Naughty Jokes
111 naughty jokes and hilarious naughty puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about naughty that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
These naughty jokes are sure to make you laugh out loud. With witty wordplay and clever puns, they will have you rolling on the floor in no time. Whether you are looking for a laugh to brighten up your day or something to share with your friends, these jokes are sure to do the trick. So sit back, relax, and enjoy a good chuckle.
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Funniest Naughty Short Jokes
Short naughty jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The naughty humour may include short frisky jokes also.
- Where do naughty rays of light go? Prism
(Note: I made this joke up. Sorry if this little note refracts from the humour.) - Punish me daddy,I've been a naughty girl "For the last time ,Brenda, it's 'Forgive me Father,I've sinned' "
- I am faced with a Christmas dilemma If I tell Santa what I want for Christmas, then I'll definitely be on the naughty list.
- What did JFK say before going to visit Marilyn Monroe? I choose to go to Marilyn's hotel room this night and do the naughty things, not because she is easy, but because I am hard.
- Santa Jingle… He's making a list.
He's checking it twice.
Gonna find out who's naughty or nice.
Santa Claus is in violation of the General Data Protection Regulation (EU) 2016/679 - Wanna hear a period joke? What do periods and Santa have in common?
Neither comes if you have been naughty. - As an artist, it doesn't matter if Im naughty or nice for Christmas. Either way, Im getting charcoal.
- A boy told his teacher he wanted to be Santa. "Why so? It seems like a lot of work." said the teacher.
"Because Santa knows where all the naughty girls live." - When I was a kid my parents would warn me if I was naughty the boogie man would get me I was never scared though, I loved disco music
- Why does Santa always have a smile on his face? 'Cause He knows where all the naughty girls live
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Naughty One Liners
Which naughty one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with naughty? I can suggest the ones about nasty and cheeky.
- Who wears a red suit and knows if you were naughty or nice? The spanish Inquisition.
- Why is santa Claus always so Jolly? He knows where all the naughty girls live.
- I would like to be Santa Claus He knows where all the naughty girls live.
- Why is E the nicest letter? Because all the others are naughty.
- Why does Santa have the best job in the world? He knows where all the naughty girls live
- Why does everyone think China's first lady is so naughty? Because that's what Xi said.
- The naughty librarian showed me.. The do me decimal system... And I'm all in.
- What do linguists do when they're feeling naughty? They get into some antics.
- What does a Muslim meme lord call his naughty girlfriend? Haram bae.
- Hey Santa? Once you're done delivering presents, can I have the naughty list?
- A dislexic cultist tried to summon satan. He was told he was on the naughty list.
- Why are oak trees so naughty? They nut all over the place
- What happened to the naughty wire? It was grounded...
- If you are naughty... Santa gives you something hard and black
- Why is Santa so jolly? Because he knows were all the naughty girls are
Naughty Halloween Jokes
Here is a list of funny naughty halloween jokes and even better naughty halloween puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a naughty lamb dressed up like a skeleton for Halloween? Baaad to the bone.
Naughty Nurse Jokes
Here is a list of funny naughty nurse jokes and even better naughty nurse puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My 4 year old son almost ordered "naughty nurses" for $14.99 from cable on-demand. Glad I stopped him, because I already own the DVD.
- The nurse on my ward is super naughty. And I'm scared I'll be next.
Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful Naughty Jokes
What funny jokes about naughty you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean naive jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make naughty pranks.
What's the difference between a knight in shining armour and a naughty baker
A knight in shining armour darts on the foe
o**..., Ghaddafi, and Kim Jong Il?
Santa must be taking his naughty list a tad seriously this year.
So if we get our mouth washed out with soap for saying naughty words, Should we get our hands washed for typing them?
Should we get our hands washed for typing them?
i asked my wife to send me a naughty picture on snapchat...
so she sent one of our kids playing in my electronics drawer
A naughty child
A naughty child was irritating all the passengers on the flight from London to New York.
At last one man could stand it no longer.
"Hey kid," he shouted.
"Why don't you go outside and play?"
Annoyed by the professor of anatomy
who liked to tell "naughty" stories during class, a group of female students decided that the next time he started to tell one, they would all rise and leave the room in protest. The professor, however, got wind of their scheme just before class the following day, so he bided his time. Then, halfway through the lecture, he began. "They say there is quite a shortage of prostitutes in France." The girls looked at one another, arose and started for the door. "Young ladies," said the professor with a broad smile, "the next plane doesn't leave till tomorrow afternoon."
Why did h**... not mind being on the naughty list?
He needed more coal anyway.
Why is Santa Claus so jolly?
He knows where all the naughty girls live.
I actually heard this in the video game LA Noire. Thought it was pretty funny so I bust it out every Christmas.
Naughty Mom!
Son- Mom..
Mom- yes... :-)
S- Y my cousin named diamond ?
M- Coz ur aunt loves diamond.
S- And what about me ?
M- enough questions Dicky..!!
What did the mother say to the naughty fetus?
Stay in your w**...!
Mr Sine and Miss Cosine go on their honeymoon..
Mr Sine and Miss Cosine get married and head for their honeymoon to a seaside destination. So they're chilling by the beach, and sipping on their drinks, and things get naughty soon. During a l**... session on the beach, Sine whispers into Cosine's ear, "It's a good thing I'm not on top, or we'd both be tanned".
Why is one thousand million billion trillion so bad?
It's very naughty
Why did the naughty child not get electrocuted when he stuck a fork in the socket?
Because he was grounded!
(I'll see myself out)
Why Santa got involved with Christmas
Mrs. Clause overheard Santa on the phone:
Santa: Have you been naughty? ….That actually sounds nice. You can sit on my lap and tell me what you want while those wet stockings dry ….. I want to (come) down your chimney and eat your (cookie). What kind of (toys) should I bring?…. Yes, I'd love to see how you trimmed your (fir) … I just want to unload my (sack) when I see an angel on top.
Now, every year he has to keep doing the b**... lie he told.
Why is santa claus always happy?
Because he knows the addresses of the naughty girls.
(source: My friend who probably found it from the internet)
A man goes to church for confession....
A man goes to Church to confess..............
Man: Hi Father, my five years old Son is very naughty.
He made all the female servants pregnant.
Father: Incredulously, and how on earth did he do it???
Man: He took a pin and punched holes in all my condoms
Pre-
What do you call a hip-hop trio with boosted Attack but hindered Special Attack?
Naughty by Nature
The difference between being naughty and being k**...
Is whether you by your gear at an adult shop or home depot
Why doesn't Santa give gifts to naughty kids?
Because it'd Krampus style.
Santa probably regrets giving coal
Santa Claus probably regrets giving coal to naughty children now that global warming is threatening his habitat.
What drink does Santa give to naughty children?
Coala
Why are steam trains naughty around Christmas?
They're hoping Santa will give them a lump of coal.
Sweet Wife: Do you love me....
Sweet Wife: Do you love me just because my father left a lot of money for me?
Naughty Husband: Not-at-all honey. I would love you no matter who left money for you.
I don't know why everyone is complaining about gender inequality in the film industry . . .
Just the other day I saw *several* movies starring women in a variety of roles, such as a teacher, a pizza delivery girl, and a naughty horse trainer.
Music Jokes!
Jake: What did the Clarinet say to the naughty Trumpet?
Sean: What?
Jake: Why are you always in treble?
"I've been a naughty, naughty girl" she said to me, biting her lower lip, "and I need to be punished"
So I installed Windows 10 on her laptop.
There's a s**... new teacher at school
In grammar class, she asks who can say a sentence including an expression of politeness. Naughty Johnny raises his hand.
'I would be most delighted to make out with you Miss Campbell... and bang you, too!'
Miss Campbell blushes and yells:
'Out!'
Naughty Johnny gets his things and walks towards the door, when suddenly Miss Campbell says:
'Not you... the others!'
There's only one thing I want for Chistmas...
Santa's list for naughty girls
Why did Horse Santa put his dentist on the naughty list?
You don't look a gift horse in the mouth.
My girlfriend said she wanted me to be more naughty in bed
But now she wants me to give her toys back.
What did the mother turkey say to her naughty son Tom?
If your dad knew how you were acting he'd roll over in his gravy?
Why is Santa so jolly?
He knows where all the naughty girls live.
What's the best part of Christmas for Santa Clause?
He knows where all the naughty girls live
#*( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)*
A young couple are showering together
A young couple are showering when the girlfriend says, "Honey I want you to do something naughty."
The boyfriend agrees.
He then proceeds to drop shampoo in her left eye.
A couple was walking on a beach when one tripped over a bottle and a genie came out.
You can each have one wish, said the genie. The wife made her wish first I would like to travel around the world, with my husband, .
Suddenly there appeared in her hand two tickets for travel around the world. Now it was the husbands turn, Well said the husband, with a naughty look on his face I wish I can have a younger companion, .
The words were barely out of his mouth when p**..., he aged 20 years!
Where does naughty soup go?
To the brothel
It's the things that satisfies your mind
It's the thing that satisfies
ur mind, body & soul!
Do it on bed, on a sofa,
in the car or anywhere!
It's called Prayer!
God bless ur naughty mind.
Santa Claus is such and a**...
He know where all the naughty girls are, but doesn't tell anyone else.....
Kevin spacey got turn down to play Santa.
Apparently they didn't trust him with the naughty list.
I like to a**... drugs.
Nothing more satisfying than tying up the bottle, smacking it around a bit, and calling it a very naughty pill.
Why did Santa go to jail?
Several young women came out saying that santa asked them if they were naughty or nice when they were on his lap
What did Santa say to the Russian politician who wanted another term in office...
Quit Stalin or I'm Putin you on the naughty list.
What does Santa do to those in his Naughty List?
Do you know why is Santa Clause is jolly all the time?
Because he knows where all the naughty girls are.
Which is a good thing because he only comes once a year.
*Heard this from an old white guy in the sauna today lol.*
Why was the dog a naughty boy?
He was sending unsolicited stick pics.
Naughty Limerick
There was once a man of great fame,
Who thought every beast he could tame.
But deep in his soul,
The man was a troll,
And that's how you just lost the game.
Was h**... on Santa's Naughty or Nice list?
Both. He was on the "Naughtcy" list.
What starts with nothing and ends with a question?
Naughty.
Why didn't Santa ever bring Captain Nemo any presents?
Because Nemo was always on the Nautilus (Naughty List). My 8 year old came up with that one.
"What's your favourite position?" asked my date.
I said, "It's the spider."
She said, "I don't know it."
"Well," I said, "it's when I stand in a corner of the room and you scream naughty things at me."
Two synonymous sentences could have absolutely different meanings.
1. Forgive me father, for I have sinned.
2.Sorry daddy, I've been naughty.
Mosquito
A couple went 2 see a film at a theatre...
A mosquito enters the girl's skirt..
Guess where it bites?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Dirty Mind...
Always thinking bad and naughty......
.
.
It bites the BOY'S HAND...!
Santa Claus is a d**......
He made my wife sit on his lap, asked if she's been naughty this year then laughed and repeatedly called her a h**....
A man forgot to zip his trousers...
so a lady told him politely...
Sir your garage is open.
The man gave her a naughty smile and zipped his trousers and asked..
Did you see my Range Rover parked inside?
The lady smiled back and said..
No, just one small Toyota with two flat tires.
My girlfriend told me this morning: " I want you to be naughty to me in the shower."
So I put shampoo in her eyes.
Found an old joke from a 1953 newspaper: What do naughty Egyptian girls become?
Mummies, I guess.
What's the difference between a kid in a time out, and some coffee?
One is naughty, the other is not tea.
A father bought a lie detector which hit people when they lied.
His young son said, I have no naughty books!
The machine quickly hit him.
His father saw that and scolded his son, When I was your age, I didn't have such books!
The machine quickly hit him.
The mother saw what happened and laughed and said, Oh, you are truly father and son!
The machine quickly hit her.
A couple escaped from their elderly home to have some beer
Just after the waitress took their order, the man whispered his wife.
"My dear, you know what, I have been naughty, I did a series of silent farts when the waitress was taking our order."
Wife: "Darling, we should not go back to our elderly home after the beer."
"Why? Where are we going?"
Wife: "To the audiologist, to get you a new pair of hearing aids"
My wife and I were doing the naughty and she says Say dirty things to me
Bath, kitchen, living room…
