Nasty Jokes
109 nasty jokes and hilarious nasty puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about nasty that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This is a collection of the most nasty jokes that will make you feel uncomfortable and maybe even a little sick. If you're looking for something to gross out your friends or simply want to laugh at something disgusting, then this is the article for you.
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Playful Nasty Jokes to Add Joy and Laughter to Your Group
What is a good nasty joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man walks into work one morning...
A man walks into work one morning with a n**... black eye and a couple of scratches on his face. The receptionist, a young woman, notices and asks the man what happened.
"I got beat up defending my girlfriend's honor."
"Aww, that's sweet," said the receptionist, "what did your girlfriend think?"
"She couldn't believe how hard my wife could hit."
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Ballerina
This n**..., sweaty woman, wearing a sleeveless sundress, walks into a bar. She raises her right arm, revealing a big hairy armpit as she points to all the people sitting at the bar and asks, "What man out there will buy a lady a drink?"
The whole bar goes dead silent, as the patrons try to ignore her. At the end of the bar, a skinny little drunk slams his hand on the bar and says, "Bartender, I want to buy that ballerina a drink!"
The bartender pours the drink and the woman c**... it down. After she's completed the drink, she turns again to the patrons and points around at all of them, again revealing her hairy armpit and saying, "What man out there will buy a lady a drink?"
Once again, the little drunk slaps his hand down on the bar and says, "Bartender, I'd like to buy the ballerina another drink!"
After serving the lady her second drink, the bartender approaches the little drunk and states, "It's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you call her a ballerina?"
The drunk replies, "Sir, in my eyes, any woman who can lift her leg up that high has got to be a ballerina!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Gimme your best Mickey Mouse/Disney character joke!
Going on a Disney Cruise and need your funniest, raunchiest or most n**... joke involving a Disney character.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
YO momma so n**......
She pours salt water down her pants to keep the c**... fresh.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A pilgrim is walking through the woods when he comes across a hungry bear....
...the pilgrim then drops to his knees on the trail and claspes his hands together to pray for salvation. To his surprise . . . so did the bear! Greatly heartened by this, the pilgrim then began to pray.
"Oh, Heavenly Father, please let this be a Christian bear! I don't want to be eaten by those evil n**... devil bears!
And the bear, to the great shock of the pilgrim, began to pray, too!
Kneeling there on the side of the road across from the pilgrim, paws clasped together, the bear prayed, "Oh, Heavenly Father! For this meal, which we are about to receive . . . we give thanks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Exorcist Needed!
After buying a so-called haunted house, the new owner discovers it really was. A n**... poltergeist was terrorizing his family.
Calling around, he finally found a guy willing to do an exorcism for $10,000. The new owner asked for terms and the guy agreed to do it for $1000.00 a month.
He came by and voila! The ghost was gone.
Six months in the new owner was getting tired of making payments so he stopped.
Well, sure enough the n**... ghost was back. Realizing that he had no choice, he called the exorcist and humbly asked him to come back.
The exorcist declined, saying, "No can do. Your house has been repossessed!"
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
NFL
Not
Female
Lovers
Nail
Females
Limp
n**...
F…ckig
Liars
Not
Fair
Losers
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So there's this lemon...
And he's running down the street.
He trips and falls on the sidewalk, leaving him with a n**... gash on his arm.
Luckily, another lemon walks by and patches him up with a Lemonaid kit.
(It's really bad, but the joke inspired my username. Just had to share.)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Even though I don't smoke cigarettes, I exclusively date women who do...
I figure if they're willing to s**... on something that n**..., they'll s**... just about anything.
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b**...
Three guys are captured by a tribe of natives in a far off land. They are brought before the tribal leader who gives them a choice. He says, "what will you have, death or b**...?".
The first guys thinks, hmmm wonder what b**... is. "I'll take the b**...". The tribal leader says, "good". Then a dozen tribal members line up and give it to him in the rear. The tribal leader turns to the second guy and gives him the choice, death, or b**.... The second guy thinks, hmm, that b**... thing is pretty n**.... But death is permanent, "I'll take the b**...". Tribal leader says, "good", and a hundred tribesmen line up and give him the b**....
The tribal leader gives the choice to the third captive. He thinks for a while, hmm, first it was a dozen, then it was a hundred. Heck with it, "I'll take death". The tribal leader says, "good, death .... by b**...".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Your mother is so n**...
If she brushed her teeth she would have to call 911 to get a blood transfusion.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I ate some Girl Scout Cookies that were way past their expiration date...
...and ended up with a n**... bout of samoanella.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Winter is coming/White stuff over everything/Winter is n**...
Hokkaido Haiku
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Letter from 7 to 6
Dear 6,
Please stop spreading rumors about me eating 9. You shouldn't be talking. I hear you two do some pretty n**... things together.
Sincerely,
7
Nastyyyy
I threw up in my mouth a little
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I saw a really n**... wreck on the way to work this morning...
...wish I had had time to pick her up.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man noticed that his thermometer had come down with a n**... cold.
Medicine in hand, he asked the thermometer, "How are you feeling?"
The thermometer responded, "0K."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One day, the President finds a n**... message scribbled with pee on the snowy White House lawn.
He orders the Secret Service to investigate. They come back a few hours later with the results.
"Mr. President, we have bad news and worse news."
"What's the bad news?"
"The u**... belongs to the Vice President."
"What could possibly be worse than that?"
"The handwriting belongs to the First Lady."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do Taylor Swift and Avada Kedavra have in common?
They'll leave you breathless or with a n**... scar.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Now you can handle those n**... cuts from the comfort of your home...
... with "Suture Self".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Yo mamma is so n**......
...I asked her what she was making for dinner. She put her foot up on the table and said corn
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Your breath is so n**.......
That people look forward to your farts
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Nasty One Liners
Which nasty one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with nasty? I can suggest the ones about horrible and awful.
- YO momma so n**...... She pours salt water down her pants to keep the c**... fresh.
- My mate threw a beer bottle at my head It didn't break the skin but it left a n**... Brews
- The bird flu is pretty n**... Luckily, it's tweetable.
- Your breath is so n**....... That people look forward to your farts
- Never buy your hard drugs from the Roto-Rooter guy... Plumber's crack is n**...
- Yo Mama... ...is so n**..., I had phone s**... with her and she gave me an ear infection.
- A guy came into a bar And the bartender said: " you better clean that up, thats n**..."
- Yo Mama is so n**..., she made the Dead Sea, when went to swim.
- Yo' Mama is so n**..., her v**...'s in the Axis of Evil.
- TIL Amedeo Avogadro died of skin cancer. He never got that n**... mol checked.
- I like my women like Hillary n**... and exposed !
- Yo momma is so n**... she made Right Guard turn left!
- Yo' Mama is so n**..., she can sit on a lollipop and guess its flavor.
- Yo momma so n**... when she went to take a shower the soap-on-a-rope hung itself.
- Yo momma is so n**... when she farts the smoke alarm goes off.
