Nake Jokes
64 nake jokes and hilarious nake puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about nake that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Nake Short Jokes
Short nake jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The nake humour may include short tailor jokes also.
- A n**... man arrives at a costume party with a g**... his back. "I'm a turtle", he says.
"Oh... who's on your back?"
"That's Michelle", he replies. - I scared the postman today by going to the door completely n**.... I'm not sure what scared him more. My n**... body or the fact I knew where he lived
- My wife is super upset at our neighbour who happens to enjoy suntanning in her backyard n**... Personally though, I'm on the fence.
- Saw a guy walking with a n**... woman on his back. "You OK?" I asked. "Sure. I'm headed to a fancy dress as a tortoise."
"And her?"
"Oh, that's Michelle." - If I had a dollar for every woman who's seen me n**...... ...I could pay that fine I got for indecent exposure.
- What nationality were Adam and Eve? Soviet, of course. Who else would walk around barefoot and n**..., have one apple to share between them, and think they were in Paradise?
- My son asked me what a dilemma was? "Imagine you're n**... and in a big bed" I explained, "A beautiful woman on one side and a gay man on the other...
Who you going to turn your back on?" - A wife gets n**... …and asks her husband, 'What turns you on more! my pretty face or my s**... body?'
Husband looks her up and down for a moment and replies, 'Your sense of humor.' - My husband called and asked if I could be n**... before he gets home from work... ...I feel awkward sitting here with his mother, but whatever.
- I posed n**... for a magazine today Although from the reaction I got, I think the newsstand owner would have preferred money
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Nake One Liners
Which nake one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with nake? I can suggest the ones about runs and dude.
- Do you think Jeff Bezos sleep n**...? ...or with pajamazon?
- A n**... woman robbed a bank.. No one could remember her face.
- What is Iron Man when he removes his suit? Stark n**....
- Six girls walking around n**... sounds weird Dozen t**...?
- I sleep better n**... Why can't this flight attendant understand that?
- When I get n**... in the bathroom.. The shower usually gets turned on.
- What do you call a n**... bear? A bare
- How do you spot a gay man in a group of n**... women? It's not hard.
- What is iron man without his suit? Stark n**....
- I'm not that s**... but whenever I get n**... in the bathroom.. I turn the shower on.
- Every n**... person I see turns me on... Said the shower head.
- Nobody wanted to see the n**... banana . . . it just lacked appeal
- I have seen my first n**... lady Sorry, I meant...
I have seen my First Lady n**.... - When I get n**... The only thing that gets turned on is the shower.
- n**... man doing jumping jacks... db qp db qp db qp db qp
Comical Nake Jokes and Gems that Will Get You in Laughter Land
What funny jokes about nake you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean nuts jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make nake pranks.
A n**... man runs into a tailor's shop.
The tailor says "you can't be in here with no clothes on!"
The man says "aw come on dude, cut me some slacks?"
A n**... guy walks into a psychiatrist's office...
"You gotta help me, doc," he tells the psychiatrist, "I think I'm going crazy!"
The psychiatrist looks him over and replies. "Well, I can clearly see your nuts."
A n**... lady goes to a bar, asks for a drink
A n**... lady goes to a bar, asks for a drink.
Bartender stares at her. Lady said, "Never seen a n**... woman?"
Bartender replied, "Nah, just wondering, how are you going to pay?"
A n**... man...
... was running outside and causing some pandemonium.
The police tried everything to get this man to stop: pepper spray, tazers, rubber bullets...nothing seemed to work.
With a big grin, one officer turned to the Chief and said, "I've got an idea...we spray him with Windex!"
The Chief, confused asked how that would help...
The new guy says, "Windex prevents streaking..."
A n**... man covered head to toe in saran wrap goes to see a psychologist.
A n**... man covered head to toe in saran wrap goes to see a psychologist. He says, "Doc, something's wrong. I think I'm going crazy!" The psychologist replies, "Well I can clearly see your nuts."
n**... New Jersey
My girlfriend comes up to me n**... and says kiss me where it smells.
So I drove her to New Jersery
A n**... lady ran into Akpos' taxi
A n**... lady ran into Akpos' taxi. She told the driver where she was going.
Akpos didn't start the car but he was just staring at the woman over and over again.
The lady looked at him and said, what's your problem, man? Haven't you seen a n**... lady before? Akpos replied, I am not looking at your nakedness, I was just wondering where you kept the money you are going to pay me.
I saw myself n**... in the mirror.
And now my hand isn't in the mood.
A n**... jew with an e**... ran into a wall
He broke his nose
A n**... lady walks into a bar and says why all the stares?
We're on the 2nd floor and we don't have a elevator.
n**... sunbathing....
A man was sunbathing n**... at the beach. For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his privates. A woman walks past and says, snickering, "If you were a gentleman you'd lift your hat."
He raised an eyebrow and replied, "If you weren't so ugly, it would lift itself."
A n**... man broke into a church this morning...
After a 30 minute chase, the police finally caught him by the o**....
A n**... man is walking down the street with a woman on his back...
A guy on the other side of the street yells at him "Hey! What are you doing!?"
The n**... man replies, "Don't get all upset. I'm headed to a costume party!"
"As what?" asks the guy.
"As a tortoise! Can't you tell?"
"Well, what's the woman doing on your back?"
"Oh that's just Michelle."
I'm almost always n**... when ordering food
It really weirds out the drive-thru attendant
Four n**... guys are sitting in a hot tub.
All of a sudden, a c**... floats to the surface. After a few seconds of stares and silence, one of the guys asks, "Alright, who f**...?"
n**... man walks into a psychiatrists office wrapped in Saran Wrap.
The doctor says, "Sir, I can clearly see yer nuts."
Why couldn't the n**... man's gun fire?
It wasn't fully cocked.
A n**... lady ran into a taxi.
She told the driver where she was going. The man didn't start the car but he was just staring at the girl over & over again.The lady saw him and said:"What's ur problem man? Haven't u seen a n**... lady before?"The man replied: "l am not looking at ur nakedness, I was just wondering where you have kept the money you are going to pay me!
A n**... woman enters a taxi
The taxi driver stares at the woman until she asks
-"What are you staring at?" And the driver responds
-"Just wondering where you're gonna get the money from"
A n**... woman sits in a taxi
The taxi driver looks at the woman from head to toe repeatedly. Offended, the woman says "Haven't you ever seen a woman n**... before?" The driver looks at her in the eyes and says, "No, I was just wondering where you kept the money to pay me."
A n**... women took a taxi
All way long, the driver starring at her in the mirror. She said "what? You never seen a n**... woman?" He said "no. I'm just wondering where you will take the money out from"
Haven't u seen a n**... woman before?
Fully n**... British Lady gets into taxi. Chinese Driver looks at her top to bottom repeatedly..
British Lady asks,
"Haven't u seen a n**... woman before?"
Chinese Driver: I no look you n**.... I plenty frightened. I look look. Where you keep money pay me?
n**... old men in locker rooms...
I was going to make a joke about this, but it's such low hanging fruit.
What did the n**... Hispanic boy say when someone retrieved his swimsuit after his embarrassing slip-and-slide run?
Gracias
A n**... man ran past two old ladies
one had a s**..., the other missed
If a n**... guy jumps on your back...
Would you beat him off?..
What's the most n**... food?
Noodles.
A n**... girl walks into a bar.
The barman couldn't stop looking at her. She asked:
\- What's the matter? Haven't you ever seen a n**... woman in your life?
\- I have, but I just want to know where you'll take your money from when it's time to pay the drink!
n**... painting
The head nun tells the two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes.
So the one nun says to the other, "Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door."
So they do this, and begin painting their room. Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask, "Who is it?"
"Blind man!"
The nuns look at each other, then one nun says, "He's blind, he can't see. What could it hurt."
They let him in.
The blind man walks in and says, "Hey, nice t**.... Where do you want me to hang the blinds?"
A n**... man walked past an Elephant
The elephant exclaimed Jesus, how do you breath with that thing?
She's n**....
A taxi driver spot a girl hailing for a cab outside a nightclub. She was completely n**.... He stopped and she went into the taxi.
Throughout the drive, the girl noticed that the driver kept looking at her with the front mirror. "Hey man, never see a hot n**... girl before huh? Why don't you keep your eyes on the road", she said.
Then, the driver stopped driving before turning around and stare at her intensely.
"Nah, I'm just wondering where you keep the money for my cab, b**...!"
This n**... man walks into a psychiatrist's office ...
He is n**... except that he is completely wrapped in head to toe with cellophane. He says, "First impression, doc, am I crazy?"
The doctor says, "Well, normally I don't like making rash diagnoses but in this case it is sooo obvious. Everyone in my entire office can see your nuts."
A n**... man walks into a psychiatrists office.
The psychiatrist says to the n**... man, "I can clearly see your nuts".
A n**... man was arrested after stealing a bicycle and riding away on it.
Police impounded the bicycle, but worry that the evidence is t**....
Me: every n**... person I see turns me on
Someone walking into the conversation: w**...?
Me: what am I?
That person: a s**... pest?!
Me: wrong! A shower!
A n**... man was walking down the street with a woman on his back
A bloke on the other side of the road asked, "Where are you going?"
The n**... man replied, "To a fancy dress party."
"What as?" asked the bemused gentleman.
"A tortoise", said the n**... man.
"Well, who is the woman on your back?" said the intrigued gentleman.
"Oh, that's Michelle."
EDIT - I changed the first "gentleman" to "bloke." I hope it makes more sense that way.
Why was the n**... man blurry?
>!Over exposure!<
I saw a n**... Chinese man take the elevator.
It was wong on so many levels.
A n**... police officer came to work
A n**... police officer came to work and his commander, shocked, asked him: "why did you come n**...?"
The police officer said: "There was a party last night I attended. At 00:00 all lights went off and we were in the dark. All of a sudden a voice said that all females should undress. You could hear u**.... Then after a while the same voice said all the males to get undressed. Everybody did that, so did I. And then after a minute the voice said GET TO WORK"
Commander: "And?"
Police officer: "And I came to work."
n**... man on a golf course
A foresome of ladies came across a man n**..., asleep in the bushes on their course. His hat was sheild in his face. Not my husband! says the first lady. The second and third repeat this not my husband refrain. The final lady approaches the man. She hmms and haws … then says Not my husband, but worse yet, he's not even a member of our club
So "n**... running" is going for a run without smartphones or earbuds!
I wish I knew this two hours ago
A n**... man walked into a bar
He was carrying a pair of jumper cables draped around his neck. The man went up to the bartender and asked "Can I get a whiskey sour?"
"OK," said the bartender- "but don't start anything!"
