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Negative Jokes

178 negative jokes and hilarious negative puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about negative that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Do you need a good laugh? Check out this article with negative jokes that are sure to get you chuckling! These hilarious jokes will help lighten your mood and add a bit of levity to a tough day. From jokes about negative Covid tests and negative numbers to jokes about negative minds, Negative Nancys, and negative love, these jokes are sure to put a smile on your face. Plus, you'll find some jokes about double negatives and irrational thinking, as well as some pessimism and pessimism-fueled jokes. Check it out now and see which ones you find funny!

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Funniest Negative Short Jokes

Short negative jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The negative humour may include short positive jokes also.

  1. Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of negative number? He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.
  2. With all the negativity in the world today... ...at least charlie sheen is staying positive.
  3. Did you hear about the math student that was afraid of negative numbers? He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.
  4. I heard that, while a double negative makes a positive, a double positive doesn't make a negative... Yeah right.
  5. How do you tell an optimistic tree from a pessimistic tree? If it's negative, its roots are imaginary.
  6. The grammar teacher said "In English, two negatives make an affirmative, but two affirmatives never make a negative." A student replied... "Yeah, right!"
  7. I was born pessimist My Blood Group is B negative
  8. Drug test A couple of days ago I had to do a drug test and it came up negative. Now, I have to have a serious talk with my dealer...
  9. Kellyanne Conway did not test positive for Covid-19 She tested alternative-negative
  10. When someone tells you that the integers are a more useful set of numbers than the natural numbers, stop talking to them. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life.

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Negative One Liners

Which negative one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with negative? I can suggest the ones about neutral and downside.

  1. My drug test came back negative. My drug dealer has some explaining to do.
  2. My gf is like the square root of negative one hundred She's a perfect ten but imaginary
  3. When counting down, I can't stand negative numbers I stop at nothing to avoid them.
  4. My IQ test results just came in and I'm really relieved. Thank God it's negative.
  5. I'll stop at nothing to avoid using negative numbers.
  6. I have a fear of negative numbers... I'll stop at nothing to avoid them.
  7. What's Autocorrect's blood type? typo negative
  8. My house-mate is terrified of negative numbers He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.
  9. I just took an IQ test and I am SO happy... Thank God it came back negative!
  10. 2019: Stay away from negative People 2020: Stay away from positive people
  11. Your momma's so fat, she's like the negative cosine of X... They both go down after pi
  12. First rule of English grammar, Double negatives are a no no.
  13. I never misspell words. My blood is typo negative
  14. I got my IQ test results back They were negative.
  15. I tested negative For an IQ test

Positive Negative Jokes

Here is a list of funny positive negative jokes and even better positive negative puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Two positives never make a negative. Yeah, right.
  • English Professor: "While two negatives can mean a positive, in the English language there are no two positives that connote a negative." From back of class: "Yea. Right!"
  • My 2019 was about staying away from people being negative.. My 2020 was about staying away from people being positive..
  • Psychiatrist: "You need to think more positive and generalize less." Me: "Yeah, it's a shame that everyone's so negative."
  • What did the positive charge say to the negative charge after their first date? *"We have potential."*
  • One of the most negative words... ..of 2020 is 'positive'.
  • There are zero types of people in the world Those who are positive and those who are negative.
  • As the United States reopens, the federal government has issued a rapid coronavirus test that's just 25 cents. Heads is positive. Tails is negative.
  • This year I decided to rid of all negativity in my life. 2020 wasn't the best year to start, I'd hate to be surrounded by positive people now.
  • When my grandfather was dying we struggled to figure out his blood type. He just kept telling us to be positive. and then they just gave him o-negative because it works with all blood types

Double Negative Jokes

Here is a list of funny double negative jokes and even better double negative puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Don't use double negatives. They're a big no no.
  • My wife just left me because i cant stop using double negatives. But in my opinion I haven't done nothing wrong.
  • Rule number one of the English language: The use of double negatives is a big no-no
  • Why should you never use double negatives in English? Because they're just a no-no.
  • Double Negatives ...are no-nos.
  • "We don't need no education." Yes, you do. You just used a double negative.
  • What do you call two pessimists dating? A double negative.
    Credit to /u/copperbonker
  • Double negatives: A big No No
  • What did the one explorer say to the other when they arrived in Northern Canada? Eh, you take this one. I don't want Nunavut.
    PS: I realize it's a double negative.
  • My college professor talked about double negatives today He said that you could use a double positive to describe something, but never a double negative.
    Yeah, right.
Negative joke, My college professor talked about double negatives today

Negative Number Jokes

Here is a list of funny negative number jokes and even better negative number puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • In the 18th century it was common practice to ignore negative numbers People stopped at nothing to avoid them
  • You hear about the guy who hates negative numbers? He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.
  • I'm afraid of negative numbers I'll stop at nothing to avoid them.
  • We found a list of negative numbers at the crime scene It doesn't add up
  • I'll stop at nothing... ...to avoid using negative numbers.
    Bonus:
    What's yellow and swings from cake to cake?
    Tarzipan
  • When you square root a negative number the result is imaginary Just like my friends
  • TIL There is a man who is afraid of negative numbers He would stop at nothing to avoid them.
  • What do mathematicians call it when you try to square root a negative number? A sin.
  • If you're afraid of negative numbers Stop at nothing to avoid them
  • Did you hear about the math teacher who's afraid of negative numbers? She always tries to keep it positive

Negative Numbers Jokes

Here is a list of funny negative numbers jokes and even better negative numbers puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Did you know NASA hates negative numbers? When counting down they will stop at nothing to avoid them.
  • Why did the negative number look so surprised? He was nonplussed.
  • My GF is like a two's complement binary number if I flip her and add 1, she will become negative ;(
  • What's the most positive number? 0, because it leaves everything negative behind it.
  • Why are Jedis allowed to use negative numbers? Because only Siths deal in absolutes.
  • did you hear about the mathematics w**... who was afraid of negative numbers? his phobia was so bad that he will stop at nothing to avoid them.
    dedicated to my special friend blader2601.

Negative Covid Test Jokes

Here is a list of funny negative covid test jokes and even better negative covid test puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Trump just got tested again, and he's still negative. IQ, not COVID-19.
  • John Travolta tested negative for covid-19 last night... Turns out it was just Saturday Night Fever...
  • SO happy to announce my mother has tested negative for COVID-19... Doctor said the breathing issues are only pulmonary fibrosis, a collapsed lung, and stage 4 cancer. Phew!
  • Now that there are confirmed infections in The White House, Donald Trump is getting a COVID-19 and an IQ test every day... So far all tests have come back negative.
  • f**... under the covers is no longer called a Dutch oven... It's a free Covid test. If you can still smell or taste it, you're negative.
Negative joke, f**... under the covers is no longer called a <a href="/dutch-jokes.html" title="Dutch jokes">Dutch

Hilarious Fun Negative Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter

What funny jokes about negative you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean negativity jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make negative pranks.

2 people walk into a building...

and 3 come out. A logistician says "There must have already been a person in the building". A biologist says "They must have reproduced", and a mathematician says "There are now negative one people in the building"

I'm still on my first marriage, and... Wait, that sounded very negative, as if I don't expect this marriage to last.

My current wife hates it when I talk like that.

Double Positives.

A linguistics professor was lecturing his class one day.
'In English', he said, 'A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.'
A loud voice from the back of the room piped up, 'Yeah, right.'

Why was Six afraid of Seven? Because Seven ate Nine. Lame, right? I made up some more!

Why did Two pay more for socks?
Because it was a three-for-five deal!
Why did Four get jealous of Five?
Because Five had six with Seven!
(And I heard that Seven ate Nine out)
Why did Negative One share its cash prize with Zero after they tied for first place in the race?
Because Zero won too!

The Washington r**... are changing the team name because of all the negativity, shame, humiliation, dissent, polarity, adversity, defiance, animosity, contempt, discrimination, division, counter-productivity and hostility associated with their name.

....from now on they will be known simply as the r**....

A linguistics professor is giving a lecture...

She says "Only in few languages, like Russian do two negatives make a positive, but there is not a single language known where two positives make a negative"
A witty student shouts back "yeah right! "

Two atoms bump into each other, and become stuck.

"Oh, no," said the first atom. "We're going to be stuck like this forever!"
"It'll be okay. Try not to be so negative! Think positive for a second."
The first atom thought real hard, and the two flew apart.

What is a pessimists blood type?

B-negative.

How many of those brownies did you eat, private?

"All of them sir!"
"That was my stash private."
"Negative sir it was labeled private!"

Chinese Joke

Got my blood results today turns out my blood type is A negative.
My dad is going to kill me

My attempt at a s**... math joke

A sine wave and a cosine wave are trying to have a baby. They are deeply religious so the only position they are able to do is m**.... After many attempts they think they might have conceived a child. The cosine wave grabs a pregnancy test, goes into the bathroom, and comes out a couple of minutes later. The sine wave says "well is it negative or positive?" and the cosine wave says "no, it's tangent."

Being married to a photographer is depressing...

...they're always looking at the negatives.

A nutritionist is giving a speech at a conference on eating healthy

Red meat is terrible for your metabolism, soda rips apart your gastric wall. Fast food is almost all fat and sugar but there's one food that is the worst of all. Almost all of us eat it sooner or later and the negative effects can last for years after a single consumption. Does anyone know what this is?
After a moment of silence an elderly specialist sitting in one of the front rows gets up and says "wedding cake"

A professor is giving his class a lesson about languages.

He says, "In some languages, a double negative stays negative, while in English, a double negative becomes a positive. There is no language, however, where a double positive becomes a negative."

A student at the back of the class says, "Yeah, right."

Women are like numbers ...

* Some are Rational, but infinitely more are Irrational.
* The Real ones might be Proper or Improper, but only the Imaginary ones are ever Pure.
* Some are Natural, the rest are Negative, or just not there.
* Some are Prime, but those are hard to find.
* Every other one is just plain Odd.

which is the most negative animal in the barnyard?

the horse, because its a naysayer.

My friend was worried about the results of his h**... test, so I told him to assume he was going to die.

I don't see why he got angry at me though, I was just want him to be negative.

Someone once told me: In English, a double negative forms a positive. In some languages like Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, in no language does a double positive form a negative.

Yeah, right.

My goal in life is always turn the negative into the positive...

which is why I lost my job at the h**... clinic

A proton walks over to an electron and asks, "Hey electron, why are you always so negative?"

The electron turns around, stares at him deeply for a brief moment, and responds, "My parents died in a car c**...."
___
*Reposting this joke because I originally posted it on the wrong account.*

A linguistics professor is lecturing his class

A linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there isn't a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative."
A voice from the back of the room retorted, "Yeah, right."

Why are negative parabolas so introverted?

They have a hard time opening up

A Freshman Seminar Professor Was Trying To Wow His Students

He told them, "In the English Language, a double negative equals a positive. For example, I didn't not do it equals I did it. But no double positive in English equals a negative."
A student in the back shouted, "YEAH, RIGHT!"

Why was the photographer always depressed?

He could only see the negatives.

After many years as an accountant, I was asked to take a personality test.

The results came back negative.

Double positives

One day, during a lesson at the community college, the professor is explaining how a double negative will always be positive but a double positive can never be negative.
To which his student replies "yeah right"

A proton walks up to an electron

The proton says, "Why so negative?"
The electron says, "My wife is cheating on me."

An English teacher is giving a lesson on double negatives

He says to the class: "One of the curious conventions of the English language is that two negatives always result in a positive statement; however, never do two positives result in a negative one."
A voice from the back of the room says, "Yeah right".

This mnemonic joke helps you remember the alphabet...

Acronym
Based
Comedy
Doesn't
Ever
Feel
Good
Honestly,
I
Just
Keep
Lamenting
My
Negative
Opinion,
Perhaps
Questioning
Reality
Serves
The
Universe
Very
Well
...
Xylophone, yak, zebra.

Newly leaked documents from the Whitehouse show the results of Donald Trumps IQ test.

It came back negative.

An English teacher to his class...

"In some languages a double negative is interpreted as a negative while in some others it is interpreted as a positive. However a double positive is universally interpreted as a positive"
A voice from the back of the class replied "Yeah right"

A professor was teaching a languages course

"In English" he said, "A double negative makes a positive. In some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language where a double positive can form a negative."
A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right"

A white supremacist gets tested for diseases

So much for their "pure blood" claim, the only thing that came up negative was their IQ test.

You know what s**...?

Negative Pressure

A Navy ship hailed a civilian at sea...

**Navy**: We ask that you divert your course 15 degrees north, to avoid collision.
**Civilian**: Negative. Recommend that *you* divert 15 degrees north, to avoid collision.
**Navy**: This is the Captain of a U.S. Navy ship. I say again, divert your course.
**Civilian**: Negative. I say again, recommend you change course.
**Navy**: This is the aircraft carrier *Enterprise*! We are a large warship of the U.S. Navy! Divert your course *immediately*!
**Civilian**: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

A blonde does an IQ test

Her friend asks her how it went. " Don't worry, it came out negative"-she replies

That's the problem with writing books about s**... techniques

... you only get negative reviews.

Our English teacher said that in English, using double negatives implies a positive, and in other languages, using double negatives implies a negative. But, in no languages does a double positive imply a negative.

I said, "Yeah, right."

Another three vampires go into a bar and sit at a table.

The waitress comes over and asks what they want to drink. The first asks for a glass of O-positive. The second asks for a glass of B-negative. The third says, "I'm on a diet, so I'll just have a glass of plasma."
The waitress turns to the bartender and says, "Eddie! Two bloods and a blood light!"

You are unlikely to see negative reviews when shopping online for Parachutes

Know what I mean!!!
If any such review you find out, let me know. LOL

Two weeks ago I got a job in a photographers dark room.

After an initial negative review, today my boss told me my talent is developing.

After reading a recent study that found that the negative effects of alcohol greatly outweigh the benefits, I've decided it's time for a change in my life.

I've decided to give up recent studies.

How to get rid of negativity in life?

| life |

The Washington r**... finally decided to drop their offensive name.

Dan Snyder, owner of the NFL r**..., has announced that the team is dropping "Washington" from the team name, and it will henceforth be simply known as, "The r**...." It was reported that he finds the word "Washington" imparts a negative image of poor leadership, mismanagement, corruption, cheating, lying, and graft, and is not a fitting role-model for young fans of football.

A man is sitting at a bar when a cop runs in.

"Sir," the cop shouts, holding up a s**... of undeveloped film, "Is this you?!"
The man looks at the film s**..., then at the officer. "That's a negative, sir."

A math teacher was lecturing his students about double negatives and positives. He explained that a negative and a negative make a positive and that a positive and negative always make a negative. He also stated that two positives will never make a negative.

A student shouted sarcastically Yeah, right!

I hate being around electrons.

They're always so negative!

I took an anti-body test today and it came back negative

s**... because I stayed up all night studying.

A linguistics professor says

A linguistics professor says during a lecture that, "In English, a double negative forms a positive. But in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, in no language in the world can a double positive form a negative." But then a voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."

COVID-19 home test:

Open a beer and smell it. If you can smell the beer, this is good, as one of the symptoms of COVID-19 is a loss of smell.
Now drink the beer. If you can taste it, this is good, as another symptom of COVID-19 is loss of taste.
I was tested 11 times yesterday, and all tests turned out negative.
I need more testing today, since headache is another potential symptom...

A linguistics professor says during a lecture...

A linguistics professor says during a lecture that, "In English, a double negative forms a positive. But in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, in no language in the world can a double positive form a negative." But then a voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."

Instead of a swear jar, I started a negativity jar. Every time I think negative thoughts, I throw money in.

It's half empty.

I was queuing to go into the supermarket when the man in front of me f**....

Before I could say anything, he said, "If you heard anything it means you're not following social distancing. But if you can smell it, luckily for you it means that you're covid negative!"

I tried an At Home Covid Test

Instructions:
1. Open a can of beer and try to smell it.
2. If you can smell the beer, drink it to see if you can taste it.
3. If you can smell it and taste it, this confirms that you don't have the Covid.
Last night, I did the test 19 times and all were negative. Tonight, I am going to do the test again because this morning I woke up with a headache and I feel like I'm coming down with something.

Negative joke, I tried an  At Home  Covid Test

jokes about negative