Mystic Jokes
36 mystic jokes and hilarious mystic puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about mystic that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Mystic Jokes are a great way to have a little fun without offending anyone. Discover some of the funniest and most mysterious jokes from the world of Mystic Messenger and learn why mediums and halitosis may be the perfect combination for a good laugh.
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Funniest Mystic Short Jokes
Short mystic jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The mystic humour may include short mysterious jokes also.
- I met a frail old wizard. He had bad breath and loads of blisters. He was a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
- A dwarf, that happens to be a mystic, escapes from prison. The call went out that there was a small medium at large.
- Have you heard about the barefoot frail wizard with bad breath? Well it's the first confirmed case of a super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis
- While climbing barefoot up mountains to meditate, Ghandi would squeeze garlic into his mouth to deal with hunger pains from fasting super calloused fragile mystic with extra halitosis
- I wrote a song about Ghandi It is called "Super-calloused-fragile-mystic-hexed-by-halitosis"
- I recently saw a psychic, a mystic, a palm reader, and a fortune teller all laughing together at something I couldn't understand. Must have been an insight joke...
- Did you hear about the board game which traps you in a mystical world of French cuisine from which you must eat you way out? It's called "Je manger."
- What did the mystical fire breathing beast say when he was really tired getting out of bed? "Man, I'm really dragon this morning!"
- If Gandhi went on a 100 day journey with no shoes or toiletries... ... he would be a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis
- There are a bunch of people shouting "No Reds or Yellows!" outside my gym I can't tell if they are supporting Trump or Team Mystic
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Mystic One Liners
Which mystic one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with mystic? I can suggest the ones about psychic and magical.
- My eye doctor told me he could fix my vision with witchcraft. At least he's opti-mystic.
- What do you call a wizard with a good outlook on life? An Opti-Mystic.
- Russian leadership has gotten so bad that even mystics are mocking it They razz Putin.
- What do you call a mystic Saint you share a living space with? Rumi..
- What do you call a tome of mystical language arts? A grammar-y!
- Who was the nose's favorite Christian mystic? Nostrildamus
- What do you call an isolated mystical forest creature? Gnome alone.
- So, I hear Islamic Mysticism is all you need... It's suficient.
- What was Ghandi? Super-callous-fragile-mystic-hexed-with-halitosis
Giggle-Inducing Mystic Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends
What funny jokes about mystic you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean mythical jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make mystic pranks.
Wives seem to love this one
In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the Mystic delivered grave news:
"There's no easy way to tell you this, so I'll just be blunt. Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year."
Visibly shaken, Laura stared at the woman's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands.
She took a few deep breaths to compose herself and to stop her mind racing. She simply had to know.
She met the Fortune Teller's gaze, steadied her voice and asked, "Will I be acquitted?"
The Psychic
Fearing her marriage is crumbling, a middle-aged woman visits a highly respected psychic renown for the accuracy of her predictions.
In a dark and hazy room, she tells the psychic of her fears and growing unhappiness.
The mystic peers into her crystal ball, then looks at the woman and delivers the grave news: "There's no easy way to say this... Your husband is planning to move all of the money in your joint account to an offshore bank, then file for divorce and marry his tennis instructor." She sighs heavily, peers again into the crystal ball, then gasps. "Wait!" she says. "You must prepare yourself. Before he can do these things, he will die a violent and horrible death."
Visibly shaken, the woman stares at the psychic's lined face, then at the crystal ball, then down at her hands. She takes a few deep breaths to compose herself.
She simply has to know.
She meets the fortune teller's gaze, steadies her voice, and asks: "Will I be acquitted?"
Did you hear about the albino clairvoyant master hypnotist from San Francisco?
He was a super pallid Cali mystic, expert at hypnosis.
(Today I had wanted to tell someone the Gandhi joke I read on here the other day, but I couldn't remember it so I made this up and thought I may as well share it even though it's purely derivative.)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Since Ghandi walked barefoot, and ate a diet giving him bad breath, he was...
A super Calloused Fragile Mystic Hexed by Halitosis!
How did the mystic respond when asked what he's doing tonight?
Your mommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Ghandi
Ghandi was a mystical prophet of god. He wore no shoes,so he developed many callouses on his feet. He was a fruititarian,eating no protein,so his limbs were very spindly. Also,he never cleaned his teeth,so he was eternally cursed with bad breath. This made him a…"Super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis".
Mahatma Ghandi never wore shoes...
Gandhi never wore shoes, and so his feet were always covered in loads of callouses and blisters. And because he never ate food, he was always very frail. Furthermore his fasting caused him to have horrible breath. So...
I guess you could say he was a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis
So there was a monk...
This particular monk could only eat garlic for his religious diet, which made him EXTREMELY weak, and also gave him bad breath. Also, like most other monks he wore no shoes, which gave him many callouses.
This made him a "super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It took Gandhi over a month to cross the Alps barefoot, no washing, worn out, and survived only on garlic. He was a...
Super-calloused fragile mystic, extra halitosis.
A mystic was asked whether it was better to be drunk or high.
He said:
"Budweiser? Why, sir: *Bud* wiser."
An intense fight broke out at the gym down the road just now
It now belongs to Team Mystic
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An attractive young woman goes to a mystic guru
An attractive young woman goes to a mystic guru and says: Oh great guru, please cure me of my ailment guruji! As the woman was attractive, the mystic guru said I will cure you my child, but as token of you gratitude, you must go to bed with me.
She agreed, and the guru had the best s**... of his life with the woman.
Then the guru asked Tell me, my child. what is your ailment? . I have AIDS replied the woman.
Kim Jong Un went to get his palm read.
"Ah", said the mystic. "One year from now I see great glory in your future.
Two years from now I see even greater glory.
Three years from now the glory is joined by love.
However I must warn you that past that I can read nothing of your future."
At this the dictator gets a bit panicked. " Do you mean to tell me that my enemies seek to kill me and will destroy glorious Korea in 4 years time?"
" No, no", assures the fortune teller. "Your existence and that of Korea continues beyond the next three years, I just can't read any of it because I can't read Chinese."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a wizard who walks everywhere on bare feet, has poor bone density and really bad breath?
A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
Supercalifragilisticexpialodocious.
Now, we all know that Mahatma Gandhi didn't wear shoes when he walked, so he had rather large calluses on his feet. He also did not eat much, making him rather frail, and due to his diet, his breath was unpleasant, to say the least.
He was a super-callused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the sickly magician with blisters and bad breath?
He's a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do we know about Gandhi?
Well, he walked barefoot and was a vegetarian.. he ate very little and practiced yoga, and was a minimalist who likely didn't brush his teeth either, giving him bad breath.
He was a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
