naw Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious naw puns

A Scottish priest is driving home when he comes across a dead pig lying on the road.

So he calls the police to inform them.



A cocky sergeant answers the called. "Did ye read him his last rites?" smirks the sergeant.




"Naw." replies the priest." I thought I would inform his next of kin first!"

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So I was getting a handjob by a blind girl when she said,

"you have the biggest cock I've ever felt" and I said, "naw, you're just pulling my leg".

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A photon walks into a hotel

The clerk asks "do you have any bags we can help you with?"

Photon says "naw dawg, I'm travelin' light"

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A Glasgow girl goes to the Civic Center to register for child benefit.

"How many children?" asks the civil servant?

"10" replies the girl.

"10???" says the civil servant.. "What are their names?"

"Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec and.....eh...Alec

"Doesn't that get confusing?" "

Naw..." says the girl "its great because if thur oot playin in the street, ah jist huv tae shout ALEC, YER DINNER'S READY or ALEC, GO TO BED NOW 'n' they aw dae it..."

"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed civil servant.

"'at's easy," says the girl... "Ah just use thur surnames"

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A story about a Redneck and a Game Warden.

A redneck with a bucket full of live fish, was approached recently by a game warden in Georgia as he started to leave a lake well known for it's fish.
The game warden asked the man, "May I see your fishing license please?"
"Naw, sir," replied the redneck. "I don't need none of them there papers. These here are my pet fish."
"Pet fish!?!?"
"Yep. Once a week, I bring these here fish o'mine down to the lake and let 'em swim 'round for a while. Then when I whistle, they swim right back into my net and I take 'em home."
"What a line of baloney....you're under arrest."
The redneck said, "It's the truth, Mr. Gov'ment man.
I'll show ya! We do this all the time!!"
"WE do, now, do WE?" smirked the warden. "PROVE it!"
The redneck released the fish into the lake and stood and waited.
After a few minutes, the warden said, "Well?"
"Well, WHUT?" said the redneck.
The warden asked, "When are you going to call em back?"
"Call who back?"
"The FISH," replied the warden!
"Whut fish?" asked the redneck.

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A man who's been drinking at a bar throws up down the front of his shirt.

Remembering that his wife told him not to drink too much tonight, he starts panicking. My wife's going to kill me, he says to himself.

An old drunk next to him notices what's happened and says, Naw. Don't worry about it. Just put a ten dollar bill in your shirt pocket. When you get home, explain that some other guy puked all over your shirt and gave you a ten spot to pay for getting it cleaned.

So, feeling better about his situation, the man continues drinking until last call. When he gets home his wife is furious, just as he predicted. I told you not to get so drunk! She says. You threw up all over yourself! Give me that shirt. I need to soak it so it won't stain.

He smiles broadly while handing over the shirt. Oh sweetie, I only had a couple of beers. An old drunk next to me at the bar actually threw up on me. That's why he put ten dollars in the front pocket.

She reaches into the pocket. This is a twenty.

Oh yeah. Well, he shit in my pants, too.

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Two homeless men

Two homeless men are standing around bragging about their day. The First one says "Today I found $20, and was able to buy a nice hot meal. It was my luckiest day ever!"
to which the second replies: "oh yeah, my day was way better! I was at the train yard and found a woman tied to the train tracks. After I untied her, we fucked all day"
"Did you get a blow job?"
"Naw, I couldn't find her head"

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A Farmer goes to town

and enters a lawyer's office. "Mr. Lawyer," he says, "I'd like to get one of them die-vorces."

"Well," replies the lawyer, "do you have any grounds?"

"Yessir, 'bout 180 acres out near the county line."

"No, what I meant was, do you have a case?"

"Naw, but I do have a John Deere."

"No, No, No, do you have a grudge?"

"Yup, park my John Deere in it evry night."

"Look here, do you have a suit?"

"'Course, wear it to church evry Sunday."

