Nah Jokes
143 nah jokes and hilarious nah puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about nah that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Nah Short Jokes
Short nah jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The nah humour may include short yep jokes also.
- What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? GLOVES! Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.
- A Roman soldier is bragging to his friend, "You'll never guess with how many women I've slept!" "Mmm?"
"Nah, not that many" - I was walking with my wife and we came across her mother being beaten up by six guys. My wife said aren't you going to help?
I said nah, six should be enough. - A Canadian walks into a cafe, and the barista asks, "Would you like a latte?" And the Canadian responds to him "Nah, just a bit, eh."
- A homeless guy asked me for some money today I looked in my pocket and all I had was a $20 bill. "Do I really want this money going to drugs?", I thought to myself. "Nah." So I gave him the $20.
- While buying condoms the cashier asked, "Do you need a bag?" I said, "Nah, he isn't *that* ugly."
- So a photon checks into a hotel... Bellman says "Sir may I take your bags?"
Photon replies "Nah... I'm traveling light" - A box of condoms, please. That'll be 3,99. Do you want a bag with it?
Nah I'm OK. She's actually quite pretty. - What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? glove.
Nah, I'm just kidding. He hasn't opened it yet. - My marriage counselor asked if it was true that I generally wake up grumpy in the morning I said, "Nah, most of the time I just let her sleep"
Share These Nah Jokes With Friends
Nah One Liners
Which nah one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with nah? I can suggest the ones about huh and bout.
- Hey, you wanna win? Nah, we'll pass.
- What country refuses tea? Chai? nah
- What did the Buddhist monk say when asked to leave his temple? 'Nah imma stay.'
- An Irishman walks out of a bar Nah, just kidding
- My friend asked me if I wanted to skip class. I said "nah, I think I'll pass."
- Have you seen the sequel to Constipation? Nah, number two hasn't come out yet.
- I was going to tell a Sodium and Hydrogen pun But NaH
- I was gonna tell a joke about Sodium and Hydrogen but... Nah.
- Nah, Nah, Nah, Nah nah nah. Nah nah nah. Hey June
- John Candy offered John Goodman sweets John: Candy?
John: Nah, I'm good, man. - Is it crude to make oil jokes now? Nah, it's oilright.
- A joke about pi? Nah this joke just goes on forever
------------------- - Do Indian restaurants have any bread? Nah, they have Naan.
- What happens to a sick horse? It goes to the horsepital. Nah just kidding it gets shot.
- Want to hear a joke about a nihilist? Nah, what's the purpose?
Loads of Fun with Charming Humor Nah Jokes
What funny jokes about nah you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dude jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make nah pranks.
An American tourist in Australia got hit by a car.
He woke up in a hospital with a doctor standing over him.
He asked the doctor, "Did I come here to die?"
The doctor replied, "Nah, mate, you came here yesterday."
My wife asked me, If I die, will you re-marry?
I replied, I don't know love, I don't think about those sorts of things.
Well If you did, would she live in our house? she asked
I said, I don't know, I haven't thought about it!
Then she asked Would you let her wear my clothes?
I replied Nah she's not your size
Actual conversation today. My wife: "i'm tired of anaesthesiology. What other area of medicine should I try?"
Me: I don't know. Emerg?
Wife: Nah, I want something lower stress. Hey, what about sleep medicine?
Me: Sleep medicine?
Wife: Like, helping people with sleep disorders and such. I wonder what sort of education i'd need?
Me: Probably night school.
my wife finally agreed to a t**..., on the condition that she picks the girl
i replied "nah, honey, i'm gonna pick both of them"
I work in retail, a married man made me laugh
Me: Hi sir, can I help you?
Him: Nah I'm just looking for my wife
Me: Oh sorry, we don't sell wives here
Him: Good! Else you'd get a lot of returns!
A Man Walks Into A Bar...
And orders 3 shots for himself. The bartender asks why 3 shots? The man says that he has two brothers overseas and that whenever they drink, they all drink for each other as well.
A few weeks later, the same man comes in again and orders 2 shots for himself. The bartender asks the man if something happened to one of his brothers. The man replies "Nah, I've just stopped drinking."
Arthur Guinness
The leaders of the big beer companies meet for a drink. The president of Budweiser orders a bud, the Ceo of Miller gets a Miller, the head of coors orders a coors, and so on. Until it's Arthur Guinness's turn, he orders a soda. "Why didn't you order a Guinness?" everyone asks. "Nah" Guinness replies. If you guys aren't having a beer,then neither will I.
A man from out of town walks into a bar...
he sees large pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. He asks the bartender why the meat is hanging down from the ceiling. The bartender says "Around these parts we have a challenge. If you can jump up and touch the meat, you get it for free. If you can't you have to pay the price of the meat but you don't get it. How about taking the bet?" The man looks up at the meat. "Nah" He says. "The steaks are too high.
