necklace Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious necklace puns

A woman gets up in the morning

wakes up her husband and says:
- Honey, I had a wonderful dream. I dreamed you gave me a diamond necklace for my birthday. What does it mean?
The husband answers:
- You'll know it on your birthday.
The wife's birthday arrives and the husband enters the house with a package in his hand. The woman, excited, takes it from her hands, tears the paper nervously, quickly opens the box and finds a book titled: "The meaning of dreams."

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My wife told me "For Valentine's Day, nothing would make me happier than a diamond necklace"

So I got her nothing.

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The Meaning of dreams

One morning, after she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond necklace for Valentine's Day. What do you think it means?" "Maybe you'll find out tonight…," he said.

That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it - to find a book entitled:"The Meaning of Dreams."

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Rich friend and a poor friend meet a day before Valentine's Day

Poor man asks - What did you buy for your wife for valentines?

Rich man - A Mercedes C class and a diamond necklace

Poor man - why a necklace ?

Rich man - so if she doesn't like the car she can return it and keep the necklace, what did you get for yours ?

Poor man - a pair of slippers and a dildo

Rich man - why a dildo?

Poor man - so if she doesn't like the slippers, she can go fuck herself.

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A rich man and a poor man...

discuss their wedding anniversaries. The rich man says:
"I bought my wife a diamond necklace and a brand new mercedes, that way if she doesn't like the necklace she can drive the mercedes to return it and still be happy."
The poor man replies:
"I bought my wife a pair of slippers and a dildo. That way if she doesn't like the slippers she can go fuck herself."

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Love

A young woman was taking an afternoon nap. After she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's Day. What do you think it means?"

"You'll know tonight." he said.

That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it--only to find a book entitled "The meaning of dreams".

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I keep a photo of my mother flexing inside the charm of my necklace

Because she is a strong, in the pendant woman

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A rich man and a poor man are sitting by a frozen pond one December

They come to discussing the Christmas presents that they've bought for their respective wives. The rich man says "I got my wife a diamond necklace and a Mercedez Benz". The poor man is astounded at his rich friend's largess. He asks "why did you get her the jewelry *and* the car?" The rich man says "Well, if she doesn't like the necklace, she can take it back to the jeweler's in the Mercedes." The rich man then asks his less wealthy chum about the gifts that he's bought. The poor man says "I got my wife a pair of slippers and a dildo." The rich man is surprised, and asks his friend why he got his wife a dildo, of all things. Without missing a beat, the poor man explains "I got it so that if she doesn't like the slippers, she can go fuck herself."

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A lady walks into a jeweler...

A lady walks into a jeweler and spots a lovely diamond necklace. She bends over to take a closer look and lets out a very loud fart. The lady was very embarrassed but when she looked around, there was no one there but the manager.

The manager came over to the lady and asked "Can I help you with anything?".

The lady said "Yes, how much for this diamond necklace?".

The manager responded "Lady if you farted when you saw the necklace, you'll shit yourself when you see the price!"

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A woman bent down

....to take a close look at a fine piece of jewelry in a jewelry store. In the process she vent out a fart. Embarrassed at that she looked around to see if anyone heard that.
A salesman was right behind her. She gathered her composure and in the hope he didn't notice her breaking the wind asked " What is the price for that necklace?"
The man smiled and said, "Just looking at it you let out a fart. If I tell you the price I am pretty sure you'll shit your pants".

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A girl comes home to her mother

She walks up to her and says "Mom, a creep in the park today asked me to give him a blowjob for this beautiful necklace!"

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What did the watch say when the necklace, earrings, purse and ring killed the shoes?

I won't be an accessory to this.

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Valentine's Day dream Joke

A young woman was taking an afternoon nap. After she woke up, she told her husband,
I just dream't that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's Day.
What do you think it means?
You shall know tonight , he said.
That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife.
Delighted, she opened it.
She found a book entitled The Meaning of Dreams .

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A rich man and a poor man are at a bar talking about what to get their wives for Christmas.

The rich man says " I got mine a Mercedes and a diamond necklace just in case she doesnt like the car" the poor man responded " I'm getting mine flip flops and a dildo. If she doesn't like the flip flops she can go fuck herself."

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Three men get their wives birthday presents.

The first man, a lawyer, tells the other men I got my wife a trip to the Bahamas and a pearl necklace. She loves pearls, so if she doesn't enjoy the trip, I know she'll like the necklace.

The second man, a doctor, says I got my wife a brand new 2017 BMW and a Louis Vuitton handbag she's had her eye on. If she doesn't drive the car much, I know she'll love that handbag.

The third man, a trucker, tells the others I got my wife a Metallica t-shirt and a dildo. If she doesn't like the t-shirt, she can go fuck herself.

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When I asked my girlfriend what she wanted for Christmas, she said "Nothing would make her happier than a diamond necklace!"

So I bought her nothing....

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A doctor, a lawyer, and a biker in the pub,

The doctor goes, I got my wife 2 anniversary presents instead of one. I thought if she didn't like the Mercedes, she would definitely love the trip to Hawaii.

Lawyer : oh yeah?, i got my wife 2 presents too: a pearl necklace, and in case she didn't like *that*, the diamond earrings will make her very happy, for sure.

The biker looks at both, with wounder on his face. You know what the two presents i got my wife were?, a T-Shirt and a vibrator. I thought if she *didn't* like the T-Shirt, she could go *fuck* her self.

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Fred and Tom are talking about what they are getting their wives for Christmas.

Fred says "Im getting my wife a pearl necklace and a Mercedes. If she doesn't like the necklace she can drive her new car to return it!"

Tom says "Im getting my wife a pair of slippers and a dildo. If she doesn't like the slippers she can go Fuck herself!"

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"I'm independent"

Said the Jamaican, showing me his initialised necklace.

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A man gifted his wife a diamond necklace for their anniversary and then his wife didn't speak to him for 6 months.

It was part of the deal

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"The Meaning of Dreams"

After she woke up, a woman told her husband,

"I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it means?"

"You'll know tonight." he said.

That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife.


Delighted, she opened it to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams"

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On the morning of her birthday....

On the morning of her birthday, a woman tells her husband, I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond necklace. What do you think it means?

Maybe you'll find out tonight, he said.

That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. She ripped off the wrapping paper and found a book titled The Meaning of Dreams.

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A woman goes home for lunch

And is surprised to find her husband at home.

She goes up to him and says, "Take off my necklace."

Any he takes off her necklace.

"Take off my blouse."

And he unbuttons and removes her blouse.

"Take off my skirt."

And he unzips and removes her skirt.

Finally she says, "Don't ever let me catch you wearing my clothes again!"

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I just dreamt that you gave me a necklace of pearls

Upon waking, a woman said to her husband, "I just dreamt that you gave me a necklace of pearls. What do you think it means?"
The man smiled and kissed his wife. "You`ll know tonight," he softly whispered.
That evening, the man came home with a small package which he gave to his wife. She jumped up and embraced him, and then settled on the couch to slowly and delicately unwrap the package.
It contained a book entitled, 'The Meaning of Dreams'.

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"A rich guy and a poor guy start talking in a bar"

After a few drinks they realize their wedding anniversaries are on the same day. The poor guy turns to the rich guy and says. "Well what did you get your wife?" The rich man proudly states "I got her a diamond necklace and a new Mercedes Benz, if she doesn't like the necklace she can take it back in her new Mercedes Benz." The poor guys says "aww man that's nice." But doesn't reply. After a couple more drinks the rich guy asks the poor guy. "Well what did you get your wife?" The poor guy swirls his drink and says "well, I got her a pair of slippers and a dildo. If she doesn't like the slippers, she can go fuck herself."

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Two robbers, Hank and Jeff, break into a jewelry store.

They start taking everything they can get their hands on without triggering the alarms. Hank spots a gold necklace with a huge emerald, the price of which would allow them to live in luxury for the rest of their lives. It was obviously well-secured, however, and Jeff tries to convince him that it's a bad idea and that the alarms will go off. Hank doesn't care and smashes the case and grabs the emerald necklace anyway. Immediately alarms sound and within seconds a huge security guard rushes into the store and grabs Hank and Jeff, tosses them on his shoulders, and hauls them off to jail.

Jeff looks at Hank and says "Next time let's not get carried away."

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A rich man and poor man are at a bar.

A rich man and poor man are at a bar, the rich man turns to the poor man, 'it's my 10 year wedding anniversary on Tuesday.'

The poor man looks astonished, 'it's my 20 year wedding anniversary on Thursday! What are you planning on getting her?'

The rich man goes, 'I'm getting her a diamond necklace and a Mercedes Benz.'

The poor man, looking confused, asks, 'why both? Isn't one or the other surely enough?'

The rich man responds, 'well, I figure if she doesn't like the necklace, she still has a nice car. What are you getting your wife?'

The poor man looks down, 'I'm getting her a pair of slippers and a dildo.'

The rich man is taken aback, 'slippers and a dildo, that's an odd combination?'

The poor man looks up, 'well, if she doesn't like the slippers she can go fuck herself.'

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Husband and wife go Christmas shopping

A couple were in a busy shopping center just before Christmas. The wife suddenly noticed that her husband was missing and as they had a lot to do, so she called him on the mobile.

The wife said " Where are you, you know we have lots to do."

He said "You remember the jewelers we went into about 10 years ago, and you fell in love with that diamond necklace? I could not afford it at the time and I said that one day I would get it for you?"

Little tears started to flow down her cheek and she got all choked up…

"Yes, I do remember that shop." she replied.

"Well I am in the bar next to that."

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The stalker

A woman had a stalker who always was bugging her to have sex with him. The woman eventually grew tired of his constant begging and thought of a way to get rid of him.

"Before I have sex with you, you must buy me a diamond necklace with matching diamond earrings"

To her surprise, the stalker returned the very next day with a beautiful diamond necklace and matching earrings as she requested. The woman responded with a task she thought her stalker could surely not accomplish.

"Before I have sex with you, I want you to buy me a brand new Porsche."

The woman was stunned as the man returned the next day in a brand new Porsche convertible . The woman quickly thought of an excuse to avoid having sex with the stranger.

"Im sorry but I can only have sex with someone who has a 12 inch penis." she explained.

The woman felt relieved as her stalker walked away. To her astonishment, the man returned half an hour later, weeping, with a pair of bloody scissors in hand, and his pants around his ankles with the remainder of his penis wrapped in bandages.

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Valentine's Day Gift

A young lady was caught napping one afternoon on Valentine's Day. She woke up when she heard the doorbell.

"I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day," she said to her boyfriend. "What do you think it means?"

"You'll know for sure tonight," he replied.

That evening, the young man arrived with a small package and gave it to his girlfriend. Delighted, she opened it and found a book entitled "The meaning of dreams."

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A rich man and a poor man both happen to be looking at birthday cards for their wives...

The rich man and poor man find out their wives share the same birthday.

The rich man proudly boasts what he got his wife for the special occasion.

"I got her a brand new Porsche **and** a diamond necklace. You see, if she doesn't like the car, I'll just give her the necklace! What did you get your wife?"

The poor man replies "Oh, I don't have that kind of money. I just got her a pair of flip flops and a dildo, so if she doesn't like the flip flops I'll tell her to go fuck herself."

Fin

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An ex-con goes out on a date...

So an ex-con is walking around the mall with his girlfriend after dinner, when they happen across a Jewelry store. The girlfriend eyes one of the necklaces on display in the window and says, "Wow, I'd sure love to have a necklace like that around my neck!" Nonchalantly, the ex-con smashes the window with a brick and hands his girlfriend the necklace, saying, "Anything for my baby."

They continue walking along and soon enough happen across a high-end clothing store. The girlfriend eyes one of the dresses on display in the window and says, "Wow, I'd sure love to have a dress like that to wear to parties!" Nonchalantly, the ex-con smashes the window with another brick and hands his girlfriend the dress, saying, "Anything for my baby."

They continue walking along and soon enough happen across a car dealership. The girlfriend eyes one of the Mercedes on display in the window and says, "Wow, I'd sure love to have that Mercedes to drive around town in!" The ex-con pauses and replies: "What? You think I'm made out of bricks?"

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I want to hear other people's funny Lemericks. Get creative and have some fun with it. Maybe a little NSFW...

I suppose I'll start it off. I came up with this one today.

"There once was a fellow named Earl, who wanted to have sex with a girl.
Along came this chick, who sucked off his dick and he gave her a necklace of pearls."

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What is Batman's least favorite Sex Act?

The Pearl Necklace.

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Dreams.

After she woke up, a woman told her husband, I just dreamed you gave me a diamond necklace for Valentine's Day. What do you think it means?

You'll know tonight, he said.

That evening the husband came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it–to find a book entitled:

The Meaning of Dreams.

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What are the most funny Necklace jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Necklace? Well, here are the best Necklace dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Necklace pick up lines to share with friends.

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