80 of the most funny navy jokes that are mostly about marines seals and their military service. There are some jokes about the army from navy, while others are about coast guard or air force. I hope you'll have a good laugh with the following navy chief jokes, boot camp jokes, and dining out jokes.
To see the Old Polish Navy
It bit the head off a submarine and sucked all the seamen out...
Because she was impressed by Her Service.
A Navy Chief and an Admiral were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces.
The admiral shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse!"
The chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.
She puts her clothes back on and goes home.
So they can see the old French navy.
Put it in water
Because it takes longer to pick up.
- With a crowbar.
And What's the worst thing in a woman?
- A Marine
The captain gets on the loud-hailer and shouts, "Ahoy, small craft. Where are you headed?"
One of the Mexicans puts down his oar, stands up, and replies, "We are invading the United States of America to reclaim the territory taken by the USA during the 1800s."
The entire crew of the destroyer doubled-over in laughter. When the captain was finally able to catch his breath, he gets back on the loud-hailer and asks, "Just the four of you?"
The same Mexican stands up again and shouts, "No, we're the last four. The rest are already there!"
The Navy Seals just invented a new drink, the "bin Laden". Two shots to the face and a splash of water.
You can explore navy marines reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean navy destroyer dad jokes. There are also navy puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Submarines.
With a crowbar.
Background: my dad was a biomed tech and did work for all branches throughout many areas.
One day, he's at a Navy submarine repair station. as him and his buddy are walking in, 2 Navy guys see em and say 'Air Force? what are you guys doing here? where are they going to put the landing strip?'
the other Navy guys says, 'fuck that, where are they going to put the golf course?'
Ok, so this three part one which requires a little build up:
Ask, "what a pirate's favorite letter?"
Usually people get the "Rrrr"
Ask, "What's a pirates favorite restaurant?"
Wait for a response: "Harrrdees" or "Arrrbys"
and lastly, ask "What's a pirate's favorite branch of the military?"
At this point you should get "the ARrrrrmy" and you reply
"No it's the Navy stupid!"
And says "Welcome! I want to give you all an opportunity to explore the capital of our great nation before we begin the tour of the White House. We'll meet here at 4:00...
For those of you in the Army, that'll be at sixteen hundred hours,
For those of you in the Navy, that'll be at eight bells,
And for those of you in the Marines, the little hand will be on the four and the big hand will be on the twelve."
It takes longer to pick up.
They were impressive!
All the goats have been moved to an undisclosed location and are awaiting to be reunited with their respective farmers.
They defend the ships much more eagerly.
Unfortunately, when I received my order I found out that my post would be a navigator on a Diesel-powered sub with no nuclear capability.
When I approached my command to complain, I was told that this happened all the time and would soon sort itself out - a moderator would soon move my post to the correct sub.
Whoops, wrong sub.
Oops, wrong sub.
So they can Scan da navy in
They are sending them out to sea.
A: Anime fanbases
A Snailor
It's a house of warship
"It was just a prank bro"
Talk Abbottabad place to hide.
Or as the wife calls it, masturbated in the shower.
He warships them
Arrrrrrrrt.
What's a pirate's favorite body part?
The arrrrrm.
What's a pirate's favorite branch of the military?
No. The Navy you idiot.
So they could see the old British Navy!
To see the old Italian Navy
They are sending message on the radio: "MAY DAY, MAY DAY!! WE ARE SINKING!"
A German ship hears their message and responds: " Zis is German Navy Ship. What are you sinking about?"
Were those peace times or war times, I cannot tell... either way it's funny :)
The French Navy, you'll never see them coming!
**Navy**: We ask that you divert your course 15 degrees north, to avoid collision.
**Civilian**: Negative. Recommend that *you* divert 15 degrees north, to avoid collision.
**Navy**: This is the Captain of a U.S. Navy ship. I say again, divert your course.
**Civilian**: Negative. I say again, recommend you change course.
**Navy**: This is the aircraft carrier *Enterprise*! We are a large warship of the U.S. Navy! Divert your course *immediately*!
**Civilian**: This is a lighthouse. Your call.
So they can see their air Force.
The preferred term is "Navy enlisted personnel."
So when the come to port, they can just Scan da navy in!
So they could scan da Navy in.
That's why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship.
I had to pay $855 to cover the loss. I'm starting to understand why a Navy captain always goes down with his ship.
So they could see the old Italian Navy!
Now I'm starting to understand why navy captains always go down with their ship
He calls to his aide, "Bring me my red coat!" When the aide asks why, he says, "If I get shot, the men won't see it and will keep on fighting." The aide praises the captain's intelligence and fetches the jacket. Then, as soon as they are about to attack, a lookout yells, "Captain, we just realized that there are in fact 20 ships!" The captain suddenly goes very pale and calls, "Bring me my brown pants."
Suppose, for example, the order goes out from HQ to "secure the building."
After a short while, the Marines report back, "We have destroyed the building."
Army reports, "We have killed everyone in the building and are holding the position."
Navy: "We locked the door when we left for the day."
Air Force: "We signed a three-year lease with an option to buy."
That's why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship.
The reason the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker amongst themselves is that they don't speak the same language.
For instance, Take the simple phrase secure the building :
The Army will post guards around the place.
The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors.
The Marines will kill everybody inside and set up a headquarters.
The Air Force will take out a 5 year lease with an option to buy.
7 C's
So they put me in the Navy since I was a sub-marine.
An Army Colonel and a Navy Commodore dressed in ceremonial attire, are taking a pee in the men's room.
Post finishing their business, the Army guy washes his hands and dries them on a towel.
The Navy guy proceeds to just walk out.
Seeing this, the Army guy can't resist taking a snipe and says, 'Didn't the Navy teach you to wash your hands after peeing?'
The Navy guys replies, 'Nah! In the Navy they just taught us not to pee on our hands.'
I have to take a course in anchor management.
I though they were the aqua-marines.
Never leave your mates behind...
Dad: You wanna join the navy? You can't even swim!
Son: But then in the Air Force no one can fly either.
So they can scan-da-navy-in...
Ahoy, small craft. Where are you headed?"
One of the Mexicans puts down his oar, stands up, and shouts, "Gringo, we are invading the United States of
America to reclaim the territory taken by the USA during the 1800's."
The entire crew on the destroyer doubles over in laughter.
When the Captain finally catches his breath, he gets back on the loud-hailer and asks, "Just the four of you?"
The same Mexican stands up again and shouts, "No, we're the last 4. The other 20 million are already there.
It's a novel naval navel navy nova novel
So when they come back into port they can Scandinavian...
He turns on his signal lamp and sends, Change your course, 10 degrees west.
The light signals back, Change yours, 10 degrees east.
The captain gets a little annoyed. He signals, I'm a US Navy captain. You must change your course, sir.
The light signals back, I'm a Seaman First Class. You must change your course, sir.
Now the captain is mad. He signals, I'm an aircraft carrier. I'm not changing my course.
The light signals back a final message: I'm a lighthouse. Your call.
So he could enter the marine corps.
And it warms my heart to know that one branch will be having "Space Balls" from here on out.
An AGM guided missile has an explosion big enough to wreck several decks on a warship?
Anyways, I got dishonorably discharged from the navy
They both do their business, the sailor goes to wash his hands -- the marine heads to the door. The sailor sees this and says "You know, in the NAVY they taught us to wash our hands after we use the bathroom". The marine looks back at him and says "Oh yeah? Well, in the marines they taught us not to piss on our hands"
Because all of the ships with that number in their name... cinq
I was thinking a bit about Bin Laden. He stayed at home with 3 wives for 5 years. I'm beginning to suspect he called the Navy Seals himself
So they can see the old Iran navy.
So when they come back to port they can Scandinavian!
Because sailing is a path to the dockside.
They defend their ship with a lot more enthusiasm.
It's so they can scan da navy in
So when they come back to the port they can 'Scandinavian'
That's why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship.
So they could see the First Italian Navy
If you're a veteran, I can tell what branch of the military you were in based on how you understand the phrase "secure the building."
If you were a Marine you think it means to hit the building with mortar and machine gun fire.
If you were in the Army you think it means to go from room to room clearing them of enemy combatants.
If you were in the Navy it means to turn out all the lights and lock the door.
If you were in the Air Force it means to take out a five year lease with an option to buy.
...so they can keep an eye on the Russian Air Force.
A Sub-Marine.
One day, he heard a navy general whistle the same way
Furious, the pirate fired all cannons and blew their ship in half. In victory he yelled
Sank you!
The general yelled back
Your whale comes!
He warships the ground she walks on.
It's to Scandinavian.
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