Naw Jokes

What are some Naw jokes?

A Scottish priest is driving home when he comes across a dead pig lying on the road.

So he calls the police to inform them.



A cocky sergeant answers the called. "Did ye read him his last rites?" smirks the sergeant.




"Naw." replies the priest." I thought I would inform his next of kin first!"

A photon walks into a hotel

The clerk asks "do you have any bags we can help you with?"

Photon says "naw dawg, I'm travelin' light"

A Glasgow girl goes to the Civic Center to register for child benefit.

"How many children?" asks the civil servant?

"10" replies the girl.

"10???" says the civil servant.. "What are their names?"

"Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec and.....eh...Alec

"Doesn't that get confusing?" "

Naw..." says the girl "its great because if thur oot playin in the street, ah jist huv tae shout ALEC, YER DINNER'S READY or ALEC, GO TO BED NOW 'n' they aw dae it..."

"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed civil servant.

"'at's easy," says the girl... "Ah just use thur surnames"

A story about a Redneck and a Game Warden.

A redneck with a bucket full of live fish, was approached recently by a game warden in Georgia as he started to leave a lake well known for it's fish.
The game warden asked the man, "May I see your fishing license please?"
"Naw, sir," replied the redneck. "I don't need none of them there papers. These here are my pet fish."
"Pet fish!?!?"
"Yep. Once a week, I bring these here fish o'mine down to the lake and let 'em swim 'round for a while. Then when I whistle, they swim right back into my net and I take 'em home."
"What a line of baloney....you're under arrest."
The redneck said, "It's the truth, Mr. Gov'ment man.
I'll show ya! We do this all the time!!"
"WE do, now, do WE?" smirked the warden. "PROVE it!"
The redneck released the fish into the lake and stood and waited.
After a few minutes, the warden said, "Well?"
"Well, WHUT?" said the redneck.
The warden asked, "When are you going to call em back?"
"Call who back?"
"The FISH," replied the warden!
"Whut fish?" asked the redneck.

The Queen hosts a garden party in Scotland.

The Scottish waiter arrives carrying a tray with many cakes on it. Queen asks, Is that a scone, or a meringue?

The waiter replies: Naw, yer quite right, that's a scone.

A Scottish priest finds a dead pig.

A Scottish priest is driving home when he comes across a dead pig lying on the side of the road. So he calls the police to inform them.

A cocky sergeant answers the call.
"Did ye read him his last rites?" the sergeant smirked

"Naw." replies the priest. "I thought I'd inform his next of kin first!"

A Farmer goes to town

and enters a lawyer's office. "Mr. Lawyer," he says, "I'd like to get one of them die-vorces."

"Well," replies the lawyer, "do you have any grounds?"

"Yessir, 'bout 180 acres out near the county line."

"No, what I meant was, do you have a case?"

"Naw, but I do have a John Deere."

"No, No, No, do you have a grudge?"

"Yup, park my John Deere in it evry night."

"Look here, do you have a suit?"

"'Course, wear it to church evry Sunday."

"You're not making this easy on me. Listen, is your wife a nagger?"

"Nope, but that last kid was, that's why I want one of them die-vorces."

Social services are talking to a recneck woman about her ten kids...

Social service guy: "ok miss, what's the first boy called?"

Recneck woman: "Billy-Joe"

SS guy: "and the second one?"

RW: "Billy-Joe"

The SS guy pauses for a second and asks "What's the third child called?"

RW: "Billy-Joe"

Ss guy: "hold on... Are ALL your boys caked Billy-Joe?"

RW: "They sure are."

SS: "doesn't that get confusing"

RW: "Naw, it helps. If I want the house clean I say "Billy-Joe clean up!" And they ALL clean up. At tea time I shout "Billy-Joe, food time" and they all come running."

SS guy: "but what if you need one specific boy?"

RW: "That's easy... I shout their surname."

A frog is sitting on a lily pad in the middle of what is clearly a river. He shouts to a toad on the shore, "Hey, look at me, I'm on a lake!" The toad yells back,

"Naw man, you're in de-nile"

A man from Oklahoma takes his daughter to the gynecologist...

He tells the doctor that he'd like to put her on birth-control pills. The doctor asks him how old she is.

"She's thirteen." the man says.

The doctor is somewhat startled, "That's seems a bit young, is she sexually active?"

The man replies, "Naw... she jus' lays there like 'er mother."

Mad Cow Disease

So two cows are talking in a field, The first cow says "hey man, you worried about this mad cow disease that is going around?" The second cow says "Naw bro, I'm a helicopter."

A cheetah and a lion are racing in Africa

After the cheetah easily wins, the lion complains: "Man, you're a cheetah" and the cheetah says: "Naw man you're a lion".

2 little boys are arguing

About whose dad has a better job. First says "mines a Dr." second says " well mines a lawyer" first says in disbelief " honest? " second says " naw the usual kind"

What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?

"Aw *hail* naw!"

A man from Tennessee takes his daughter to the doctor and tells the doctor his daughter need birth control.

The doctor asks, "How old is she?"

He replies, "15."

"And she's sexually active," the doctor asks.

The man replies, "Naw, she just lays there like her mother."

A man walks into a bar

Orders 4 shots of tequila and drinks one after another. The bartender asks "Are you celebrating?"

"Something like that."

"What are you celebrating?"

"My first blow job."

"Hey, congrats! Let me buy you another."

"Naw, if 4 won't wash away the taste, nothing will."

Is it gay when the Doublemint Twins make out?

Naw, they're just exspearminting.

Do you guys wanna hear a joke about a pizza?

Naw i dont wanna tell it cause it kind of cheesy....sorry dadjokes

I saw your mother kicking a can down the street with one shoe. I asked her if she'd lost a shoe.

"Naw, found one"

The bull

A farmer is driving his tractor through his field when he spots his neighbor's five year old walking an enormous bull with a leash.

"Hey sweety! Where are ya headin' with that big bull?"

"Hiya Mr. Johnson! Imma takin' it to Maynard's t'mount his cows."

"Good, good... but cantya daddy go instead?"

"Naw, Mr. Johnson... the bull has t'go."

"Don't dwell on the past,don't dream about the future", is one of the most beautiful thoughts, was it Buddha?

Naw, it's just Congressman Roy Moore's Republican campaign slogan.

Meanwhile back in class...

Teacher : How much is a gram?

Me: Depends on what you are looking for ...

Teacher : GET OUT! NOW!

Me: So, did you still need that, or naw?

I told my friend some actress named Reese was stabbed yesterday.

He asked "Witherspoon?"

I said "Naw, with a knife"

Need a dessert sex joke to say to my girlfriend and I feel like id miss a hugely funny opportunity if I didnt nailed this joke.

Your help will make 2 people's lives very funny for a moment and what could be better than that? Its your civic duty to help out. And i promise she wont be made uncomfortable we are currently in the middle of a dirty exchange so I would definitely know by now naw meen?

I hurt my back...

...and the head of HR asked me if I was limping. Apparently it is NOT OK to say "Naw, just working on my pimp walk". :)

How to make Naw jokes?

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