National Anthem Jokes
83 national anthem jokes and hilarious national anthem puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about national anthem that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest National Anthem Short Jokes
Short national anthem jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The national anthem humour may include short star spangled banner jokes also.
- How do you stop all the protests and riots? Play the national anthem. They'll all sit down
- Did you see Mike Pence left the Colts game because the players knelt for the national anthem? He was quoted as saying "I won't stand for this" on the way out
- I wish they would stop playing the national anthem before games I'm not unpatriotic; I just don't like country music.
- What does the NFL season and the national anthem have in common? Kaepernick is gonna sit through them both.
- How do you sing the national anthem of the United Arab Emirates? I'm Blue, Abu Dhabi, Dubai
Abu Dhabi and Dubai
Abu Dhabi, Dubai... - These national anthem protests are getting out of hand. Even the U.S. paralympics team won't stand up for the national anthem.
- How do you stop a crowd of black men from rioting, breaking windows and looting? Play the American national anthem.
- In order to stop all the black lives matter protests Just play the national anthem on repeat, they will all sit down or kneel.
- How did the dyslexic American mathematician sing the first line of his national anthem? "Oh secant, you say?"
- I hear that everyone loves it when you share your political views, so this is what I stand for... the national anthem, old people on the bus and if someone yells "your chair is on fire"
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National Anthem One Liners
Which national anthem one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with national anthem? I can suggest the ones about american flag and anthem.
- How do you get a football player to stop resisting arrest? Sing the national anthem
- The national anthem is under attack And I won't stand for it!
- What genre are national anthems? Country
- What's the cuban national anthem? "Row, Row, Row Your Boat..."
- I know how to stop all these riots. Play the national anthem, they'll all sit down.
- What genre is the National Anthem? Country Music
- How do you stop the protests in Charlotte? Sing the nation anthem they will sit down
- What is the Puerto Rican national anthem? Partly in the USA
- What does U.S.A. stand for? The national anthem.
- How does the Mexican national anthem start? Jose can you see.....
- What does the GOP stand for? The Russian national anthem.
- Fergie singing the National Anthem was so bad...
- What does ET stand for? His national anthem
- What does ET stand for? The alien national anthem
- What did Zeus pick as Mount Olympus' national anthem? Greeced Lightning.
National Anthem Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about national anthem you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean nation jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make national anthem pranks.
A doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his patients to a baseball game.
For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands.
When the day of the game arrived.
Everything went quite well.
As the National Anthem started, the doctor yelled, "Up Nuts", and the patients complied by standing up.
After the anthem, he yelled, "Down Nuts", and they all sat back down in their seats.
After a home run was hit, the doctor yelled, "Cheer Nuts."
They all broke out into applause and cheered.
When the umpire made a particularly bad call against the star of the home team, the Doctor yelled, "Booooo Nuts" and they all started booing and cat calling.
Comfortable with their response, the doctor decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge.
When he turned, there was a riot in progress.
Finding his tizzied assistant, the doctor asked, "What in the world happened?"
The assistant replied, "Well everything was going just fine until this guy walked by and yelled, 'peanuts'".
An Englishman, An American and A Korean are on a ship...
The ship is in stormy waters, when suddenly a genie appears from the waves and tells them "I'm sorry, but you men will die in this storm. I have no power to prevent your death, but as some recompense I can grant you all one wish before you perish"
The three great friends begin to think before answering the genie.
The American answers first "I want the chance to sing the great national anthem of America one last time in full, and please genie allow the storm to quieten so that my friends may hear this wonderful tune and enjoy it"
The genie replies that he can grant this wish
The Korean next asks "It would make my last moments on this earth perfect if I could one last time eat the traditional food of my country, some sour and spicy cabbage soup, along with salted blood sausage and ice noodles - but I want enough so that I can share the last meal with my friends.
"It will be done" answers the genie
Finally the British man speaks up.
"Please kill me before the song and the food:"
I went to the doctors today
told him "I've got a problem, every time I finish m**... I sing the American national anthem".
The doctor said, "Don't worry, a lot of wankers sing that".
Americans, don't hate on i**... Mexican immigrants so much ...
For f**...'s sake, even your national anthem welcomes them.
"José can you see ..."
7 mildly offensive jokes
**What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? **
A speech impediment.
**What's the Cuban National Anthem? **
Row row row your boat.
**What's the fastest way to a man's heart? **
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
**Did you hear about the Chinese couple who had a r**... baby? **
They named him Sum Ting Wong.
**Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good looking? **
Because those men already have boyfriends.
**What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? **
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
**What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? **
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
South Africa's new National Anthem.
Sounds of silence:
Hello, darkness,
my old friend.
I've come to talk
with you again.
Because a darkness
softly creeping.
Silos crack while I
was sleeping.
And the power is
off once again,
This is South Africa,
my friend.
What is the Puerto Rican national anthem?
Row row row your boat
Not sure what was worse tonight
Not sure which was worse tonight, Pacquiao losing or Jamie Foxx's version of the national anthem.
The real fight of the century was between,
Jamie Foxx and the national anthem
Did you know that Jose is an American name?
It's mentioned in the very first line of the U.S. National Anthem.
a soldier finds himself outside after night fall
A soldier finds himself outside his base of operations in a foreign country after night fall. He managed to find himself back at the main gate of entry but was unable to produce any physical evidence that he was in fact born and raised in the USA. The guard at the gate was not allowed to let anyone in who wasn't a citizen of the United States. The solider suggested that the guard ask him a few questions to prove in nationally. The guard then replied, "OK, sing the national anthem." The solider then sang the national anthem just as he has heard it at countless sporting events and county fairs. When he finished the guard said, "OK, now sing the second verse." The solider yelled, "I don't know the second verse!" to which the guard said,"you're obviously American, c'mon in."
If people in the US hate mexicans so much..
than why is José in the national anthem
Sheryl Crow singing the national anthem
American great
I had to go see my doctor today because I'm having an unusual problem. I say to him, I've got a problem, every time I finish m**... I sing the American national anthem .
The doctor said, Don't worry, a lot of wankers sing that .
just heard that Belize is changing its national anthem for the olympics...
can't wait to hear 'Don't Stop Belize-ing' when they win a medal!
This kneeling during the national anthem thing is getting really out of hand.
Now even the competitors of the Paralympics are doing it.
How do you get a Criminal to stop running?
Play the national anthem
Why does everyone hate 7?
Because 7 kneeled during the National Anthem.
Justin Bieber's been commissioned to write the new Canadian national anthem.
Sorry.
How can the National Anthem be racist if?.
The first words are, " Jośe can you see?"
Want to know how to stop the "Not My President" Riots?
Play the National Anthem and they'll all kneel.
Is Aretha Franklin finished singing the national anthem?
I turned the TV off 4 hours into it and I'd really like to watch the start of the Lions game before I goto bed.
What is the song badminton fans are most familiar with?
The Chinese National Anthem
The inauguration ceremony should be like the olympics.
They can play the US national anthem, then the Russian one.
While I was on the bus, the person standing next to me played the national anthem
While I was sitting on the bus, the person standing next to me played the national anthem,
I stood up and he took my seat.
What is the national anthem of South Korea?
Heart and Seoul.
A man named Jose has just moved from Mexico to the US
and he wants to do something very American so he decides to go to a baseball game.
Unfortunately, the game is completely sold out. However, the cashier says there is one seat available if Jose is willing to sit atop the flag pole. He agrees.
Finding the pole, Jose climbs to the top and takes a seat.
The game is about to begin when a voice comes over the loudspeaker and says "Please rise for the National Anthem". Everyone in the stadium stands up, turns to Jose, puts their hands over their hearts, and sings
"O-OH SAY CAN YOU SEEEEE..."
Jose yells back "YES THANK YOU"
How do you get a communist to stand for the national anthem?
A thumbtack.
Monty Python scheduled to sing National Anthem for NFL London game
However, officials pulled the plug at the last minute when it was revealed the comedians would be taking a Ni.
A guy walks into a bar, sits down and orders a drink...
The bartender looks at him and says" See that woman over there, she will give you a b**... and sing the National Anthem at the same time".
"No way" the guy says.
"Oh yeah, and she only charges $20".
So he walks over and hands her a $20. She takes him into a back room and shuts off the light.
As she starts to give him head, she also starts to sing. He couldn't believe it, the words came out so clear that it was impossible.
Just after he finished, he quickly flicked on the light and saw her popping in her glass eye.
When do NFL players propose to their girlfriends?
During the playing of the National Anthem.
I wasn't sure whether to stand or kneel...
When they played the Russian National Anthem.
Fergie is so patriotic
Even her voice kneeled for the National anthem.
I read that Logic's touching performance at the Grammys tripled calls to the s**... prevention line,
Apparently Fergie's national anthem more than quintupled them
Fergie's rendition of the national anthem was so bad.......
that even Colin Kaepernick had to stand up and walk out on this one.
My wife took a knee during the national anthem
As we role played Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky in the bed room.
I kneel for the national anthem at home
To protest Domestic Violence.
There's no way Trump can be against Mexicans and still call himself a patriot
After all, the National Anthem starts with "Jose can you see"
A guy in Texas was sitting in my favorite seat on the bus.
So I looked up the National Anthem and played it on speaker.
CANADIAN ANTHEM
The Canadians are considering changing the name of their national anthem to 'O Cannabis'
I used to know a crippled guy who had a serious hatred for the National Anthem...
Just couldn't stand for it.
In the middle of the night...
...a frustrated wife starts singing the national anthem loudly. What are you doing, darling? inquires the husband. Well, I was giving it one last shot, honey, replied the wife, the whole nation stands e**... when this song is heard.
An English spy, a Scottish spy and an Irish spy are captured by the n**....
The n**... ask if they have any last wishes
The Irishman says "I want the irish national anthem to be played before I die"
The Scottish man says "I want the Scottish anthem to be played on bagpipes before I die"
The Englishman says "I wanna die first"