A man walks into a bar and sees 3 pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling
The guy asks, "What's this about?" The bartender replies, "Well, if you can jump up and slap the meat, you get free drinks for the rest of the night. If you miss, you pay for everyone's drink for the next hour. You wanna do it?" The guy replies, "Nah the steaks are too high".
Three engineers were discussing who could have been the architect of the human body.
The first said, "It definitely was a Mechanical Engineer, look at all the joints."
The second said, "Nah dude, it was an Electrical Engineer, look at all the electrical connections from the brain."
The third said, "Nope, only a Civil Engineer will run piping carrying sanitation waste right next to a recreational area."
"My first son has a PHD in arts, my daughter has two degrees in communication and jornalism and my youngest son is a burglar."
Friend: "Wow a burglar? You should kick him out!"
Dad: "Nah... he is the only one who makes money."
Two men are walking down the street
When they see 3 guys across the road beating up an older woman. Fred turns to George and says
"Hey, isn't that your mother in law over there?"
"So it is." replies George
"Well aren't you going to help?!" Fred asked.
"Nah," George replied, "I think 3 should be enough"
My pregnant wife asked me if I ever worried it would be too hot for the baby inside her.
I said, Nah, it's probably w**... temperature.
I was walking down the High Street with my wife...
... and upon reaching a corner, we saw six men beating up someone. I was going to turn and lead my wife away from the crime happening before us, but suddenly she exlaimed
"Oh my god it's mom! Quick quick! Go and help!"
I turned to her and said
"Nah. I think 6's enough."
I was at an important job interview today, when they asked me if I was on Facebook…
"Sorry, no. I'm not." I replied.
"Twitter?"
"Nope."
"Instagram?"
"Nah."
"Look, just put your phone away, will you!?"
A black hole and a nebula go out to lunch...
A black hole and a nebula are at a restaurant. The nebula orders a ginormous amount of food and the black hole only orders a drink and a small appetizer.
The nebula says the the black hole, "Are you sure you don't want more?"
The black hole replies, "Nah, I eat light"
A n**... lady goes to a bar, asks for a drink
A n**... lady goes to a bar, asks for a drink.
Bartender stares at her. Lady said, "Never seen a n**... woman?"
Bartender replied, "Nah, just wondering, how are you going to pay?"
It's WW1 on the straits of Gallipoli, the soldiers are ready to charge from their trenches.
The british officers decides to make a rousing speech to his troops: "Listen here lads, did you come here to die?" and the australian answers "Nah mate, I came 'ere yesterday!"
Guy goes to a ballgame...
...finds his seat and sees an elderly fellow in the next row with an empty seat beside him. They get to chatting and he asks if the seat is taken:
"Not anymore. My wife and I used to go to all the games together, but she died. This is the first game I've been to since!"
"Oh, I'm so sorry. Couldn't you give the ticket to a friend, or a family member?"
"Nah. They're all at the f**...."
A blind man walks into a bar.
A blind man walks into a bar, taps the man next him, and says, "Hey, wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The man says back to the blind man, "Look buddy, I'm blonde. The man behind me is a 400-pound professional wrestler and he is blonde. The bouncer is blonde. The man sitting over to your left is also blonde. Still wanna tell that blonde joke?"
The blind man is silent for a moment and then says, "Nah, I wouldn't want to have to explain it five times."
A British soldier meets an Australian soldier on a warzone
**British soldier**: Did you come here to die?
**Australian soldier**: Nah mate, I came here yesterday!
A blind man walks into a bar
A blind man walks into a bar, taps the man next him and says, "Hey, wanna hear a blond joke?"
The man said to the blind man, "Look buddy, I'm blond. The man behind me is a 400-pound professional wrestler, and he's blond. The bouncer is blond. The man sitting over to your left is also blond. Still wanna tell that blond joke?"
The blind man was silent for a moment and then said, "Nah, I wouldn't want to have to explain it five times."
Bench Bros...
Two guys are in the gym working on their bench pressing when a b**... coed comes up to the rack next to them and begins to do her workout. o**... turns to his spotter and says "hey you think that's a push up bra?" And his spotter says "nah brah, that's a squat"
So aliens flew by our planet recently and one asked the other...
Alien 1 How advanced is that civilization?
Alien 2 They have discovered nuclear technology.
Alien 1 Oh boy... That's pretty intelligent. We better keep our distance then from their missles.
Alien 2 Nah, they're not that smart yet. They have em pointed at themselves.
DmX meets Prince Phillip at the pearly gates
DMX meets Prince Phillip at the Pearly Gates after DMX dies at 50 years old.
Prince Phillip scoffs at him. "50?!".
DMX says "Nah man, you got me confused with that other rapper."
Dude walks into a bar and sees 3 pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling...
