My Point Exactly Jokes
39 my point exactly jokes and hilarious my point exactly puns to laugh out loud. Read bar jokes about my point exactly that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest My Point Exactly Short Jokes
Short my point exactly jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The my point exactly humour may include short precisely jokes also.
- Yesterday my wife pointed at the sky and said "Don't you think that looks exactly like Wonder Woman's plane" But I didn't see it.
- hey baby, are you my market equilibrium point? cause you're supplying exactly what I'm demanding
- Strange looks So I ask the wife why she's giving me those strange looks, she says she was smiling. Ehm..exactly my point 😟
- I said to my mate, "I think we should feed my wife herbicide." He said, "w**... killer?" "My point exactly," I replied.
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My Point Exactly One Liners
Which my point exactly one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with my point exactly? I can suggest the ones about missing the point and exact moment.
- I just don't get the point of paying in exact change. It makes no cents
Amusing & Witty My Point Exactly Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun
What funny jokes about my point exactly you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean agreed jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make my point exactly pranks.
A lawyer and his Czechoslovakian friend were camping in a backwoods section of Maine.
Early one morning, the two went out to pick berries for their morning breakfast.
As they went around the berry patch, gathering blueberries and raspberries in tremendous quantities, along came two huge bears - a male and a female.
The lawyer, seeing the two bears, immediately dashed for cover.
His friend, though, wasn't so lucky, and the male bear reached him and swallowed him whole.
The lawyer ran back to his Mercedes, tore into town as fast as he could, and got the local backwoods sheriff.
The sheriff grabbed his shotgun and dashed back to the berry patch with the lawyer.
Sure enough, the two bears were still there.
"He's in THAT one!" cried the lawyer, pointing to the male, while visions of lawsuits from his friend's family danced in his head.
He just had to save his friend.
The sheriff looked at the bears, and without batting an eye, leveled his gun, took careful aim and shot the female.
"Whatdidja do that for!" exclaimed the lawyer, "I said he was in the other!"
"Exactly," replied the sheriff. "Would YOU believe a lawyer who told you the Czech was in the male?"
An 85 year old man goes to his doctor...
"Doc, I got a big problem."
"I understand you were recently remarried, is that right?"
"Yes. My new wife is 23 years old, and that's exactly the problem. She just told me she's pregnant! I haven't been a father in sixty years, and I don't know what to do."
"Hmm. Let me tell you a story that I think will help explain what's going on here: A near sighted man decides to go bear hunting. On his way out the door, he accidentally picks up his umbrella instead of his rifle. Once he gets to the woods, he is instantly attacked by a ferocious 1,200 pound bear. He picks up his umbrella and shoots it dead. Does that story make sense to you?"
"No! Somebody else must have shot that bear."
"My point exactly."
An 80-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up.
The doctor asked him how he was feeling and the 80-year-old said,
"Things are great and I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old
bride who is pregnant with my child. So what do you think about that?"
*The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story.
*"I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season. One day he was setting off to go hunting. In a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun."
*"As he neared a lake, he came across a very large male b**... sitting at the water's edge. He realized he'd left his gun at home and so he couldn't shoot the magnificent creature. Out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it were his favourite hunting rifle
and went 'bang, bang'."
*"Miraculously, two shots rang out and the b**... fell over dead." "Now, what do you think of that?" asked the doctor.
*The 80-year-old said, "If you ask me, I'd say somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that b**...."
*The doctor replied, "My point exactly."
The Old Man and the b**... (long joke)
An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up...
The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said, "Things are great and I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. So what do you think about that Doc?"The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story.
"I have an older friend , much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season.One day he was setting off to go hunting. In a bit of a hurry , he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun. As he neared a lake, he came across a very large male b**... sitting at the water's edge.He realized he'd left his gun at home and so he couldn't shoot the magnificent creature. Out of habit he raised his cane , aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and went 'bang, bang'."Miraculously, two shots rang out and the b**... fell over dead. Now, what do you think of that ?" asked the doctor.
The 86-year-old said , "Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that b**...."
The doctor replied, "My point exactly!"
A 98 year old man...
A 98 year old man goes to the doctor. He tells the doctor that he is in the best shape of his life. He can run around, his memory is great, and he just got his 18 year old girlfriend pregnant.
The doctor pauses, looks at him, and replies, "My neighbor went out hunting one day and instead of grabbing his shotgun on the way out, he grabbed his umbrella. While he was out he saw a rabbit. He pointed the umbrella at him and yelled 'BANG BANG!' The rabbit dropped over dead. What do you think of that?"
The old man answers, "I think someone else shot that rabbit."
The doctor points at him and replies, "Exactly!"
Adam was feeling lonely...
so God created all of the animals to be his companions.
"God," Adam said, "These animals are great and all, but none of them seem like truly great companions for me."
"Well, Adam, I think I know exactly what you need. Tonight, I will create a Woman for you."
"A Woman? What's that?"
"Well, I'm sure she'll be the perfect companion for you. Women are extremely kind, moreso than the most loving animals. They are beautiful, even more than the most colorful birds."
At this point, Adam was convinced. "Well, what's stopping you? This woman sounds great!"
"Well," said God, "There's a bit of a cost issue. To make a woman, I'll need some of your body."
"Oh. Well, I guess it's to be expected no great thing is free...what'll it cost me?"
"An arm and a leg."
Adam thought long and hard about this, and eventually replied, "That's rather expensive. What can I get for a rib?"
Five old ladies in a car . . .
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, this driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies -- two in the front seat and three in the back -- wide eyed and white as ghosts.
The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."
"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly... Twenty-two miles an hour! "The old woman says a bit proudly.
The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that 22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asks.
"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119."
When life starts
A Priest, a Muslim and a Rabbi are having a discussion. They are trying to determine the exact point when life starts. The Muslim argues that life starts at conception. The Priest disagrees and says that life starts at birth. The Rabbi turns to the two men and says, you are both wrong. When the dog dies and the kids move out, that is when life begins.
Police and Old Women
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, this driver is just as dangerous as a speeder! So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies -- two in the front seat and three in the back -- wide eyed and white as ghosts.
The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."
"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly...twenty-two miles per hour!", the old woman says a bit proudly.
The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that 22 was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. "But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... is everyone in this car okay? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asks.
"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119."
**(I dont make this joke. One of my best friend made this)**
When the Saxons landed in England...
...they decided to split up into five groups to cover as much ground as possible.
One group headed West and Wessex was born.
A particularly lazy bunch decided to stay exactly at the meeting point and incorporate Middlesex.
Another went South to form Sussex, which is still exactly where they made it, while yet another formed Essex to the East.
Oh, nearly forgot about the very conservative pack who went North. Nobody heard from them again
Sitting on the highway waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car puttering along at 22 MPH.
Sitting on the highway waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, that car is just as dangerous as a speeder. So, he turns his lights on and pulls the car over. Approaching the car, he notices there are 5 old ladies, two at the front and 3 at the back, wide eyed and looking like ghosts.
The driver obviously confused said, "Officer, I don't understand, I wasn't doing over the speed limit!, What seems to be the problem?" "Ma'am," the officer said, "you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be dangerous". "Slower than the speed limit? NO SIR! I was doing exactly 22 miles an hour", the old woman said proudly.
The officer containing a chuckle explains that 22 was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned, thanking the officer for pointing out her error. "Before I go Ma'am, I have to ask, is everyone OK?
These women seem badly shaken and haven't uttered a word all this time" "Oh! they will be alright in a minute, Officer, we just got off Route 142."
22 mph speed limit
Sitting on the side of the road waiting to catch speeding drivers, a state trooper sees a car puttering along at 22 mph. He thinks to himself, "This driver is as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five elderly ladies, two in the front seat and three in the back, wide-eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand. I was going the exact speed limit. What seems to be the problem?"
The trooper, trying to contain a chuckle, explains to her that 22 was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. "But before you go, ma'am, I have to ask, is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken."
"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute, officer. We just got off Route 136."
Whose point is it anyway?
A ninety-year-old man went to the doctor and said, "Doctor, my eighteen-year-old wife is expecting a baby."
The doctor said, "Let me tell you a story. A man went hunting, but instead of a rifle, he picked up an umbrella by mistake. When a bear suddenly appeared and charged at the man - he picked up the umbrella, shot the bear, and killed it."
The man said, "Impossible. Someone else must have shot that bear."
The doctor said, "My point exactly!"
Speeding Drivers
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer see's a car puttering along at 22 MPH.
He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!"So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies, two in the front seat and three in the back, wide eyed and white as ghosts.
The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."
"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly twenty-two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly.
The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit.
A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.
"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asks.
"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 142."
Three men - one blind, one deaf, one dumb - participate in a game show...
The blind man is shown a map with a marker and asked to name the exact place it is pointing to. Being blind though, he is well versed in Braille, so he begins feeling the map with his hands and after a few seconds says "Grenoble, France".
"Correct! 50 points for Mr. Blind", says the host.
The deaf man is played a particular song and asked to identify its singer. Being deaf though, he is a keen observer and lip-reader. He notices one of the people in the audience singing along with the song, reads their lip, and says, "Stand Tall, by Burton Cummings."