"You're not making this easy on me. Listen, is your wife a nagger?"

"Nope, but that last kid was, that's why I want one of them die-vorces."

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A Scottish priest finds a dead pig.

A Scottish priest is driving home when he comes across a dead pig lying on the side of the road. So he calls the police to inform them.

A cocky sergeant answers the call.
"Did ye read him his last rites?" the sergeant smirked

"Naw." replies the priest. "I thought I'd inform his next of kin first!"

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The Queen hosts a garden party in Scotland.

The Scottish waiter arrives carrying a tray with many cakes on it. Queen asks, Is that a scone, or a meringue?

The waiter replies: Naw, yer quite right, that's a scone.

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A black boy goes to his mother and says

"HEY MAMA, I GOT THE BIGGEST DICK IN THE THIRD GRADE IS IT CUZ IM BLACK?"

And she says

"NAW NIGGA ITS CUZ YOU NINETEEN!"

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Social services are talking to a recneck woman about her ten kids...

Social service guy: "ok miss, what's the first boy called?"

Recneck woman: "Billy-Joe"

SS guy: "and the second one?"

RW: "Billy-Joe"

The SS guy pauses for a second and asks "What's the third child called?"

RW: "Billy-Joe"

Ss guy: "hold on... Are ALL your boys caked Billy-Joe?"

RW: "They sure are."

SS: "doesn't that get confusing"

RW: "Naw, it helps. If I want the house clean I say "Billy-Joe clean up!" And they ALL clean up. At tea time I shout "Billy-Joe, food time" and they all come running."

SS guy: "but what if you need one specific boy?"

RW: "That's easy... I shout their surname."

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Two homeless men are standing around bragging about their day...

... The First hobo says "Today i found $20, and was able to buy a nice hot meal. It was my luckiest day ever!".


To which the second hobo replies: "oh yeah, my day was way better! I was at the train yard, and found a woman tied to the train tracks. After I untied her, we fucked all day"


"Did you get a blow job?"


"Naw, I couldnt find her head"

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A frog is sitting on a lily pad in the middle of what is clearly a river. He shouts to a toad on the shore, "Hey, look at me, I'm on a lake!" The toad yells back,

"Naw man, you're in de-nile"

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A man from Oklahoma takes his daughter to the gynecologist...

He tells the doctor that he'd like to put her on birth-control pills. The doctor asks him how old she is.

"She's thirteen." the man says.

The doctor is somewhat startled, "That's seems a bit young, is she sexually active?"

The man replies, "Naw... she jus' lays there like 'er mother."

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Mad Cow Disease

So two cows are talking in a field, The first cow says "hey man, you worried about this mad cow disease that is going around?" The second cow says "Naw bro, I'm a helicopter."

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I was at a bar in Dublin yesterday

And this Chinese guy comes in, stands next to me and starts drinking a beer. I ask him, "Hey, do you know any of those fancy martial arts like Kung Fu, etc?" "No" he says, "Are you asking that because I am Chinese? WTF?" "Naw" I replied, "It's cause you are drinking my beer ya wee lil prick"

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An 80 year old couple is watching Jeopardy when a Viagra commercial comes on...

The husband says with a smile, "You know what, Edith? I'm gonna go to the doctors office tomorrow and get some of that Viagra."

Edith says, "Well you better make an appointment for me too."

Her husband replies, "Naw honey, I'm the only one who has to take the stuff."
Edith says, "I'm not going for the pills. If you're gonna try and use that rusty old thing on me, I'm gonna need a tetanus shot!"

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A cheetah and a lion are racing in Africa

After the cheetah easily wins, the lion complains: "Man, you're a cheetah" and the cheetah says: "Naw man you're a lion".

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Best read in an Irish brogue

I see yer new in th'area, boyz, so ai'll give ya some free advice. Be careful wat yer known far, as da locals can be a bit stickish.

