natural Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious natural puns

65,000,011 years ago

Some tourists in the Museum of Natural History are marveling at some dinosaur bones. One of them asks the guard, "Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?"

The guard replies, "They are 65,000,011 years old."

"That's an awfully exact number," says the tourist. "How do you know their age so precisely?"

The guard answers, "Well, the dinosaur bones were sixty five million years old when I started working here, and that was eleven years ago."

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God was creating all the countries and it was Canada's turn

He turned to his angels and said "this country will have unmatched beauty, plenty of natural resources, and its citizens will be the happiest and friendliest in the world"

The angels ask God, "aren't you blessing this country a little TOO much?" and God replies, "wait till you see who their neighbour is"

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All of the heroes of Overwatch have natural hair colors...

Because heroes never dye.

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A woman goes into a pharmacy

She says to the pharmacist, "I'd like a poison that will kill my husband but make it look like he died of natural causes."
The pharmacist says, "Ma'am, not only can I not do that for you, I'm going to call the police and report you."
The woman takes out something out of her pocket and hands it to him. It's a picture of her husband having sex with the Pharmacist's wife.
"Oh, you should have told me you had a prescription."

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Blowjobs do not relieve headaches

The other day, I had an astoundingly painful headache and I couldn't help but complain about it to my girlfriend. She surprised me by saying, "Ya know, blowjobs can be a natural cure for a headache..."
So, I thought it was worth a shot. But that day I learned my girlfriend is damned a liar.
I sucked three dicks and my head still fucking hurt.

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People who are offended when I breastfeed in public need to shut the fuck up

What I'm doing is **natural** and strengthens the bond between me and my dog.

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People who get offended when I breastfeed in public can just fuck off.

What I'm doing is natural and strengthens the bond between me and my dog.

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The swordfish doesn't have any natural predators to fear of ...

... except for the penfish, which is thought to be even mightier.

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The swordfish has no natural predators to be afraid of...

Except for the penfish, which is thought to be mightier.

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It's crazy how sexist the postal service is.

I guess that's natural with such a mail dominated industry.

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Body Pain

A brunette goes to the doctor, and says, Doctor I'm hurting all over my body.

That's odd , replied the doctor, Show me what you mean

So the girl takes her finger and pokes her elbow, and screams in pain. She touches her knee and cries in agony and so on.

The doctor says, You're not a natural brunette are you?

No I'm a blonde , she replies.

I thought so…. your finger is broken. , replies the doctor.

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I can't write jokes, but a friend of mine gave me a foolproof formula. He said "Start with a natural set-up, lead the audience in one direction, then hit them with a punch line they weren't expecting."

So here goes:

Walk forwards.

Turn left.

Pasteurization.

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How many bros does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They prefer Natural Light.

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People who like being photographed in natural light..

..should be taken outside and shot.

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A guy is visiting a museum of natural history.

He's examining some fossils when he asks a curator how old they are.

"Those fossils are 65 million years and six months old." The curator says. The man asks the curator how he can know the age of the fossils so precisely.

"Because they were 65 million years old when I started here six months ago."

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What do Tide Pods taste like?

Natural Selection.

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So y=e^e^x was hitting on y=e-1/x ...

y=e^e^x said, "come with me baby, I'll show you the natural growth of my log". "Sorry", replied y=e-1/x, "but even I have my limits."

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Doctor said getting some natural light would help with my depression.

Now I'm depressed *and* hung over.

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What is the lizards greatest natural enemy?

An independently informed people.

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What did Euler find in his toilet?

A natural log

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With all these natural disasters happening,

Its almost as if the USA was built over thousands of ancient Indian burial grounds.

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What does a mathematicion find in a forest?

A natural log.

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Breastfeeding in public is natural.

And it strengthens the bond between me and my dog.

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The Mystery of Childbirth

A boy is writing a paper on childbirth and asks his parents, "How was I born?"

His mother awkwardly answers, "The stork brought you."

"Oh," says the boy. "Well, how were you and Daddy born?"

"Oh, the stork brought us, too, and Grandpa and Grandma."

The boy begins his paper, "This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."

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I was walking down the road when I saw 4 guys beating one other guy, so by natural instinct I decided to help

Haha, he couldn't stand a chance against all 5 of us.

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People who get offended when I breast feed publicly can fuck off

What I'm doing is totally natural and strengthens the relationship between me and my dog

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A man walks into a pharmacy

A man walks in to a pharmacy &, after several minutes, walks up to the woman behind the counter.
She asked, "How can I help you?"
The man replied, "I need to speak to a male pharmacist."
The woman responded with, "I'm sorry. My sister & I run this pharmacy. There are no males employed here. Sir, how can I help you? I am a pharmacist & I will be professional."
The man pondered over this & then said, "Well. OK. Every day, I have an erection that lasts for 3 hours. I don't take any pills. It's just a natural occurrence. What can you give me for it?"
The pharmacist thought about it for a moment, then said, "Let me call my sister. Wait right here." She came back a few minutes later & said, "Here's what we can offer you: 1/3 ownership of the store, a company truck, a king size waterbed, & $3000/month living expenses."

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The "Age" of Dinosaurs

A woman takes her children to a museum of natural history. As they gaze with wonder at a skeleton of *Tyrannosaurus rex*, she asks a museum guide, a bright-eyed young fellow, "can you tell me how old it is?"

The museum guide responds, "well, ma'am, that particular skeleton is 65 million and 2 years, 4 months, and 25 days old."

"Amazing!" the mother replies. "How can you know that so well?"

"Well," replied the museum guide eagerly, "when I started working here, I asked a scientist working on it the same question. He told me it was 65 million years old. And that was 2 years, 4 months, and 25 days ago."

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Rude awakening

A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got this problem doctor. Every time we're in bed my husband climaxes, he let's out this ear splitting yell." "My dear," the shrink said "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is.". "The problem," she complains, " is that it wakes me up."

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When someone tells you that the integers are a more useful set of numbers than the natural numbers, stop talking to them.

You don't need that kind of negativity in your life.

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Woman at the pharmacy

A woman goes into a pharmacy. She says to the pharmacist, "I'd like a poison that will kill my husband but make it look like he died of natural causes."
The pharmacist says, "Ma'am, not only can I not do that for you, I'm going to call the police and report you."
The woman takes out something out of her pocket and hands it to him. It's a picture of her husband having sex with the Pharmacist's wife.
"Oh, you should have told me you had a prescription."

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How do they pick kids for the Make-A-Wish Foundation?

Natural selection.

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I found my dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in its mouth. The rabbit was dead and I panicked

I took the dirty, chewed-up rabbit into the house. I gave it a bath, blow dried its fur and put it back into the cage at the neighbor's house hoping they would think it died of natural causes.

A few days later, the neighbor asked me, "Don, did you hear that Fluffy died?"

I said, "Um... no... what happened?"

The neighbor replied, "We found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him, someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There are some real sick people out there!"

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Why don't cows get ill very easily?

Because they have a natural imoonity.

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After developing erectile dysfunction, a man tries all the medically recognised treatment...

Pharmaceuticals, change in diet etc. Nothing worked. At the end of his rope, he gives a medicine man a try. The medicine man gives him a natural remedy and tells him, "When you're ready for it to take effect, say, '1,2,3'. When you're done, say, '1,2,3,4'."
The medicine man assured him it would work, so when he got home, he confidently strode into his bedroom. He ripped off his pants and said, "Honey, watch this! 1,2,3!" and instantly had the strongest erection of his life.
His wife said, "That's great, honey, but what's the '1,2,3' for?"

Moral of the story:Never end a sentence with a preposition.

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What are the most funny Natural jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Natural? Well, here are the best Natural dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Natural pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes