Nailing Jokes
33 nailing jokes and hilarious nailing puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about nailing that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Nailing Short Jokes
Short nailing jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The nailing humour may include short nailed jokes also.
- What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? You only need one nail to hang the picture up.
- Jesus once said "He who lives by the sword, will die by the sword" He was a carpenter that died by being nailed to a piece of wood, so he might have had a point.
- Chinese New Year, Mardi Gras and valentines day are too close... I don’t know what to paint on my nails.
- What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? You only need one nail to hang up the picture of Jesus
- The room is 15$ a night. Innkeeper: The room is $15 a night.
It's $5 if you make your own bed.
Guest: I'll make my own bed.
Innkeeper: Good. I'll get you some nails and wood. - What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? It only take 1 nail to hang the picture.
- Jesus walks into a hotel... He places 3 long nails on the counter and asks - can you put me up for the night?
- What's the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus? You only need one nail for a painting.
- Whats the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus It takes 1 nail to hang a picture
- Jesus walks into a hotel... He hands the attendant 3 nails and says "Can you put me up for the night?"
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Nailing One Liners
Which nailing one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with nailing? I can suggest the ones about nail and screw and nail biting.
- Please don't make jokes about crucifixion. Unless you really nail the execution.
- Tried to come up with a carpentry pun that woodwork… Think I nailed it!
- What musical group is Jesus most afraid of? Nine Inch Nails
- How many nails are there in a lesbian's coffin? None. It is all tongue and groove
- how do we know that jews crucified Jesus? they used one nail for both legs
- My tree went missing..... so I took a picture of it and nailed it to a dog.
- some guy told me I was a tool So I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend
- Jesus was gay. He was nailed by 3 guys.
- Boss told me to glue 2 pieces of wood together Totally nailed it
- My wife shot me with the nail gun today... She must think I'm a stud!
- My boss asked me to put two pieces of wood together. I totally nailed it.
- What did roman soldier say on a Good Friday? Nailed it!
- What do nervous carpenters do? Bite their nails
- What takes many nails to build, but only one screw to use? A crib.
- What do underwear and nail varnish have in common? They both come off with alcohol.
Unearthly Funniest Nailing Jokes to Tickle Your Sides
What funny jokes about nailing you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hammer and nail jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make nailing pranks.
What's the difference between a h**... and jesus?
The look on their face when you're nailing them.
A guy was nailing his interview
A guy was nailing his interview when the employer said "well you look great but I see here there was a 7 year gap since your last job, what happened there?".
The guy says "oh I went to yale".
The employer: "oh great!! Well you're hired, you start monday"
Guy: "Yay! I got a yob!"
Robin Williams' Favorite Joke
Guy's having s**... with his wife. All of a sudden he looks over, and there in the doorway is his son, about eight years old. Kid looks horrified, and the kid runs away. The guy says to his wife, ''Well, I'd better talk to Timmy.''
He puts on his clothes and goes to Timmy's room. He opens the door , and there's Timmy nailing Grandma. The father goes ''Oh, my God!'' And the kid goes, ''Not so funny when it's your mom, is it?"
What's the difference between jesus and a h**...?
The noises they make as you're nailing them
A guy was nailing his interview and the employer said "well application looks great but there's a 7 year gap since your last job, what happened?"
The guy says "oh I went to yale",
The employer: Oh great your hired you start Monday.
Guy: "Yay I got a yob!"
Two blonde builders were working on a house.
One blonde was on a ladder nailing. She'd reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail, look at it, and either toss it over her shoulder or proceed to nail it into the wood.
The other blonde couldn't stand it any longer and yelled up, "Why are you throwing some of the nails away?"
The first blonde explained, "When I pull it out of my nail pouch, if it's pointed toward me I throw it away. If it's pointed toward the house, then I can use it!"
The second blonde explained, "Don't throw away those nails that are pointed toward you! They're for the other side of the house!!"
Lucky I didn't get caught...
I was nailing this chick in the park the other weekend. And I was so lucky not to get caught.
Supposedly crucifixions are i**... these days
Did you hear about the time Pontius Pilate got really drunk?
He ended up nailing Jesus.
A man is having loud, passionate s**... with his wife...
when all of a sudden he looks over and sees his son Johnny looking at them through the doorway. Horrified, Johnny runs away and his dad puts on some pants and starts running after him.
He gets to Johnny's room and sees him nailing his Grandma. The father goes 'oh goodness me!' and Johnny replies saying, 'not so funny when it's your mum, is it?'
Two Irishmen are nailing a floor
Patty picks up a nail, looks at it and throws it away. He picks up another, looks at it and throws it away as well. m**... sees him and asks what he's doing.
Patty - Them nails were no good, they were upside down.
m**... - You idiot, save those ones for the roof...
What's harder than nailing 10 dead babies to a tree?
Nailing one dead baby to 10 trees.
They hired a comedian at the local construction site. Everyone loves him.
You could say he was really nailing it.
Why did the Romans nailing Jesus to a cross lead to Christianity being the world's most believed religeon?
They made him hole-y
s**... at the construction site
I saw a guy on roof nailing some hot shingles.
What was the last thing the Roman Soldier said to Jesus as he was nailing him to the cross?
Mind crossing your legs? I only have one nail left.
I walked in on a man nailing my wife against the wall....
So I grabbed another hammer and gave him a hand
So, have you guys seen the headlines about 'Jesus might have had a wife'?
I don't know why they're still speculating. After all, it's pretty clear that *someone* was nailing him.
What's the hardest part of nailing a dead baby to the wall?
My e**....
