Nearer Jokes
14 nearer jokes and hilarious nearer puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about nearer that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Hilarious Nearer Jokes to Make Your Friends Roar with Laughter
What is a good nearer joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
I've spent an hour and a half now trying to explain "sunk cost fallacy" to my son
He's no nearer understanding it than when we started, and it's giving me a serious headache.
But if I quit now I'll have had all this for nothing!
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day.
When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he said, You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side… You know what?
What dear? She asked gently.
I think you bring me bad luck.
Stand by your man
The woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "My dearest, you have been with me all through the bad times. When I was laid off, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?"
"What dear?," she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
"I think you're bad luck."
Husband in coma
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what?"
"What dear?" She asked gently.
"I think you bring me bad luck."
Eight Iron
Off the seventh tee, Joe sliced his shot deep into a wooded ravine. He took his eight iron and clambered down the embankment in search of his lost ball.
After many long minutes of hacking at the underbrush, he spotted something glistening in the leaves. As he drew nearer, he discovered that it was an eight iron in hands of a skeleton!
Joe immediately called out to his friend, "Jack, I've got trouble down here!"
"What's the matter?" Jack asked from the edge of the ravine.
"Bring me my wedge," Joe shouted. "This shot in impossible an eight iron!"
Two Italian men are deep sea fishing in the middle of the Mediterranean...
Vinny and Paulo were deep sea fishing on a bright sunny day when a World War II mine came floating along. Upon noticing this round spiky object coming nearer and nearer to the boat, Vinny shouted, "Paulo! It's a mine, it's a mine!!!"
Paulo replied, "Okay Vinny, you can-a have it!"
Crisis averted?
Over the weekend I was sat next to a person eating a bowlful of those really fat pasta tubes in a tomato sauce. As I watched, one got nearer to the edge of the bowl but I couldn't mention it because the person was deep in conversation. I agonised for a few seconds wondering how I could stop a mess landing in the person's lap, but I couldn't think of anything. Yet, it was just then that the penne dropped.
An antivaxx mom dies and goes to heaven. She notices that it was God himself walking to greet her, along with her two kids. They're all smiling. Feeling real smug about herself,
She runs toward them but Is suddenly stopped by an invisible force.
As God and her two kids got nearer though, they stopped smiling and had a puzzled look on their faces. Suddenly, they burst out in joyful laughter, just as St. Peter materialises beside them all.
Oh Pete, you really do know how to make us laugh! Exclaimed God. That's enough now, send her back down!
Bad luck
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.
One day when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears:
'You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me.
When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side.
When we lost the house, you stayed right here.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side...
You know what Martha?'
'What dear?' she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
'I'm beginning to think you're bad luck...'
Off the seventh tee, Joe sliced his shot deep into a wooded ravine.
He took his eight iron and clambered down the embankment in search of his lost ball. After many long minutes of hacking at the underbrush, he spotted something glistening in the leaves. As he drew nearer, he discovered that it was an eight iron in hands of a skeleton!
Joe immediately called out to his friend, "Jack, I've got trouble down here!"
"What's the matter?" Jack asked from the edge of the ravine.
"Bring me my wedge," Joe shouted. "You can't get out of here with an eight iron!"
Tender Moments!!!
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered with eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you were still by my side. You know what Martha?" "What dear?" she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth. "I'm beginning to think you're bad luck."
Why do women have little feet?
So's they can get nearer to the sink.
Bacon Tree
Two Mexicans have been lost in the desert for weeks. At death's door, they see a tree in the distance. As they get nearer, they see that it's draped with rasher upon rasher of bacon: smoked bacon, crispy bacon, life-giving nearly-raw juicy bacon, all sorts of bacon.
"Hey, Pepe" says the first Mexican, "ees a bacon tree! We're saved!!"
So Pepe goes on ahead and runs up to the tree. As he gets to within five feet, he's gunned down in a hail of bullets.
His friend drops down on the sand and calls across to the dying Pepe. "Pepe!! Pepe!! Que pasa hombre?"
With his last breath Pepe calls out: "Ugh, run, amigo, run, ees not a bacon tree... ... ees a ham bush!"
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Nearer One Liners
Which nearer one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with nearer? I can suggest the ones about nearing and farther.
- Why do women have little feet? So's they can get nearer to the sink.