"Correct! 50 points for Mr. Deaf", says the host.
Finally, the dumb man is asked to spell "Mississippi". After thinking for a few seconds, he says, "M-R-S. S-I-P-P-Y".
So an old man marries a 20 year old blonde...
and she gets pregnant. So he goes to the doctor. The doctor proceeds to tell him a tale:
"Once a boy went to the woods alone with an umbrella. He encounters a tiger in the woods. The boy points the umbrella at the tiger and the tiger drops dead immediately." The old man interrupts "Somebody else must have shot her!". "Exactly what I want to tell you" says the doctor.
A man walking with his friend tells him that he doesn't know how to have s**... with his wife
"It's not hard, man! Look there." his friend says as he points towards two dogs having s**....
"Just do the exact same thing with your wife."
"Ok, I'll try."
They both go home and meet up the next day at a bar.
"So, how did it go?" asks the friend.
"Great, but I had a hard time u**... her on the sidewalk."
You see that bridge there?!
Two politicians - an American and an Indian - happened to get into an unlikely friendship, don't know how, perhaps through a social network for politicians; just go with it.
The American invited the Indian to his mansion. The Indian was amazed at the sheer magnificence of his home. He asked, "How did you manage to build yourself such a beautiful place?" The American replied, "You see that bridge there?", pointing to a bridge not far from where they were. He continued, "I pocketed about ten percent of the funds for its construction."
A few weeks later, the American was invited to visit his Indian friend. He never expected that the Indian would have a place much larger and much more lavish than his own. He interjected, "How on earth did you get to build this place?"
The Indian said, "Well, you see that bridge there?"
The American replied, "No."
The Indian: "Exactly!"
Sam goes to the doctor...
Sam, who just turned 86, goes to the doctor.
Doctor: How are you doing, Sam?
Sam: Good! I just married a beautiful 25 year old and we are now expecting our first child.
Doctor: Oh wow. That reminds me of something that happened to me recently.
Sam: Oh yeah? What?
Doctor: Well I was walking in the woods one day and I came across a rabbit. I lifted my walking stick, pointed it at the rabbit and yelled 'BANG!' Suddenly the rabbit fell over, dead. What do you think about that, Sam?
*Sam thinks for a minute*
Sam: Well, I think somebody else must have shot that rabbit!
Doctor: My point exactly!
A 96 year old man...
After marrying a beautiful young woman, a 96 year old man informed his doctor that he and his new wife were expecting a baby.
"Let me tell you a story," the doctor said. "An absentminded fellow went hunting, but instead of a gun, he accidentally brought his umbrella on the trip. When he was in the woods, a bear charged him unexpectedly. The man whipped out his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and shot and killed it on the spot."
"That's impossible!" the elderly man exclaimed. "Someone else shot the bear."
"My point exactly," the doctor replied.
A famous armorer was called to court...
…to demonstrate his new plate design. He set it on a stand in the middle of a grand gallery. The king called in his executioner, a dour and muscular man who prided himself in his ability to slice folk exactly in half, to strike the suit. With a sonorous clang! the executioner's heavy sword bounced off of the chest piece. Frustrated, he pointed an accusatory finger at the armorer and cried This is why we can't halve nice things!
A husband forgot his wife's anniversary...
So a husband forgot that today was his anniversary, and naturally, his wife was upset and mad at him. The wife then gave him an ultimatum. "If I dont see something chrome plated that can go 0-100 in less than 5 seconds in the garage by tomorrow morning, the neighbors will see you walking away from this house with a large suitcase." The husband, worried, went away and thought to himself "what in the world could she possibly want..." He thought long and hard, and finally thought of something that would be perfect for her. In fact, it was exactly what she asked for! "How could this ever go wrong!" he thought to himself. The next day rolls around, and the husband takes his wife's hand to the garage. The wife, not seeing anything, asks "where is it?" The husband points at the floor, on which lay a chrome plated weighing scale.
Who's your daddy?
A father's daughter brought home her prospective fiancee
It was the first time he'd met him and he took the opportunity to quiz him a bit
"So, what do you do for a living?" he asked
"I have no job" he replied
"Really? Well how do you expect to provide for my daughter?"
"God will provide, I'm sure" was the answer from the intended
"And how exactly will he do that then?"
"God is merciful and will ensure we do not want" he said with all sincerity
"And how about if you have kids? Who looks after you then?"
"God will ensure he provides bounty for the whole family"
"OK, so you say, but exactly how will God provide this?"
"I don't know yet. God will move in his own mysterious ways"
At this point, the father gives up and leaves the house fuming, heading straight for the bar. there he meets his friend Dave who asks,
"What's up friend? You seem troubled"
"Well, I've just met my girl's new fiancé"
"Oh man, bad news?"
"Well, on the plus side, he does at least seem to think I'm God..."
A masked man walks into a s**... bank with a gun.
He points the gun at the receptionist and tells her to open the safe. She says: but you don't understand. This is not a normal bank. This is a s**... bank. The man says: I know exactly what this is. Now open a sample and s**... the whole thing. The woman opens one and swallows it all. The man then takes off his mask. It is her husband. She screams at him: I can't believe it. It's you. Why are you doing this? He gets close to her and says: you see??? It didn't kill you to s**... it. Did it?
An elderly woman is driving 17 mph on a highway
A cop pulls her over and says Ma'am, you should know driving too slow is as much of a risk as driving too fast.
The woman pointed to a sign and said But Officer, I was going exactly the speed limit!
The officer says That's the route number. You're on US-17. He notices another elderly woman passed out in the backseat. Who is your passenger and why is she passed out?
The woman says Oh dear, we just got off State Route 112!
He got his name, how exactly?
In the movie Rocky , it's explained by our hero, the reason why you would call a left handed fighter, a southpaw - reason being that this one left handed fighter from the south, would point his left paw to the south, reminding the audience that he was a southern boy.
That's all good and fine, I just hope mr. Eastwood didn't get his name in a similar way...
[OC] A farmer was wandering around the ranch
He stopped at regular intervals along his wire fence, mumbling to himself.
"Hey Howard, what's up?" His neighbor cruised by on a pickup truck.
"Bill, there's something wrong with my fence." He points to the vertical piece of wood which held up the wire.
"This is exactly identical to the next! Right down to the imperfect knots and slanted grain!"
Bill hops off and puts on his reading glasses.
"Egad!" He exclaims. "You're right! It seems like this place is full of reposts!"
My friend asked me to explain dark humor to them
I pointed at a guy sitting on a park bench and said "See that guy with no hands on the bench? Tell him to clap".
They replied "Austin, you know I'm blind", to which I replied "Exactly"
Your Girlfriend Is Pregnant !
Guy: But doctor that can't be right. We use condoms everytime we have s**....
Doctor: Well, the test result would suggest otherwise. Maybe the c**... broke?
Guy: No I'm sure it didn't.
Doctor: Alright then. Let me tell you a story. A guy was wandering in the forest where he encountered a tiger. The tiger looked really ferocious and the guy knew that he was doomed. Cornered, the guy then points his umbrella's tip at the tiger and shouts Bang at the tiger. The tiger died.
Guy: That can't be right. Someone else must have shot the tiger.
Doctor: Exactly.
A frustrated man takes his pregnant girlfriend to a doctor
Doc I really don't understand how this happened, she was on pills I used c**... still she is pregnant
Doc: let me tell you a story. A man went to jungle carrying only an umbrella, all of a sudden a tiger appears in front of him so out of fear this man point his umbrella at tiger like a gun, closes his eyes and boom, tiger is dead
Man: comm'on doc this is not a time to joke someone else have taken a shot
Doc: Exactly .
Note: sorry for the grammar tried to translate it from my language
An 84 year old man to his doctor: My 24 year old wife is pregnant. Your opinion doctor?
An 84 year old man to his doctor: My 24 year old wife is pregnant. Your opinion doctor?
Doctor: Let me tell you a story:
There was once a man with an umbrella walking through a forested area. Suddenly a leopard jumped in front of him. Too scared to do anything, the man holds up his umbrella against the leopard and tries to shoot. A loud bang is heard and the leopard dies on the spot.
Old man: That's impossible, somebody else must have shot the leopard!
Doctor: Exactly my point!
A guy goes to the doctor with bowel problems
"Doc. My b**... just ain't right the past few days." he says.
"Alright," says the doctor.
"Pull your pants down and tell me where it's hurting exactly."
The guy does so, points and says,
"It's particularly painful near the entrance here."
The doctor is taken back and says,
"Well... I believe it is hurting because you just called it the entrance"
An 88-year old man came to the hospital and said to the doctor, Doctor, my 18 year old wife is pregnant with my child.
The doctor paused and said, There was a master bear shooter in a village. He never missed a shot.
But one day he was in a hurry, and took his umbrella instead of his rifle by mistake.
When he encountered a bear, he still didn't realize his mistake and pointed the umbrella and shot the bear.
The bear lay dead with a bullet in his heart!
The old man said, That's s**...! The bullet must have been shot by another person.
That's exactly right, said the doctor.
