Names Jokes
121 names jokes and hilarious names puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about names that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you looking for a laugh? Check out this article to read about the puns and jokes that can be made around names. Learn about plays on names, fat rapper names, dealing with braces, and more. Find inspiring and amusing ideas for your own codename, alias, or other named elements. Get ready to have some good laughs over names!
Quick Jump To
- Short Names Jokes
- Names One Liners
- Play On Names Jokes
- Rhyming Names Jokes
- Braces Names Jokes
- Fat Rapper Names Jokes
- More Names Jokes
Funniest Names Short Jokes
Short names jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The names humour may include short named jokes also.
- Bill Gates and Elon Musk should team-up and make a medicine to treat erectile dysfunction, and name it ElonGates.
- Did you hear about the drummer who gave all his daughters the same name? Anna 1
Anna 2
Anna 3
Anna 4 - I wrote the names of everyone I've unfriended onto a piece of paper; but my roommate took it and rolled it into a joint. Now he's high on my list of people I never want to see again.
- Me: My name is Matt, and I'm an alcoholic. AAA: This is AAA, not AA.
Me: Yeah, I was just explaining how my car got in the lake. - The women I meet in bars have the WORST pickup line... They're like, "Hey, what's your friends name?" Never works on me ladies.
- Gay parents are awesome! * "Hey dad, why is my sister named rose?"
* "Because your other dad loves roses"
* "Thanks dad"
* "No problem, Richard" - I wrote down the names of all the people I hate, and my roommate used it to roll his joint. He is now high on my list of people I never wanna see again.
- Putin visits Estonia Immigration officer says: "Name?". "Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin".
"Address?" "Kremlin, Moscow, Russia".
"Occupation?" "No, this time just visiting". - If I ever go to prison, I'm gonna change my name to mitochondria... I want everyone to know I'm the powerhouse of the cell.
- Did you hear of the man with the same first and last name? It was a Nguyen, Nguyen situation.
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Names One Liners
Which names one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with names? I can suggest the ones about nickname and surname.
- Did you know that Stephen King has a son named joe? I'm not joking, but he is
- "What are the broken condoms doing on the couch?!" "Our children have names, Harold!"
- I named my kid Bob Ross He was a happy little accident.
- Did you hear about the Irishman who was impervious to bullets? His name was Rick O'Shea
- I bet you can't name a useless, non functioning member of society. My parents did.
- I buy my guns from a guy named T-Rex He's a small arms dealer.
- I got a pet newt, and I named him Tiny Because he's my newt
- My parents named me after my older brother. And before my younger brother.
- I named my eraser confidence... Because it gets smaller with every mistake I make
- What does a polish bride get on her wedding night that is long and hard? a new last name
- Name one superhero that can beat Captain America... Captain vietnam
- My grandma is 80% Irish. Her name is Iris.
- How Long is a chinese name. It's not a question.
- What is the scientific name for anti-vaxxers during a pandemic? The control group.
- Step 1: Be named Muhammed. Step 2: Get some followers. Step 3: Prophet.
Play On Names Jokes
Here is a list of funny play on names jokes and even better play on names puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Playing Oregon Trail. You meet a man on the Oregon Trail. He tells you his name is Terry. You laugh and tell him, That's a girl's name! Terry shoots you. You have died of dissin' Terry.
- Me: *Playing Ouija board* Me: What's your name?
Ouija Board: I H A V E A B O Y F R I E N D - A UNIX Salesperson A unix salesperson named Lenore
Loved her job, but loved the beach more.
She devised such a way
to combine work and play:
She sells C-shells by the seashore
- What's Darth Vader's stage name when he plays his electric piano? The synth lord
- I once heard a story of a man who played Destiny, trying to get the greatest boots of all time, named The Dubstep Grieves. He died waiting for the drop.
- My wife and I like to role play, "The Fast and the Furious", in bed. Those are the names for my and her respective roles anyway...
- In the 2001 film "The Planet of the Apes" David Warner plays a primate named Senator Sandar which means the whole planet is probably a Banana Republic
- My remaining Scrabble tiles were PENSI, so I played the name of a long, hard body part ... ... SPINE.
- I played Oregon trail and made fun of a guy named Terry. He stabbed me... I died of Dissin'-Terry
- Can anyone tell me the actors name who played Forest Gump? T hanks.
Rhyming Names Jokes
Here is a list of funny rhyming names jokes and even better rhyming names puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I just got a new cat. I named him Nothing. Because he's orange and Nothing rhymes with orange.
- A programming genius named Sewter Built a limerick-writing computer
The metre was fine
And the rhymes quite divine
But for some reason it always got the last line wrong - In a world where you get what rhymes with your name... Candy for Mandy. Cats for Matt... Poor Nick...
Braces Names Jokes
Here is a list of funny braces names jokes and even better braces names puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a kid with an eye patch, braces and a lisp? Names
- I think my parents should have named me Winter So that every time I'm having s**... with my girlfriend, I could shout 'Brace yourselves! Winter is coming!'
Fat Rapper Names Jokes
Here is a list of funny fat rapper names jokes and even better fat rapper names puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What was the fat asian rapper's name? Too chinz
Fun-Filled Names Jokes to Boost Your Mood
What funny jokes about names you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean amen jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make names pranks.
A burglar
While robbing a home a burglar hears someone say "Jesus is watching you."
To his relief he realizes it is just a parrot mimicking something he heard. The burglar asks the parrot "What is your name?"
The parrot says "Moses"
The burglar goes on to ask "What kind of person names their parrot Moses?"
The parrot replies "The same kind of man that names his rottweiler Jesus."
What do you call a kid with an eyepatch and no limbs?
Names.
Why were hurricanes and tropical storms originally always given women's names?
Because when they first come along it's all wet and wild with lots of suckin and blowin, but by the time it's over and they leave - your house is gone, your boat's gone, your truck's gone...
Why do asian parents give their children short names?
More time on tests.
My girlfriend told me she was pregnant, so I started looking for some names...
...in the end I chose Juan Carlos and took the first flight to Spain.
What do you call a fat kid with 3 teeth and a lazy eye?
Names.
There were 3 Chinese men...
Han, Chan and Fan were planning on migrating to the USA.
They all wanted to assimilate as quickly as possible, so they decided to adopt more traditional American sounding names.
Han decided that he would be Huck.
Chan decided that he would be Chuck.
And Fan...well Fan decided that he`d stay in China.
Asiana Airlines will be filing a lawsuit against KTVU for its inappropriate and racist names that were falsely broadcasted mid day Friday 7/12...
....said Asiana's attorney Wi Su Yu
Bob and Steve, two non-Muslim friends...
Bob and Steve, two non-Muslim friends who happen to be lost in a desert. After days of walking without any water or food, they noticed a Mosque. Bob said: "Yes, thank God! I will walk in saying that my name is
Mohamed, and you say that
your name is Ahmed, this way
we'll get some food! Deal?"
Steve said: "No, I'm sticking
with my name."
They walked into the Mosque
and the Sheikh saw them.
The Sheikh asked: "What are
your names?"
Bob said: "My name is
Mohamed."
Steve said: "My name is Steve."
Sheikh said: "Guys, please bring
some food and water for Steve.
And you Mohamed, Ramadan
Mubarak!!
Last Names.
It's commonly known that a lot of last names originate from an ancestor's profession, or what they were known for, hundreds of years ago.
If your last name is Smith, it's likely one of your ancestors was a blacksmith.
If your last name is Cooper, they may have been a cooper, who were known for making barrels.
If your last name is Dickinson I wouldn't delve too deep into your family history.
Two women meet in heaven...
There's these two women meeting for the first time in heaven who's names are Carol and Lydia. Carol leans over and asks Lydia what the cause of her death was. Lydia says, "Well I froze to death. How did you die?" To which Carol replies "I died of a massive heart attack." Very concerned, Lydia asks "What caused the heart attack?" Carol starts then explaining on how she thought her husband was cheating on her. And how she had come home early to catch him in the act but, to her surprise, only found her husband sitting in the den reading a book. But convinced there was another women in the house, she frantically started destroying the house looking for the other women until she was so exhausted that her heart just stopped working. Amazed at the story, Lydia looks at Carol and says, "If you would have looked in the freezer, we'd both still be alive."
A lady almost 9 months pregnant falls down some stairs and knocks herself out...
When she wakes up, she is in a hospital bed.
Doctor: "We had to deliver your fraternal twins while you slept, but they are completely healthy. Also, your brother stopped by and named them for you"
New Mother: "My brother named them? But he's an idiot! What are their names?"
Doctor: "Well, the little girl is named Denise."
New Mother: "Well, that's not so bad. What about my son?"
Doctor: "Denephew."
A 3 months pregnant woman falls into a coma...
6 months later she awakes and she asks her doctor about her babies. And he replies
"Oh you had happy healthy twins. One boy, and one girl. Luckily your brother was here to name then"
"Oh god no" says the woman "my brothers an idiot. What are their names"
"The girls name is denise" says the doctor
"Oh thats not to bad, and the boy?"
"Denephew"
England soccer team have got a new captain today
His names George Smith and he'll be flying the A380 back to Heathrow..
A Glasgow girl goes to the Civic Center to register for child benefit.
"How many children?" asks the civil servant?
"10" replies the girl.
"10???" says the civil servant.. "What are their names?"
"Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec and.....eh...Alec
"Doesn't that get confusing?" "
Naw..." says the girl "its great because if thur oot playin in the street, ah jist huv tae shout ALEC, YER DINNER'S READY or ALEC, GO TO BED NOW 'n' they aw dae it..."
"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed civil servant.
"'at's easy," says the girl... "Ah just use thur surnames"
Dog names
A guy asked his blonde friend, What are the names of your dogs?
The she responded that one was named Rolex and the other Timex.
Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
"Helloooooo," answered the blonde. "They're watch dogs."
Why do all polish names end in ski?
Because they can't spell toboggan
(This joke brought to you by a 90 yr old polish man I take care of at a nursing home)
I said this when I was 6, and everyone laughed
Two twins came to our house one day, and I kept calling them the wrong names (they were their names, but I said Harry to Thomas and vice-versa)
My dad came to me and said 'can't tell them apart, can ya?'
'No dad, I can't tell 'em together!'
(Waits for downvotes)
So I was doing donuts in my car..
And a cop pulls me over. Now I know what you're thinking, who names their dog Donuts?
Canine Names
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
"Isn't it obvious?" the second blonde responded. "They're watch dogs!"
CREATE PASSWORD -
"123Bob".
Password must contain no names, be complex and have over 50 characters.
"GameOfThrones"
Password accepted.
I wonder if Buzz and w**... had ever met Andy's mom's toys.
They probably have the same names
What are the names of the first two men to get married under the new Irish gay marriage law?
Patrick Fitzgerald and Gerald Fitzpatrick
Cute names to call your girlfriend with
1.sugar
2.honey
3.flour
4.egg
5.1/2 lb butter
6.stir
7.pour into pan
8.preheat to 375°
Husband: Honey why are there broken condoms on the couch?
Wife: Would you please call our children by their real names.
I finally understood the end of the 6th Sense
All those names at the end were people who worked on the movie.
If our last names came from the jobs of our ancestors...
Then I feel really bad for the boys of the "Dickinson" family tree.
Bono from U2 is the voice of my car's GPS
It s**.... The streets have no names and I still haven't found what I'm looking for.
An African American woman has 5 son's, Tyrone, Tyrone, Tyrone, Tyrone, and Tyrone. How do you tell them apart?
By their last names.
Honey, there are broken condoms on the couch
Dear, we've talked about this- call the children by their names
My friend called me today and said he was going to kill himself by jumping off of a cliff that overlooked a body of water unless I stopped specifying the names of geological formations for him.
I said back, "That's a bluff".
What's with girls having weird names nowadays?
I recently slept with a girl and after s**... she was like "I'm Fifteen" I was like that's nice I'm Daniel.
How does a black mother tell her children apart?
She remembers them by their last names.
Why are hurricanes named with female names?
Because when they come, they are wet and wild and when they leave they take your house and car with them.
A Chinese family of 5 decided to immigrate to the United States
Chu, Bu, Hu, Su and Fu were told that in order to get a visa, they would have to Americanize their names.
Chu became Chuck.
Bu became Buck.
Hu became Huck.
Su and Fu decided to stay in China.
When I see lover's names carved in a tree...
I don't think it's sweet. I'm just surprised of how many people bring knives on a date.
A mother takes her three son's to enroll in school. The teacher asks.
A mother takes her three son's to enroll in school. The teacher asks.
Teacher: What are your son's names?
Lady: This boy's name is Leroy, this other boy's name is Leroy, and Leroy here is my third son's name.
Teacher: Isn't it confusing having all three boy's named the same?
Lady: Oh no, you see when it's time for lunch I just holler out the door, Leroy! it's time for lunch, and they all come a runnin. When it's time for dinner I just holler out the door, Leroy! it's time for dinner and they all come a runnin.
Teacher: Ok, so what do you do when you want a specific boy?
Lady: Oh, well then I just holler out their last name.
Math class
Teacher asks Johnny:
"Imagine you have $200. And you give $50 to Jane, $50 to Suzi, $50 to Melissa. What would you have?"
"An o**...?"
Edited: names spelling, grammar.
Why do hurricanes get lousy names, like Sandy?
Name that thing Hurricane Death Megatron 900 and I guarantee folks will be evacuating like they need to.
Teacher: What are your parents' names?
Boy: My dad's name is laughing and my mum's name is smiling.
Teacher: You must be kidding!
Boy: Nope, I am joking.
What do you call a book that lists the names of every drug on Earth?
Addictionary
What's the difference between a fake s**... addict and someone who uses fake names to get free noodles?
One's a pseudo-nymphomaniac, the other's a pseudonym-pho-maniac!
Girls are like domain names
those that I like are already taken.
A farmer's 3 daughters are going on a date
A farmer is concerned that all 3 of his daughters are going on a date tonight. He decided he'll greet each man who shows up tonight with his shotgun in hand.
The first man to ring the doorbell greets the farmer with, "Hi, my names Joe.
I'm here for Flo.
We're going to see the show.
Is she ready to go?"
The farmer likes this fellow and sends Joe and Flo off.
The second man to show up says,
"Hello, I'm Eddy.
I'm looking for Betty.
We're gonna go eat some spaghetti.
Is she ready?"
The farmer decides this guys okay too so off they go.
The third man rings the doorbell says,
"Hey, my name's Chuck."
And the farmer shot him.
A while ago I had a blind date with a Jewish girl
She asked me for my number.
I told her that we usually use names.
How to take a hurricane seriously
If the US wants to take hurricanes seriously they need to give them Muslim names. We got Irma and people don't care. But when the weatherman starts saying Abdullah is coming at Florida as a category 5, the whole country would evacuate.
We need to start giving hurricanes Arab names
Nobody is going to leave for Irma but if Muhammad was coming the whole country would evacuate
Two atheists were lost in a desert.
Two atheists were lost in a desert. They had run out of supplies and were wandering aimlessly.
One morning, they encountered a Muslim. The Muslim asked, "What are your names?"
The first, figuring the Muslim would be more likely to help a fellow Muslim, lied and said, "My name is Mohammed."
The second stayed honest and said, "My name is Dave."
The Muslim gave Dave a hearty breakfast. He turned to "Mohammed" and said, "Fasting is so hard, isn't it?"
What do you call the boy with no legs and no arms?
Names.
There's a strange new trend at work, people are writing names on the food in the company fridge
Today I had a chicken sandwich named Kevin
Whenever I see two lovers names carved into a tree, I don't think it's sweet.
I think it's shocking how many people bring a knife on a date.
I accidentally referred to my wife as my girlfriend today
Their names aren't even that similar
Three Chinese friends, Chu, Bu and Fu, decided to immigrate to the United States
In order to get their visas, they needed to change their names to something more American. Chu became Chuck, Bu became Buck and Fu decided to travel back to China
I phoned my wife...
...and said "would you like me to pick up fish & chips on the way home from work"
She had just grunted down the phone.
I think she is regretting letting me pick the names for our twins
Whenever I see lovers names carved into a tree, I don't think that's cute
I'm just glad I'm not the only one who brings a knife on a date
Whales have pretty s**... names, s**... whale, humpback whale...
Your mom
Fu, Bu and Chu are three Chinese men.
One day, they decided to move to the USA.
They also decided to change their names, as to not be discriminated against.
Chu changed his name to Chuck.
Bu changed his name to Buck.
And Fu decided to go back to China.
I met a Jewish girl and she asked me for my number.
Had to explain to her that we use names here. It was a pain.
God asked Adam to name the animals
Adam began to invent names, Lion, Tiger, Horse, Cow, Pig…
Then God said, You must name the sea animals, too
Adam was tired already, so he said, Sea lion, Tiger shark, Sea horse, Sea cow, Sea pig…
In class we learned that last names were determined by what your ancestors did
So I always made sure I kept my distance from my teacher Mr Dickinson
When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet.
When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.
My five-year-old, everyone.
My insanely witty five-year-old, ladies and gentlemen:
Step-daughter: "I'm hungry."
Me: "Nice to meet you, hungry, I'm dad."
Her: "Ahhhhgh could you not say that anymore?"
Me: "Aw why not, sweets?"
Her: "Because I don't like it when you call me names like hungry or thirsty or anything!"
Me: "Alright, I'm not going to say that anymore."
Her: "Nice to meet you, not going to say that anymore."
I had just been out-dad-joked by my five-year-old. It was so unexpected, and was the first time I think I recognized how hilarious she was with her wit. I really miss her (because of a divorce, not a f**...).
A Jewish girl asked for my number
I told her we use names now.
A robber enters an old couple's home in the middle of the night...
As he is grabbing things, the couple wake up and confront him. The robber has a gun and says he would have left quietly but now he is gonna have to kill them.
"But before I do that," says the robber, "I want to know your names. What's your name, woman?"
"Linda," the wife replies meekly.
"Well, that's my mother's name. I can't kill you." Then he turns to the husband and says, "And what's your name?"
"Frank, but everybody in town calls me Linda."
I wrote down the names of everyone I dislike on a piece of paper, and my roommate used that to roll his joint.
He is now high on the list of people I never want to talk to again.
A man's wife is close to giving birth but he has to go away on business.
He asks his brother to look after his wife. A couple days into the trip and his brother calls from the hospital.
"I have good news and bad news. Good news is you have perfectly healthy twins! A boy and a girl! The bad news is they had to put your wife under for the birth. She's fine, but they needed names for the birth certificates, so I had to name them."
Father says, "That's not bad news. I trust you. What did you name the girl?"
"Deniece."
"Oh, that's a beautiful name! I knew I could trust you. What did you name the boy?"
"Denephew"
So the cops caught me doing doughnuts in my car today.
I know what you're thinking. Who the h**... names their dog doughnuts
"What are your dogs names ?"
"Calvin and Klein"
"Like the underwear?"
"They are boxers."
A Proctology exam.
A man is sitting over the counter with his pants down at the doctors office.
The doctor comes in and sits down and starts working the gloves onto his hands.
Alright Brian, it's your first proctology exam, just sit back, relax, and try not to get an e**... the doctor says.
The patient awkwardly looks back and says but my names Dan.
Doctor responds oh I know, my names Brian.
A happily married couple
There was a married couple sleeping and an intruder entered into their house. The intruder put a knife to the neck of the woman and said, "I like to know the names of my victims before I kill them, what is your name?"My name is Elizabeth, but my friends call me Liz," the woman replied.The intruder said, "You remind me of my mother who was also named Elizabeth, so I can't kill you."The intruder then turned to the husband and asked, "What is your name?""My name's Phillip, but my friends call me Elizabeth."
A girl walks up to her mother and asks, "Mommy, why am I named Clover?"
"Your grandma believes that it brings luck to our family."
Then, her other daughter walks up. "Mommy, why am I named Nirvana?"
"Because, your aunt believes that is the place you go when you are enlightened."
Finally, her son walks up to her. "Those names make sense, but why am I named *Cakeday?"*
His mother sighs. "Your father believes it is the best way to earn karma."
Why did Soviet policemen always walk around in groups of three?
One could read, and was needed to read ID documents in case of an arrest.
One could write, and was needed to write down the names for punishment.
The third one was needed to keep an eye on these two dangerous intellectuals.
On a date
When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet.
I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.
Word joke
A man had 4 sons, and named them Bronson, Kenneth, Conrad and Dominic.
One day, they decided to ask their father if his choice of names meant anything.
He replied, "Only the first three letters of each."
If your wife ever asks you which of her friends you want to have a t**... with,....
Do not give two names!
Kid: Santa, what's the story of your reindeer names?
Santa: Why I name them after memories, like Prancer frolicking through the snow!
Kid: What about Donner?
*A dark countenance settles on Santa's face*
Santa: The year was 1847, snowfall had trapped us in the Sierra Nevada...
Naming the kids
A guy named Jay walks into a bar and orders a beer. "How's your wife doing?" the bartender asks. "She's doing great. The doctor says the pregnancy is going well and we can expect two healthy twin girls," Jay replies. "I'd really like to name them after myself, but can't decide on the names." "How about Kay and Elle?" the bartender replies.
Funny and Witty WiFi names?
I think the best I've come across are;
1. Drop it like it's hotspot
2. The Promised LAN
3. Wu Tang LAN
4. Chance the Router
5. Winternet is coming
6. A LAN time ago
7. I believe Wi can Fi
8. Vladamir Routin
9. That's what she SSID
10. Lord Voldemodem
A couple wakes up in the middle of the night to find a thief in their bedroom
The thief points a gun at the couple.
"Now that you've seen me, I have to kill you both. Tell me your names and you won't suffer. I remember all my victims by their names."
The woman says "Stephanie."
"Wow. I can't kill you after all.. Stephanie was my Mother's name."
He points the gun at the man and asks his name.
"Phil. But all my friends call me Stephanie."
