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Needing Jokes

41 needing jokes and hilarious needing puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about needing that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Popular Needing Short Jokes

Short needing jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The needing humour may include short needed jokes also.

  1. A boy asked his Bitcoin-investing dad... ...for $10.00 worth of Bitcoin currency.
    Dad: $9.67? What do you need $10.32 for?
  2. Why is girlfriend one word but best friend is two words? Because your best friend gives you space when you need it.
  3. 'Forget everything you learned in college. You won't need it working here.' 'But I never went to college.'
    'Well then, I'm sorry. You are underqualified to work here.'
  4. If a girl says she will be ready in 5 minutes she will. No need to remind her every 15 minutes about it
  5. What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? You only need one nail to hang the picture up.
  6. I told my boss that three companies were after me and I need a raise.... My boss asked what companies?
    Gas, water and electricity.
  7. I was browsing in a liquor store when an employee asked me Do you need help? I said, Yes, but I'm here to get whiskey instead.
  8. My wife: You need to do more chores around the house. Me: Can we change the subject?
    My wife: Ok, more chores around the house need to be done by you.
  9. How many trans women does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just one, and you don't even need the lightbulb. Just tell her she's a lovely girl, and she'll brighten up the room instantly.
  10. Statistics say that 1 out of 3 people in a relationship is unfaithful. I just need to work out if that's my wife or my girlfriend

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Needing One Liners

Which needing one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with needing? I can suggest the ones about wanting and seeking.

  1. 6 was afraid of 7 because 789. But why did 7 eat 9? Because he needed 3² meals a day.
  2. Cashier: Scans Condoms Do you need a bag sir?
    Me: Jesus, she's not that ugly
  3. Why did 7 eat 9? Cause he needs 3 squared meals a day
    I'm sorry
  4. People treat me like a god They ignore my existence unless they need something
  5. My deaf girlfriend just told me, We need to talk. That is not a good sign.
  6. Why do java programmers need glasses? Because they can't C#.
  7. Chuck Norris called 911 And asked if they needed help.
  8. My Roman doctor said I needed an IV. I asked: For what?
  9. What's the oldest you can be to get a circumcision? I need to know the cutoff date.
  10. A man tried to sell me a coffin today... I told him, that's the last thing I need.
  11. The sun doesn't need to go to college Because it already has 28 million degrees.
  12. What vegetable do you need when you get a flat tire? A-spare-I-guess.
  13. I told my wife she needed to start embracing her mistakes. So she gave me a hug.
  14. How much space is needed for fungi to grow? As mushroom as possible.
  15. A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

Needing joke, A bank is a place that will lend you money

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about needing can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of needing puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Comical & Quirky Needing Jokes for a Roaring Good Time

What funny jokes about needing you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean desperate jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make needing prank.

My wife said she is leaving me because of my addiction to anti-depressants...

Guess I won't be needing those anymore.

A couple of years ago, I was staying at a tiny Spanish Inn

A couple of years ago, I was staying at a tiny spanish Inn when I started to feel ill. Needing a doctor, I rang reception who said they'd get the hotel doctor to visit. I was rather surprised that such a small place would have a house doctor, and was just telling the manager this when my room door burst open and in leapt a man yelling "Nobody expects the Spanish Inn physician!"

Obama, Putin and Merkel at the baltic sea

Obama declares: Our submarines can stay submerged for ten days before needing air.
Putin promptly says: That's nothing. Russian submarines can stay submerged for up to a month.
Merkel is embarrassed and stays silent.
Suddenly a submarine emerges. The hatch opens and the man yells: Heil h**...! Is the war over?

A man from Saudia Arabia got caught stealing a hand sanitizer

He wont be needing it anymore

Obama, Putin and Merkel discuss their submarines.

All three are sitting at a resort by the seaside, and are arguing.
Obama begins by saying "American submarines are the best in the world, they can go for weeks without needing supplies!"
Putin laughs and tell them "s**... globalists. Russian submarines are best in world, they go MONTHS without refueling."
Merkel opens her mouth to speak, when a submarine rises out of the water. A man opens the hatch and shouts "Heil h**...! We need fuel!"

