Nasty Jokes
136 nasty jokes and hilarious nasty puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about nasty that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This is a collection of the most nasty jokes that will make you feel uncomfortable and maybe even a little sick. If you're looking for something to gross out your friends or simply want to laugh at something disgusting, then this is the article for you.
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Funniest Nasty Short Jokes
Short nasty jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The nasty humour may include short stinky jokes also.
- Letter from 7 to 6 Dear 6,
Please stop spreading rumors about me eating 9. You shouldn't be talking. I hear you two do some pretty n**... things together.
Sincerely,
7 - I once dated a girl named Rachel, but she turned out to be a n**... b**.... As a result, I now refuse to associate with women named Rachel Then again, I could just be Rachel profiling
- High school was really n**... for me. I got bullied a lot, got called names. The school eventually had to call my mom. She just said "he's my son I'll call him whatever I want"
- Gimme your best Mickey Mouse/Disney character joke! Going on a Disney Cruise and need your funniest, raunchiest or most n**... joke involving a Disney character.
- I told my doctor that I got a n**... reaction from applying the haemorrhoid cream he prescribed. He asked where I had applied it.
I was on the bus. - Your fetishes are nothing to be ashamed about! Unless your f**... is being humiliated, then you should feel ashamed you n**... little pervert.
- A woman goes to the doctors with a piece of lettuce sticking out the top of her underwear The doctor says "that looks n**...", the woman replies "that's just the tip of the iceberg"
- I answered my front door this morning and was punched in the face by a 5 foot tall beetle. That must have been the n**... bug that's going around.
- I finally managed to get rid of that n**... electrical charge I've been carrying. I'm ex-static!
- Even though I don't smoke cigarettes, I exclusively date women who do... I figure if they're willing to s**... on something that n**..., they'll s**... just about anything.
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Nasty One Liners
Which nasty one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with nasty? I can suggest the ones about horrible and awful.
- YO momma so n**...... She pours salt water down her pants to keep the c**... fresh.
- My mate threw a beer bottle at my head It didn't break the skin but it left a n**... Brews
- The bird flu is pretty n**... Luckily, it's tweetable.
- Your breath is so n**....... That people look forward to your farts
- Never buy your hard drugs from the Roto-Rooter guy... Plumber's crack is n**...
- Yo Mama... ...is so n**..., I had phone s**... with her and she gave me an ear infection.
- A guy came into a bar And the bartender said: " you better clean that up, thats n**..."
- Yo Mama is so n**..., she made the Dead Sea, when went to swim.
- Yo' Mama is so n**..., her v**...'s in the Axis of Evil.
- TIL Amedeo Avogadro died of skin cancer. He never got that n**... mol checked.
- I like my women like Hillary n**... and exposed !
- Yo momma is so n**... she made Right Guard turn left!
- Yo' Mama is so n**..., she can sit on a lollipop and guess its flavor.
- Yo momma so n**... when she went to take a shower the soap-on-a-rope hung itself.
- Yo momma is so n**... when she farts the smoke alarm goes off.
You So Nasty Jokes
Here is a list of funny you so nasty jokes and even better you so nasty puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do Taylor Swift and Avada Kedavra have in common? They'll leave you breathless or with a n**... scar.
- o**... donation has a n**... double standard when it comes to praise. Some guy donates his kidney, he's praised as a hero. I donate 5, and I get arrested? Double standards smh
- Your f**... is nothing to be ashamed about... Unless it's to be humiliated! Then you should be ashamed about it you n**... little b**......
- My buddy is a doctor. When he got a n**... cut, he insisted he'd be able to do his own stitches. I said, "Fine, suture self."
- How many Forbes writers does it take to make a good, solid tech article? You're in for a n**... surprise -
No one knows yet. But we're keeping count. - Yo mama so n**..., She had to cut the string off her t**... so the c**... stop hanging themselves.
- My wife keeps telling me to put down the toilet seat. I don't know, though. It's never done anything n**... to me.
- I've been a beekeeper for years and when my crush said "It's me or it's those n**... insects, make up your mind", at first I didn't think she was serious. Then I saw her face.
Now I'm a bee-leaver. - I saw a really n**... wreck on the way to work this morning... ...wish I had had time to pick her up.
- I ate some Girl Scout Cookies that were way past their expiration date... ...and ended up with a n**... bout of samoanella.
Nasty Mama Jokes
Here is a list of funny nasty mama jokes and even better nasty mama puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Yo Mama so n**...... she's got h**... *complex.*
- Yo' Mama is so n**..., when her dog farts, she takes the credit.
- Yo' Mama is so n**..., when she walks the dog, they both use the same bush.
- Yo' Mama is so n**..., she gave me an ear infection over the phone.
- Your mom's so n**... she puts ice down her pants to keep her c**... fresh.
- Yo mama so n**... The q-tip her gynecologist used for her papsmear ended up looking like a Sugar Daddy
- Yo' Mama is so n**..., her mouth is like an Almond Joy bar full of nuts.
- Yo' Mama is so n**..., her c**... use her t**... string as a getaway rope.
