My Wife Is So Fat Jokes
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Funniest My Wife Is So Fat Short Jokes
Short my wife is so fat jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The my wife is so fat humour may include short beautiful wife jokes also.
- How can you tell if your girlfriend is getting too fat? If she fits in your wife's clothes.
- I bought a pug for my wife. Despite the bulging eyes, wrinkles and layers of fat, the pug seemed to like her.
- How do you know your girlfriend is getting fat? She starts fitting in your wife's clothes.
(Old joke, I know, just heard it though, made me laugh.) - How do you know your girlfriend is getting fat? She starts to fit into your wife's clothes.
- I told my wife she shouldn't get upset when people call her fat Because she's bigger than that.
- Wife: "Honey, I think you're a little to harsh to one of our kids." Husband: "Who do you mean? John, Michael or the fat one?"
- My wife really wanted a dog, so I bought her a pug. Despite the squashed nose, bulging eyes and rolls of fat, the dog really seems to like her.
- My wife asked me "Is it just me or is the cat getting fat?" Apparently "No it's just you" wasn't the right answer.
- How do you know your girlfriend is getting fat? She starts borrowing your wife's clothes...
- Will you get mad? Wife: *Honey, do I look fat in this dress?*
Husband: *Will you get mad if I tell you the truth?*
Wife: *No, silly. Of course not*
Husband: *I slept with your sister*
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My Wife Is So Fat One Liners
Which my wife is so fat one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with my wife is so fat? I can suggest the ones about fat husband and pregnant wife.
- Wife: "I'm fat, old and ugly, what am I?" Husband: "Right"
- How do you know when your girlfriend is getting fat? When she fits in your wife's jeans.
- Me and the wife 88'ed last night. It's like 69'ing, but for fat people.
- I'm not saying my wife is fat... but I struggle to lift her photograph
- how can you tell if your gf is getting fat? when She fits in your Wife's clothes.
- I'm not saying my wife is fat... But I put an energy saving bulb in the refrigerator.
- "My fat friend died on a set of moving stairs," said my wife. That escalated slowly
- My wife told me to burn some calories... So I found a fat kid and set him on fire.
- My wife likes to tell me she is worshipped in india... She's a fat cow.
- How can you tell your girlfriend is getting fat? She fits in your wife's clothes.
- Wife: "Do I look fat in this dress?" Husband: "No, you look fat in every dress."
- What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? 45 pounds.
- What did the caveman give his wife on Valentine's Day? Ughs and kisses!
- I'm not saying my wife's fat... ...because if I do she'll sit on me.
- My wife says she's too fat to be on the catwalk. "You're a roll model," I told her.
Entertaining My Wife Is So Fat Jokes to Laugh Out Loud Fun with Everyone
What funny jokes about my wife is so fat you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jealous wife jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make my wife is so fat pranks.
My wife gave birth 4 times and still fits in her prom dress from high school.
I gave birth 0 times and I don't fit in my pants from March.
I'll never forget the day I met my wife.
We were at a fancy dress party. She was stood there, looking gorgeous and slim, with her fat mate. They'd gone together, dressed as the number ten.
I knew there and then, she was the one.
A group of friends went golfing one day...
-and after the round one of the men was very distraught after hitting a 107.
-He was so angry that he didn't even want to go to the bar afterwards to have a drink with his friends.
-So he decided to just drive home and take a load off.
-When he walked in the door his wife asked him how his round of golf went.
-He then punched her right in the face and said "I'm hitting everything fat today."
My flight instructor told me this one. Nothing to do with flying.
A man's wife is staring at herself in the mirror and frowning. She turns to her husband and says "Honey, I feel fat, old, and ugly. I could really use a compliment right now." To which the husband replies "Darling, your eyesight is impeccable."
if your little ladies not so little anymore...
you may want to think about what you can do to help. Here's some advice i got from a certified physical trainer: All you need to do is have your wife walk two miles every morning, and then another three miles every night, and in just seven short days that fat b**...'ll be thirty-five miles away
Fat guy.
A man is weighing himself in the bathroom s**... in his stomach when his wife comes in and says, "That's not going to help."
The guy say, "Well it is, it's the only way I can see the numbers."
Do these jeans make me look fat?
wife : Do these jeans make me look fat?
Me totally scared: Would you get mad if i tell you the truth?
Wife : No, i won't! Tell me.
Me : I slept with your sister
I wouldn't say my wife was fat.......
.....but she wore a white dress to the cinema last night and they showed the film on her back!
A husband and wife...
A husband and wife are in their bedroom together. The wife, fresh out of the shower, is standing in front of the mirror and says "I'm old, fat and depressed. I need a compliment." The husband thinks for a second and says "You have amazing eyesight!"
