Neat Jokes
43 neat jokes and hilarious neat puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about neat that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Neat Short Jokes
Short neat jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The neat humour may include short nice jokes also.
- I broke up with my girlfriend by text last night, it went pretty ugly... She got up from the couch, started beating me with her phone...
- A ham sandwich walks into a bar. Sits down.
The bartender comes over and the ham sandwich says:
> I'd like a triple of bourbon, neat.
Bartender says:
> I'm sorry, we don't serve food here. - Kids are like tornadoes They're neat to watch but you can't help but be scared when they head for your house
- Two friends are sitting around drinking whiskey. One friend turns to the other and says "I like my whiskey without ice."
The other friend turns to him and says "That's neat." - A nail walks into a bar and orders a whisky neat. The bartender says "okay, but no getting hammered."
- Bathroom Poetry This little throne I call my own
I aim to keep it neat
So drain your soul, pee down the hole
And not upon the seat - I was bringing my neatly arranged laundry back to the cupboard when I tripped. I saw the problem unfolding right before my eyes.
- So scientists have invented a way to turn dolphins nearly invisible It's pretty neat, but I don't really see the porpoise.
- On my first day working for TSA we searched a neat, sandwich shaped suitcase. It was jam packed.
- I'm thinking of entering myself in a talent contest... It's a neat trick if you can do it
--Barry Cryer
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Neat One Liners
Which neat one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with neat? I can suggest the ones about pretty cool and cool.
- My name is Nate. My dyslexic friend told me he likes it, he thinks it's neat.
- My bartender asked me if I wanted my whiskey without ice. I said "Sure. That'd be neat."
- You know, I have a neat step ladder But its too bad I never got to know my real ladder.
- I'm moving up in the world Elevators sure are neat
- I like my women how like I like my neighbors... With a neatly trimmed yard.
- I heard a rumour that tequila can be drunk neat. But I took it with a pinch of salt.
- I Like My Bed Like I Like My Women Tight, neat, and wrinkle free
- What should a rabbit use to keep his fur neat?
A harebrush. - I'm boycotting terrorism From now on I'm drinking all of my whiskey neat, no more ISIS
- Why did the i**... immigrant take his whiskey neat? He didn't want to deal with I.C.E
Gather Around for Fun Neat Jokes and Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about neat you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean tidy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make neat pranks.
A Sunday school teacher posed a question to her class, "If I were to sell my house, car, donate my possessions to charity, and give all my money to the church, would I get into heaven?"
The children unanimously replied, "No."
The teacher then asked, "If I were to keep the church clean, mow the lawn, and keep everything neat and tidy, would I get into heaven?"
Once again, the answer was a resounding "No."
Apparently perplexed, the teacher asked, "Well, then how can I get into heaven?"
A quick-witted five-year-old boy piped up and replied, "You have to be dead!"
A man hurriedly walks into a bar
Man (trying to catch his breath): bartender, give me a scotch neat before I get into a fight
BT: here you go
Man (gulping all in at once): one more before I get into a fight
BT: here
Man: again, before I get into a fight
BT: here, but out of curiosity, who are you fighting
Man (finishing his drink): most likely you, because I got no money.
A guy goes to a department store and sees a display of thermoses...
"What is this thing?" he asks the sales rep. "Why that's a thermos, it keeps hot stuff hot and cold stuff cold." "Oh neat!" the guy says, "I'll take one!" The next day he goes to work with his new thermos under his arm. His boss sees him and says "Hey what is that you got there?" The guys says, "It's a thermos, it keeps hot stuff hot and cold stuff cold." "Wow that's awesome," his boss asks, "What do you have in there?" The guy answers, "Two cups of coffee and a popsicle."
Is it racist if it's true? Read and answer.
A black guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says "hey that's neat where'd you find him?"
The parrot replies "Africa, they're all over the place."
Guy walks into a bar
Grabs a seat and orders a whiskey double, neat. The bartender prepares his drink with great delicacy and brings it right over. The gentleman reaches into his blazer searching frantically. This catches the bartenders attention so he monitors the patron out the corner of his eye. Finally the man finds what he's looking for and sighs a sigh of relief. He pulls out a straw and takes a sip of his whiskey. The perplexed bartender grabs his attention "I'm terribly sorry sir, was your glass dirty?" To which the man replies surprised "oh no no everything's fine! I just promised my wife I'd never put my lips on another glass of whiskey again." 😳
A black guy with a parrot on his shoulder walks into a bar...