- Yo' Mama is so n**..., her farts are classified as biological weapons.
- Yo' Mama is so n**..., simply bathing is part of her weight loss program.
Nasty Wife Jokes
Here is a list of funny nasty wife jokes and even better nasty wife puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My wife had a n**... accident and got cut in half........... sadly l was left with the half that won't shut up
- My wife called to tell me she was doing n**... things while thinking of me Turns out she was scrubbing our toilets.
Nasty Your Momma Jokes
Here is a list of funny nasty your momma jokes and even better nasty your momma puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Yo momma's so n**... That when you asked her what's for dinner, she opened her legs and said c**....
- Your momma so n**... She went to rehab for morning after pills addiction!!
- You momma's teeth are so n**... the b*t**... spits yoohoo.
- Yo momma so n**... they slapped a bio hazard sign on her back .
- Yo' momma's so n**... If she were soap I'd wash my hands after using her.
Playful Nasty Jokes to Add Joy and Laughter to Your Group
What funny jokes about nasty you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean filthy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make nasty pranks.
A man walks into work one morning...
A man walks into work one morning with a n**... black eye and a couple of scratches on his face. The receptionist, a young woman, notices and asks the man what happened.
"I got beat up defending my girlfriend's honor."
"Aww, that's sweet," said the receptionist, "what did your girlfriend think?"
"She couldn't believe how hard my wife could hit."
The Ballerina
This n**..., sweaty woman, wearing a sleeveless sundress, walks into a bar. She raises her right arm, revealing a big hairy armpit as she points to all the people sitting at the bar and asks, "What man out there will buy a lady a drink?"
The whole bar goes dead silent, as the patrons try to ignore her. At the end of the bar, a skinny little drunk slams his hand on the bar and says, "Bartender, I want to buy that ballerina a drink!"
The bartender pours the drink and the woman c**... it down. After she's completed the drink, she turns again to the patrons and points around at all of them, again revealing her hairy armpit and saying, "What man out there will buy a lady a drink?"
Once again, the little drunk slaps his hand down on the bar and says, "Bartender, I'd like to buy the ballerina another drink!"
After serving the lady her second drink, the bartender approaches the little drunk and states, "It's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you call her a ballerina?"
The drunk replies, "Sir, in my eyes, any woman who can lift her leg up that high has got to be a ballerina!"
Second Opinion
A doctor and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either," and storms out of the house. After sometime he realizes he was n**... and decides to make amends and calls home.
She comes to the phone after many rings and the irritated husband says, "What took you so long to answer the phone?"
She says, "I was in bed."
"In bed this early, doing what?" Shouts the doctor.
"Getting a second opinion!"
NFL
Not
Female
Lovers
Nail
Females
Limp
n**...
F…ckig
Liars
Not
Fair
Losers
So there's this lemon...
And he's running down the street.
He trips and falls on the sidewalk, leaving him with a n**... gash on his arm.
Luckily, another lemon walks by and patches him up with a Lemonaid kit.
(It's really bad, but the joke inspired my username. Just had to share.)
Your mother is so n**...
If she brushed her teeth she would have to call 911 to get a blood transfusion.
Winter is coming/White stuff over everything/Winter is n**...
Hokkaido Haiku
Nastyyyy
I threw up in my mouth a little
I was walking by the midget prison...
...when suddenly, all the sirens started blaring. After a minute, an escapee was rappelling down the wall while giving me a very n**... look. I thought, "Well that's a little condescending."
A man noticed that his thermometer had come down with a n**... cold.
Medicine in hand, he asked the thermometer, "How are you feeling?"
The thermometer responded, "0K."
One day, the President finds a n**... message scribbled with pee on the snowy White House lawn.
He orders the Secret Service to investigate. They come back a few hours later with the results.
"Mr. President, we have bad news and worse news."
"What's the bad news?"
"The u**... belongs to the Vice President."
"What could possibly be worse than that?"
"The handwriting belongs to the First Lady."
Now you can handle those n**... cuts from the comfort of your home...
... with "Suture Self".
Yo mamma is so n**......
...I asked her what she was making for dinner. She put her foot up on the table and said corn
Why did Vader (Anakin) finally rebelled against the Emperor?
In Episode 3, he helped carry out Order 66 to kill all Jedi.
In Episode 4, he helped carry out Order 67 to destroy Alderaan.
In Episode 5, he helped carry out Order 68 to destroy rebel base on Hoth.
In Episode 6.... the Emperor was just too old and n**... for Vader to carry out Order 69.
A woman goes into a doctor's with a bit of lettuce sticking out the top of her p**....
Doctor: Oh, that looks n**....
Woman: That's just the tip of the iceberg doctor.
Why does Piglett smell n**...?
He plays with Pooh.
I saw a dermatologist about a n**... red patch on my skin.
I asked if it would get better, but he said he didn't want to make any rash promises.
Why could Poe's raven feel so well at the end?
It got rid of its n**... quoth.
What do you say of a Nun that never washes her clothes or even bathes?!
That she has n**... habits.
There was an old professor who started every class with a v**... joke.
After one particularly n**... example, the women in the class decided to walk out the next time he started.
The professor got wind of this plot, so the next morning he walked in and said, Good morning, class. Did you hear the one about the shortage of w**... in India?
With that, all the women stood up and headed for the door.
Wait, ladies, cried the professor, The boat doesn't leave until tomorrow!
Sodium and chloride had a n**... fight ...
They were charged with a salt.
This kid that used to pick on me would drink Red Bull and give literally everyone in the entire school a n**... super atomic w**..., even the teachers!
He was certainly a hyperbole
Yo mama so n**...
I walked in the front door and saw her playin' s**... poker with the cockroaches
It's Wine Day
It's National Wine Day. Not National Whine Day, as I came to realize after receiving dozens of n**... looks throughout the day
I saw saw a few n**... surgery .gifs with open-o**... operation.
I don't really like surgery videos, but there's nothing I can do, totally clips of the heart.
Gordon Ramsay on Kitchen Nightmares is kind of like a p**.......
A major part of his job involves putting all sorts of awful and n**... things in his mouth!
These two guys started arguing in the local gay bar...
It got really n**... and the bouncer escorted them out the door to finish their dispute where they could no longer break any more bar furniture or fixtures.
The two gay dudes went out into the parking lot where they exchanged blows.
Lady Diana
What does Diana stand for ?
Died in a n**... accident.
My brother was calling me names and insulting me.
So I said, "I would give you a n**... look...but it looks like you already have one."
A rabbit had a n**... cough and needed to take some medicine...
He's feeling a lot better now but he is still quite flemish.
In spite of the recent weather in the UK recently.
And also because the nearest shop was a mile away, I went to 84 year old Margaret's house next door to see if she needed anything from the shop.
She said she needed a few things so I gave her my list of things that I needed.
I mean there's no point in both of us going out in that n**... weather!
Give me a home where the buffaloes roam
and I'll show you a house with a n**... smell.
I had to visit a doctor today...
I hit my head really hard and gave myself a n**... bump. The doctor was a real quack though, all he told me was to duck next time. Plus I left with a huge bill!
ghost hunters be wary, there's a n**... spirit going around scaring people with a lit match...
...We all need to stop him before he strikes again.
A Chinese calligraphy artist passed out after finishing the first brush...
People said that he had one n**... s**....
Open ended the door today and a n**... cockroach punched me
I heard there's a n**... bug going around.
Trump won the election shortly after using the phrase "n**... woman". If after using "Horseface" he wins this November...
Then he truly is a *stable* genius.
What do you call a Russian Cold?
Nasticov.
n**... Cough... get it? Ha! (As told by my SO)
I once threw a tomahawk at my dad's car
I once threw a tomahawk at my dad's car, leaving a n**... blemish in the passenger door.
My dad was OK with it, though, afterall... it was only an axe dent
Two men are walking when one suddenly stumbles.
Man 2: That was a n**... fall, are you alright?
Man 1: Oh no, I'm just looking for something I lost.
Man 2: What did you lose?
Man 1: My balance.
Confucius Says:
Woman who flies airplane upside down has n**... crack up.
Yo mamma so n**...
When she did the robot she gave R2D2 aids
Your mom is so n**... that when I called her up for phone s**......
I got an ear infection
I don't understand how people like c**...,
Cuz that s**...'s n**....
I heard a knock at my door yesterday morning
I opened the door and got punched in the face by a giant cockroach
I went and told my doctor and he said
ah yes I've heard there's a n**... bug going round
I bumped into someone who hates me the other day and was going to give him a n**... look
But he already had one
I kicked a n**... habit today.
Consequently, the nun wearing it filed assault charges against me.
I asked Sister Claire why she insists on wearing a dirty hat to church.
She said it's just a n**... habit.
I wanted to join the #trashbag movement and pick up a n**... bag of trash,
but the presidential secret service wouldn't let me anywhere near him.
A r**... suffered a n**... fall...
So he visited a physician and sought treatment.
Apply this ointment to the area where injury was sustained, the doctor said.
The r**... happily left the clinic and proceeded to liberally apply ointment on the sidewalk where he fell.
Edgar Allen Poe wrote a story about n**... cars in disguise.
The mask of a cunty auto.
Stung...
A woman goes to the doctor looking fantastic: hair and makeup done by a professional, Gucci heels, Versace dress and Prada purse.
"I've been stung by a n**... insect of some kind," she tells the doctor, "...but I'm ashamed to tell you where."
"It's okay," says the doctor. "Our communication is privileged; I won't tell anyone."
"Okay," says the woman. "It was at Walmart."
Another old Soviet joke
Three prisoners are standing in the yard at a Siberian work camp.
The first says to the second, "What are you in here for?" and the second one replies "I said something n**... about Comrade Popov in 1937. What about you?"
The first prisoner says, "I said something nice about Comrade Popov in 1938."
They both turn to the third prisoner. "And you, comrade, why are you here?" The third prisoner says, "I *am* Comrade Popov!"