How do you know your girlfriend is getting too fat?
Because she tried on your wife's pants and they fit.
Wife And Husband
Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"
Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."
My wife tried on a new dress and turned to me and said, "I look fat, can you give me a compliment?"
"You have perfect eyesight", I replied.
My wife looked in the mirror today...
After taking a good look at herself she turned to me and said, "I look fat. Can you please give me a compliment?"
So I said, "Absolutely, you have perfect vision."
Which kid?
Wife: Honey, i think you don't love our kids equally. It seems you have one that gets less love from you.
Husband: Really? Which kid do you mean? Karl, Tina or the fat one
Every time a test comes up, my friends and I joke about how we should become trophy wives.
But it seems like a lot of work to be a trophy wife; always dressing up, keeping in shape, keeping everything plucked. If I married a rich guy, I would probably wear sweatpants, watch Netflix everyday, and get fat on pizza and cookie dough. So instead of being a trophy wife, I'd be an atrophy wife.
Will You Still Love Me???
Ah, marriage. I was standing in front of the bathroom mirror one evening admiring my reflection, when I posed this question to my wife of 30 years: Will you still love me when I'm old, fat, and balding?
She answered, I do.
I make my girlfriend work out 5 times a week and eat healthy.
I don't want her getting fat like my wife.
divorce
Wife to husband: I want a divorce. You always tell me I am fat.
Husband: Dont be crazy. What about our child ?
Wife: What ? What child ?
Husband: So you are not pregnant ??
Marriage
Husband asking the wife:
-Darling, do you want to come with me to the gym?
*-Are you saying I'm fat??*
-No, I was just thinking that we should maybe...
*-Are you saying I'm lazy??*
-No, no! Calm down, I didn't say that..
*-Why, you think I'm hysterical??*
-No, I wasn't saying that..
*-So you are calling me a liar now??*
-God no! You know what, I go alone then.
*-Wait a minute! Why do you want to go alone!?*
A wife comes downstairs before a dinner date with her husband
She asks, "Do I look fat in this dress?"
He replies, "Do I look dumb in this shirt?"
My wife kept using the word "hafta"
She would keep telling me, "I hafta watch my weight! Otherwise I might get fat."
After the 10th time I said, " Honey, you keep saying it wrong. It's, I hafta watch my weight otherwise I might get fatter."
Today my wife asked, "would you still love me if I was ugly and fat?"
Turns out "Yes I do" was not the right answer.
My wife always tells me that I treat my kid unfair. I don't even know which one she means.
Thomas, Carl or the fat and ugly one?
Wife: "I look fat. Tell me something to make me feel better."
Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."
The other day I tell my wife, "when I look into the mirror I only see an old fat man, I need you to make me feel better about myself."
She says "you have perfect eyesight."
My wife always says I am bullying on of our children
I don't know which one she means... John, Maria or the fat ugly one?
Wife: Do these jeans make me look fat?
Husband: Come on honey, let's not blame it on the *jeans*.
Wife is getting fat so the husband tells her she needs to start walking 10 miles a day...
...because in a month she'll be 300 miles away.
Hard of Hearing
I went to the Doctors yesterday as my ears were a bit blocked and I couldn't hear too well.
The Doctor asked if I could describe the symptoms, I told him the Father is called Homer and is fat and his wife is called Marge with big blue hair.
My wife looked at herself in the mirror and said to me...
'All I see is a fat, ugly woman, can you say something nice about me to make me feel better'
'Of course' I replied 'Your eyesight is perfect'
My wife was in the bathroom
My wife was in the bathroom for hours getting ready to go out when finally the door swung open and she said, "Honestly, do I look fat in this".
I replied, "Yes love, but to be fair, it's only a small bathroom"
The Promotion
I came home from work last night and told my wife that I've been given a huge promotion at work which means I get my own office and I get to employ my own private secretary.
"Well, you'd better hire someone who's a bit old, fat and ugly" she said "I don't want you choosing someone who you're going to be tempted to have s**... with".
"That's fair enough" I replied "When can you start?"
The Bible does not condemn homosexuality
The verse most people bring up is Leviticus 18:22, which says "Thou shall not lie with a man as thou would with a woman." This line has nothing to do with homosexuality.
What the verse actually means is that it's ok to lie when your wife asks if she looks fat but not when your buddy does.
A man's wife is looking at herself in the mirror
She says to her husband "I'm old, fat and ugly. Can't you give me a compliment?"
To this the husband replies "well, at least your sight is working"
Chad's wife decided to surprise him on his birthday
and to show him that she's a cool wife, she took him to a s**... club.
