Natural Jokes

Following is our collection of greater humor and mightier one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Natural puns for adults, dirty penfish jokes or clean naturally gags for kids.

There is an abundance of nature jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 61 funniest jokes on natural. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any natural blonde witze you can hear about natural.

The Best jokes about Natural

65,000,011 years ago

Some tourists in the Museum of Natural History are marveling at some dinosaur bones. One of them asks the guard, "Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?"

The guard replies, "They are 65,000,011 years old."

"That's an awfully exact number," says the tourist. "How do you know their age so precisely?"

The guard answers, "Well, the dinosaur bones were sixty five million years old when I started working here, and that was eleven years ago."

God was creating all the countries and it was Canada's turn

He turned to his angels and said "this country will have unmatched beauty, plenty of natural resources, and its citizens will be the happiest and friendliest in the world"

The angels ask God, "aren't you blessing this country a little TOO much?" and God replies, "wait till you see who their neighbour is"

All of the heroes of Overwatch have natural hair colors...

Because heroes never dye.

A woman goes into a pharmacy

She says to the pharmacist, "I'd like a poison that will kill my husband but make it look like he died of natural causes."
The pharmacist says, "Ma'am, not only can I not do that for you, I'm going to call the police and report you."
The woman takes out something out of her pocket and hands it to him. It's a picture of her husband having sex with the Pharmacist's wife.
"Oh, you should have told me you had a prescription."

The swordfish doesn't have any natural predators to fear of ...

... except for the penfish, which is thought to be even mightier.


It's crazy how sexist the postal service is.

I guess that's natural with such a mail dominated industry.

Body Pain

A brunette goes to the doctor, and says, Doctor I'm hurting all over my body.

That's odd , replied the doctor, Show me what you mean

So the girl takes her finger and pokes her elbow, and screams in pain. She touches her knee and cries in agony and so on.

The doctor says, You're not a natural brunette are you?

No I'm a blonde , she replies.

I thought so…. your finger is broken. , replies the doctor.

I can't write jokes, but a friend of mine gave me a foolproof formula. He said "Start with a natural set-up, lead the audience in one direction, then hit them with a punch line they weren't expecting."

So here goes:

Walk forwards.

Turn left.

Pasteurization.

How many bros does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They prefer Natural Light.

People who like being photographed in natural light..

..should be taken outside and shot.

A guy is visiting a museum of natural history.

He's examining some fossils when he asks a curator how old they are.

"Those fossils are 65 million years and six months old." The curator says. The man asks the curator how he can know the age of the fossils so precisely.

"Because they were 65 million years old when I started here six months ago."


What do Tide Pods taste like?

Natural Selection.

So y=e^e^x was hitting on y=e-1/x ...

y=e^e^x said, "come with me baby, I'll show you the natural growth of my log". "Sorry", replied y=e-1/x, "but even I have my limits."

Doctor said getting some natural light would help with my depression.

Now I'm depressed *and* hung over.

How do you sneak into a school for ghosts?

Just act super natural.

What is the lizards greatest natural enemy?

An independently informed people.

What did Euler find in his toilet?

A natural log

With all these natural disasters happening,

Its almost as if the USA was built over thousands of ancient Indian burial grounds.

What does a mathematicion find in a forest?

A natural log.


After discovering her young daughter playing doctor with the neighbor's boy,

the angry mother grabbed the boy by the ear and dragged him to his house and confronted his mother. It's only natural for young boys and girls to explore their sexuality by playing doctor at their age, the neighbor said. Sexuality?! the mother yelled. He took out her appendix!

Breastfeeding in public is natural.

And it strengthens the bond between me and my dog.

The Mystery of Childbirth

A boy is writing a paper on childbirth and asks his parents, "How was I born?"

His mother awkwardly answers, "The stork brought you."

"Oh," says the boy. "Well, how were you and Daddy born?"

"Oh, the stork brought us, too, and Grandpa and Grandma."

The boy begins his paper, "This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."

