier *Enterprise*! We are a large warship of the U.S. Navy! Divert your course *immediately*!
**Civilian**: This is a lighthouse. Your call.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What are the negative effects of smoking m**...?
You now have less m**....
A blonde does an IQ test
Her friend asks her how it went. " Don't worry, it came out negative"-she replies
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
That's the problem with writing books about s**... techniques
... you only get negative reviews.
Completely Original Joke About Numbers That I'm Sure Has Never Occurred To Anyone
While I've always been able to count on the cardinal numbers, I find that some of the integers can be negative, but at least they're still rational. But as long as a number can be real with me, I don't care how dense they might be.
Three stereotypes (one that you don't like) are in this particular situation
The first two act in a normal or clever way, while the third confirms some negative thing you want to think about the stereotype, but in a humorous way!!
Chinese physicists have discovered long, hard, negatively-charged particles.
They call them erectrons.
You are unlikely to see negative reviews when shopping online for Parachutes
Know what I mean!!!
If any such review you find out, let me know. LOL
Two weeks ago I got a job in a photographers dark room.
After an initial negative review, today my boss told me my talent is developing.
After reading a recent study that found that the negative effects of alcohol greatly outweigh the benefits, I've decided it's time for a change in my life.
I've decided to give up recent studies.
How to get rid of negativity in life?
| life |
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Washington r**... finally decided to drop their offensive name.
Dan Snyder, owner of the NFL r**..., has announced that the team is dropping "Washington" from the team name, and it will henceforth be simply known as, "The r**...." It was reported that he finds the word "Washington" imparts a negative image of poor leadership, mismanagement, corruption, cheating, lying, and graft, and is not a fitting role-model for young fans of football.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man is sitting at a bar when a cop runs in.
"Sir," the cop shouts, holding up a s**... of undeveloped film, "Is this you?!"
The man looks at the film s**..., then at the officer. "That's a negative, sir."
Why are Mathematicians always so happy?
Because the root of their negativity is imaginary
I hate being around electrons.
They're always so negative!
What did the negative electron say when electrovalent bonding?
Up-n-atom.
-Officer Johnson here...
\-*Officer, go ahead.*
\-We responded to a call about a woman who stabbed his husband 38 times after he walked in on the floor still wet. We're at the location.
\-*Copy, Officer Johnson. Have you arrested the woman yet?*
\-Negative, we're waiting for the floor to dry.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I took an anti-body test today and it came back negative
s**... because I stayed up all night studying.
A good psychologist once advised me to shut out all the negative people that remind me of my dark past and move on
It's been more than a month since I've gone to him and I am already starting to feel better
I don't understand it. My company told all employees to get tested for COVID-19, and to stay home until they get the test results. I got tested and called my boss to tell him I'm coming back to work on Monday. He asked me if I'm sure my test came back negative.
I told him I was positive. He told me to stay home.
Instead of a swear jar, I started a negativity jar. Every time I think negative thoughts, I throw money in.
It's half empty.