Lookit me 'uouse, wouldja. I built it wit me own two 'ands, drew da plans up, too. But do dey call me "Billy da 'uouse-builder?" Naw.

That bridge, over awn the the udder side o'da meadow. Built it meself, wit da 'elp o' dose Flannigan boys. An' d'ya tink dey call me "Billy da bridge-builder?" Naw.

An' da meadow itself, I layed out da plot, all right and proper, mind ye. Sunk da fence, too. Do dey call me "Billy da surveyor?" Naw.

But ya get drunk an' fuck one goat! *Just one!*

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A guy walks into a bar and orders three shots of the bartender's finest whiskey...

The bartender asks, "So what's the occasion?" The guy says "I just experienced my first blowjob." "Wow!" the bartender says, "Congratulations. Why don't you have a fourth shot, on the house." The guy says, "Naw, if three shots doesn't get the taste out of my mouth, I don't think four will."

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2 little boys are arguing

About whose dad has a better job. First says "mines a Dr." second says " well mines a lawyer" first says in disbelief " honest? " second says " naw the usual kind"

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A man from Tennessee takes his daughter to the doctor and tells the doctor his daughter need birth control.

The doctor asks, "How old is she?"

He replies, "15."

"And she's sexually active," the doctor asks.

The man replies, "Naw, she just lays there like her mother."

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Is it gay when the Doublemint Twins make out?

Naw, they're just exspearminting.

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Do you guys wanna hear a joke about a pizza?

Naw i dont wanna tell it cause it kind of cheesy....sorry dadjokes

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This guy goes into a bar and orders three shots of tequila.

The bartender asks "What's the occasion?" to which the fellow replies "My first blowjob."
The bartender smiles and sets up a fourth shot glass. "Congratulations. Have a fourth one on the house."
"Naw." Said the fellow. "If three don't get the taste out of my mouth, one more won't help."

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A man walks into a bar

Orders 4 shots of tequila and drinks one after another. The bartender asks "Are you celebrating?"

"Something like that."

"What are you celebrating?"

"My first blow job."

"Hey, congrats! Let me buy you another."

"Naw, if 4 won't wash away the taste, nothing will."

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The bull

A farmer is driving his tractor through his field when he spots his neighbor's five year old walking an enormous bull with a leash.

"Hey sweety! Where are ya headin' with that big bull?"

"Hiya Mr. Johnson! Imma takin' it to Maynard's t'mount his cows."

"Good, good... but cantya daddy go instead?"

"Naw, Mr. Johnson... the bull has t'go."

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I saw your mother kicking a can down the street with one shoe. I asked her if she'd lost a shoe.

"Naw, found one"

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I told my friend some actress named Reese was stabbed yesterday.

He asked "Witherspoon?"

I said "Naw, with a knife"

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An English nun and a Scottish nun are in the bath.

The English nun says, Where's the soap?

The Scottish nun replies, Here you! Ye'll naw be starting any of this homophonous shite wi me!

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"Don't dwell on the past,don't dream about the future", is one of the most beautiful thoughts, was it Buddha?

Naw, it's just Congressman Roy Moore's Republican campaign slogan.

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Meanwhile back in class...

Teacher : How much is a gram?

Me: Depends on what you are looking for ...

Teacher : GET OUT! NOW!

Me: So, did you still need that, or naw?

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Need a dessert sex joke to say to my girlfriend and I feel like id miss a hugely funny opportunity if I didnt nailed this joke.

Your help will make 2 people's lives very funny for a moment and what could be better than that? Its your civic duty to help out. And i promise she wont be made uncomfortable we are currently in the middle of a dirty exchange so I would definitely know by now naw meen?

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I hurt my back...

...and the head of HR asked me if I was limping. Apparently it is NOT OK to say "Naw, just working on my pimp walk". :)

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What are the most funny Naw jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Naw? Well, here are the best Naw dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Naw pick up lines to share with friends.

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