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Navy Jokes

137 navy jokes and hilarious navy puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about navy that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

80 of the most funny navy jokes that are mostly about marines seals and their military service. There are some jokes about the army from navy, while others are about coast guard or air force. I hope you'll have a good laugh with the following navy chief jokes, boot camp jokes, and dining out jokes.

Short navy jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The navy humour may include short naval jokes also.

  1. In the army, you have to pay $85 if you lose your rifle. That's why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship.
  2. Why did Norway's Navy have barcodes on all the ships? So when they come back into port they can Scandinavian...
  3. TIL: The Norwegian Navy have started to put barcodes on their ships. So they can Scan da navy in
  4. Why do they actually prefer non-swimmers in the Navy? They defend their ship with a lot more enthusiasm.
  5. Effective immediately, the navy is only conscripting non-swimmers. They defend the ships much more eagerly.
  6. Why does the new Russian Navy have glass bottom boats? So they can see the old Russian Navy.
  7. Did you know the Norwegian navy has giant barcodes on the sides of it's ships? Apparently so they can Scandinavian
  8. Why do all swedish military ships have bar codes on them? So when the come to port, they can just Scan da navy in!
  9. Why does the admiral of the navy put a destroyer everywhere his girlfriend hikes? He warships the ground she walks on.
  10. So a navy man returns to his ship after a night in port. The next morning he's shocked to find everyone speaking Russian... Whoops, wrong sub.

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Navy joke, So a navy man returns to his ship after a night in port. The next morning he's shocked to find every


Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about navy can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of navy puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Which navy one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with navy? I can suggest the ones about navel and military.

  1. Why does Norway's Navy have barcodes on their ships? It's to Scandinavian.
  2. Why does the north Korean navy have glass bottom boats? So they can see their air Force.
  3. The Navy is beginning to recruit blind men. They are sending them out to sea.
  4. I always heard that the Navy separates the men from the boys Turns out they use a crowbar
  5. Did you know that Norway puts barcodes on their ships?? It's so they can scan da navy in
  6. How do you sink the Polish navy? Put it in water
  7. Why does the U.S. Navy use powdered soap? It takes longer to pick up.
  8. How do you separate the men from the boys in the Navy? With a crowbar.
  9. Why don't the Jedi have a navy? Because sailing is a path to the dockside.
  10. Why dose the navy use liquid soap? Because it takes longer to pick up.
  11. What grades do you need to join the navy? 7 C's
  12. Why does rhe norwegian navy have barcodes on their ships So they can scan-da-navy-in...
  13. Why does the Italian Navy have glass bottom boats? To see the old Italian Navy
  14. Did you hear about the Navy hangar that doubles as a church? It's a house of warship
  15. Why did the Norwegian navy put barcodes on their ships? So they could scan da Navy in.

In The Navy Jokes

Here is a list of funny in the navy jokes and even better in the navy puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A Navy recruiter asks a man Do you know how to swim? The man replies, Why? Have you run out of ships?
  • Why does the new French navy have glass bottom ships? So they can see the old French navy.
  • What's a pirate's favorite school subject? Arrrrrrrrt.
    What's a pirate's favorite body part?
    The arrrrrm.
    What's a pirate's favorite branch of the military?
    No. The Navy you idiot.
  • Why Does the Norway Navy have Bar codes on the side of the ships? So when they come back to the port they can 'Scandinavian'
  • TIL that it's not politically correct to say someone is gay... The preferred term is "Navy enlisted personnel."
  • Two marines are flying into an unfamiliar airport The put the flaps up and descend lower, lower, lower and finally touch down. The brakes of the plane screeches and howl unlike anything you've ever heard. The plane comes to a stop just inches from the terminal. The pilot exlaims "that's the shortest d**... runway I've ever seen". The co-pilot looks to the left, then looks to the right and says "Yea, but it sure is wide"
  • The Russian Navy has announced that it's commissioning glass-bottom warships ...so they can keep an eye on the Russian air force.
  • What's the first thing a Navy wife does when she wakes up in the morning? She puts her clothes back on and goes home.
  • BREAKING - The Russian Navy has released a statement after accidentally sinking one of it's own submarines Oops, wrong sub.
  • I tried to join the Marines. But I fell short of their physical requirements. So they put me in the Navy since I was a sub-marine.

Army Navy Jokes

Here is a list of funny army navy jokes and even better army navy puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • In the Navy, how do you seperate the men from the boys? - With a crowbar.
    And What's the worst thing in a woman?
    - A Marine
  • My conservative friends keep warning me that China has a PLAN But I don't see what the People's Liberation Army Navy has to do with anything.
  • Losing a rifle in the army can get you a fine over over £500 I am starting to finally understand why navy captains go down with the ship
  • If the Army has chaplains, what does the Navy have? Ship monks.
  • Navy football Go army!
  • What is an army of blue babies on horseback called? A navy infantry cavalry
  • When I lost my p**..., the Army charged me $125. That's why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship.
  • Each branch has a military ball (Navy Ball, Army Ball, etc.) And it warms my heart to know that one branch will be having "Space b**..." from here on out.

Here is a list of funny navy submarine jokes and even better navy submarine puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Where does the Navy rank amongst the armed forces? Submarines.
  • What do you call a Marine who joins the Navy? A Sub-Marine.
  • What's the difference between a Marine and submarine? Nothing. The Navy goes down on both of them.
  • Canada's navy has 3 submarines!!! Unfortunatley 2 of them are located in west Edmonton mall
  • I identify as a Nuclear Submarine but my high anxiety prevents me from joining the Navy. I think its because I crack under pressure.
  • A new Navy recruit has his first day on the submarine... Everything goes well and the day is uneventful.
  • TIL that in the British Navy, boarding the wrong submarine is grounds for discharge.
  • Why does the Argentine Navy even have a submarine ? So it can go underwater and check out the rest of their Navy
  • My friend in the Navy tells me I can never do anything correctly. Whoops, wrong submarine
  • Why did the U.S. Navy name their newest submarine the Illinois? They are both underwater.

Here is a list of funny navy seal jokes and even better navy seal puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • after 3 weeks of lockdon I was thinking a bit about Bin Laden. He stayed at home with 3 wives for 5 years. I'm beginning to suspect he called the Navy Seals himself
  • Heard a vintage 2011 today. The Navy Seals just invented a new drink, the "bin Laden". Two shots to the face and a splash of water.
  • What's better than a talking dog? A spelling bee
    What's better than a spelling bee?
    A navy seal
  • Had a bet going with a friend over who would be the first to get those kids out of that cave, Elon Musk or the Navy SEALs... ...He said Elon Musk, I said it would be a Thai.
  • How do you know if a guy was in the Navy SEALs? Don't worry, he'll tell you.
  • What do you call a member of the armed forces in the north sea? A navy seal.
  • What do you call a navy seal and a used defiblirator? An honorable discharge.
    (Yah it's trash I know)
  • A marine, a navi seal and a Space Force.... Trumpfurine spaceman sitting by the fire.... well what are we going to call spaceforce people anyway?
  • How many Navy Seals does it take to change a light bulb? Navy Seals don't change light bulbs. They only take 'em out.
  • I'm a Navy Seal... Arf Arf
Navy joke, I'm a Navy Seal...

What funny jokes about navy you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean air force jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make navy prank.

Why did the New Polish Navy build boats with glass bottoms?

To see the Old Polish Navy

Did you hear about the gay whale bothering the Navy?

It bit the head off a submarine and s**... all the s**... out...

Why did the Queen join the Navy after making herself breakfast in bed?

Because she was impressed by Her Service.

Aftershave's aftereffects.

A Navy Chief and an Admiral were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces.
The admiral shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a w**...!"
The chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a w**... smells like.

A U. S. Navy destroyer stops four Mexicans in a row boat rowing towards California...

The captain gets on the loud-hailer and shouts, "Ahoy, small craft. Where are you headed?"

One of the Mexicans puts down his oar, stands up, and replies, "We are invading the United States of America to reclaim the territory taken by the USA during the 1800s."
The entire crew of the destroyer doubled-over in laughter. When the captain was finally able to catch his breath, he gets back on the loud-hailer and asks, "Just the four of you?"

