The Best 71 Nazis Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Nazis jokes. There are some nazis knotsies jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these nazis ovens puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Nazis Jokes and Puns
A good percentage of my friends are Nazis...
0% of my friends are Nazis, and thats a good percentage.
I've never understood how the Nazis couldn't find where Anne Frank was hiding
I've been to Amsterdam... There are signs pointing to her house everywhere.
Nazism...
...was Germany having a blonde moment.
-&y (yus written by me)
How many Nazis does it take to finish a race?
None, Nazis can't finish a race.
Where do Grammar Nazis get put on trial?
You're*-emburg
^^^^^^I'm ^^^^^^sorry...
**
A Russian World War II veteran
Is telling his grandchildren:
"So the Germans surrounded us, captured us, and told us, "You choose: either we butt-fuck you, or we shoot you..."
"And what happened, grandpa?"
"The cursed Nazis shot me to death."
What percentage of germans are not nazis?
ninety-nine point nein nein nein nein nein nein nein percent
What do women and grammar Nazis have in common?
One missed period is enough to freak them out.
What do nazis eat for breakfast?
Luftwaffles
Why are Nazis so good at math?
They always come up with the final solution.
I'll never forgive the Nazis for how they treated my granddad in that concentration camp during the war.
Five years he was there on that machine gun tower, and never got a single promotion...
You can explore nazis gestapo reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean nazis fascists dad jokes. There are also nazis puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Grammar Nazis are self-contradictory
Because they are anti-semantic.
Once saw a bunch of Nazis saluting in icy precipitation.
It was quite the heil storm.
An old man goes to confession..
An old German man goes to confession one Sunday. He enters the confession, sits down and says "Forgive me Father for I have sinned, and I want to confess". The Priest says "Well my child, what are your sins?". The old man responds "During the war I hid a young Jewish woman from the Nazis in return for sexual favours". The Priest, while surprised, says "It was a difficult time, you risked your life to help this woman despite the immoral exchange". "I understand that father" the old man says "But, do you think I should tell her the war is over?".
Courtesy of my Dad!
How many Nazis does it take to screw in 6 million lightbulbs?
One. The rest were just following orders.
Grammar Nazis really make me fuhrious.
I'm sorry. That joke was really out of mein kampfort zone.
Anne Frankly, it was just bad.
A feminist walks into a bar
She walks to the bartender and says, "No, I will not have it, I will not be served by a cisgender white male." A man nearby says, "My god, not another feminazi.", the bartender says, "Hey! Don't compare feminists to nazis, that's not cool.", the feminist says, "Maybe all you cisgenders aren't that bad.", the bartender continues, "Don't compare feminists to nazis, at least nazis accomplished something."
Grammer nazis are the worse.
Thank you four you're time.
2 Nazis walk into a BAR
They each get 10 shots
Who do grammar nazis hang out with now?
The alt-write.
I can't call people Grammar Nazis on social media anymore....
Now I call them the Alt-Write.
I don't think it's correct to call them grammar Nazis anymore...
They seem to prefer the label "alt-write" nowadays.
Hey, how does Hitler ties his shoes?
in little Nazis
I never use the term "feminazi"...
Because the Nazis actually got stuff done.
Why are there so many grammar Nazis on the internet?
Because English majors have no jobs.
Grammar Nazis no longer exist
Their called the Alt-Write now
The alt-right can't be nazis
Their grammar is terrible!
Not sure why the left wants to punch nazis
You'd think they'd love a failed liberal arts student who blames all his problems on other races.
I had no idea nazis were so passionate about animals.
Apparently after the war they all became veteranaryans.
Why are there a lot of grammar nazis on the Internet?
Because English majors can't find jobs!
I set up a Facebook page for Chinese nazis
It has 3 reichs
Neo nazis are like cats...
If they like you, you're probably feeding them
Source: last week tonight
I really thought Activision understood that we're sick of modern-day shooters.
And yet in the new Call of Duty they're giving us Nazis to shoot again.
My friend is visiting Germany this week. I suggested he might want to make it a permanent move.
There's fewer Nazis over there.
So I set up an internet page for Chinese Nazis...
So far it's gotten three Reichs on Facebook
What do Grammar Nazis call their movement?
The Alt-Write.
I just opened up a Facebook page for Chinese Nazis
It has three Reichs so far
So a group of Nazis walk into a bar....
