Nail And Screw Jokes
47 nail and screw jokes and hilarious nail and screw puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about nail and screw that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Nail And Screw Short Jokes
Short nail and screw jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The nail and screw humour may include short hammer and nail jokes also.
- My wife asked me if there was an interesting alternative to using screws or nails as fasteners. I told her yes... and it's riveting.
- So it's the first day of shop class... The teacher asks, "What's the difference between a nail, a screw, and a bolt?" A girl raises her hand and says, "I don't know. I've never been bolted before."
- I have this great joke about construction I'm still working on it
Got to hammer out a few kinks
Make sure to nail the delivery
I just don't want to screw it up - What is a carpenters dream girl? What is a carpenters dream girl? Flat as a board, skinny as a nail and easy to screw.
- I kept hitting my fingers while trying to nail a sign to my wall... So I said, "Screw it!"
- How do know a job's been done by a lesbian carpenter? There are no nails, and no screws, it's all tongue and groove!
- My Boss asked me to put two pieces of wood together... I nailed it! My friend Steve figured I would of s**... it up.
- A guy applied for a job at a hardware store He got an interview. Nailed it! But he s**... around too much, so they gave him the ax.
- Did you hear about the house built by l**...? There are no nails, screws, or studs and it's all tongue and groove.
- Why was the Nail anxious? Because he was worried he was gonna get s**...
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Nail And Screw One Liners
Which nail and screw one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with nail and screw? I can suggest the ones about nail and screw.
- What takes many nails to build, but only one screw to use? A crib.
- It takes many nails to build a crib... ...but only one screw to fill it.
- Confucius says... it takes many nails to build a crib but one screw to fill it.
- It takes a lot of nails to put together a crib But it only takes one screw to fill it
- Whats better than a nail in a wall? A screw on the floor.
- Have you seen the nails on Frankenstien's monster? Screws with your head
- I couldn't figure out how the hammer and nails worked... So I just said "Screw it."
- I was going to nail a shelf to my wall, but then I thought... Screw it!
- How do you nail an interview with a female interviewer? Try not to screw it up
- Jesus's crucifiers took an opinion poll "Did we screw up our job or did we nail it?".
- Bob just couldn't nail his roll down.. .. So he just decided to screw it.
- The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but... the new guy s**... everything up
- When it comes to s**..., I'm like a nail. Never getting s**....
- As a female carpenter, I'm often asked if I prefer... To get s**... or nailed...
- Why are the 2x4s behind walls called studs? They're always getting nailed and s**....
Nail And Screw Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about nail and screw you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean nail gun jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make nail and screw pranks.
An old actor has trouble getting work due to failing memory...
After contacting many people that he worked with in the past , he is finally able to land a job in a popular new Broadway play. The director tells him its only one line at the beginning of the play, but it is a very important line. It sets the mood for the rest of the play. It is ESSENTIAL he nails the line. The old actor emphasizes that he will nail it. The director reluctantly agrees and proceeds to tell him his role. You will take a beautiful rose, bring it to your nose and take a deep breath and say the following line: *Ah, the sweet scent of my mistress…* That's it. Do not screw this up! The old actor thanks him 10 times over and proceeds to practice for the next 2 weeks nonstop.
Opening night comes. It's a sold out theater. He takes to the stage, spotlight on him. He raises his hand, takes a deep breath and says the line perfectly * Ah, the sweet scent of my mistress… * Just after the line is delivered the auditorium burst into laughter. He walks off the stage distraught. I don't get it. I nailed the line perfectly. What happened? The director looks at him and yells YOU IDIOT! YOU FORGOT THE FLOWER!
My friend really s**... at carpentry
He walked into Home Depot thinking he needed a screw.
The employee was trying to explain that he needed a nail, and how it even worked
Friend: So you're telling me I have to strike this thing repeatedly with a hammer?
Employee: Yes, you hit the nail on the head.
I was in shop class in high school and my teacher had a nail, a bolt, and a screw in his hand...
... He asked us if we knew the difference between them. A girl raised her hand and said, "Well, I've never been bolted."
A bolt is in love with a nail fixed in a wall on the opposite side of the room...
The feeling doesn't seem to be mutual, so the bolt decides to compliment it and shouts to the nail, "Hey stud!"
"Ugh, screw off!"
Needless to say, the bolt won't be getting nailed tonight.
"Alright guys, we have lots of pictures to mount before the art gallery tonight. Like I said in the email, we'll have to use these adhesive hooks. Under no circumstances will you p**... the wall with nails or screws. Tim, I've noticed you've already hung one picture. Great job.
Tim (hiding his drill and muttering under his breath): welp.. I s**... that up.
A Rabbit entered a shop and asked: "Do you have carrots?".
They said, "no we don't have carrots. " The following day the rabbit came to the shop and asked again, "Do you have carrots?" They replied again, "no we don't have carrots" On the third day the rabbit came and asked for carrots again but this time they replied " We said we don't have carrots, if you come back again asking for carrots, we gonna screw a nail in your head with a hammer!" The following day the rabbit came yet again and asked, "Do you have a hammer? They replied, "NO." the rabbit then asked, "What about nails?" They said, "NO." Then the rabbit finally asked, "Do you have carrots?"
What happened when Jesus s**...' around?
He got *nailed*.