The Best 58 National Jokes

Following is our collection of funny National jokes. There are some national disconsolate jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these national national guard puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest National Jokes and Puns

Jeff Bezos: "Alexa, send nudes to my secret admirer."

Alexa: "Got it. Sending nudes to the National Enquirer."

The chief of a tribe in Mexico dies.

His son is now the chief. Since he never learned the ways of his forefathers to predict winters, when he gets asked what should the tribe do, he just tells them to collect firewood. He then goes to the National Weather Station in Mexico and asks them how bad winter is going to be. They tell him; "It looks like it will be pretty bad". Shocked, he goes back to his tribe and tells them to gather more firewood. He goes back to the weather station and asks them again if winter will be bad. They answer, "It is going to be one of the worst winters in a decade." The Chief goes back to the village and tells them to gather more firewood. Then he goes for a third time to the weather station and asks them again, "will the winter be bad?" They respond, "It will be the worst winter in a century." The chief asks them, "How do you know winter will be bad?" They answer, "Because the Indians are gathering firewood like crazy!"

What is the difference between christianity and national socialism?

In christianity, one guy died for all the others.

National joke,  What is the difference between christianity and national socialism?

Why were there only 49 contestants in the National Ebonics Beauty Pageant?

Nobody wanted to wear the sash that says "Idaho".

What's the Cuban national anthem?

"Row, Row, Row Your Boat..."


National Poetry Contest - Timbuktu

For the record, this is not my joke. I heard somebody tell it then found it online.

" The National Poetry Contest had come down to two semifinalists: a Yale graduate and a redneck from Wyoming. They were given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The word they were given was "Timbuktu".

First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said:

Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked a lonely caravan.
Men on camels, two by two
Destination---Timbuktu.

The crowd went crazy! No way could the redneck top that, they thought. The redneck calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:

Me and Tim a-huntin went,
Met three whores in a pop up tent.
They was three, and we was two,
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu.

The redneck won hands down!

What's Mexico's national sport?

Cross-country

National joke, What's Mexico's national sport?

What Is The National Bird Of Pakistan..

***General Atomics MQ-1 Predator***

Last week was National Middle Child Week!

Nobody noticed...

I went to the National Air and Space Museum in DC...

There was a lot more stuff in there than I'd expected

Remember the old times in the Internet?

Where men are men, women are men, and

the national security agents are young children.

You can explore national memorial reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean national international dad jokes. There are also national puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Do you think Charlie Sheen admitted to being HIV positive on national television...

because it was easier than making phone calls?

What is DNA short for?

National Dyslexics Association

What's Afghanistan's National Bird?

An American drone.

What is the national bird of Afghanistan?

US Drone

What does DNA stand for

National Dyslexia Association.

National joke, What does DNA stand for

What's the difference between a naked white woman and a naked black woman

One is on the cover of playboy while the other is on the cover of national geographic

Michelle Obama gave a great speech last night

I can't wait to hear it again at the next Republican National Convention.

Yesterday was National Girlfriend day and my girl friend really enjoyed it ..

... my wife .. not so much.


Hillary Clinton has a seizure during the debate...

"Mrs. Clinton," the Moderator asks, "What is your plan to lower the national debt?"

Suddenly, Hillary flails her arms around, rolls her eyes wildly, foams at the mouth, and gibbers incoherently for several awkward minutes. Finally, she collapses in a heap and soils herself.

"Hey!" Trump interrupts, "Is she allowed to just steal my answer like that??"

9/11 was a national tragedy.

So is 11/9.

How do you stop all the protests and riots?

Play the national anthem. They'll all sit down

I was with my wife in Russia when it starts to drizzle

So I say to my wife "It's raining" she quickly responds (looking to start a fight) "Actually, I think it's snowing".

This goes back and forth for a few minutes when I notice my buddy Officer Rudolf of the communist national guard. I go over to him and ask, "Officer Rudolf, is it raining or snowing?"

He glances over and replies, "raining, ofcourse".
I turn back to my wife and triumphantly announce, "See, Rudolf the red knows rain dear!"

February 10th should be National Fart Day.

Because it's 2/10.

According to National Geographic, 80% of US adults could not find Ukraine on an unmarked map.

They're really ahead of their time.

Do you know what DNA is an acronym for?

The National Dyslexia Association

So today is 4/20

4/20 is national weed day, 4/21 is national surprise drug test day and 4/22 is national unemployment day

You old fool!

A farmer goes into the bedroom one night with a sheep under his arm. His wife, in bed, looks up from her National Enquirer. She has curlers in her hair and green face cream all over her face.

The farmer says, "Sweetheart, this is the pig I sleep with when you won't give me what I want."

The wife rolls her eyes and says, "You old fool! That's a sheep."

The farmer replies, "You old fool, I wasn't talkin' to you!"

Attention everyone: there is a national lettuce shortage

everyone please romaine calm

What is the national bird of Pakistan?

An American drone.

What nationality are you when you walk into the bathroom?

Russian.

What nationality are you while you're in the bathroom?

European.

What nationality are you when you walk out of the bathroom?

Finish.

A boy is born without eyelids...

A boy who was born without eyelids is making national headlines as he has just undergone experimental surgery to use his foreskin to craft new eyelids. The surgery was a success and the boy is recovering perfectly. However, he will be a little cockeyed.

What's the nationality of someone with many knees?

Polynesian

The national anthem is under attack

And I won't stand for it!

How do you get a football player to stop resisting arrest?

Sing the national anthem

Did you see Mike Pence left the Colts game because the players knelt for the national anthem?

He was quoted as saying "I won't stand for this" on the way out

Vandals have attacked the National Origami Museum in Tokyo...

We'll keep you updated as the story unfolds...

What's the national bird of Syria

A US drone

Donald Trump must be irish....

Because when he's president the national debt is Dublin

I'll show myself out

Some say Trump is mentally unfit after declaring a national emergency?

However, it's all due to Hispanic attacks.

What genre are national anthems?

Country

We were at a family dinner last night, and at one point my Uncle Bob stood up and declared, I'm gay and I don't care who knows it!

He must have been really drunk, because he's been married to my Uncle Tony for six years now.

β€’β€’β€’

Happy National Coming Out Day!

DNA

National Dyslexic Association

One of the British national daily newspapers was asking readers: "What it means to be British?".

Some of the emails were hilarious but this one from a Swiss was a winner.
Β 
"Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for
a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a
Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on a Swedish furniture and watch
American shows on a Japanese TV. He buys a holiday home in Spain, Skis in France, fancies Swedish birds and has a Romanian au-pair.
Β 
And the most British thing of all?
"Suspicious of anything Foreign "

Welcome to Australia!

A British national travelling to Australia on holiday is stopped at customs after getting off the plane. There, the customs agent asks him, "business or pleasure?"

"Pleasure," he replies.

"Anything to declare?"

"Does jet lag count?" the Brit asks with a cheesy smile. The Aussie customs agent looks up, drearily, unamused.

"Do you have a criminal history?"

Suddenly, the British man becomes concerned, and looks around nervously.

"What's wrong?" the customs agent asks.

"Oh, I'm sorry," the brit replies. "No, I don't. I didn't realise we still needed one of those"

If 2020 is not bad enough already, I've just read about dentists planning a national strike next month

Brace yourselves.

I visited the National Air and Space Museum.

I believe the title is misleading because it's actually full of stuff.

What's Santa's nationality?

North Polish.

Why is the National Rifle Association filing for bankruptcy?

Because schools are closed.

What is 5 feet tall, has 22 legs and feigns death if you approach it up to two meters?

The Italy national football team.

Why is the North Korean National library so big?

Because Kim Jong-Un is a supreme reader!

A guy walks into a store and says to the clerk, I'd like a pound of kielbasa please.

The clerk looks at him, squints his eyes, and says, You're Polish, aren't cha?

The man looks surprised and says, Now how did you know that? Was it because I asked for the national meat of Poland? Or did something else give it away?

The clerk replies, It's because this is a hardware store.

One of the Saddest Stories I've Ever Heard

The HighSchool Girls National diving team's plane crashed into the ocean, and they washed up on a deserted island.

Physically, the few survivors were unharmed, but as the days past, their minds began to crack as they realized that they had not the tools, knowledge, or materials to build a working diving board and bring some normalcy back into their lives!
…
…
But alas… The poor bastards were forced to resort to cannonballism.

There's a University called the National University of Science and Technology

It's not called the National University of Technology and Science, because that would be NUTS.

Subscriptions

Steve and Cliff are having this talk. Steve says, "My wife lets me subscribe to National Geographic and Playboy for the same reason." Cliff says, "Why?"

Steve says, "Because with both magazines, I get to see places I'll never get to visit."

TIL Vietnam's national currency is the Dong.

I mean I've heard of shit costing an arm and a leg but that just seems cruel.

What nationality were Adam and Eve?

Soviet, of course. Who else would walk around barefoot and naked, have one apple to share between them, and think they were in Paradise?

Did you know that this week is National Diarrohea Week?

It runs from today until Friday

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the national democratic national convention jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working national championship piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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