Nation Jokes

Following is our collection of funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include Nation puns, dirty or clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.

The Best jokes about Nation

"How can this idiot possibly be elected as president?"

Says a nation that hasn't gotten over the death of a gorilla in 6 months.

The invention of the shovel was groundbreaking,

but the invention of the broom swept the nation.

4 people are on a crashing plane, but there are only 3 parachutes.

The first person the grab a parachute is Brad Pitt and as he reachs for the door he says, "My family and my fans need me surely you will understand.", off he goes.

The next person to grab one is Donald Trump:
"Im the most intellegent president this nation ever saw i will do great things to this country" and he jumps out.

Left in the plane is an old man and a young school boy.
"Go on take the last one", the old man said, "I lived a long and fulfilled life." Hearing that the school boy answered calmly, "Don't worry, we'll both be okay. Our most intelligent President yet just took my backpack."

If California splits into 3 states, we just need to make Puerto Rico a state.

We's have a prime number of states and finally be one nation, indivisible

What's the national bird of Syria

A US drone

I went to the National Air and Space Museum in DC...

There was a lot more stuff in there than I'd expected

What's the nationality of someone with many knees?

Polynesian

What is the national bird of Pakistan?

An American drone.

According to National Geographic, 80% of US adults could not find Ukraine on an unmarked map.

They're really ahead of their time.

What is the national bird of Afghanistan?

US Drone

God is talking with the presidents.

God asks Bush: "What do you believe in?"

Bush answers: "I believe in the free market, and the strong American nation!"

"Very well," says God. "Come sit to my right."


Next, God asks Obama: "What do you believe in?"

Obama answers: "I believe in the power of democracy, and equal rights for all."

"Good, says God. "You shall sit to my left."


Finally, God asks Trump: "What do you believe in?"


Trump replies: "I believe you're sitting in my chair."

Maybe every nation has ninjas

And the Japanese ninjas are just the worst

The national anthem is under attack

And I won't stand for it!

What's Afghanistan's National Bird?

An American drone.

I'm dressing as the Republican healthcare bill for Halloween.

I won't be leaving the house.


(Heard this on the podcast Fake the Nation and thought you all would like it.)

Some people want Puerto Rico to become the 51st State...

Some people want Puerto Rico to become the 51st State...

I say let's do it, and find two more new states.

Then we'd have 53 states.

A nice PRIME number...

ONE NATION - INDIVISIBLE

Why does no other nation have the **American Dream**?

Because the rest of the world is awake!

A new type of broom has just been released,

It is sweeping the nation.

D.C. voted overwhelmingly to be a state.

D.C. voted overwhelmingly to be a state. If congress passes it we only need 2 more states to get to 53 which is a prime number. Then we will truly be one nation, indivisible.

People are currently shooting fireworks off in my neighborhood. I'm usually all for shooting fireworks to celebrate the founding of the greatest nation on Earth, but come on...

Canada Day was yesterday!

Cold Cold Canada.

There was an elderly couple who lived in a small house, right smack dab on the U.S. and Canadian border. For several years the two goverments had argued over which nation the house belonged to. One day the elderly couple recived a letter stating that they were now considered full American citizens and there property was deemed as American soil. After reading this the old woman looks to her husband as says "Thank goodness, No more of those cold Canadian winters.

I have a girlfriend but....

"But what?"
"She's in another nation"
"Which one?"
"Imagination"

What nationality are you when you walk into the bathroom?

Russian.

What nationality are you while you're in the bathroom?

European.

What nationality are you when you walk out of the bathroom?

Finish.

What's Mexico's national sport?

Cross-country

What Is The National Bird Of Pakistan..

***General Atomics MQ-1 Predator***

National Poetry Contest - Timbuktu

For the record, this is not my joke. I heard somebody tell it then found it online.

" The National Poetry Contest had come down to two semifinalists: a Yale graduate and a redneck from Wyoming. They were given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The word they were given was "Timbuktu".

First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said:

Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked a lonely caravan.
Men on camels, two by two
Destination---Timbuktu.

The crowd went crazy! No way could the redneck top that, they thought. The redneck calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:

Me and Tim a-huntin went,
Met three whores in a pop up tent.
They was three, and we was two,
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu.

The redneck won hands down!

In 1941, a German boy named Hans was listening to the radio.

Over the radio, Hitler announced that Germany was now going to war with the United States.

"Father, where's the United States?" asked Hans. His father pointed on a map to the continental nation in North America.

"And I'm told we're already at war with Russia," the curious lad continued. "Where is Russia?" His father pointed to where Soviet Russia lay in all its time zone-hogging glory.

"And we're also at war with the British Empire," added Hans. "Where is that?" His father pointed out all the territories of the empire upon which the sun never set.

"And where is Germany?" asked Hans. His father pointed to their country in central Europe.

Hans thought for a moment and then said, "Father, has Hitler seen this map?"

For hundreds of years they were forced to work for us across our nation, tirelessly and without monetary compensation. They were whipped, and tied to wooden posts. Even today, they are exploited for sports and entertainment.

Man, horses must really hate us.

God gathers the leaders of every nation

to tell them that the world is going to end in a week, and that they must inform their countrymen and women. Shocked, the leaders return home wondering how to best break the news. The next day, they all hold press conferences.

Barack Obama: "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that God exists, but the bad news is that the world will end in less than a week."

Robert Mugabe: "I have only bad news. God exists and the world will end in less than a week."

Kim Jong-Un: "I have great news! I am on a first name basis with God, and He told me I would rule until the end of the world!"

The USA condemns

unprovoked invasion of a sovereign nation.

Vladimir Putin making a school visit...

Vladimir Putin, wanting to get on the good side of voters, goes to visit a school in Moscow to have a chat with the kids. He talks to them about how Russia is a powerful nation and how he wants the best for the people.

At the end of the talk, there is a section for questions, Little Alina puts her hand up and says "I have two questions"
"Why did the Russians take Crimea? And Why are we sending troops to Ukraine?"
Putin says "Good questions" But just as he is about to answer, the bell goes, and the kids go to Lunch.

When they come back, they sit back down and there is room for some more questions, another girl, Tatiana, puts her hand up and says "I have Four questions"

"My Questions are - Why did the Russians invade Crimea? Why are we sending troops to Ukraine? Why did the bell go 20 minutes early? And Where is Alina?"

Why is Japan such a healthy nation?

Last time they had a fat man 60,000 people died

Have you heard about the new broom they invented?

Its sweeping the nation

Typical dumb blonde...

Billy-Bob and Jimmy are standing at the base of a flag-pole, looking up and scratching their heads, when a beautiful blonde woman walks by and inquires about their purpose.
"We've been hired to find out the height of this here flag-pole, such that we might fit it properly with the flag of this great nation." Billy-Bob replied, "But we just don't have a ladder!"
The blonde looks up, turns around and walks off, only to return moments later with a screw-driver and measuring tape. The blonde proceeds to unscrew the flagpole from the base, lay it on its side, measure it, and return the pole back to its upright position. The blonde smiles at Billy-Bob and Jimmy, exclaiming happily:
"That flagpole is exactly 15 feet long!" She turns and continues on her way, happy with her effort and goodwill.
Billy-Bob turns to Jimmy, shaking his head at their wasted time. "Isn't that just like a dumb blonde? We ask for the height, and she gives us the length!"

National Pride Day should be September 21

September 22 is the first day of Autumn, and as everyone knows, Pride goes before a Fall.

George Bush, Barack Obama and Donald Trump are going for a job interview with God.

God asks Bush: What do you believe in?

Bush replies: I believe in a free economy, a strong America, the American nation and so on ...

God is impressed by Bush and tells him: Great, come sit on the chair on my right.

God goes to Obama and asks: What do you believe in?

Obama replies: I believe in democracy, helping the poor, world peace, etc. ...

God is really impressed by Obama and tells him: Well done, come sit on the chair on my left.

Finally, God asks Trump: What do you believe in ?

Trump replies: I believe you're sitting on my chair.

I parked in three different handicap parking spots last week. No ticket, and no dirty looks.

Apparently the "MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN" bumper sticker is accepted nation wide now.

God's commandments (x-post classic4chan)

God went around the world looking for a nation to give his commandments to.

First he tried the French.

"Would you be interested in my commandments?"

"What's in 'em?"

"Well... There's 'thou shalt not commit adultery."

"No thank you."

God then tried the Romans.

"Would you be interested in my commandments?"

"What's in 'em?"

"Well... There's 'thou shalt not steal."

"No thank you."

Then God tried the Germans.

"Would you be interested in my commandments?"

"What's in 'em?"

"Well... There's 'thou shalt not kill."

"No thank you."

Finally God tried the Jews.

"Would you be interested in my commandments?"

"How much?"

"How much...? Well, eh, technically they're free, but you must maintain-"

"We'll take ten!"

What do you call a nation of programmers?

A developing country

Even if they all unite against Trump, those seven countries won't get off the list

A seven nation army couldn't hold Trump back.

The President meets with 50 top recruits from each branch of the armed forces...

And says "Welcome! I want to give you all an opportunity to explore the capital of our great nation before we begin the tour of the White House. We'll meet here at 4:00...

For those of you in the Army, that'll be at sixteen hundred hours,

For those of you in the Navy, that'll be at eight bells,

And for those of you in the Marines, the little hand will be on the four and the big hand will be on the twelve."

How national weather service predicts weather.

It was autumn, and the Red Indians asked their New Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild.
Since he was a Red Indian chief in a modern society, he couldn't tell what the weather was going to be.
Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his Tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect wood to be prepared.
But also being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked 'Is the coming winter going to be cold?'
'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold indeed,' the weather man responded.
So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood. A week later, he called the National Weather Service again.
'Is it going to be a very cold winter?'
'Yes,' the man at National Weather Service again replied,
'It's definitely going to be a very cold winter.'
The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of wood they could find.
Two weeks later, he called the National Weather Service again.
'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?'
'Absolutely,' the man replied. 'It's going to be one of the coldest winters ever.'
'How can you be so sure?' the Chief asked.
The weatherman replied, 'The Red Indians are collecting wood like crazy.'

A white nationalist walks into a bar.

He sits sullenly at the bar amidst a sea of minorities and sighs heavily. The bartender comes around and asks what he can get for him.

The white nationalist replies: "Can I get a country where I can live among people from my own ancestry? It is like this nation isn't even mine anymore. We have people coming in from God knows where to do God knows what. I am not a racist, I am just fed up with all of these different people coming in with their own customs. Why don't they stay in their country?"

Before the bartender could reply, a Native American patron spoke up: "Please cancel that whiskey. I will have what he is having!"

I've always wanted to buy an island and found my own nation on it.

I'd name it Procrasti. I'll get around to it some day.

English food and English women

And thus a great nation of sailors was born

What nationality are you in the bathroom?

I bet your Russian to the bathroom but in there European.

You guys hear about that new broom that came out?

It's sweeping the nation!

I was talking to a russian the other day and he said that russia is the largest european nation...

I said, sorry man, eurasian.

What's China's national colour?

Censo-red.

What is the nationality of someone with many knees?

Poly-knee-sian

God and it's Presidents

God recently was looking for humble person, who in an unselfish way with great self-knowledge could help God on Earth make America great again.

Bush, Obama and Trump was invited and went for the job interview with God

God asks Bush: What do you believe in? Bush answers: I believe in the free market, and the strong American nation! Very well , says God. Come sit to my right.
Next, God asks Obama: What do you believe in? Obama answers: I believe in the power of democracy, and equal rights for all. Good , says God. You shall sit to my left.
Finally, God asks Trump: What do you believe in?
Trump answers: I believe you're sitting in my chair.

What is Hillary Clinton's least favorite nation?

Incrimination

What nation is the most creative?

Imagination.

What's the national bird of Afghanistan?

Duck

The National Guillotine Convention promoted me

I'm now the head

Dad joke: what would happen if everyone in a country drove a pink automobile?

We would have a pink car nation.

(Like the flower..... ok I'll see myself out...)

Why didn't the Avatar want to fight the Fire Nation?

Because they gave him Aang-xiety

I recently got a new girlfriend. Shes from a different nation.

My imagination.

Why does the National Football League deserve Tax-Exempt Status even though it generated at least $9 billion in revenue last season?

Because it is just as real as the other religions.

Did you hear about the worlds largest broom?

It's really sweeping the nation

What is Russia's national dish?

Empty

If nationalists got 100% of the seats in the Parliament...

...it would be all-right.

Why is the United States always in political disarray?

It's a nation without a litre.

What do you call a nation of angry women?

A cuntry.

How do you stop the protests in Charlotte?

Sing the nation anthem they will sit down

the invention of the shovel was ground breaking (short)

the invention of the shovel was ground breaking.
but the invention of the broom was the one that truly swept the nation.

- Scratch Farrell

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes