nation Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious nation puns

"How can this idiot possibly be elected as president?"

Says a nation that hasn't gotten over the death of a gorilla in 6 months.

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The invention of the shovel was groundbreaking,

but the invention of the broom swept the nation.

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If California splits into 3 states, we just need to make Puerto Rico a state.

We's have a prime number of states and finally be one nation, indivisible

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What's the national bird of Syria

A US drone

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I went to the National Air and Space Museum in DC...

There was a lot more stuff in there than I'd expected

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What's the nationality of someone with many knees?

Polynesian

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What is the national bird of Pakistan?

An American drone.

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According to National Geographic, 80% of US adults could not find Ukraine on an unmarked map.

They're really ahead of their time.

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What is the national bird of Afghanistan?

US Drone

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Scientists have just announced the finding of the world's longest penis. At just over five feet, the sight of it has shocked the nation...

...and, even worse, it's going to head a vote to repeal Net Neutrality on Thursday.

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God is talking with the presidents.

God asks Bush: "What do you believe in?"

Bush answers: "I believe in the free market, and the strong American nation!"

"Very well," says God. "Come sit to my right."


Next, God asks Obama: "What do you believe in?"

Obama answers: "I believe in the power of democracy, and equal rights for all."

"Good, says God. "You shall sit to my left."


Finally, God asks Trump: "What do you believe in?"


Trump replies: "I believe you're sitting in my chair."

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Maybe every nation has ninjas

And the Japanese ninjas are just the worst

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The national anthem is under attack

And I won't stand for it!

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What's Afghanistan's National Bird?

An American drone.

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I'm dressing as the Republican healthcare bill for Halloween.

I won't be leaving the house.


(Heard this on the podcast Fake the Nation and thought you all would like it.)

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Some people want Puerto Rico to become the 51st State...

Some people want Puerto Rico to become the 51st State...

I say let's do it, and find two more new states.

Then we'd have 53 states.

A nice PRIME number...

ONE NATION - INDIVISIBLE

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Why does no other nation have the **American Dream**?

Because the rest of the world is awake!

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A new type of broom has just been released,

It is sweeping the nation.

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The New National Symbol

The government today announced that it is changing its national symbol to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance.

A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed. It just doesn't get more accurate than that.

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D.C. voted overwhelmingly to be a state.

D.C. voted overwhelmingly to be a state. If congress passes it we only need 2 more states to get to 53 which is a prime number. Then we will truly be one nation, indivisible.

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Cold Cold Canada.

There was an elderly couple who lived in a small house, right smack dab on the U.S. and Canadian border. For several years the two goverments had argued over which nation the house belonged to. One day the elderly couple recived a letter stating that they were now considered full American citizens and there property was deemed as American soil. After reading this the old woman looks to her husband as says "Thank goodness, No more of those cold Canadian winters.

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I have a girlfriend but....

"But what?"
"She's in another nation"
"Which one?"
"Imagination"

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What nationality are you when you walk into the bathroom?

Russian.

What nationality are you while you're in the bathroom?

European.

What nationality are you when you walk out of the bathroom?

Finish.

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What's Mexico's national sport?

Cross-country

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What Is The National Bird Of Pakistan..

***General Atomics MQ-1 Predator***

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National Poetry Contest - Timbuktu

For the record, this is not my joke. I heard somebody tell it then found it online.

" The National Poetry Contest had come down to two semifinalists: a Yale graduate and a redneck from Wyoming. They were given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The word they were given was "Timbuktu".

First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said:

Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked a lonely caravan.
Men on camels, two by two
Destination---Timbuktu.

The crowd went crazy! No way could the redneck top that, they thought. The redneck calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:

Me and Tim a-huntin went,
Met three whores in a pop up tent.
They was three, and we was two,
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu.

The redneck won hands down!

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The president is visiting a school

The president was doing a tour of the nation campaigning and one day he stopped at a school to give a presentation to the kids. After finishing the presentation, he took questions from the kids. One little girl raised he hand and asked, "What is a tradgedy?"
"That's a very good question." The president said. "Can anybody answer it.
Another little girl raised her hand. "If a group of kids were clmbing down a cliff, and their ropes broke, and they fell and died, that would be a tradgedy."
"No," replied the president, "that would be a horrible accident. Would anyone else like to guess what a tradgedy is?"
A boy in the back of the room raised his hand. "If a bus full of students slipped on a banana peel and fell off a cliff, that would be a tradgedy."
"No," replied the president, "that would be a great loss. Does anyone else have a guess."
An older boy raised his hand. "Mr. President," he said, "if you were flying and your plane crashed and you died, that would be a tradgedy."
"Yes," said the president. "Can you tell me why that would be a tradgedy?"
"Because," said the boy, "it wouldn't be a great loss, and it sure as hell wouldn't be an accident."

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In 1941, a German boy named Hans was listening to the radio.

Over the radio, Hitler announced that Germany was now going to war with the United States.

"Father, where's the United States?" asked Hans. His father pointed on a map to the continental nation in North America.

"And I'm told we're already at war with Russia," the curious lad continued. "Where is Russia?" His father pointed to where Soviet Russia lay in all its time zone-hogging glory.

"And we're also at war with the British Empire," added Hans. "Where is that?" His father pointed out all the territories of the empire upon which the sun never set.

"And where is Germany?" asked Hans. His father pointed to their country in central Europe.

Hans thought for a moment and then said, "Father, has Hitler seen this map?"

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For hundreds of years they were forced to work for us across our nation, tirelessly and without monetary compensation. They were whipped, and tied to wooden posts. Even today, they are exploited for sports and entertainment.

Man, horses must really hate us.

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God gathers the leaders of every nation

to tell them that the world is going to end in a week, and that they must inform their countrymen and women. Shocked, the leaders return home wondering how to best break the news. The next day, they all hold press conferences.

Barack Obama: "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that God exists, but the bad news is that the world will end in less than a week."

Robert Mugabe: "I have only bad news. God exists and the world will end in less than a week."

Kim Jong-Un: "I have great news! I am on a first name basis with God, and He told me I would rule until the end of the world!"

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Bush, Obama and Trump go to a job interview with God...

God asks Bush: "What do you believe in?"
Bush answers: "I believe in the free market, and the strong American nation!"
"Very well", says God. "Come sit to my right."

Next, God asks Obama: "What do you believe in?"
Obama answers: "I believe in the power of democracy, and equal rights for all."
"Good", says God. "You shall sit to my left."

Finally, God asks Trump: "What do you believe in?"

Trump answers: "I believe you're sitting in my chair."

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The USA condemns

unprovoked invasion of a sovereign nation.

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Vladimir Putin making a school visit...

Vladimir Putin, wanting to get on the good side of voters, goes to visit a school in Moscow to have a chat with the kids. He talks to them about how Russia is a powerful nation and how he wants the best for the people.

At the end of the talk, there is a section for questions, Little Alina puts her hand up and says "I have two questions"
"Why did the Russians take Crimea? And Why are we sending troops to Ukraine?"
Putin says "Good questions" But just as he is about to answer, the bell goes, and the kids go to Lunch.

When they come back, they sit back down and there is room for some more questions, another girl, Tatiana, puts her hand up and says "I have Four questions"

"My Questions are - Why did the Russians invade Crimea? Why are we sending troops to Ukraine? Why did the bell go 20 minutes early? And Where is Alina?"

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Why is Japan such a healthy nation?

Last time they had a fat man 60,000 people died

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Have you heard about the new broom they invented?

Its sweeping the nation

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What are the most funny Nation jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Nation? Well, here are the best Nation dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Nation pick up lines to share with friends.

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