A black guy with a parrot on his shoulder walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Hey! That's pretty neat what you got there! Where'd you get it?" Then the parrot goes, "In Africa! Gah! There's millions of 'em!"
In limerick's a neat way to write...
In limerick's a neat way to write.
One can enjoy it most all day and night.
It's easy and fun,
a few lines and you're done.
I hope I can learn how to write one some day.
A guy walks into a bar with his pet alligator
He says to the bartender, "Do you serve lawyers here?"
Bartender says, "Yep, sure do!"
The guy says, "Great! I'll have a scotch neat, and my alligator will have a lawyer."
A heavily pregnant woman goes into labor in a retail store.
A crowd gathers around her as people struggle to help, or at least make her comfortable.
Panicked a man looks around and asks "Is anyone here a doctor?!"
From the crowd steps a man wearing skinny jeans and a plaid shirt, with short, neat hair and a scruffy beard. "I'm a vegan!"
A man and his friend were talking about their New Year's Resolutions.
Friend: I heard you set some really tough resolutions, have you completed them?
Man: Well of course! I've swam across the Pacific Ocean in only speedos.
Friend: Neat.
Man: Scaled Mount Everest n**...!
Friend, a bit skeptical: Really?
Man: Well, there is one I still haven't completed.
Friend: And that is?
Man: Break my habit of lying......
Mom, what's an EKG?
Me: Mom, what's an EKG?
Mom (who's a nurse): It's an Electrocardiogram, it checks your heart for problems.
Me: Oh, so what's an ECG?
Mom: It's the same thing, just different letters.
Me: What about an EEG?
Mom: It stands for Electroencephalography, it checks your brain for problems.
Me: Neat! So what's an EGG?
Mom: Um... I don't know that one!
Me: It's an egg, mom!
A man breaks his foot and goes to the doctor...
The doctor put a cast on the foot and told the man to take it easy. The man asked the doctor, "Will I be able to play violin?"
Confused, the doctor replied, "Yes, you should be able to play the violin."
The man said, "Neat! I've never been able to play it before!"
It was a boring day in the tall office building…
o**... says, Hey, Boss, let's all go to roof. I'll show you a neat trick!
So, the boss and a bunch of other office workers file up to the very high roof. The guy says, Boss! Watch how strong the winds are in the city with all these skyscrapers! Then, business suit and all, he jumps from the ledge. Within seconds he comes back up, landing awkwardly on the roof.
The boss says, Let me try! He jumps off and plummets like a rock, splattering on the pavement dozens of floors below.
The group is stunned, but Lois thinks, Why did Clark hate Perry so much?
Three kids ask their mom about their unusual names.
The first kid asks, Why am I named Kitchen Table? His mom says, Well sweetie, when you were born the car was out of gas and we couldn't get to the hospital, so you were born on the kitchen table.
The second kid asks, Why am I named Backseat? Her mom says, Well honey, when *you* were born, we got stuck in traffic on the way to the hospital, and you were born in the backseat of the car.
The third kid says, That's neat. But mom, why am I the only one with a normal name?
His mom just says, I wouldn't worry about it too much, John.
This is something my dad told me.
A man was going to meet his girlfriend's dad, when they started eating dinner his stomach started to hurt and he let a little f**... out, no one noticed so he was like neat then he let a little more out, then the dad shouted Rover! , the man snickered and thought they think it's the dog f**... so he f**... again so the dad shouted Rover! then the man thought again man this is so cool so he did it again but a bit more, then the dad shouted a final time Rover get over here before that man s**... on you!
The "Lumos/Nox" trick on Android phones is pretty neat. However...
I'd advise the Galaxy Note 7 crowd to avoid "Avada Kedavra."
A guy walks into a bar and orders a whisky neat....
He pins it in one go...
He orders another... pins that too..
After about 4 whiskys, the barman asks him "whats up?"
"Im after having my first blo job" says the guy..
"Ah good man..", says the barman.."here, have this whisky on the house..congratulations!!"
The guy replies " if 4 didnt get the taste out of my mouth, I dont think a fifth will help!!"
A rock walks into a bar
and orders a whiskey. The bartender says, Sorry we don't serve rocks here.
"Neat."
Zoology teacher was asked to substitute history teacher's class since he was on leave..
And so he did..
Describe Shahajahan's wife Mumtaz with a neat diagram and label the parts
