Nationalism Jokes
112 nationalism jokes and hilarious nationalism puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about nationalism that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Nationalism Short Jokes
Short nationalism jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The nationalism humour may include short jokes also.
- "How can this idiot possibly be elected as president?" Says a nation that hasn't gotten over the death of a gorilla in 6 months.
- Vandals have attacked the National Origami museum in Tokyo... We'll keep you updated as the story unfolds...
- The invention of the shovel was groundbreaking, but the invention of the broom swept the nation.
- A Russian Tourist Travels Abroad. Border guard: Nationality?
tourist: Russian.
Border guard: Occupation?
Tourist: No, no, just visiting this time. - If California splits into 3 states, we just need to make Puerto Rico a state. We's have a prime number of states and finally be one nation, indivisible
- What's the difference between a teabag and the German national team? The teabag stays in the cup longer
- classic germans Angela Merkel arrives at passport Control at Paris airport.
"Nationality?" asks the immigration officer.
"German," she replies.
"Occupation?"
"No, just here for a few days." - I went to the National Air and Space Museum in DC... There was a lot more stuff in there than I'd expected
- According to National Geographic, 80% of US adults could not find ukraine on an unmarked map. They're really ahead of their time.
- When you think of it, invention of the shovel was groundbreaking But it was the invention of the broom that swept the nation.
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Nationalism One Liners
Which nationalism one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with nationalism? I can suggest the ones about and .
- Why is the National Rifle Association filing for bankruptcy? Because schools are closed.
- 9/11 was a national tragedy. So is 11/9.
- Do you know what DNA is an acronym for? The National Dyslexia Association
- What does DNA stand for National Dyslexia Association.
- What's the national bird of Syria A US drone
- What's the nationality of someone with many knees? Polynesian
- What is the national bird of Pakistan? An American drone.
- What is the national bird of Afghanistan? US Drone
- Maybe every nation has ninjas And the Japanese ninjas are just the worst
- What is DNA short for? National Dyslexics Association
- How do you get a football player to stop resisting arrest? Sing the national anthem
- The national anthem is under attack And I won't stand for it!
- What's Afghanistan's National Bird? An American drone.
- What genre are national anthems? Country
- What is Canada's national board game? Sorry
Nationalism Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about nationalism you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make nationalism pranks.
Jeff Bezos: "Alexa, send n**... to my secret admirer."
Alexa: "Got it. Sending n**... to the National Enquirer."
The chief of a tribe in Mexico dies.
His son is now the chief. Since he never learned the ways of his forefathers to predict winters, when he gets asked what should the tribe do, he just tells them to collect firewood. He then goes to the National Weather Station in Mexico and asks them how bad winter is going to be. They tell him; "It looks like it will be pretty bad". Shocked, he goes back to his tribe and tells them to gather more firewood. He goes back to the weather station and asks them again if winter will be bad. They answer, "It is going to be one of the worst winters in a decade." The Chief goes back to the village and tells them to gather more firewood. Then he goes for a third time to the weather station and asks them again, "will the winter be bad?" They respond, "It will be the worst winter in a century." The chief asks them, "How do you know winter will be bad?" They answer, "Because the Indians are gathering firewood like crazy!"
An Englishman, a Frenchman and an American
were arguing about the nationality of Adam and Eve.
"They must have been English,' declares the Englishman. 'Only a gentleman would share his last apple with a woman.'
'They were undoubtedly French,' says the Frenchman. 'Who else could s**... a woman so easily?'
'I think they were Russian,' says the American.
'After all, who else could walk around stark n**..., feed on one apple between the two of them and think they were in paradise?'
Chancellor Angela Merkel visits Athens.
Angela Merkel arrives at the Athens airport & stops by the immigration check.
"Nationality?" asks the Immigration officer.
"German," she replies.
"Occupation?" he asks.
"No, just visiting for a few days."
Cold Cold Canada.
There was an elderly couple who lived in a small house, right s**... dab on the U.S. and Canadian border. For several years the two goverments had argued over which nation the house belonged to. One day the elderly couple recived a letter stating that they were now considered full American citizens and there property was deemed as American soil. After reading this the old woman looks to her husband as says "Thank goodness, No more of those cold Canadian winters.
How does a Scotsman find a sheep in the tall grass?
Very satisfying.
Retweaked joke:
How does a (insert nationality here) find a sheep in the tall grass?