I told my tailor I wouldn't be needing his services anymore

He said "Fine, suit yourself"

A man walks in for an interview

Interviewer: forget everything you learned in college. You won't be needing any of that here.
Man: good that I didn't go to college then.
Interviewer: sorry we can't hire you.

i was in Jerusalem for a holiday

Needing my cuppa of java i wandered into a cafe and was served by a male barista. I found it odd that there were no female Baristas so i made it a point to keep a lookout for them across the holy land.
From Starbucks to coffee club, from hipster cafes to neighborhood coffeehouses, not a female barista could be found.
Perplexed by this, i finally asked the Jewish barista at the starbucks at the airport when i was about to leave. He thought about it for a moment, shrugged his shoulders and said simply:
Hebrews.

Here's the good news (OC)

A guy goes to the doctor for his regular checkup. The doctor finishes up and invites him into the office.
"So, which first? The bad news or the good news?"
"Good news, doc", says the guy.
To which the doctor replies, "Well, you won't be needing any more annual prostate exams."

A man walks into a bar and orders a r**... and Coke...

The bartender says to the man "sorry, but is Pepsi okay?"
The man, having had a long day at work and needing a drink decided not to be picky
"Sure, why not" he said, then paid for his drink
The bartender fixed up the drink and handed it over
"Here you go," he said, "Pepsi and Coke"

I read this whole sub twice...

Without even needing to reload the page.

A boy has to use the restroom in class

When he asks his teacher if he can go to the bathroom she tells him, you can go if you can tell me the alphabet.
Annoyed, but really needing to go, he starts. A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O Q R S T U V W X Y and Z
The teacher then says, that was close, but where is the P?
It's running down my pants

I need jokes!!!

I come here needing all of your help!!!
I have a close friend who recently discovered he has cancer. He has been down in the dumps the last few days, so i cracked a cancer joke and it instantly made his day. I told him i will have a cancer joke everyday for him.
So i need you all to load me up with some cancer jokes!
Thanks all!

What's the difference between growing up and becoming a parent?

Growing up is realizing alcohol is not neccessary to have a good time.
Becoming a parent is realizing having a good time is not neccessary for needing alcohol.

Empty Glass

The barman says to p**..., Your glass is empty, fancy another one?
Looking puzzled, p**... says, Why would I be needing two empty feckin' glasses?

Why did the baker bake more bread?

Because he was needing dough.

Needing a little more room to park our bikes I said, "another 10cm would make such a great difference"

and so my wife, bless her, replied with a stellar "that's what she said".
True story from yesterday morning, just wanted to share our mirth :)

A man and a woman are on a date..............

Man: What is your job?
Woman: I'm a doctor
Man: Guess I won't be needing this \*picks up apple and throws it across room\*

I told my roommate you get enough vitamin C in your diet without needing supplements.

The next morning, I noticed he was still taking Vitamin C with breakfast.
"Why are you taking that?" I quizzed him.
"What do you mean?" was his response. Feeling the need to revisit our previous discussion, I reminded him,
"It's fruitless".

Eventually, all hipsters will age and end up needing canes to help them walk...

...ironically.

I asked my math teacher if he wanted to rent an apartment with me

Then he went on some tangent about needing a co-sign.

I approach the boring task of buying tampons with the same procrastination used when needing to fill the car up with petrol:

ignore depleting supplies until well in the red.

My girlfriend asked me to get her off.

I told her it was a little cold outside to be needing bug spray.

What do you call a famous director of modern noir cinema who is notorious for needing glasses and pulling apart his pizza rolls to cool them before eating?

Squintin' Tearin' 'Tino's

I put some condoms down at the till and the cashier smiled.

"Getting lucky tonight?" she asked.
I said, "If I'm really getting lucky, I won't be needing them."

A Drink for Each of My Brothers

Patrick walked into a pub and sat down at the bar. He asked for three individual shots of whiskey, and the bartender said "you know, I can put that all in one glass for you." Patrick said, "no no, see, I have two brothers who live far away. This drink is for Finnigan, this one is for Fergus, and this one is for me. And when I drink them, it's like we're all together again." So a few months go by, Patrick having his three drinks in the bar on a regular basis, and one night he came in and said "I think we'll only be needing two glasses today." The bartender stopped, cold, and said "What happened? Did something happen?" Patrick said, "oh no, my brothers are fine, it's just that I've decided to quit drinking."

Needing joke, A Drink for Each of My Brothers

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these needing jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.