At the club:
Bouncer: Hi Chad! How you doing tonight?
Wife: How does he know you?
Chad: We play golf together!
Bartender: Evening Chad! The usual?
Wife: And how does he know you?!
Chad: Um, he's on the bowling team!
Hot blonde stripper: Hey s**..., champagne room again tonight?
At this point the wife loses it and storms out of the club, dragging Chad with her, into a taxi.
Taxi driver: Hey Chad! Boy... You picked a fat one tonight huh? Same motel?
Can you speak into my good ear? Doh!
A man goes to the doctor and tells the doctor he is having trouble hearing. the doctor asks him to describe the symptoms. The man replies "Homer is the fat guy and his wife is marge with the blue hair..."
I told my wife that her new dress made her look broader.
"Are you saying I look fat!?" she said.
"Not at all, honey" I replied. "I meant it makes you look more like a broad."
The wife looks at herself in the mirror and complain to her husband: I am so ugly and wrinkle and fat. Do I even have any good traits?
The husband put down his newspaper and slowly answer: Your eyesight is excellent darling
My wife's childbirth was like going on a seesaw opposite a fat boy.
I wish I'd been at the other end.
Got the wife a Pug Dog yesterday, despite the squashed nose, bulging eyes and rolls of fat...
the Dog seems to like her.
My wife looked in the mirror one day and thought she was fat and ugly...
She asked me to give her a compliment to cheer her up, so I told her "well, you have perfect eyesight!"
Wife: He made two fat jokes yesterday.
Husband: I don't recall this, that's a lie!
Therapist: Why would she remember then you making them?
Husband: Elephants never forget I suppose.
Therapist: Savage.
A wife told her husband she looks fat so she asked for a compliment
Her husband instantly compliments her saying "you have excellent eyesight."
My wife asked me if these pants make her look fat.
Being a wise man, I said Yes!
It's all the pants' fault.
My wife asked me "will you still love me when I get old and fat?"
I told her "What? You mean you're going to get even worse?"
There is a group of protestors chanting about fat acceptance.
There is a group of protestors chanting about fat acceptance. A married couple watched from a bench.
The husband told his wife, "it looks like there's fifty protestors over there!"
"I only counted ten." responded his wife.
The husband turned back to her, "I said it *looks* like fifty."
My wife told me, Don't get upset if people you know are always calling you fat.
You are much bigger than that.
Savage husband
Wife: I look old, fat and ugly. I need you to guve me a compliment.
Husband: Well your eyesight is perfect
My wife told me, Don't get upset if your friends keep calling you fat...
You are much bigger than that.
Called my wife fat forever ago, and she's never let me live in down
That's cause elephants never forget
A fat woman was standing on the weighing scale while holding her stomach in.
Um, I don't think that's going to help said the husband.
To which the wife replies in a confused manner,
Sure it does. How else I could see the numbers?
I told my ex-wife "Don't get upset if someone calls you fat" ...
"You're much bigger than that"
I need a compliment
*Wife:* I'm so ugly, fat and poorly dressed honey, I need a compliment to make me feel better.
*Husband:* Well, you do have a perfect eyesight sweety.
Wife: Did I get fat during quarantine?
Husband: You were never really that skinny
Time of death: 26/4/20 11:31am
Cause of death: Corona virus.
"Honey, do I look fat ?"
Asked the wife as she stood in front of the mirror.
"No, not at all..", the husband replied, "You look fabulous !!"
Wife, blushing, "Really ! Will you carry me to the fridge ? I want to eat some ice cream.. "
Husband, now visibly scared; "Don't you worry babe, just relax here ! I will just go get the fridge.. "
My wife: "Are you calling me fat?"
Me: "No, no! I'm just saying that lately I feel more attracted to you."
Another preventable Corona virus death
Wife: Did I get fat during the quarantine?
Husband: You were never really skinny.
Time of Death: May 3,2020 9:51pm
Cause of Death: Corona virus
My wife was worried that she was going to get fat one day - just because her sisters are fat, her mom is fat and her grandmother was fat. So I bought her a Peloton.
She broke the cycle.
My wife was worried that she was going to get fat, just because her sisters are fat, her mom is fat and her grandmother was fat. So I bought her a Peloton.
She broke the cycle.
A wife asks her husband if she's gotten fat during quarantine.
The husband replies you weren't that skinny to begin with .
The death certificate said time of death was 1035pm, cause of death was covid.
A short conversation between a husband and wife:
Wife: "I think this outfit makes me look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"
Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."
In the interests of self care, and to promote healthier lifestyle choices for myself now that I'm single, each morning when I get up, I look myself in the mirror, and say the three little words I always used to say to my wife
"You're too fat"