They each take a few shots from the bar. After the last round, they stumbled into the ground.
And that's how I got this medal.
(Heard this from a WWII vet)
What side did Hitler take once the nazis lost World War 2?
Suicide.
Why are retired Nazis so good with animals?
They're veteran Aryans.
What does acetone have in common with Nazis?
Polish removal is their best trait
The actress who played the lead role in the local theatre production of Anne Frank's Diary was so bad
That the scene where the Nazis entered the stage and said "where is she" the audience shouted "she's in the attic".
Where do grammar Nazis fall on the political compass?
Alt-Write
What do you call it when it's raining Nazis?
A heilstorm
A good percentage of my friends are Nazis
That percentage is zero.
Where are all my grammar Nazis at
Probably in he'll
How many grammar Nazis does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Too
3 Nazis walk in front of a BAR.
Then an American mowed them down.
The Nazis really wasted so much money and effort on a racist motive which made no sense
It truly was a hollow cost
I made a page for Chinese nazis
It's got 3 Reichs on Facebook already
2 nazis walk into a BAR
They died
How many grammar nazis are needed to change a lightbulb?
Too
What do Elon Musk and the Nazis have in common?
They both give children serial numbers.
I've had it all with the grammar nazis
We should not tolerate antisemanticism.
I found a new way to piss off grammar nazis
Well, sort've.
How did an entire platoon of dirty nazis die?
Wrong shower
An Englishman, an American and an Irishman are lined up against the wall to be executed by the Nazis.
The Englishman is first, they put him against the wall, ready, aim …. The Englishman yells out earthquake earthquake!!! The Germans panic and he manages to run away.
The american is next and having seen what happened, as the Germans go ready, aim …. He yells out flood, flood. Again the Germans panic and he manages to run away.
The Irishman is next the Germans line him up and go ready, aim…. The Irishman confidently yells out Fire fire ….....
Apologies to any Irish offended. And Germans too.
Some worrying news for grammar Nazis, a new study shows...
that homophone misuse is at an awl thyme hi.
Please dont call us grammar nazis
we prefer the term "alt-write"
Did you hear? There's this app that lets you see which of your family members would have been nazis in WWII...
It's called Facebook.
Three Nazis walk into a BAR...
and none of them leave
My grandfather killed over 30 Nazis during WW2
He was the worst doctor in the Wehrmacht
An old rabbi wins the lottery
The man wins $3,000,000.00
A reporter from the local TV station comes to interview him at his house
She asks him, "Congratulations on your winning! What do you plan to do with the money?"
The old rabbi answers, "I'm giving $1,000,000 to a Jewish charity, $1,000,000 to my family, and $1,000,000 to the Nazis."
The reporter, stunned beyond belief, asks the old Jewish rabbi, "Why on earth would you give money to the Nazis?"
The old rabbi lifts up his sleeve, exposing his arm and says, "They gave me my lucky numbers."
I just don't get how the german people could fall for Hitler and the Nazis
There were an awful lot of red flags.
Two Nazis with a lisp raced each other...
They wanted to see who was the fascist
A Chemist, Biologist, and Physicist were captured by Nazis
The Nazis had taken all three scientists to the woods and lined them up on their knees with their hands on their head. They were about to be executed.
The Nazis aim their guns, and the biologist screams "bear". The Nazis turn around expecting a bear, but none was there. The biologist had escaped the Nazis.
So they aim their guns again and the physicist yells "lightning". Again, the Nazis turn around to look for lightning but don't see any. The physicist had now escaped.
With just the chemist left, the Nazis aim their guns and the chemist yells "fire!".
Jewish grammar nazis
Personally I'm anti-semantics
How many grammar nazis does it take to change a lightbulb
Too
The only good letter of the English Alphabet is the last one.
The rest are Nazis.
A Soviet officer and an American officer are talking over coffee at the end of World War II to celebrate their collaboration in the defeat of the Nazis.
They start to banter and brag with each other.
The American says to the Soviet, you know, in my country we have total freedom, I could stand in front of the White House and shout I hate America! and nothing would happen to me.
The Soviet officer looks at him and replies, yes, in the Soviet Union we also have such freedom, I too could stand in front of the Kremlin and shout I hate America! and nothing would happen to me either...
"Grammar Nazis are literally the worst."
"No, actual Nazis are literally the worst."
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the nazis jews jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working nazis goering piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.