Near Sighted Jokes
15 near sighted jokes and hilarious near sighted puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about near sighted that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Near Sighted Short Jokes
Short near sighted jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The near sighted humour may include short short sighted jokes also.
- What do a puppy and a near sighted gynecologist have in common? They Both have a wet nose.
- How did Staten Island get its name? A group of explorers discovered it and the near-sighted one asked,
*"Is that an island?"*
and the rest of them agreed that it was a good name for it. - Usain Bolt is very near-sighted, almost blind The only reason he can run so fast is because he downgraded the graphics
- I once knew a near sighted Rabbi who was also a barber. He did discount circumcisions in the back room of his shop... ...the shop was called Rabbi's Rough Cuts.
- I'm near-sighted, but when my girlfriend walks away, I can see her bottom clear and sharp... I guess it's true, hindsight is 20/20.
Share These Near Sighted Jokes With Friends
Near Sighted One Liners
Which near sighted one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with near sighted? I can suggest the ones about eyesight and bad eyesight.
- What does a near-sighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? A wet nose.
Near Sighted Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about near sighted you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bad vision jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make near sighted pranks.
The King was leaving his castle to fight in the Crusades. He left the key to his wife's chastity belt with his most trusted knight.
"God commands that I fight, but not even he can promise that I will return. If I die fighting in these holy wars, I leave it to you to release my wife to marry again." The king mounted his horse and rode off the horizon.
As he nearly rode out of sight, he turned back and looked at his kingdom one last time.... only to see his most trusted knight, chasing after him, shouting.....
"IT'S THE WRONG KEY! IT'S THE WRONG KEY!"
An 85 year old man goes to his doctor...
"Doc, I got a big problem."
"I understand you were recently remarried, is that right?"
"Yes. My new wife is 23 years old, and that's exactly the problem. She just told me she's pregnant! I haven't been a father in sixty years, and I don't know what to do."
"Hmm. Let me tell you a story that I think will help explain what's going on here: A near sighted man decides to go bear hunting. On his way out the door, he accidentally picks up his umbrella instead of his rifle. Once he gets to the woods, he is instantly attacked by a ferocious 1,200 pound bear. He picks up his umbrella and shoots it dead. Does that story make sense to you?"
"No! Somebody else must have shot that bear."
"My point exactly."
Two astronauts went to the moon
When they crawled out of their spaceship, it was a sight to behold. In the distance, there was a teepee and a Native American sitting near a fire. They approached the native and one of them said, Hello! We're from planet Earth! The native, with a scared look, says, Oh god, not again.
Sherlock Holmes and Watson are out hunting. Watson has a buck in his sights, when holmes throws a rock near it, and, frightened, it runs away. "What the h**... was that?!" He asks. Holmes looks at him for a second..
It sedimentary. My deer, Watson.
A woman is taking a shower when she hears a knock at the door...
She throws on a towel and goes to answer it. Outside is her next door neighbor, taken aback by her near-n**.... He says, "wow, I never realized how beautiful you were under all of that clothing! I'll pay you $800 right now to drop that towel!" Dripping wet, the woman scans the hallway. With no one in sight and nothing to lose, the woman promptly drops her towel to the floor and shows her neighbor her full n**... body. Grinning a toothy grin, her neighbor takes out his wallet and hands over eight $100 dollar bills. After she closes the door, her husband calls to her from the living room, "honey, who was that?" "Oh, just our next door neighbor" she replies. Her husband responds, "did he give you the 800 bucks he owes me?"
A young cowboy walks into the saloon.
He sits at the counter and notices an old cowboy with his arms folded, staring blankly at a full bowl of chicken congee.
After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the young cowboy bravely asked the old cowboy, "If you ain't gonna eat that, mind if I do?"
The older cowboy slowly turns his head toward the young wrangler and in his best cowboy manner says, "Nah, go ahead."
Eagerly, the young cowboy reaches over and slides the bowl over to his place and starts spooning in it with delight. He gets nearly down to the bottom and notices a dead mouse. The sight was shocking and he immediately barfs up the congee back into the bowl.
The old cowboy quietly says, "Yep, that's as far as I got, too."
Scotsmans Chilli
A hungry bloke walks into a seedy cafe in Glasgow.......
He sits at the counter and notices a Jock with his arms folded staring blankly at a bowl of chilli. ...
After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the hungry bloke bravely asks:
"If you aren't going to eat that, mind if I do?"
The old Jock slowly turns his head toward the young bloke and says,
"Nah, ye can g**... ahead."
Eagerly, the young bloke reaches over and slides the bowl over to his place and starts spooning it in with delight.
He gets nearly down to the bottom and notices a dead mouse in the chilli.
The sight was shocking and he immediately pukes up the chilli back into the bowl.
The old Jock says:- "Aye, that's as far as I got too".
Scotsman's Chilli
A hungry bloke
walks into a seedy cafe in Glasgow......
He sits at the counter and
notices a Jock with his arms folded staring
blankly at a bowl of
chilli.
After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the
hungry bloke
bravely asks,
"If you aren't going to eat that, mind if I
do?"
The old Jock slowly turns his head toward the young bloke and
says,
"Nah, ye can g**... ahead."
Eagerly, the young bloke reaches
over and slides the bowl over to his place
and starts spooning it in with
delight.
He gets nearly down to the bottom and notices a dead mouse in
the chilli.
The sight was shocking and he immediately pukes up the chilli
back into the bowl.
The old Jock says:- "Aye, that's as far as I got
too".