National Jokes
141 national jokes and hilarious national puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about national that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover the funniest national jokes from National Joke Day to the National Anthem and everything in between! From National Parks like Yellowstone to National Guards and National Treasures, laugh along with Hye and Memorial as they explore the different aspects of the country. Take the journey with them and experience a world of comedy and patriotism.
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Funniest National Short Jokes
Short national jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The national humour may include short global jokes also.
- Vandals have attacked the National Origami museum in Tokyo... We'll keep you updated as the story unfolds...
- The invention of the shovel was groundbreaking, but the invention of the broom swept the nation.
- A Russian Tourist Travels Abroad. Border guard: Nationality?
tourist: Russian.
Border guard: Occupation?
Tourist: No, no, just visiting this time. - If California splits into 3 states, we just need to make Puerto Rico a state. We's have a prime number of states and finally be one nation, indivisible
- classic germans Angela Merkel arrives at passport Control at Paris airport.
"Nationality?" asks the immigration officer.
"German," she replies.
"Occupation?"
"No, just here for a few days." - I went to the National Air and Space Museum in DC... There was a lot more stuff in there than I'd expected
- According to National Geographic, 80% of US adults could not find ukraine on an unmarked map. They're really ahead of their time.
- If two impoverished African nations went into battle against each other... ... Would that be a third-world war?
- Russia is the second most powerful military nation ... in Ukraine.
(Just thought about it, sorry if it's not OC) - An Austrian travels to France where he has to pass security. Airport security:"Nationality?"
austrian: "Austria"
Airport security: "Occupation?"
Austrian: "Nein, nein, only vacation"
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National One Liners
Which national one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with national? I can suggest the ones about state and native.
- Why is the National Rifle Association filing for bankruptcy? Because schools are closed.
- 9/11 was a national tragedy. So is 11/9.
- Do you know what DNA is an acronym for? The National Dyslexia Association
- What's the national bird of Syria A US drone
- What's the nationality of someone with many knees? Polynesian
- What is the national bird of Pakistan? An American drone.
- How do you get a football player to stop resisting arrest? Sing the national anthem
- The national anthem is under attack And I won't stand for it!
- What genre are national anthems? Country
- What is Canada's national board game? Sorry
- Last week was National Middle Child Week! Nobody noticed...
- A new type of broom has just been released, It is sweeping the nation.
- Attention everyone: there is a national lettuce shortage everyone please romaine calm
- What is Donald Trump's favourite nation? Discrimination
- What nationality are Minecraft people? Cuban.
National Anthem Jokes
Here is a list of funny national anthem jokes and even better national anthem puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How do you stop all the protests and riots? Play the national anthem. They'll all sit down
- Did you see Mike Pence left the Colts game because the players knelt for the national anthem? He was quoted as saying "I won't stand for this" on the way out
- What's the cuban national anthem? "Row, Row, Row Your Boat..."
- I wish they would stop playing the national anthem before games I'm not unpatriotic; I just don't like country music.
- I know how to stop all these riots. Play the national anthem, they'll all sit down.
- What does the NFL season and the national anthem have in common? Kaepernick is gonna sit through them both.
- How do you sing the national anthem of the United Arab Emirates? I'm Blue, Abu Dhabi, Dubai
Abu Dhabi and Dubai
Abu Dhabi, Dubai... - How do you stop the protests in Charlotte? Sing the nation anthem they will sit down
- What is the Puerto Rican national anthem? Partly in the USA
- What does U.S.A. stand for? The national anthem.
National Park Jokes
Here is a list of funny national park jokes and even better national park puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I parked in three different handicap parking spots last week. No ticket, and no dirty looks. Apparently the "MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN" bumper sticker is accepted nation wide now.
- What did the dad say after dropping his son off at Yellowstone National Park? Bison!
- Which US national park is most welcoming to Hebrews? Yosemite!
- If Chippendales goes to a national park and rescues the park rangers.. Would the headline in the newspaper be Chippendales rescue rangers?
- A hunter is arrested for murdering 9 people at a national park... His argument? "Someone told me it was 'tourist season.'"
- What happens when you get punched by Italian Wilderness? You get A Bruise O' National Park.
- We went camping at Yellowstone National Park on a moonless night. It was in tents.
- This joke is for all you Spanish speakers What do you get when you cross a National Park with the ice age?
Hielostone - A man is being eaten by a bear... He is at Yellowstone National Park. Please call for help.
- What's a Bros favorite National Park? Yolostone
National Geographic Jokes
Here is a list of funny national geographic jokes and even better national geographic puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- "You know when you go to a garage sale, and you find a dusty old box of National Geographics? Yeah, well you're kind of like that.... You've got issues going way back."
- What's the most unbiased news source? National Geographic because in the end they always report the bad side to donkeys and elephants, not exclusively one.
- While on location for weeks in arctic Siberia, writing a piece for National Geographic, my brother randomly showed up to keep me company. It really helped having a cool story bro.
- I got 99 issues... And they are all collectable national geographics.
- A friend of mine collects National Geographic magazines, he really has a lot of issues.
National Convention Jokes
Here is a list of funny national convention jokes and even better national convention puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Michelle Obama gave a great speech last night I can't wait to hear it again at the next Republican National Convention.
- The National Guillotine Convention promoted me I'm now the head
- National Ginger Convention Thousands showed up but not a soul was to be found.
National Joke Day Jokes
Here is a list of funny national joke day jokes and even better national joke day puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Today is national punctuation awareness day... I tried to think of an appropriate joke, but there's nothing funny about national punctuation awareness day. Period.
Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty National Jokes with Friends.
What funny jokes about national you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean noun jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make national pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Jeff Bezos: "Alexa, send n**... to my secret admirer."
Alexa: "Got it. Sending n**... to the National Enquirer."
Kim Jong-Un walks into a school in North Korea.
He asks a student "Who is your father?
The student replies "The Supreme Leader, infinite in wisdom and kindness, provider and protector of the Koreans, he is our only father."
Kim Jong beams. "Excellent. Now tell me who is your mother?"
The student doesn't hesitate. "The Land of True Korea, outstanding in her beauty, international superpower, and redeemer of all civilisations, she is our only mother."
Kim Jong applauses. "What a diligent student you are. What do you want to be when you're older?"
The student replies "An orphan."
International women's day should not be used as an excuse for sexist jokes
Period.
Security officer: If you find a USB outside, don't bring it into the office
Me (taking notes): Note to self: Only bring international bees into the office
People in North Korea are so brainwashed by the government and the state controlled national news thinking their country is great. Outsiders know better.
That is why I am glad to live in the greatest country in the world, The United States of America.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What nationality were Adam and Eve?
Soviet, of course. Who else would walk around barefoot and n**..., have one apple to share between them, and think they were in Paradise?
A man calls the First National Bank of Texas. The automated voice answers, "Hello, how can I assist you today?" The man says, "Withdrawal"
The automated voice says, "YEEHAW! HOW Y'ALL RECKON I CAN HELP?!"
I really wanted to watch the International Origami Championships tonight.
Sadly, it's only on paper view.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An English spy, a Scottish spy and an Irish spy are captured by the n**....
The n**... ask if they have any last wishes
The Irishman says "I want the Irish national anthem to be played before I die"
The Scottish man says "I want the Scottish anthem to be played on bagpipes before I die"
The Englishman says "I wanna die first"
One of the British national daily newspapers was asking readers: "What it means to be British?".
Some of the emails were hilarious but this one from a Swiss was a winner.
"Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for
a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a
Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on a Swedish furniture and watch
American shows on a Japanese TV. He buys a holiday home in Spain, Skis in France, fancies Swedish birds and has a Romanian au-pair.
And the most British thing of all?
"Suspicious of anything Foreign "
A man walks into a bar...
...and loses the international limbo championship.
(I feel like this is probably really old, but I hadn't heard it before.)
TIL France got a different version of The Force Awakens than the rest of the world.
While the international version ends with Rey and Luke, the French version ends with fin.
Today is International Women's Day.
It was actually supposed to be held yesterday but they took too long to get ready.
You are what you think you are
Her: What do you do?
Me: Global prosthetics distribution.
Her: So you're an artificial limb salesman?
Me: I prefer 'international arms dealer'.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Do you think Charlie Sheen admitted to being h**... positive on national television...
because it was easier than making phone calls?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
In WW2 you could identify which nationality your opponent was from by observing their behaviors
If they respond to threats with precise rifle shots, they're British
If they respond with heavy machine gun fire, they're German
If they retreat, they're French
If they switch to your side, they're Italian
If they apologize, they're Canadian
If nothing happens for a few minutes then suddenly your camp is leveled to the ground, they're American
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
February 10th should be National f**... Day.
Because it's 2/10.
A Russian is travelling to Poland...
and he is stopped to be checked by an officer.
"Name?" the officer asked.
"Vlad Dobrynin," the man answered.
"Nationality?"
"Russian."
"Occupation?"
"No, no, just visiting."
Hillary Clinton has a seizure during the debate...
"Mrs. Clinton," the Moderator asks, "What is your plan to lower the national debt?"
Suddenly, Hillary flails her arms around, rolls her eyes wildly, foams at the mouth, and gibbers incoherently for several awkward minutes. Finally, she collapses in a heap and soils herself.
"Hey!" Trump interrupts, "Is she allowed to just steal my answer like that??"
Welcome to Australia!
A British national travelling to Australia on holiday is stopped at customs after getting off the plane. There, the customs agent asks him, "business or pleasure?"
"Pleasure," he replies.
"Anything to declare?"
"Does jet lag count?" the Brit asks with a cheesy smile. The Aussie customs agent looks up, drearily, unamused.
"Do you have a criminal history?"
Suddenly, the British man becomes concerned, and looks around nervously.
"What's wrong?" the customs agent asks.
"Oh, I'm sorry," the brit replies. "No, I don't. I didn't realise we still needed one of those"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So today is 4/20
4/20 is national w**... day, 4/21 is national surprise drug test day and 4/22 is national unemployment day
Boss: "Sarcasm will get you nowhere in life"!!
Me: "Well It got me to the 'International Sarcasm' finals in Santiago 2011
Boss: "Really"?
Me: "No"
Today is International Women's Day.
It was supposed to be yesterday, but they took longer than expected to get dressed.
In a national park, a woman stopped to watch a deer.
A man walked over to her and said, "This is red deer, Cervus elaphus, it's pleased to meet you."
Then she watched him continue to other visitors and say the same thing.
She catches up with him and asks, "Why are you doing this?"
The man responds, "The ranger told me this species hadn't been introduced here."
Chancellor Angela Merkel visits Athens.
Angela Merkel arrives at the Athens airport & stops by the immigration check.
"Nationality?" asks the Immigration officer.
"German," she replies.
"Occupation?" he asks.
"No, just visiting for a few days."
Yesterday was National Girlfriend day and my girl friend really enjoyed it ..
... my wife .. not so much.
In a huge lecture hall once I only had four international students turn up - English, French, Spanish and German. I asked if they could all see me. They said...
Yes, Oui, Si, Ja
The Trump administration is like the International Space Station
They're in constant free fall, and they needed Russia's help to get there
We were at a family dinner last night, and at one point my Uncle Bob stood up and declared, I'm gay and I don't care who knows it!
He must have been really drunk, because he's been married to my Uncle Tony for six years now.
•••
Happy National Coming Out Day!
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of international capitals. She said, "Go ahead and quiz me. I know all of them!"
Her friend asked, "What's the capital of France?"
The blonde replied, "Oh, that's so easy! F."
Happy International Women's Day!
Or as I like to call it, Taco Tuesday
I visited the National Air and Space Museum.
I believe the title is misleading because it's actually full of stuff.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
National Poetry Contest - Timbuktu
For the record, this is not my joke. I heard somebody tell it then found it online.
" The National Poetry Contest had come down to two semifinalists: a Yale graduate and a r**... from Wyoming. They were given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The word they were given was "Timbuktu".
First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said:
Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked a lonely caravan.
Men on camels, two by two
Destination---Timbuktu.
The crowd went crazy! No way could the r**... top that, they thought. The r**... calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:
Me and Tim a-huntin went,
Met three w**... in a pop up tent.
They was three, and we was two,
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu.
The r**... won hands down!
Putin asks a fortune teller when he will die...
Putin starts reading all the stuff on the Internet about how he has cancer, is going to be assassinated or overthrown. He goes to a fortune teller and pays her 1,000 rubles to tell his fortune.
She looks in her crystal ball. He says "tell me what you see." She says "I see parades. People dancing. They are wearing historic Ukrainian peasant outfits. There are floats and bands. You die on a Ukrainian holiday.
"Yes, but when" Putin says. "Which holiday?"
She says (of course) "Any day you die will be a Ukrainian national holiday."
An international conference was being held..
In which USA, North Korea, Europe and Africa were taking part.
The judge said,"I would like to hear your opinions about shortage of food in the rest of the world, if you have any questions, please feel free to ask us".
African president asked, "What is food?".
Europe asked, "What is Short?".
USA asked, "What is the rest of the world?".
North Korea asked, "What is Opinion?".
There's a University called the National University of Science and Technology
It's not called the National University of Technology and Science, because that would be NUTS.
'Knock knock'
'Who's there'
'Okay Google'
'Okay Google, who?'
'Sorry I didn't catch that'
'OKAY GOOGLE WHO?'
'The World Health Organization is a specialized agency of the United Nations that is concerned with international public health. It was established on 7 April 1948, headquartered in Geneva, Switzerland. '
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
In honor of National Humor Month, I have one.
People say Mules are much hardier than other Equines.
They really only do a half a**... job though.
The chief of a tribe in Mexico dies.
His son is now the chief. Since he never learned the ways of his forefathers to predict winters, when he gets asked what should the tribe do, he just tells them to collect firewood. He then goes to the National Weather Station in Mexico and asks them how bad winter is going to be. They tell him; "It looks like it will be pretty bad". Shocked, he goes back to his tribe and tells them to gather more firewood. He goes back to the weather station and asks them again if winter will be bad. They answer, "It is going to be one of the worst winters in a decade." The Chief goes back to the village and tells them to gather more firewood. Then he goes for a third time to the weather station and asks them again, "will the winter be bad?" They respond, "It will be the worst winter in a century." The chief asks them, "How do you know winter will be bad?" They answer, "Because the Indians are gathering firewood like crazy!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a n**... white woman and a n**... black woman
One is on the cover of p**... while the other is on the cover of national geographic
A man went to a brain store to get a brain to complete a study.
He sees a sign indicating the nationality of each type of brain. He begins to question the butcher about the cost of these brains.
"How much does it cost for an Americans brain?"
"Three dollars an ounce."
"How much does it cost for a Japaneese brain?"
"ten dollars an ounce."
"How much for a Frenchmen's brain?"
"$1,000 an ounce."
"Why is a Frenchmen's brain so much more?"
"Do you know how many French men we had to use to get one ounce of brain?"
There was an International Job opening.
Two men applied, a Canadian man, and an American. After the test and the interview, they company decided to go with the Canadian man. The American with distraught asked why they decided to hire the Canadian and how he did in the interview and test. They said it was a very difficult decision because they both did equally well on the test and in the interview. The American was outraged. "THEN WHY DID YOU HIRE THE CANADIAN?!?." The manager then responded, "Well, you both did equally well in the interview, but the real problem was the test. You both got 9/10 on the test, but for question 10, the Canadian man put 'I don't know' and you put 'me neither.'"
Shout out to my Math Teacher for telling me this one.
Obama goes on vacation to South Carolina and goes for an ocean swim...
And begins to drown! A young lifeguard swims out and rescues him, pulling him back to shore.
"Thank you so much for saving me young lady. Please, tell me what I can do to repay you."
"Aw shucks, I don't need nuthin', sir, it's just ma job!" She says.
"Listen, I'm the President of the United States, I can give you anything you want!"
She thinks for a moment and says "Well, I'd mighty like a plot at the Arlington National Cemetery if ya can do that fer me."
"Why does a young woman like you want a burial plot at the cemetery?"
"Because" she said, "When my friends and family find out what I just did they'll kill me!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Brit, a Frenchman and a Soviet are asked what nationality Adam and Eve were.
The Brit exclaims They must have been British! Look at how gentlemanly Adam behaved towards Eve. He must have been an Englishman.
Outrageous! Says the Frenchman. They must have been French. Look at the love that they exhibited towards each other! Only the French can love like that.
The Soviet chuckles and says You're both wrong. They must have been Soviet; they had no clothes, no food, and someone in charge was telling them they were in paradise .
A man named Jose has just moved from Mexico to the US
and he wants to do something very American so he decides to go to a baseball game.
Unfortunately, the game is completely sold out. However, the cashier says there is one seat available if Jose is willing to sit atop the flag pole. He agrees.
Finding the pole, Jose climbs to the top and takes a seat.
The game is about to begin when a voice comes over the loudspeaker and says "Please rise for the National Anthem". Everyone in the stadium stands up, turns to Jose, puts their hands over their hearts, and sings
"O-OH SAY CAN YOU SEEEEE..."
Jose yells back "YES THANK YOU"
At a Diplomats' dinner, a waiter tripped
and shattered the beautiful plate in which he was carrying a large turkey.
Hushed silence turned into a roar of laughter, when
the quick-witted Diplomat announced:
"Ladies and Gentlemen!
You have just witnessed 4 major international events happening :-
Fall of Turkey
Breakup of China
Spillage of Greece
and Frustration of Hungary!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What Is The National Bird Of Pakistan..
***General Atomics MQ-1 Predator***
An American, a Briton, and a North Korean look at a picture of Adam and Eve
An American, a Briton, and a North Korean look at a picture of Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden and try to figure out what nationality they are.
The American says, "Look at how free and independent they are, they must be Americans."
The Briton says, "What are you talking about, look at how calm and reserved they are, the are obviously British."
The North Korean says, "You two are both missing the point. They have no clothes, no shelter, they only have and apple to eat between them and yet they are being told that they live in paradise. They're clearly North Korean."
I handle important transactions for a large multinational company ...
... is what a tell my Mum instead of saying I work at McDonald's.
Do you know why women and children are always evacuated first in any emergency situation?
So that all the men can think and come up with a solution in peace and quiet.
Source: my dad (to me on International Women's Day)
An International School Teacher
...starts a lesson with her 4 students, who are an American kid, an African kid, a European kid and a Chinese kid. She asks "what's your opinion on food scarcity in other countries?"
first, the African kid asks "what's food?"
the European kid asks "what's scarcity?"
the American kid asks "what's other countries?"
and finally the Chinese kid asks "what's my own opinion?"
If 2020 is not bad enough already, I've just read about dentists planning a national strike next month
Brace yourselves.
Why were there only 49 contestants in the National Ebonics Beauty Pageant?
Nobody wanted to wear the sash that says "Idaho".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You old fool!
A farmer goes into the bedroom one night with a sheep under his arm. His wife, in bed, looks up from her National Enquirer. She has curlers in her hair and green face cream all over her face.
The farmer says, "Sweetheart, this is the pig I sleep with when you won't give me what I want."
The wife rolls her eyes and says, "You old fool! That's a sheep."
The farmer replies, "You old fool, I wasn't talkin' to you!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Remember the old times in the Internet?
Where men are men, women are men, and
the national security agents are young children.
A guy walks into a store and says to the clerk, I'd like a pound of kielbasa please.
The clerk looks at him, squints his eyes, and says, You're Polish, aren't cha?
The man looks surprised and says, Now how did you know that? Was it because I asked for the national meat of Poland? Or did something else give it away?
The clerk replies, It's because this is a hardware store.
What is 5 feet tall, has 22 legs and feigns death if you approach it up to two meters?
The Italy national football team.
Have you heard of the international bathroom?
When you go there, you're Russian.
Once there, European.
At the the end, you're Finnish.
An international school teacher asks: What's your own honest opinion on food scarcity in other countries?
An African student responds: What's food?
A Western European student: What's scarcity?
An Eastern European student: What's honest?
A Chinese student: What's opinion?
A Russian student: What's your?
An American student: What's other countries?