...He asked the bartender, "What are those for?" Bartender answers, "If you can slap a piece of meat, you get free drinks for an hour. If you can't, everyone's drinks are on you. Do you want to try it?"
He replies, "Nah, the steaks are too high."
A cowboy walks into a bar
"I'd like twenty martinis in a bucket."
"Why?"
"My horse likes them."
"This I've got to see."
The bartender mixes them up and they walk out to the horse. The horse puts his muzzle in and slurps them down.
The bartender says, "That's the damnest thing I ever saw. Come back in and I'll give you one on the house."
The cowboy says, "Nah. Thanks, but I've got to drive."
One of my mom's favorite jokes.
Putin asks Zelenskyi: 'When I'm dead, I bet you will come to urinate on my grave?"
Zelenskyi: "Nah. Never been fond of waiting in line."
Paul: "So lads, any idea how we're gonna end 'Hey Jude'"?
John: Nah.
George: Nah.
Ringo: Nah.
So I saw my mother-in-law getting beaten up by six guys
"Aren't you going to do something?" My wife asked.
"Nah, six should be enough."
(Les Dawson)
A man walks into a hardware store
So my grandpa just told this joke, it goes something like this:
A man walks into a hardware store looking for some nails, the shopkeeper walks up to him and asks how long do you want them mate? , the man responds nah I wanna keep em
Not sure if this has been posted before but I thought it was funny :)
A man walks into a bar and orders a drink.
Then he notices there are pieces of meat nailed to the ceiling of the bar so he asks the barman what they are for. The barman replies, "If you can jump up and pull one of them down you get free beer all night. If you fail, you have to pay the bar £100. Do you want to have a go?"
The man thinks about it for a minute before saying, "Nah, the steaks are too high!"
`That cut looks bad. You should go to the hospital for stitches.
"Nah."
"Fine, suture self."
A Demogorgon, a Dungeon Master and a Sherriff walk in to a bar.
My friend shouts "Wow! I've never seen anything like this. Isn't this amazing?!"
I replied "Nah, I've seen Stranger Things."
A man asks a janitor in his office...
"Hey, don't you get tired being just a janitor?"
The janitor is taken aback. "Excuse me, let me tell you that even if I'm just a janitor, I have a kid each in Harvard, MIT, and Princeton."
"Wow," the man is surprised, "what courses are they taking?"
"Nah, they're janitors too."
I went to a blind p**... the other day
She told me I was the biggest she'd ever laid her hands on.
I said "nah, you're pulling my leg"
A duck walks into the drug store
A duck walks into the drug store and asks for a pack of condoms.
Druggist says: "would you like me to put that on your bill?"
Duck says: "nah, I'm not into that weird stuff".
A man went to the supermarket to buy some condoms
Cashier: Do you need a bag?
Man: Nah, she's not that ugly...
German visits France
A german tourist decided to visit France shortly after the war.
The french immigration officer asked the tourist, "Occupation?"
The german replied "Nah, just visiting"
A man walks into a bar while carrying a chunk of asphalt under his arm....
he says, "Hey! Bartender! Two beers please." The bartender looks at him with a confused look and asked, "Why two? Are you waiting on someone?" The man responds, "Nah, I need for me and one for the road."
I was at a football game. Sold out stadium, but the guy next to me had an empty seat next to himself...
...As the game wore on, I asked him "Who's seat is that?" He looked at me sadly and said "That was my wife's seat but she passed away."
"I'm sorry to hear that." I replied. "You don't have any other family that might want to come to the game with you?" He shook his head and said "Nah... they're all at the f**..."
An Australian is visiting England...
He is from a small rural town and he does not know anything about traffic laws and street lights. He crosses a street and almost gets hit by a car. A police officer sees him and screams: "Oi! Did you come here to die?" The Australian replies with: "Nah mate, I came here yesterday!"
When you get old, your hearing starts to go...
Three old men are walking down the street one afternoon. The first one remarks "Windy, isn't it?"
The second one says "Nah! It's Thursday."
The third one nods and replies "So am I, let's stop for a drink."
Therapist: "So your parents both blame you for the divorce"
Therapist: "So your parents both blame you for the divorce"
John: "Nah, I was just a kid."
Therapist: "That wasn't a question. I see them twice a week."
I switched my kids to almond milk.
Whenever people ask me if I think it's healthier I tell them "Nah, I just got tired of them asking why their picture is on the back of the milk cartons."
A biologist, a physicist and a mathematician...
...is sitting at a café watching the building across the road. They see one person entering the main door, and soon after, two persons leaving the building.
"Ah! They must have reproduced in there!" says the biologist.
"Nah, there must have been some error in our first measurement" says the physicist.
"If one person enters now", says the mathematician, "the building will be empty!".
A man was watching TV at home
He said out loud "Run you idiot!"
His wife heard him and asked "Are you watching a horror film?"
He responded "Nah. Just our wedding tape."
A cowboy is buying condoms.
"Give me 3 packets of condoms, please" he says.
"Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?" asks the cashier.
"Nah, she's purty good-lookin ..."
A Man Goes Into A Pharmacy
And asks for birth control for his wife and seven year old daugher.
The pharmacist, shocked, exclaims "You're seven year old daughter is s**... active?!"
And the man just shrugs and says "Nah, she just lays there"
A pig goes to a bar and knocks back ten beers.
"Need to know where the bathroom is? You've had quite a lot," asked the bartender.
"Nah," said the pig. "I'm the one that goes wee-wee-wee all the way home."
Two parents are arguing about whose child is the most s**....
"Mine is very s**...", says the first one. "And to show you what I mean: Hey son, take this dollar and go buy my a piano! You saw him! He's going!"
"Nah... mine is even more s**..." replies the second one. "Hey son, go to the cafeteria to check if I'm there. Check him out!! He left."
Later, the two sons meet up outside the cafeteria.
"Hey, my father is very s**..." says the first one, "He gave me this dollar to go and buy him a piano, and he didn't even tell me which brand he wants it!"
"That's so s**..., but mine is the most s**...! He asked me to go to the cafeteria to check if he's there. Like, he just cant call and check!"
Gods Vacation
The gods were planning on where to spend their next vacations; Shiva suggested: "what about Neptune?", then Ala said: "It's too cold!"; Zeus then suggested: "Let's go to Mars!", then Buddha replied "Nah, we went there last time!". So someone spoke "What about Earth?", for God to reply: "no way, Earth people like to gossip too much. I went there 2000 years ago, had a thing with a v**... and they're still talking about it!"
A mother has two daughters and a son.
A mother has two daughters and a son. One day her first daughter comes up to her and says: "Mother, why am I named Rose?", to which she replies: "That's because when you were a baby a rose landed on your head".
Her second daughter later comes up to her and says: "Mother, why am I called Petal?", to which she answers: "That's because when you were a baby a petal landed on your head".
Finally, her son approaches her and says: "BLUH NAH BUH BUH BLUH", and the mother says: "Shut up, Fridge".
A man walks into a bar and orders 11 shots.
The the bartender pours the shots and asks the man what the occasion is. The man says "First time for a b**... today." The bartender congratulated the man and said "For such an occasion, I'll add a 12th shot on the house." The man said "Nah, don't worry about it. If 11 doesn't get the taste out of my mouth, 12 won't either."
An old drunk was at the bar when...
He saw this beautiful woman drinking alone at the corner of the bar alone. So he waved the bartender over and ask the bartender to send a bottle of the most expensive champagne to the woman.
The bartender, "nah, I wouldn't bother with that. She's a lesbian." But the old drunk insisted.
A short while later, the old drunk sauntered over to the woman, "So...which part of Lesbia are you from?"
Blind man walks into a bar
And says to the bartender: hey wanna hear a blonde joke?
Bartender says: listen pal, I'm blonde, the two marines next to you are blonde, the pianist is blonde, and the bouncer is blonde. Now, are you sure you want to make a blonde joke?
Blind man: nah, not if I have to explain it 5 times!
For my first cake day I was just going to do a repost of someone else's cake joke.
But then I thought....
Nah, I could do batter.
A Man Goes To His Doctor
Doctor: Pick a star sign. Any star sign
Man: Alright, i choose Capricorn
Doctor: Nah you got Cancer
What do you call a male version of a 'Karen'? Ken…Kurt…Karl?
Nah: Kelvin. Because he's an absolute zero.
I told my friend we should go out and pick up some chicks
He asked, "What about your wife?"
I replied "Nah, she's married"
The Special
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "What's the special tonight?" he asks the bartender. "It's our blue cheese bacon burger," the bartender replies. "Do you want to try one?" "Nah. I hate blue cheese," the guy replies. "I mean it's literally just cheese full of bacteria." "Hey," the bartender says, clearly offended. "You need to stop discriminating against other cultures."
My crush asked my help to impress a boy. So I told her we should pretend to date to make him jealous.
We've now been married for 10 years and have a kid and she hasn't made any progress with that guy. Maybe I should stop beating him up every time he tries to meet her?
Nah. Need to stay in character.
In my interview for the binman job, I asked if you needed any special training...
The interviewer said "nah you just sort of pick it up as you go along".
What did the son reply when his mother asked if he needed a drive to his yoga class?
"Nah, ma, stay"
An American pilot is flying a small plane across Australia.
He crashes in the Outback and is knocked unconscious. When he comes to, he's in a hospital with a nurse standing over him. Still groggy and pretty much out of it, he asks "Did you bring me here to die?" Nurse says "Nah, ya got here yesta die."