Very (insert extremely lustful emotion here)!
National Poetry Contest - Timbuktu
For the record, this is not my joke. I heard somebody tell it then found it online.
" The National Poetry Contest had come down to two semifinalists: a Yale graduate and a r**... from Wyoming. They were given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The word they were given was "Timbuktu".
First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said:
Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked a lonely caravan.
Men on camels, two by two
Destination---Timbuktu.
The crowd went crazy! No way could the r**... top that, they thought. The r**... calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:
Me and Tim a-huntin went,
Met three w**... in a pop up tent.
They was three, and we was two,
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu.
The r**... won hands down!
Obama goes on vacation to South Carolina and goes for an ocean swim...
And begins to drown! A young lifeguard swims out and rescues him, pulling him back to shore.
"Thank you so much for saving me young lady. Please, tell me what I can do to repay you."
"Aw shucks, I don't need nuthin', sir, it's just ma job!" She says.
"Listen, I'm the President of the United States, I can give you anything you want!"
She thinks for a moment and says "Well, I'd mighty like a plot at the Arlington National Cemetery if ya can do that fer me."
"Why does a young woman like you want a burial plot at the cemetery?"
"Because" she said, "When my friends and family find out what I just did they'll kill me!"
A Russian is travelling to Poland...
and he is stopped to be checked by an officer.
"Name?" the officer asked.
"Vlad Dobrynin," the man answered.
"Nationality?"
"Russian."
"Occupation?"
"No, no, just visiting."
If two impoverished African nations went into battle against each other...
... Would that be a third-world war?
The U.N. initiates a poll...
The United Nations initiated a poll with the request, "Please tell us your honest opinion about the lack of food in the rest of the world."
The poll was a total failure.
The Russians did not understand "Please". The Italians did not know the word "honest". The Chinese did not know what an "opinion" was. The Europeans did not know "lack", while the Africans did not know "food". Finally, the Americans didn't know anything about the "rest of the world".
What's Mexico's national sport?
Cross-country
In 1941, a German boy named Hans was listening to the radio.
Over the radio, h**... announced that Germany was now going to war with the United States.
"Father, where's the United States?" asked Hans. His father pointed on a map to the continental nation in North America.
"And I'm told we're already at war with Russia," the curious lad continued. "Where is Russia?" His father pointed to where Soviet Russia lay in all its time zone-hogging glory.
"And we're also at war with the British Empire," added Hans. "Where is that?" His father pointed out all the territories of the empire upon which the sun never set.
"And where is Germany?" asked Hans. His father pointed to their country in central Europe.
Hans thought for a moment and then said, "Father, has h**... seen this map?"
A new type of broom has just been released,
It is sweeping the nation.
What Is The National Bird Of Pakistan..
***General Atomics MQ-1 Predator***
Vladimir Putin
Vladimir Putin is in the line for customs when he arrives at Poland for a summit.
Customs Officer: "Name?"
Putin: "Vladimir Putin."
Customs Officer: "Nationality?"
Putin: "Russian."
Customs Officer: "Occupation?"
Putin: "No, just visiting."
Last week was National Middle Child Week!
Nobody noticed...
The United Nations world-wide survey
The United Nations sent out a survey to all the nations in the different continents of the world.
The survey went like this:
"We want your honest opinion on how to find a solution to the food shortage in the rest of the world"
The survey of course, turned out to be a total and abject failure:
The People in western Europe didn't know what the word 'shortage' meant. The people in eastern Europe had no idea what the expression 'honest' was supposed to mean. In china no one knew what 'opinion' was. In Africa they didn't know what 'food' was. In the middle east no one could figure out what 'solution' was; and in america they had no idea what 'the rest of the world' meant.
Do you think Charlie Sheen admitted to being h**... positive on national television...
because it was easier than making phone calls?
What's the difference between a n**... white woman and a n**... black woman
One is on the cover of p**... while the other is on the cover of national geographic
Michelle Obama gave a great speech last night
I can't wait to hear it again at the next Republican National Convention.
An American, a Briton, and a North Korean look at a picture of Adam and Eve
An American, a Briton, and a North Korean look at a picture of Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden and try to figure out what nationality they are.
The American says, "Look at how free and independent they are, they must be Americans."
The Briton says, "What are you talking about, look at how calm and reserved they are, the are obviously British."
The North Korean says, "You two are both missing the point. They have no clothes, no shelter, they only have and apple to eat between them and yet they are being told that they live in paradise. They're clearly North Korean."
Yesterday was National Girlfriend day and my girl friend really enjoyed it ..
... my wife .. not so much.
Hillary Clinton has a seizure during the debate...
"Mrs. Clinton," the Moderator asks, "What is your plan to lower the national debt?"
Suddenly, Hillary flails her arms around, rolls her eyes wildly, foams at the mouth, and gibbers incoherently for several awkward minutes. Finally, she collapses in a heap and soils herself.
"Hey!" Trump interrupts, "Is she allowed to just steal my answer like that??"
Some people want Puerto Rico to become the 51st State...
Some people want Puerto Rico to become the 51st State...
I say let's do it, and find two more new states.
Then we'd have 53 states.
A nice PRIME number...
ONE NATION - INDIVISIBLE
D.C. voted overwhelmingly to be a state.
D.C. voted overwhelmingly to be a state. If congress passes it we only need 2 more states to get to 53 which is a prime number. Then we will truly be one nation, indivisible.
How do you stop all the protests and riots?
Play the national anthem. They'll all sit down
I have a girlfriend but....
"But what?"
"She's in another nation"
"Which one?"
"Imagination"
'Knock knock'
'Who's there'
'Okay Google'
'Okay Google, who?'
'Sorry I didn't catch that'
'OKAY GOOGLE WHO?'
'The World Health Organization is a specialized agency of the United Nations that is concerned with international public health. It was established on 7 April 1948, headquartered in Geneva, Switzerland. '
February 10th should be National f**... Day.
Because it's 2/10.
Why does no other nation have the **American Dream**?
Because the rest of the world is awake!
So today is 4/20
4/20 is national w**... day, 4/21 is national surprise drug test day and 4/22 is national unemployment day
Immigration to the US is a good thing.
Everytime someone moves to the US from their home country, the average IQs of both nations go up.
Attention everyone: there is a national lettuce shortage
everyone please romaine calm
What nationality are you when you walk into the bathroom?
Russian.
What nationality are you while you're in the bathroom?
European.
What nationality are you when you walk out of the bathroom?
Finish.
A man named Jose has just moved from Mexico to the US
and he wants to do something very American so he decides to go to a baseball game.
Unfortunately, the game is completely sold out. However, the cashier says there is one seat available if Jose is willing to sit atop the flag pole. He agrees.
Finding the pole, Jose climbs to the top and takes a seat.
The game is about to begin when a voice comes over the loudspeaker and says "Please rise for the National Anthem". Everyone in the stadium stands up, turns to Jose, puts their hands over their hearts, and sings
"O-OH SAY CAN YOU SEEEEE..."
Jose yells back "YES THANK YOU"
In WW2 you could identify which nationality your opponent was from by observing their behaviors
If they respond to threats with precise rifle shots, they're British
If they respond with heavy machine gun fire, they're German
If they retreat, they're French
If they switch to your side, they're Italian
If they apologize, they're Canadian
If nothing happens for a few minutes then suddenly your camp is leveled to the ground, they're American
Did you see Mike Pence left the Colts game because the players knelt for the national anthem?
He was quoted as saying "I won't stand for this" on the way out
In Soviet Russia...
A man asks a Russian: What nationality were Adam and Eve?
The Russian replies: Soviet of course!
The man asks: How do you know?
To which the Russian replies: Well they were both n**..., had only an apple to eat, and thought they were in paradise.
I'm dressing as the Republican healthcare bill for Halloween.
I won't be leaving the house.
(Heard this on the podcast Fake the Nation and thought you all would like it.)
God is talking with the presidents.
God asks Bush: "What do you believe in?"
Bush answers: "I believe in the free market, and the strong American nation!"
"Very well," says God. "Come sit to my right."
Next, God asks Obama: "What do you believe in?"
Obama answers: "I believe in the power of democracy, and equal rights for all."
"Good, says God. "You shall sit to my left."
Finally, God asks Trump: "What do you believe in?"
Trump replies: "I believe you're sitting in my chair."
A man went to a brain store to get a brain to complete a study.
He sees a sign indicating the nationality of each type of brain. He begins to question the butcher about the cost of these brains.
"How much does it cost for an Americans brain?"
"Three dollars an ounce."
"How much does it cost for a Japaneese brain?"
"ten dollars an ounce."
"How much for a Frenchmen's brain?"
"$1,000 an ounce."
"Why is a Frenchmen's brain so much more?"
"Do you know how many French men we had to use to get one ounce of brain?"
A Brit, a Frenchman and a Soviet are asked what nationality Adam and Eve were.
The Brit exclaims They must have been British! Look at how gentlemanly Adam behaved towards Eve. He must have been an Englishman.
Outrageous! Says the Frenchman. They must have been French. Look at the love that they exhibited towards each other! Only the French can love like that.
The Soviet chuckles and says You're both wrong. They must have been Soviet; they had no clothes, no food, and someone in charge was telling them they were in paradise .
An expecting father paces nervously up and down the waiting room.
"First child?" Asks another father
"No" replies the first.
"Well then why are you so anxious?"
"When my wife read 'A tale of two cities', she had twins. When she read 'The three musketeers' she had triplets."
"That's amazing." says the second Man
"Yes" replies the first "but she just finished reading 'Birth of a Nation'.
For hundreds of years they were forced to work for us across our nation, tirelessly and without monetary compensation. They were whipped, and tied to wooden posts. Even today, they are exploited for sports and entertainment.
Man, horses must really hate us.
I remember when I worked at the United Nations
And one day one of the secretaries asked me to get Kofi Annan a gram of c**....
Of course, I called him immediately.
"Kofi" I said, "right now the only one I can think of is 'oceanic'"
4 people are on a crashing plane, but there are only 3 parachutes.
The first person the grab a parachute is Brad Pitt and as he reachs for the door he says, "My family and my fans need me surely you will understand.", off he goes.
The next person to grab one is Donald Trump:
"Im the most intellegent president this nation ever saw i will do great things to this country" and he jumps out.
Left in the plane is an old man and a young school boy.
"Go on take the last one", the old man said, "I lived a long and fulfilled life." Hearing that the school boy answered calmly, "Don't worry, we'll both be okay. Our most intelligent President yet just took my backpack."
Some say Trump is mentally unfit after declaring a national emergency?
However, it's all due to Hispanic attacks.
People are currently shooting fireworks off in my neighborhood. I'm usually all for shooting fireworks to celebrate the founding of the greatest nation on Earth, but come on...
Canada Day was yesterday!
German tourist visits France.
Guy at the Airport: "Nationality?"
German Dude: "German".
Airport Guy: "Occupation?"
German Dude: "Nein, nein, Only Vacation".
We were at a family dinner last night, and at one point my Uncle Bob stood up and declared, I'm gay and I don't care who knows it!
He must have been really drunk, because he's been married to my Uncle Tony for six years now.
•••
Happy National Coming Out Day!
DNA
National Dyslexic Association
One of the British national daily newspapers was asking readers: "What it means to be British?".
Some of the emails were hilarious but this one from a Swiss was a winner.
"Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for
a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a
Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on a Swedish furniture and watch
American shows on a Japanese TV. He buys a holiday home in Spain, Skis in France, fancies Swedish birds and has a Romanian au-pair.
And the most British thing of all?
"Suspicious of anything Foreign "
Welcome to Australia!
A British national travelling to Australia on holiday is stopped at customs after getting off the plane. There, the customs agent asks him, "business or pleasure?"
"Pleasure," he replies.
"Anything to declare?"
"Does jet lag count?" the Brit asks with a cheesy smile. The Aussie customs agent looks up, drearily, unamused.
"Do you have a criminal history?"
Suddenly, the British man becomes concerned, and looks around nervously.
"What's wrong?" the customs agent asks.
"Oh, I'm sorry," the brit replies. "No, I don't. I didn't realise we still needed one of those"
What is Donald Trump's favourite nation?
Discrimination
I visited the National Air and Space Museum.
I believe the title is misleading because it's actually full of stuff.
What's Santa's nationality?
North Polish.
An Austrian travels to France where he has to pass security.
Airport security:"Nationality?"
Austrian: "Austria"
Airport security: "Occupation?"
Austrian: "Nein, nein, only vacation"
There's a University called the National University of Science and Technology
It's not called the National University of Technology and Science, because that would be NUTS.
What nationality were Adam and Eve?
Soviet, of course. Who else would walk around barefoot and n**..., have one apple to share between them, and think they were in Paradise?