I was walking down the road when I saw 4 guys beating one other guy, so by natural instinct I decided to help

Haha, he couldn't stand a chance against all 5 of us.

A man walks into a pharmacy

A man walks in to a pharmacy &, after several minutes, walks up to the woman behind the counter.
She asked, "How can I help you?"
The man replied, "I need to speak to a male pharmacist."
The woman responded with, "I'm sorry. My sister & I run this pharmacy. There are no males employed here. Sir, how can I help you? I am a pharmacist & I will be professional."
The man pondered over this & then said, "Well. OK. Every day, I have an erection that lasts for 3 hours. I don't take any pills. It's just a natural occurrence. What can you give me for it?"
The pharmacist thought about it for a moment, then said, "Let me call my sister. Wait right here." She came back a few minutes later & said, "Here's what we can offer you: 1/3 ownership of the store, a company truck, a king size waterbed, & $3000/month living expenses."

The "Age" of Dinosaurs

A woman takes her children to a museum of natural history. As they gaze with wonder at a skeleton of *Tyrannosaurus rex*, she asks a museum guide, a bright-eyed young fellow, "can you tell me how old it is?"

The museum guide responds, "well, ma'am, that particular skeleton is 65 million and 2 years, 4 months, and 25 days old."

"Amazing!" the mother replies. "How can you know that so well?"

"Well," replied the museum guide eagerly, "when I started working here, I asked a scientist working on it the same question. He told me it was 65 million years old. And that was 2 years, 4 months, and 25 days ago."

Rude awakening

A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got this problem doctor. Every time we're in bed my husband climaxes, he let's out this ear splitting yell." "My dear," the shrink said "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is.". "The problem," she complains, " is that it wakes me up."

When someone tells you that the integers are a more useful set of numbers than the natural numbers, stop talking to them.

You don't need that kind of negativity in your life.

One day, my parents told me about the birds and the bees

"Son" they said, "birds do it, bees do it, so it's completely fine and natural for you to do it too. It's nothing to be ashamed of"

They were of course referring to my unfortunate habit of running face-first into windows.

How do they pick kids for the Make-A-Wish Foundation?

Natural selection.

I found my dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in its mouth. The rabbit was dead and I panicked

I took the dirty, chewed-up rabbit into the house. I gave it a bath, blow dried its fur and put it back into the cage at the neighbor's house hoping they would think it died of natural causes.

A few days later, the neighbor asked me, "Don, did you hear that Fluffy died?"

I said, "Um... no... what happened?"

The neighbor replied, "We found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him, someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There are some real sick people out there!"

After developing erectile dysfunction, a man tries all the medically recognised treatment...

Pharmaceuticals, change in diet etc. Nothing worked. At the end of his rope, he gives a medicine man a try. The medicine man gives him a natural remedy and tells him, "When you're ready for it to take effect, say, '1,2,3'. When you're done, say, '1,2,3,4'."
The medicine man assured him it would work, so when he got home, he confidently strode into his bedroom. He ripped off his pants and said, "Honey, watch this! 1,2,3!" and instantly had the strongest erection of his life.
His wife said, "That's great, honey, but what's the '1,2,3' for?"

Moral of the story:Never end a sentence with a preposition.

Why don't cows get ill very easily?

Because they have a natural imoonity.

The cruise ship survivors

There was a cruise ship that ended up sinking just off the coast of a small deserted island.There where only 3 survivors: 2 guys and a girl. They lived there for a couple of years doing what was natural for men and women.

After several years of casual sex all the time, the girl felt really bad about what she had been doing. She felt having sex with both guys was so bad that she killed herself.

It was very tragic but the two guys managed to get through it and after a while nature once more took it's inevitable course.

Well, a couple more years went by and the guys began to feel absolutely horrible about what they were doing. So...

They buried her.

"Right, I've been thinking." I said to the oncologist. "I'm not keen on radiotherapy or chemotherapy. At this stage I think it would be best to just let the disease take its natural course."

