Nail Jokes

Funniest Nail Short Jokes

Short nail jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The nail humour may include short toes jokes also.

1. What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? You only need one nail to hang the picture up.
2. Jesus once said "He who lives by the sword, will die by the sword" He was a carpenter that died by being nailed to a piece of wood, so he might have had a point.
3. Chinese New Year, Mardi Gras and valentines day are too close... I don’t know what to paint on my nails.
4. The room is 15$ a night. Innkeeper: The room is $15 a night.
   It's $5 if you make your own bed.
   Guest: I'll make my own bed.
   Innkeeper: Good. I'll get you some nails and wood.
5. Jesus walks into a hotel... He places 3 long nails on the counter and asks - can you put me up for the night?
6. Jesus walks into a hotel... He hands the attendant 3 nails and says "Can you put me up for the night?"
7. I made a Jesus joke today... And I completely nailed it.
   (Please don't crucify me this was just for a pun)
8. The average person has s**... 90 times a year. Man this going to be an epic new years eve!
9. I just walked past White Hart Lane and found 3 Spurs season tickets nailed to a wall. I thought of having them.
   Nails always come in handy.
10. My religious studies professor assigned an essay about the last days of Christ. I totally nailed it.

Share These Nail Jokes With Friends

Nail One Liners

Which nail one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with nail? I can suggest the ones about glue and nickle.

1. Tried to come up with a carpentry pun that woodwork… Think I nailed it!
2. What musical group is Jesus most afraid of? Nine Inch Nails
3. how do we know that jews crucified Jesus? they used one nail for both legs
4. My tree went missing..... so I took a picture of it and nailed it to a dog.
5. Boss told me to glue 2 pieces of wood together Totally nailed it
6. What did roman soldier say on a Good Friday? Nailed it!
7. What do nervous carpenters do? Bite their nails
8. What takes many nails to build, but only one screw to use? A crib.
9. What do underwear and nail varnish have in common? They both come off with alcohol.
10. Crucifixion of Jesus was not an easy task... ... however Romans nailed it.
11. Did you know that as Christ was getting nailed to the cross... He actually became holier?
12. Why was Jesus such a bad carpenter? He couldn't remove three nails to save his life
13. Why did Jesus go to the salon? To get his nails done
14. Jesus is doing fantastically well at this crossword He's nailed two across.
15. Necrophilia .... the last nail in the coffin.

Nail And Screw Jokes

Here is a list of funny nail and screw jokes and even better nail and screw puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• My wife asked me if there was an interesting alternative to using screws or nails as fasteners. I told her yes... and it's riveting.
• So it's the first day of shop class... The teacher asks, "What's the difference between a nail, a screw, and a bolt?" A girl raises her hand and says, "I don't know. I've never been bolted before."
• Confucius says... it takes many nails to build a crib but one screw to fill it.
• Whats better than a nail in a wall? A screw on the floor.
• I kept hitting my fingers while trying to nail a sign to my wall... So I said, "Screw it!"
• Have you seen the nails on Frankenstien's monster? Screws with your head
• I couldn't figure out how the hammer and nails worked... So I just said "Screw it."
• I was going to nail a shelf to my wall, but then I thought... Screw it!
• How do you nail an interview with a female interviewer? Try not to screw it up
• Jesus's crucifiers took an opinion poll "Did we screw up our job or did we nail it?".

Nail Gun Jokes

Here is a list of funny nail gun jokes and even better nail gun puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• What do you think Jesus's stance would be on guns? I think he would be most strict on nail gun control.
  (Credit to Taylor on PKA)
• What's Jesus's favorite power tool? A nail gun
• What is Jesus's least favorite type of gun? A nail gun.
  Ohhh... that's in bad taste.
• A man was attacked by a guy with an upholstery nail gun. He's okay. He's recovered now.
• What's Jesus favourite gun? A nail gun.
• As a second amendment guy I just don't think Jesus would have a problem with guns. Except nail guns of course
• What was Judas's favorite gun? A nail gun
• What would Jesus actually do? Probably ban nail guns
• If Jesus suddenly appeared today... I bet he would really hate nail guns.
• The NRA asked what Jesus's favorite gun would be, and I said "a nail gun." I don't know why they got so offended. Jesus was a carpenter.

Nail Biting Jokes

Here is a list of funny nail biting jokes and even better nail biting puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• After 40 years my grandma has finally gotten my grandpa to stop biting his nails. She's hidden his teeth.
• I finally stopped my roomate from biting his nails. All i had to do was make him wear shoes.
• What do you call a Nun that bites her nails? A bad Habit.
  I'll see myself out.
• The best way I found to stop biting my nails was.. To stop buying toilet paper.
• Want a surefire trick to break your nail-biting habit? Take up plumbing
• Did you hear about the nun that bites her nails? You can say she has a bad habit.
• I bite my nails, but you would never be able to tell because I wear socks with my sandals
• At 31 years old, I decided to grow up, kick a bad habit and stopped biting my nails. The nosebleeds are getting annoying, though.
• Mom Can we go out and play with granny?
  Yes, just don't bite her nails or I'll close the coffin
• Why were the Carpenter's teeth so bad? Because he was always biting his nails.

Nail Polish Jokes

Here is a list of funny nail polish jokes and even better nail polish puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Do you know what do women and nail polish have in common? they both undress with the help
  of alchocol
• My friend who works as a beautician wants to learn Eastern European languages It sounds challenging, but I know she's going to nail Polish.
• What do you say when a Polish magician performs a magic trick? Nailed it
• All of these women talking about nail polish .. What about the Germans!?
• Nail Polish Remover A job for acetone or Eva Braun.
• What do you call an eastern european manicurist? Nail Polish.
• Meanwhile in Glasgie People are panic buying nail polish, shoe polish, and even furniture polish.
  There seems to have been a wee misunderstanding about which polish won't be in the UK soon.
• I was so excited when I saw the Nail Polish advertisement Because I want to sleep with this girl from Poland

Hammer And Nail Jokes

Here is a list of funny hammer and nail jokes and even better hammer and nail puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• A nail walks into a bar and orders a whisky neat. The bartender says "okay, but no getting hammered."
• Rumour has it... Rumour has it that Jesus got so hammered on good friday that he didn't wake up for 3 days.
  (Easter Joke... Nailed it.)
• How do nails feel when they are drunk? Hammered.
• What happens when a carpenter drinks with his wife? He gets hammered and she gets nailed.
• What do nails like to do on the weekend? Get hammered.
• Whats the difference between my girlfriend and a nail Only one calls the police if I hit it with a hammer
• What did the nail say to the hammer at the bar? "Stop hitting on me!"
• What did the hammer say after a job well done? Nailed it.
• What did the athlete say after a perfect hammer toss? "Nailed it."
• What did the nail say to the hammer when he got the right answer to the question? You hit the nail on the head!

Amusing & Witty Nail Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun

What funny jokes about nail you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hammer jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make nail pranks.