Nagging Jokes
48 nagging jokes and hilarious nagging puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about nagging that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Make your home life a little bit more lighthearted with these nagging jokes! Put a smile on your face with these hilarious jabs aimed at husbands dealing with nagging wives. Let the laughter begin!
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Funniest Nagging Short Jokes
Short nagging jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The nagging humour may include short annoying jokes also.
- I have this nagging feeling. It starts right when I wake up, but it usually stops when she goes to bed.
- Every time I have a beer, my wife keeps nagging me and telling me I drink too much I mean come on, who needs to hear that nine times a day?
- My wife is always nagging. I remembered to bring the stroller, the diaper bag, even an extra set of clothes.
But al she can talk about is how I forgot the baby. - I've got a dishwasher that's still going strong after 37 years. She does nag a bit though.
- I need help translating my 11 month old's joke "Dya nag nag da Mya gad... UH OH!" Followed by enormous laughter. Thanks for any help
- My friend kept nagging me to donate one of my prepositions to charity. Eventually, I gave in.
- I always thought my wife nagged me less un February because of Valentines Day. Turns out it's because it only has 28 days.
- It took a lot of courage but I finally told my girlfriend I couldn't see her anymore. And of course, just as I expected, she nagged about me always misplacing my glasses.
- What did the large reptile say to her child when it kept nagging her to listen to the song Chandelier? We will listen to Sia later alligator.
- My friend threw away some Nag Champa I bought for them claiming to be allergic to it. I feel like they are very incense-itive.
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Nagging One Liners
Which nagging one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with nagging? I can suggest the ones about annoyance and irritating.
- What did Sparticus do to the cannibal who ate his nagging wife? Nothing, he's gladiator.
- My wife's native american name is "3 horses" nag nag nag
- How did the Roman feel when he cannibalized his nagging wife? Glad-he-ater
- A group of nagging dentists discovered and new chemical element. It's called Phlosphorus.
- Someone stole all my Nag Champa Now I'm incensed
- What do wives and horses have in common? They all turn into old nags eventually.
- Your mom nagged you since you were born Your wife will, till you die.
- But Baby it's cold outside Stop nagging me by sitting inside
- How is a self-checkout machine like a wife? All it does is nag you and take your money.
- What do you call a man who nags his fat wife about her weight? Fitler
- Anagram It told me to nag a ram.
- I'm not homophobe... I'm only jealous because my wife is a nag.
Nagging Wife Jokes
Here is a list of funny nagging wife jokes and even better nagging wife puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you say to a man whose wife of 20 years has stopped nagging and complaining? I am sorry for your loss.
- Nagging wife The wife said, "You haven't listened to a fecking word I've said, have you?"
I thought, that's a strange way to start a conversation with me. - My wife's been nagging me to see the dentist about a tooth extraction. She says getting me to go is like pulling teeth.
- 3 Horses I asked the Indian man how it was that his wife was named 'Three Horses', such an unusual name?
He said, "Nag, Nag, Nag!" - My wife kept nagging me to lose weight. So I dropped 110 pounds. But she got right back up again.
- My wife asked me why I think she nags people about things that don't even bother her. I told her was because she is a test-tease
She said no that's not it, I don't mean to test-tickle - My wife keeps complaining How much I procrastinate.
I told her, if she doesn't stop nagging I'll never get this spring cleaning done - My wife would always nag me to do the gardening.. Eventually I had to put that h**... in the ground.
- We finally drove somewhere without my wife nagging on my driving for the first time ever. It was in a hearse on the way to her f**....
- A man asked an American Indian for his wife's name... "She is called Five Horses" He replied.
"That's an unusual name, what does it mean?"
The Indian grimaced. "f**.......NAG, NAG, NAG, NAG, NAG!"
Rib-Tickling Nagging Jokes that Bring Friends Together
What funny jokes about nagging you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean poking jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make nagging pranks.
my nagging wife died suddenly on a trip in Jeruselum
f**... director: "Sir, it would cost about $45,000 if we send her home back to the states or $500 if we bury her here in Jerusalem"
Me: "ship her home"
f**... director: "But sir, why don't you bury her here in the Holy Land and you can save money"
Me: "A long time ago a man was buried here and 3 days later he rose from the dead, I can't take that chance"
A married couple is fighting
A married couple is fighting when the wife says, I don't want you in this house anymore, pack your s**... and get out. Husband starts packing as the wife is still nagging him. The husband opens the door to leave and just as he is walking out the wife says, I hope you die a slow and painful death you son of a b**... . The husband stops and says, I don't understand, do you want me to stay
A married man left work early one Friday afternoon...
Instead of going home, however, he squandered the weekend (and his paycheck) partying with the boys.
When he finally returned home on Sunday night, he ran into a barrage of epithets from his furious wife. After a couple of hours of nagging and berating, his wife asked, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for a couple of days!?!"
"That would suit me just fine!!!"
Monday went by and the man didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same result.
Come Thursday, the swelling went down a bit and he could see her a little, just out of the corner of his left eye..
Builder
A man with a nagging secret couldn't keep it any longer. In the confessional he admitted that for years he had been stealing building supplies from the lumberyard where he worked. "What did you take? " his priest asked. "Enough to build my own house and enough for my son's house. And houses for our two daughters and our cottage at the lake. " "This is very serious," the priest said. "I shall have to think of a far-reaching penance. Have you ever done a retreat? " "No, Father, I haven't," the man replied. "But if you can get the plans, I can get the lumber. "
This guy had a magic door
This guy had a magic door in his house. Whenever he wanted he could open the door and step into a magic world where he was the only human in. Since he was alone in this magic world he was like the king and he could do whatever he wanted to. There was no wife to throw chores at him, no kids nagging and fighting, no dog he needs to take on a walk - no one. He was alone to do as he pleases for as long as he wanted to until his legs get numb and he has to flush down the water and get back to reality.
Tom and his buddy got drunk
Tom took it too far and puked on his shirt.
"Oh no! My wife will kill me she hates when i drink"
"Dont worry. Take this 20$ bill and tell her someone else puked on you and gave you the money for the cleaning."
So it was done.
Tom went home and his wife starts nagging and screaming to poor Tom.
"No honey someone puked on me and gave me 20 bucks for the cleaning. See?"
"And what is the second bill for?"
"Oh someone crapped in my pants too."
Recurring Visions
This is an old one.
A man goes to a psychologist and says "Doc, you have to help me. I can't sleep. Every time I close my eyes my mother is right there giving me grief. When I open them, it's even worse, there she is again nagging and bullying me. Sometimes its so bad, at night time, all I can do is go downstairs and eat a piece of toast."
The doctor looks at him and replies "What? One piece of toast? For a big boy like you?"
A Scottish Trip
"Da, why can't we just take a ferry to France for vacation?"
"Just shut up with year nagging and keep on swimming son."
A Jamaican man's wife dies in Jerusalem
A Jamaican man and his nagging wife were on holiday in Jerusalem, when the wife suddenly died. The f**... company told the man that it could cost $500, 000 to ship her home to Jamaica or $500 to bury her in Jerusalem. The husband said, "ship her home" shocked, the undertaker asked, but sir why don't you bury her in holy land and save the money? To which the husband replied. A long time ago a man was buried here and 3 days later, he rose from the dead.......I can't take that chance.
My girlfriend wants me to get a new phone
My girlfriend and I were sitting on a plane heading towards america, she kept on nagging at me telling me to get a new phone, (old nokia brick) Then she kept on repeating, get a new one get a new one!!!! Finally i gave into the temptation and got a new girlfriend.
Husband takes his wife to the pub
A nagging wife was complaining about her husband spending all his time at the pub, so one night he takes her along with him.
"What'll you have?" he asks.
"Oh, I don't know. Same as you I suppose," she replies.
The husband orders a couple of straight whiskies and throws his down in one gulp. His wife watches him, takes a sip from her glass and immediately spits it out.
"Yuck, it's horrible," she splutters. "I don't know how you can drink that stuff!"
"Well there you go," cries the husband. "And you think I'm out enjoying myself every night!"