My wife's eyes filled with tears, "We should've discussed this together."

"My minds made up." I insisted.

"I think your wife is right." Said the consultant. "After all, she is the one with cancer."

So my younger sister walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex

"Uhh that's gross, what are you doing?" she asked

I answered: "Don't worry it's only natural, I bet you'll be doing it soon as well"

"Really? Why?"

"Because my girlfriend gets tired awfully quick."

It is the year 2066.

Scientists in the space colony on Mars are testing the feasibility of using animals to navigate the natural landscape. They decide to send a cat in a spacesuit with a radio collar and a camera to roam around.

After a day, they notice the radio collar hasn't been moving in several hours. The scientists walk over to the location of the radio collar and discover the remains of a brutally dismembered cat. Confused, the scientists take the corpse, camera, and collar back to the lab for analysis. Upon reviewing the camera footage, they discover something truly disconcerting.

Curiosity killed the cat.

People not wanting to wearing masks is natural.

Natural selection.

The Worst Natural Disaster

So, all the natural disasters took a vote to see which one was the worst.

* Hurricane blew the others away.
* Earthquake shook things up pretty badly.
* Flooding was a bit of a wash.
* Blizzard almost buried the rest.
* Sinkhole's campaign totally collapsed.
* Meteor made a deep impact.

But in the end, Avalanche won by a landslide.

There was a cruise ship that ended up sinking just off the coast of a small deserted island.....

There where only 3 survivors: 2 guys and a girl. They lived there for a couple of years doing what was natural for men and women.

After several years of casual sex all the time, the girl felt really bad about what she had been doing. She felt having sex with both guys was so bad that she killed herself.

It was very tragic but the two guys managed to get through it and after a while nature once more took it's inevitable course.

Well, a couple more years went by and the guys began to feel absolutely horrible about what they were doing. So...

They buried her.

Tests

Two guys were crying in front of a hospital when they meet a common friend of theirs. The friend asked them why they were crying.

First guy: I was here for a blood test and they cut my finger for blood sample.

The friend said it's perfectly natural and thats how they take a sample. The second guy immediately started crying harder then before. The friend got confused and asked him what happened.

Second guy: I'm here for urine test.

Last Supper

Jesus started off the dinner by announcing that he is trying some new natural recipes with some very organic ingredients. Peter approaches him and says, "This bread is fantastic! What's in it?"

"I made that from my flesh," Jesus replied.

A bit surprised and disgusted, Peter and all other apostles who were eating the bread regretfully put their pieces back down onto the table.

"This wine is the best I've ever tasted!" said James.

"That's actually just my blood."

James discretely spat the wine back into his cup.

Absolutely chowing down, Judas exclaimed, "I don't care what you tell me is in these, nothing can keep me from these desserts! The filling in these eclairs is absolutely orgasmic!"

Why does Euler's Number say it's "going number 2" when it pees?

Because its natural log is 1.


I'll show myself out now.

The German Shepherd cover up...

I found my German Shepherd, Hondo, with the neighbor's pet rabbit in its mouth. The rabbit was dead, and I panicked.. I took the dirty, chewed-up rabbit into the house. I gave it a bath, blew dried its fur, and put it back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping they would think it died of natural causes.

A few days later, the neighbor asked me, "Don, did you hear that Fluffy died?"

I said, "Um... no... what happened?"

The neighbor replied, "We found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him, someone had dug him up, gave him a bath, and put him back into the cage. There are some real sick people out there!"

I like my women like I like the constant 'e'

infinite in number and at the base of my natural log

I like my women how I like my natural resources...

Foreign and untapped

C Major is the healthiest key to play in

It's all natural.

Why is it that when kids touch themselves, it's "perfectly natural"...

but when I do it, I'm a "pedophile"?

My math professor explained natural numbers

Natural numbers are like beer. You can have 1 beer, 2 beers, 3 beers... but not 0 beers, that's unnatural.

Being in the recreation and natural resources field, I enjoy this every time I hear it

Due to the recent increase of encounters with grizzly and black bears in the area, all hikers should wear bells so you don't sneak up and startle nearby bears. Hikers should also carry pepper spray encase of an encounter. The two bears have different characteristics to their droppings and you can tell which is in the area. Black bear scat will be smaller and will have berries and squirrel fur in it. Grizzly scat will be larger, smell like pepper, and have bells in it.

He was a natural born thief.

He had his mothers looks, his father's nose, and the doctor's watch

A guy shoots a random man on the street.

Cop: "Did you kill this man?"
Guy: "No, a bullet killed him. Bullets are made of lead, which comes from the ground. The ground is part of nature. He died of natural causes. Case closed."

An old couple visits the Natural History Museum.

An old couple visits the Natural History Museum and walks over to a large dinosaur skeleton on display.

"How old is this particular skeleton?" the old man asks one of the curators

"Well this one is 65 million years, 14 weeks and 3 days old" she replies

"Wow that's very specific, was that determined through carbon dating or some other method?" asks the old lady

"Actually, when I started working here they told me it was 65 million years old. That was 14 weeks and 3 days ago." the curator happily explains

My uncle was in the navy, stationed on an aircraft carrier.

One day during inspection he had a ketchup stain on his shirt. This had the natural punishment of kitchen duty.

That night he reported and there was a big, fat, sweaty man in a wife beater making hamburger patties for dinner the next night. He'd pick up a handful of beef, put it into his armpit and flatten it into a patty.

My uncle was absolutely disgusted as they had hamburgers every Thursday for his 2 year deployment. While he was curled over a trash can trying to control his stomach the chef pipes up:

"If you think that's bad you oughta be here the day we make donuts"

A blonde wants to buy a new TV

She goes into a store, makes her choice and asks an assistant "How much does this TV cost?"

The assistant looks at her and says "Sorry ma'am I'm afraid we don't sell to blondes." Confused and irritated, the blonde leaves the store. Determined to buy a TV, she dyes her hair black and goes back a week later. She goes to checkout and says "I'd like to buy this TV." The cashier looks up at her and says "sorry ma'am, but we don't sell to blondes."

"But how did you know I was a natural blonde? And why won't you sell me this TV, just because I'm a blonde?"

"Because that's a microwave, ma'am"

What do environmentally friendly mathematicians use to make a fire?

Natural Logs

Just though of this sitting in class, please don't hurt me

What do organic mathematicians throw into their fireplaces?

Natural logs.

My dad always told me...

Always B sharp and B natural, but never B flat.

Safe to say, I'm a terrible musician. Thanks a lot, dad.

The neighbor's pet rabbit

A guy finds his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in its mouth.

The rabbit is dead and the guy panics.

He takes the dirty, chewed up rabbit into the house.

He gives it a bath, blow dries its fur, and puts it back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping they will think it died of natural causes.

A few days later, the neighbor asks the guy, "Did you hear that Fluffy died?"

The guy stammers and says, "Um... no... what happened?"

The neighbor replies, "We found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him, someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There are some real sick people out there!"

After a really good party

After a really good party a man walks into a bar and orders a drink. Already drunk and delirious, the man turns to the person sitting next to him and says, You wanna hear a blonde joke?
The person replies, I am 240 pounds, world kickboxing champion and a natural blonde. My friend is 190 pounds, world judo champion and is a natural blonde. And my other friend is 200 pounds, world arm wrestling champion and is also a natural blonde. Do you still want to tell me that blonde joke?
The man thinks for a while and replies, "Not if I have to explain it three times."

A blonde walks into a doctor's office

Blonde: doc! I think I got a skin disease!

She proceeds to poke everywhere and every time she pokes herself she yelps

Doctor: ma'am are you a natural blonde?

Blonde: yes why?

Doctor: your finger's broken.

People usually think rolling a Natural 1 is a total disaster

But apparently the real disaster is Roll20.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes