Whoops, wrong sub
The marine says, "I once killed 50 enemy combatants with a single belt of my M249." The Navy SEAL says, "I wiped out an entire enemy compound with my K-Bar." The two look at the Delta Force and expect him to pipe up, but he just stares at the fire, stirring the coals with his penis.
That's why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship.
So when they come back to port they can Scandinavian.
So they can Scan da navy in
They defend the ships much more eagerly.
That's why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship.
Now I'm starting to understand why navy captains always go down with their ship
So when they come back to port they can Scandanavian.
The four branches encounter a bug in the tent.
The army shoots the bug.
The marines eat the bug.
The navy drowns the bug.
The air force calls room service to ask why the fuck there's a tent in their room.
So they can see their air Force.
So when the come to port, they can just Scan da navy in!
All the goats have been moved to an undisclosed location and are awaiting to be reunited with their respective farmers.
They are sending them out to sea.
Whoops, wrong sub.
I had to pay $855 to cover the loss. I'm starting to understand why a Navy captain always goes down with his ship.
Or as the wife calls it, masturbated in the shower.
So they can see the old French navy.
Arrrrrrrrt.
What's a pirate's favorite body part?
The arrrrrm.
What's a pirate's favorite branch of the military?
No. The Navy you idiot.
So they put me in the Navy since I was a sub-marine.
The preferred term is "Navy enlisted personnel."
A Navy Chief and an Admiral were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces.
The admiral shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse!"
The chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.
He only had time to meet a handful of semen.
**Navy**: We ask that you divert your course 15 degrees north, to avoid collision.
**Civilian**: Negative. Recommend that *you* divert 15 degrees north, to avoid collision.
**Navy**: This is the Captain of a U.S. Navy ship. I say again, divert your course.
**Civilian**: Negative. I say again, recommend you change course.
**Navy**: This is the aircraft carrier *Enterprise*! We are a large warship of the U.S. Navy! Divert your course *immediately*!
**Civilian**: This is a lighthouse. Your call.
An Army Ranger, a Recon Marine, a Navy SEAL, and a member of Delta Force are sitting around a camp fire. The Army Ranger, bragging about his exploits says "You guys aren't so tough, I once parachuted down, marched fifty miles, and killed everyone in sight." The Recon Marine is unimpressed, and says, "That's nothing, I once made a beach landing, marched 60 miles, and killed everyone in sight." The SEAL is unimpressed, he says "That's nothing, I once swam 10 miles to shore, marched 70 miles, and killed everyone in sight with my bare hands." Thoroughly impressed, they all look over at the Delta Force member, and he's dead silent, just stirring the coals of the fire with his dick.
The captain gets on the loud-hailer and shouts, "Ahoy, small craft. Where are you headed?"
One of the Mexicans puts down his oar, stands up, and replies, "We are invading the United States of America to reclaim the territory taken by the USA during the 1800s."
The entire crew of the destroyer doubled-over in laughter. When the captain was finally able to catch his breath, he gets back on the loud-hailer and asks, "Just the four of you?"
The same Mexican stands up again and shouts, "No, we're the last four. The rest are already there!"
When they come out, the Air Force pilot begins thoroughly washing his hands and says,
'In the Air Force they taught us the importance of good hygiene.'
The Naval officer then begins washing his hands using only a small trickle of water and says,
'In the Navy they taught us the importance of good hygiene AND water conservation.'
The army private walks straight out without stopping and says,
'In the Army they taught us to not piss on our hands.'
She puts her clothes back on and goes home.
That's why in the Navy, the captian goes down with the ship
The crusty Navy Master Chief noticed a new face and barked at him, "Get over here! What's your name, sailor?"
"John," the new seaman replied.
"Look, I don't know what kind of bleeding-heart pansy crap they're teaching sailors in boot camp these days, but I don't call anyone by his first name," the chief scowled.
"It breeds familiarity, and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my sailors by their last names only; Smith, Jones, Baker, Jackson, whatever.
And you are to refer to me as 'Chief.' Do I make myself clear?"
"Aye, Aye, Chief!"
"Now that we've got that straight, what's your last name?"
The seaman sighed. "Darling, My name is John Darling, Chief."
"Okay, John, here's what I want you to do ...."
These twins, the Tillery brothers, were named Arthur and Artemis, but both of them liked to be called Art. The only way that the captain and crew could tell them apart was by weight: Arthur was much fatter than his twin.
One day, the pirate ship was attacked by a Royal Navy ship. "All hands on deck!" The captain ordered. He pointed to the cannons and shouted, "Fire the heavy artillery!"
Hearing this, one of the pirates picked up Arthur, shoved him in the cannon, and fired.
"What did you do that for?" The captain asked.
"Sorry sir," the pirate replied. "But I'm sure you told me to fire the heavy Art Tillery."
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It takes longer to pick up.
An army ranger, navy seal, and green beret are sitting at a campfire swapping tough guy stories.
The army ranger pipes up by bragging, "One time I had to parachute 4 miles behind enemy lines, take out a platoon of enemy soldiers, and escape with fifty pounds of intel strapped to my back."
Not to be out done by the ranger, the seal chimes in. "We navy seals are so tough, one time I swam upstream 8 miles into enemy lines. Once there, I took out a whole company of enemy special forces, and snuck back out with 100 pounds of their top secret weapons."
The green beret sat there nodding his head listening while stirring the coals with his dick.
Oops, wrong sub.
Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Navy? Well, here are the best Navy dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Navy pick up lines to share with friends.