Necro Jokes

Necrophiliac joke

A couple of necrophiliacs were walking around town. One of them saw a morgue and said:
"Hey, wanna go in for a couple of cold ones?"

Necrophilia joke

How can you tell a mortician is a necrophiliac?
He's always HARD at work.

What's a necrophilic pirate's favorite activity?

Digging for b**....

What does a necrophiliac get at a f**...?

Mourning wood

My necrophiliac girlfriend told me I was dead to her.

That is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.

To a necrophiliac, what is the only thing better than a human-sized refrigerator?

A human-sized microwave.

What did the necrophiliac have when his grandmother died?

Mourning wood

If you're a necrophiliac...

is it called wallpapering the coffin?

What did the necrophile say to his ex-girlfriend?

"I only loved you for your body!"

What did the necrophilic, pedophilic uncle say when he got to the house of his recently deceased niece?

I came as soon as I heard

So two necrophiliacs walk past a morg

And one looks at the other and says "Wanna walk in for a couple of cold ones"?

What do a necrophiliac and an alcoholic have in common?

Every night they pop open a cold one.

The necrophiliac thought she was sleeping with a dead body

But then he came to.

It's not necrophilia if she was alive when I started.

Necrophilia is like pizza

Even when it's cold it's still good.

How does a necrophiliac compromise, and live a normal life?

Find a handicapped partner. At least they're dead from the waist down.

You know what they say about the necronomicon?

It's a real cult classic!

What does a necrophiliac say to confess his love for someone?

"You're dead to me"

Two necrophiliacs

Two necrophiliacs are walking down the street when they pass a morgue. The first necrophiliac says to the second "Want to stop in for a couple of cold ones?"

What do necrophiliacs wake up to every day?

Mourning wood

Two necrophiliacs were walking by a morgue.

One necrophiliac says to another necrophiliac, "Want to stop by and get a couple of cold ones?"

Necrophilia..

It puts the FUN in f**...

Necrophilia wouldn't be such a big issue...

If the victims were a little bit more outspoken.

Why was the necrophiliac depressed?

His rotten girlfriend split on him.

What does a Necrophiliac have when he is turned on?

Mourning Wood

Why did the necromancer fail to meet his quarterly sales goal?

He ran his business on a skeleton crew.

What does a necrophiliac and an alcoholic have in common?

They both like to crack open a cold one.

What did one necrophiliac say to the other as they walked by the morgue?

"You wanna stop in and s**... down a couple of cold ones?"

What's a necrophiliacs favorite drink?

Doesn't matter, so long as it's stiff.

What did the necrophile say when his girlfriend told him to be more romantic?

"You're dead to me."

Why was the necrophiliac fired from the crematory?

He was caught spreading remains before they were cremated.

What did the necropheliac say to her boyfriend?

Did rigor mortis just set in, or are you just happy to see me?

What happens to a necrophiliac after death?

Reserection

Necrophilia...

There's nothing like cracking open a cold one.

Necrophillia

The insatiable urge to crack open a cold one

Why does the Necromancer hate doing stand-up comedy?

He always has a dead audience

I'm a necrophiliac.

I like my Heine's cold.

Necrophilia isn't really my f**...

but I'm willing to try new things for my partner.

Why did the necromancer have trouble raising a family?

They weren't buried in the same cemetery.

What did the necrophiliac say to his dead wife?

I dig you.

Why didn't the necrophile like tall girls

He likes them 6 feet under.

Hi, welcome to Necrophiliac Club.

Who wants a cold one?

Necrophiles and hippies are very similar

Both want peace and love.

I used to be a necrophiliac z**... into b**....

Then I realized I was just beating a dead horse.

Necrophilia ain't my thing..

..whole new meaning to cracking open a cold one.

Why did the Necromancer with a gambling problem get kicked out of the Slaughterhouse...

He kept raising the steaks.

Necrophilia is a lot like having a beer...

there's nothing like popping open a cold one!

You want to become a necrophiliac?

Over my dead body

When a necrophiliac gets invited to an o**... what does he say to his wife to leave?

"I'm gonna go crack open a cold one with the boy's."

What did the necromancer baker say to his dough?

"Riiiiiiiiiise!!!"
*i'll show myself out*

why do necromancers have to be hated so much?

i mean,cant a guy raise a family in peace?

What did the necropheliac say after his lover was cremated?

Can I still get a piece of ash?

What is a necrophiliac pirate's favorite hobby?

Diggin' for b**....

Is necrophilia a funereal disease?

I'm dying to know.

Necrophilia: The Game

A game where every time you die, it gets harder.

Necrophilia

The irresistible urge to crack open a cold one.

Two necrophiliacs talk during a hot summer day.

*Sweating*, it's way too hot outside!
Let's go in and crack open a cold one.

If a necromancer resurrects secretly gay people

Does he have skeletons in the closet?

Why does the necromancer resurrect cows when he plays poker?

He always raises the steaks.

What did the necrophiliac say to the opossum?

You're such a tease.

What did the necrophiliac say after the day shift?

It's time to crack open a cold one...

Necromancers,

They just want you for your body.

Necrophilia

Just because you die a v**..., doesn't mean you have to be one in death!

What did the Necrophiliac say ?

Man I hope I get stiff before you she does!

What does a necropheliac get after the best night of sleep in his life?

Mourning Wood

My necrophiliac friend finally achieved his boyhood ambition.

After years of non-stop studying, practice, and dedication, he finally became coroner.

Necrophiles are just people ...

Looking for some body to love.

Necrophilia

.... the last nail in the coffin.

A necrophilic man is trapped in a room with zombies.

The genie pats himself on the back.

What does a necrophiliac mortician do at the end of a long day of work?

He cracks open a cold one

A necromancer and a f**... director are at marriage counselling.

Counsellor: So, why are you guys here today?
f**... Director: He only wants me for my bodies!

Two necrophiles are sitting on a bus and look at pictures of their girlfriends.

One turns to the other and says "Where did you dig up that one?"

Necrophiliacs are only interested in women that are drop dead gorgeous.

That's all.

Why do necrophiliacs like Valentine's Day more than most people?

The flowers have already been delivered.

What does a necromancer magician say during a magic trick?

Abra-cadaver.

A necrophiliac would say: "I like my coffee like I like my women...

room temperature.

i'm into necrophilia.

I'm serious, deadass.

What does a necrophiliac do after a long days work

Goes home and cracks open a cold one

How does a necrophiliac date his s**... partners?

Carbon-14.

What does a necrophiliac bring to the first date with a girl?

A shovel.

Is it necrophilia if I'm dead inside and get s**... over?

I mean, is it not what is on the inside that counts?