The same Mexican stands up again and shouts, "No, we're the last four. The rest are already there!"

my old man had a joke from his days in the Air Force

Background: my dad was a biomed tech and did work for all branches throughout many areas.
One day, he's at a Navy submarine repair station. as him and his buddy are walking in, 2 Navy guys see em and say 'Air Force? what are you guys doing here? where are they going to put the landing s**...?'
the other Navy guys says, 'fuck that, where are they going to put the golf course?'

Another Pirate joke?

Ok, so this three part one which requires a little build up:
Ask, "what a pirate's favorite letter?"
Usually people get the "Rrrr"
Ask, "What's a pirates favorite restaurant?"
Wait for a response: "Harrrdees" or "Arrrbys"
and lastly, ask "What's a pirate's favorite branch of the military?"
At this point you should get "the ARrrrrmy" and you reply
"No it's the Navy s**...!"

The President meets with 50 top recruits from each branch of the armed forces...

And says "Welcome! I want to give you all an opportunity to explore the capital of our great nation before we begin the tour of the White House. We'll meet here at 4:00...
For those of you in the Army, that'll be at sixteen hundred hours,
For those of you in the Navy, that'll be at eight bells,
And for those of you in the Marines, the little hand will be on the four and the big hand will be on the twelve."

How did the Royal Navy attract so many recruits?

They were impressive!

U.S. Navy Seals just freed thousands of ISIS s**... slaves ...

All the goats have been moved to an undisclosed location and are awaiting to be reunited with their respective farmers.

After joining the submarine forces of the Navy, I was guaranteed that I would be stationed on a nuclear-powered submarine by an Admiral.

Unfortunately, when I received my order I found out that my post would be a navigator on a Diesel-powered sub with no nuclear capability.
When I approached my command to complain, I was told that this happened all the time and would soon sort itself out - a moderator would soon move my post to the correct sub.

Q: What has more ships than the navy?

A: Anime fanbases

What do you call a snail in the Navy?

A Snailor

It's nearly 6 years since US Navy SEALs took out o**... Bin Laden in Pakistan.

Talk Abbottabad place to hide.

I just enlisted my kids into the Navy.

Or as the wife calls it, m**... in the shower.

My friend is obsessed with Navy destroyers

He warships them

Why did the US Navy gift the British Navy glass-bottomed boats?

So they could see the old British Navy!

English navy ship is sinking...

They are sending message on the radio: "MAY DAY, MAY DAY!! WE ARE SINKING!"
A German ship hears their message and responds: " Zis is German Navy Ship. What are you sinking about?"
Were those peace times or war times, I cannot tell... either way it's funny :)

Whats the best Navy in the world?

The French Navy, you'll never see them coming!

A Navy ship hailed a civilian at sea...

**Navy**: We ask that you divert your course 15 degrees north, to avoid collision.
**Civilian**: Negative. Recommend that *you* divert 15 degrees north, to avoid collision.
**Navy**: This is the Captain of a U.S. Navy ship. I say again, divert your course.
**Civilian**: Negative. I say again, recommend you change course.
**Navy**: This is the aircraft carrier *Enterprise*! We are a large warship of the U.S. Navy! Divert your course *immediately*!
**Civilian**: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

Why did the Italian Navy make their ships with glass bottoms?

So they could see the old Italian Navy!

A pirate captain is about to pillage a Royal Navy ship.

He calls to his aide, "Bring me my red coat!" When the aide asks why, he says, "If I get shot, the men won't see it and will keep on fighting." The aide praises the captain's intelligence and fetches the jacket. Then, as soon as they are about to attack, a lookout yells, "Captain, we just realized that there are in fact 20 ships!" The captain suddenly goes very pale and calls, "Bring me my brown pants."

Sometimes the same word means different things to different people.

Suppose, for example, the order goes out from HQ to "secure the building."
After a short while, the Marines report back, "We have destroyed the building."
Army reports, "We have killed everyone in the building and are holding the position."
Navy: "We locked the door when we left for the day."
Air Force: "We signed a three-year lease with an option to buy."

Army vs. Navy

An Army Colonel and a Navy Commodore dressed in ceremonial attire, are taking a pee in the men's room.
Post finishing their business, the Army guy washes his hands and dries them on a towel.
The Navy guy proceeds to just walk out.
Seeing this, the Army guy can't resist taking a snipe and says, 'Didn't the Navy teach you to wash your hands after peeing?'
The Navy guys replies, 'Nah! In the Navy they just taught us not to pee on our hands.'

I'm about to lose my job in the Navy unless I make some drastic changes.

I have to take a course in anchor management.

I've never understood the Navy's colour being Navy blue.

I though they were the aqua-marines.

What is a Sailors motto?

Never leave your mates behind...

U.S. Navy destroyer stops four Mexicans rowing towards Texas. The Captain gets on the loud-hailer and shouts:

Ahoy, small craft. Where are you headed?"

One of the Mexicans puts down his oar, stands up, and shouts, "g**..., we are invading the United States of
America to reclaim the territory taken by the USA during the 1800's."

The entire crew on the destroyer doubles over in laughter.

When the Captain finally catches his breath, he gets back on the loud-hailer and asks, "Just the four of you?"

The same Mexican stands up again and shouts, "No, we're the last 4. The other 20 million are already there.

A captain notices a light in the distance, on a collision course with his ship.

He turns on his signal lamp and sends, Change your course, 10 degrees west.
The light signals back, Change yours, 10 degrees east.
The captain gets a little annoyed. He signals, I'm a US Navy captain. You must change your course, sir.
The light signals back, I'm a s**... First Class. You must change your course, sir.
Now the captain is mad. He signals, I'm an aircraft carrier. I'm not changing my course.
The light signals back a final message: I'm a lighthouse. Your call.

Why did the necrophiliac join the navy?

So he could enter the marine corps.

Did you know...

An AGM guided missile has an e**... big enough to wreck several decks on a warship?
Anyways, I got dishonorably discharged from the navy

A sailor and a marine walk into a bathroom at a bar

They both do their business, the sailor goes to wash his hands -- the marine heads to the door. The sailor sees this and says "You know, in the NAVY they taught us to wash our hands after we use the bathroom". The marine looks back at him and says "Oh yeah? Well, in the marines they taught us not to p**... on our hands"

In the French Navy, it's considered unlucky to have the number 5 in a ship's name...

Because all of the ships with that number in their name... cinq

You know why Iran's new navy has glass bottom ships...?

So they can see the old Iran navy.

Did you know that the Norwegian navy has barcodes on the sides of their ships?

So when they come back to port they can Scandinavian!

Why did the Second Italian Navy have glass bottom boats?

So they could see the First Italian Navy

What does "Secure the Building" mean to veterans?

If you're a veteran, I can tell what branch of the military you were in based on how you understand the phrase "secure the building."
If you were a Marine you think it means to hit the building with mortar and machine gun fire.
If you were in the Army you think it means to go from room to room clearing them of enemy combatants.
If you were in the Navy it means to turn out all the lights and lock the door.
If you were in the Air Force it means to take out a five year lease with an option to buy.

Can I buy the building?

The reason why the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker among themselves is that they don't speak the same language. For instance, Take the simple phrase "secure the building".
The Army will post guards around the place.
The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors.
The Marines will kill everybody inside and set up a headquarters.
The Air Force will take out a 5 year lease with an option to buy.

I just learned my Great Great Uncle George was in the Navy.

They gave him a burial at sea but it was really difficult because the water kept falling out of the shovel.

officer Training School

Members of the 4 British Armed Services are completing an exam for Officer Training.
QUESTION: You're on a survival course & upon returning to your tent, you discover a scorpion.
What do you do?
NAVY answers: I would gingerly pick it up & throw it out of the tent.
ARMY answers: I would stomp it & throw it out of my tent.
MARINE answers: I would stomp it, eat it & then go to sleep.
AIRFORCE answers: I would call Room Service & ask WHY there is a tent in my Hotel Room.

What do you call a Navy Admiral who gambles, smokes, drinks and does drugs?

a Vice Admiral

Navy joke, What do you call a Navy Admiral who gambles, smokes, drinks and does drugs?

jokes about navy

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these navy jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.