Nascar Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

How do you watch NASCAR without a TV?

You flush a bag of M&M's down the toilet.

What does NASCAR stand for?

Non-athletic-sport-centered-around-rednecks

How did NASCAR get that name?

Redneck: 'That's nascar ye got there."

How many NASCAR fans does it take to change a tire?

None - they took the wheels off their homes years ago.

Did you hear NASCAR and Formula One we're trying to make an Ultimate Showdown race but it got cancelled due to controversy?

Apparently NASCAR fans didn't want to mix the races....

Politicians should be required to dress like NASCAR drivers.

With patches all over their suits telling us who their sponsors are.

We need to stop mixing races. By doing so it creates people with an unfair advantage when it comes to competition.

No matter how hard I try I still can't outrun a Nascar.

What professional sport would be more fun to watch if the athletes drank alcohol during?

NASCAR

Why does Hitler hate Nascar?

It reminds him that he never got to finish a race.

Matthew McConaughey just bought NASCAR

And he's making racers drive the opposite direction. Now instead of making left turns, they're going all right, all right, all right

Yeah; I'm racist

F*ck NASCAR!

What has an IQ of 100 and a full set of teeth?

The front row at a NASCAR race.

I'm not a fan of NASCAR

but I hear it's popular in some circles.

Have you heard about the Nascar driver that's in the KKK?

He's a racist.

Jimmy the NASCAR driver liked to masturbate during the race.

He always came first, but finished last.

What do Nascar and a Kinko's dumpster have in common?

They're both filled with white trash.

-&y

Why do rednecks like to do it doggie style?

That way they can **BOTH** watch NASCAR.

My ex-girlfriend said she liked Formula 1 but not NASCAR

I just can't be in a relationship with someone who's raceist

Why does Matthew McConaughey only watch NASCAR in a mirror?

So the turns are all right all right all right.

I prefer Indy car over Nascar...

...I guess that makes me racist.

What do you call someone who thinks NASCAR is superior to any other racing sport?

A racist.

Discriminating Robot Bartender

One upon a time, a guy goes into a bar in Louisiana where there's a robot bartender!

The robot says, "What will you have?"

The guy says, "Whiskey."

The robot brings back his drink and says to the man, "What's your IQ?"

The guy says, "168."

The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology. The guy leaves, but he is curious. So he goes back into the bar.

The robot bartender says, "What will you have?"

The guy says, "Whiskey."

Again, the robot brings the man his drink and says, "What's your IQ?"

The guy says,"100."

The robot then starts to talk about NASCAR, Budweiser, the Saints, and LSU Tigers.

The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more
time. He goes back into the bar.

The robot says, "What will you have?"

The guy says, "Whiskey," and the robot brings him his whiskey.

The robot then says, "What's your IQ?"

The guy says, "Uh, about 50."

The robot leans in real close and says, "So, you people still happy with Obama and the government?"

Why do NASCAR drivers have the worst luck?

Nothing goes right for them

Did you know that NASCAR fans are the easiest people to make fun of?

As soon as they start chasing you down, all you have to do is turn right.

What do you call a compulsive liar who's also an astronaut, a billionaire, and a nascar driver?

Me.

The Special Olympics is like Nascar.

You're not watching it for the race...

That holocaust joke reminded me of this one I heard about 2 Mexican dudes.

2 Mexican guys move to America from Mexico. They decide to each go their own way and try to adapt to the culture of their new home. A year later they bump into each other.

Mexican guy 1: Hey man! Long time no see! How have you been adapting? I got really into NASCAR, I got this American flag tattoo, and I even started my own business! I'm living the American dream! What about you?

Mexican guy 2: Go back to Mexico, spic!!

What did Michael Jackson have in common with a second-place NASCAR driver?

They both came in a little behind

NASCAR is a visualization of how women argue.

They keep going in circles.

And I sit through both things with the same hope: If I wait long enough, maybe they will crash and burn.

I'm not a fan of Nascar...

I believe in equal rights.

A man goes to a costume party with nothing but a naked lady strapped to his back

"What the hell are you supposed to be" Asked the Host.

The man starts to open his mouth but the woman covered it with one of her hands. "I'm a NASCAR racer" The woman respondedz

"How the hell can you be a NASCAR driver when all you're doing is riding a man? The host asks.

"Oh, that's Micah"

After the greeting with the host, the man looks at the woman on his back and says "What the hell was that Michelle?"

The woman replies "After that joke was reposted 15 times, I got tired of your damn turtle joke."

What do Pink Floyd fans and NASCAR driver Kyle Larson have in common?

They both love The Wall

How do NASCAR drivers get to the track?

They take the next left.

Rednecks get drunk and scream the N-word

thats right, NASCAR

Not to be racist

But I hate NASCAR

Did you hear about the NASCAR driver who went the wrong way around the track?

It turned out to be all right.

I'm a bit racist.

I think F1 is much better than NASCAR.

why aren't hotdog ads allowed in nascar?

because no-one else would be able to ketchup

What is the worst race in America?

NASCAR.

There's an old saying in NASCAR racing

What goes around comes around.

What do you call someone who follows NASCAR?

A racist.

Why is NASCAR a white dominated sport?

They're all racists.

Why did the mathematician quit his job and join NASCAR?

They told him he was good at deriving

Why aren't there many female NASCAR drivers?

Because women always think they're right.

What's the worst news for a NASCAR driver before a race?

"The track is alright."

Have you heard of the short Nazi NASCAR driver?

He's a little racist.

How did NASCAR get its name?

One day a redneck looked at his friend's car and said dang that's a nas car ya got thare

What's a NASCAR driver's favorite song to sing to other drivers during a race?

Blue Bayou

How many Nascar drivers does it take to blow up a jet dryer?

Just Juan

I can never say the right thing...

So they hired me as a NASCAR announcer.

Why does Beyonce sing "to the left, to the left?"

She's secretly a NASCAR fan.

How do you get away from a NASCAR Driver?

You turn right.

A friend told me he likes NASCAR more than Formula 1

So I called him a racist.

Whats the official jersey of Nascar?

A white wifebeater

Matthew McConaughey would be the worst NASCAR driver

He only goes alright, alright, alright.

Liberals who watch Rupal Drag Race cannot make fun of conservatives for liking Nascar.

Illegal drag racing or street racing can become as dangerous or even more dangerous than a Nascar pileup.

What do you call a southern nascar driver?

A race-ist

They ALWAYS do reverse cowgirl in Alabama.

How else are both of them going to watch NASCAR?

What are the funniest nascar jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Nascar? Well, here are the best Nascar puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Nascar pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes