My Pillow Jokes
135 my pillow jokes and hilarious my pillow puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about my pillow that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest My Pillow Short Jokes
Short my pillow jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The my pillow humour may include short pillow jokes also.
- Dont challange Death to a pillow fight ...Unless you want to deal with the Reaper cushions.
- Don't challenge Death to a pillow fight.. ..if you're not willing to deal with the reaper cushions.
- Why girls don't have willys Little brother came into the kitchen and declared "mom, now I know why girls don't have willys! They fall off, and I found yours under your pillow"
- My gf told me to stop being childish, she just wants to come in for a talk not my fault she cant remember the password to my pillow fortress
- I made a huge mistake challenging Death to a pillow fight… I was not prepared for the reaper cushions.
- NEVER start a pillow fight with Death.... Unless your ready to face the Reaper cushions!!!!!!!
- Don't ever challenge Death to a pillow fight If you do, you must be prepared for the Reaper cushions.
- Why don't girls have willys... A little boy came running into the kitchen an declared, "Mom, now I know why girls don't have willys! They fall off, and I found yours under your pillow."
- I'll always remember my dad's last words on his death bed: 'Son, what are you doing with that pillow?'
- I would be SHOCKED if you haven't heard about these new corduroy pillows. I mean, they're making headlines all over the world.
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My Pillow One Liners
Which my pillow one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with my pillow? I can suggest the ones about pillow cases and pillow talk.
- Don't challenge Death to a pillow fight Unless you're prepared for the Reaper cushions
- What did they find under Michael Jackson's pillow? Billy's jeans
- I challenged Death to a pillow fight. I wasn't prepared for the reaper cushions.
- I ate an entire feather pillow last week Since then I've been feeling down in the dumps.
- Have you heard about the corduroy pillows? They're making head lines.
- THIS JUST IN!!!!! Corduroy pillows are making headlines.........
- What do you call two homeless people hitting eachother with cardboard? A pillow fight.
- Have you heard the news? Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
- How soft is Bill Gate's pillow? Microsoft.
- Never challenge death to a pillow fight unless you're ready to face the reaper cushions
- Have you heard of the new corduroy pillow? It's making headlines.
- How did the Flintstones died? Pillow fight
- What did the homeless men yell when they hit each other with cardboard? Pillow fight!
- I asked my Pillow if it wanted a snack It said No, thanks I'm stuffed
- Have you guys heard about those new courdoroy pillows? They're making headlines
My Pillow Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about my pillow you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean pillow fight jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make my pillow pranks.
Three nuns were talking about their chores...
Three nuns were talking about their chores. The first nun says: "I was putting away father's laundry, when i found some pornographic magazines in his drawer!"
"So what did you do?" The second nun asks.
"I threw them away." The first nun replies.
The second nun scoffs and says she can top that. "When I was making father's bed, I found some condoms underneath his pillow!"
"So what did you do?" The first nun asks.
"I poked holes in all of them!" The second nun exclaims.
The third nun fainted.
The chicken and the egg were lying in bed after having s**......
The chicken sighed happily, fluffed the pillows, and lit up a cigarette. The egg frowned and then rolled over in bed. "Well I guess that answers *that* question." he muttered.
A young mother is cleaning her son Jimmy's room...
When she stumbles upon an s**... magazine underneath his pillow. She freaks out because young Jimmy is only 8 years old. She runs to her room where she meets her husband.
"Bill, look what I found underneath Jimmy's pillow! He's only 8, what should we do??!"
The husband eyes the magazine and ponders.
"...Well we can't s**... him."
I had a dream last night...
...that I was eating a massive marshmallow, it was huge! And then when I woke up this morning, my pillow was gone!
What do bed detectives solve?
Pillow cases
Did you hear about the pillow factory that blew up last week?
There was a big panic at first, but it's all settled down now.
I just found out that my pillow has a better s**... life than me
It gets head every night
Another jewish gag
An elderly Jewish man is knocked down by a car and falls onto the pavement and lays there groaning in agony. A young man rushes up to help. He takes off his coat, folds it up into a pillow and as he gently places it under the old mans head he asks "Are you comfortable ?
The old man looks up into the guys kind eyes and says "Eh...I make a living"
Have you heard about the new Corduroy pillow cases?
They have made all the headlines.
Breaking News: A Pillow
Did you hear about the corduroy pillow on the news?
... It made headlines...
Why do Pillows work?
Cause they're white
A guy I work with was late for our meeting, so I asked what happened.
He said, My wife and I aren't talking to each other. We're giving each other the silent treatment, and I didn't want to be the first one to break the silence and lose. So I wrote a note on a piece of paper: 'Please wake me up at 7:30am.'
Well, I didn't wake up until 9:30am. Boy, was I mad that my wife didn't wake me up. Then I noticed a piece of paper on my pillow that said: 'It's 7:30am. Wake up.'
I had a dream that I ate 5lbs marshmallow...
I woke up and my pillow was gone.
My girlfriend wanted to have a talk about how childish i am
But she didn't have the secret password to my pillow fort so she couldn't get in
Have you heard about these new corduroy pillows?
They've really been making headlines.
-courtesy of my 8 year old niece.
Maybe I'm too old for pillow forts.
On the one hand, I feel young enough to want to build pillow forts, but on the other hand, I'm a grown up now, with my own adult responsibilities and apartment, so I don't have access to my parents' awesome sofa cushions.
Why was my other pillow jealous?
Because I like to sleep around.
What losses its head in the morning and gets it back in the evening?
A pillow
A kid asked his mom : how did you make me ?
His mom said : one night i put little sugar under my pillow and in the morning you were by my side; The kid grabbed some sugar and put it under his pillow, he woke up in the morning and found an ant in his bed, "If you weren't my son, I swear i would've squashed you!"
If two Homeless people are hitting each other with a cardboard boxes...
Is it a pillow fight?
What did the pillow say when it fell off the bed
Sheet
I like my pillow like.....
I like my pillow, like I like my women.
Lumpy, covered in drool, and can take a punch.
So I had this dream of eating a large marshmallow
The scary part was when I woke up I found my pillow missing.
*Took this off an essay example thing we were given in English, thought it'd be pretty funny to post on here
Everybody needs a bosom for a pillow
Mines made of mammary foam
A pillow warmer is a s**... idea…
Use your head!
What does it mean when your boyfriend is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
Last night I dreamed I was eating a pillow
When I woke up, my 10 pound marshmallow was gone.
What are you looking at when you see two homeless dudes hitting each other with bits of cardboard?
A pillow fight.
When you have a pillow fight with a memory foam pillow,
that's a pillow fight you'll never forget.
Well, I know it's childish, but me and my girlfriend have just had a great time having a pillow fight and I won!
The secret is to stuff a few bricks in there..
My wife was having trouble breathing last night.
I think I wasn't holding the pillow down tight enough.
My dog is always so excited when I wake up each morning...
It means it is her turn to use my pillow.
A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde visit a magical bridge.
The sign reads "Magical bridge: Jump off the bridge and shout out what you want to land in and so it shall be."
The brunette goes first, she climbs on the rail, jumps off and yells "Pillows!" She lands safe and sound in a pile of pillows.
The redhead jumps next. " Hundred dollar bills!" She yells and lands in a huge pile of money.
The blonde goes last. She climbs up, jumps off and gets scared. She yells "Oh shiiiiiiiit!"
When I was a teenager, I used to punch my memory foam pillow when my anger was getting beyond control.
Now it's memorized all my moves, and I live in constant fear.
I expected a call last night, so I slept with my phone under my pillow.
When I woke up it was gone, and there was a dollar coin in its place?!
Must have been the Bluetooth Fairy...
What do you call two homeless guys trowing stones to each other?
PILLOW FIGHT!!
I have been having terrible dreams lately. Last night I dreamt I ate a giant marshmallow.
When I woke up, my pillow was gone.
A jewish guy gets knocked over by a car...
A passer by runs over to check on him. He bundles up his coat into a pillow and places it under his head "Are you comfortable?" the stranger asks. He replies "Ach, I make a living."
Cr
13 days ago I started collecting all the blankets and pillows in my house...
Tomorrow will be a fortnight.
I have the head of a watermelon, the arms of two French baguettes, the chest of two pillows. What am I?
Banned from the supermarket.
A school teacher in Hyderabad was once asked, "Can you make a sentence without using 'E'?"
"I doubt I can. It's a major part of many many words. Omitting it is as hard as making muffins without flour. It's as hard as spitting without saliva, napping without a pillow, driving a train without tracks, sailing to Russia without a boat, washing your hands without soap. And, anyway, what would I gain? An award? A cash bonus? Bragging rights? Why should I strain my brain? It's not worth it."
Once, at an all boys summer camp, I dreamed I ate a giant marshmallow, and when I woke up my pillow was gone. But that's not what freaked me out...
...the night before that I dreamed I was in a hotdog eating contest.
Customer: I'm just not sure I really want to buy this pillow.
Pillow salesman: Well why don't you sleep on it.
My girlfriend wanted to talk to me about how childish I am...
...but she couldn't because she doesn't know the password to enter my pillow fort.
What do you call a cushion with transcendentalist views?
A Thoreau pillow.
Have you seen the hype about these cordroy pillow cases...
They're making headlines everywhere
Super Dave Seinfeld Joke
A woman is vary afraid of the size of her opening, so she goes to her mother asking what I'm going to do ...
I'm so big down there when I merry my man he's going to divorce me !
Mother says: Don't worry sweetheart, do what i do when i married your father, go to the market, get some raw liver and put it down there and he will never know the difference !
So she does that and had 8 hours of s**... after her marriage. The morning after she wakes up she found a note from her husband under the pillow.
The note says: I love you darling, my heart beaten so hard last night I was afraid I was going to wake you up. Now I'm going to work so I can buy you a house, a car and all the stuff you want ! I can't wait to see you again after work !
P.S. - YOUR c**... IS IN THE SINK !
Did you hear about the new corduroy pillows?
They're making headlines everywhere!
Memory foam pillows are the worst.
As soon as I lay down on them, I start remembering all the things I messed up during the day.
Walt Disney notices a sharp pain in his knee.
He starts rubbing it, icing it, elevating it on a pillow. But over the following days it only grows worse. He visits his doctor and reports this pain.
Which knee is hurting you, Walt?
The famous film producer points to his left knee.
Disney.
Asked my mum what she'd like for her birthday.
I wanna Dyson. She said excitedly.
So that's why is smothered her with a pillow, your honour
Me: *flips pillow to the cold side*
Everyone else at the f**...- :0
Why do some coffins have pillows? They aint gonna wake up with a sore neck
Thats like thinking about what college you want your unvaccinated kid to go to
Yo momma so fat
She has to wear a pillow case as a face mask
I had a dream that I was eating marshmallows...
...and when I woke up, I discovered I'd chewed my pillow to bits. I'm feeling okay, all things considered. Just a little down in the mouth.
There were three brothers Feather, Pillow and Brick.
One day Feather went to his mother and asked:
-Mom, why is my name Feather?
-Because when you were born and we brought you home from the hospital a feather fell on your head.
-she replied.
Next day Pillo asked the same question.
-Mom, why is my name Pillow?
-Because when you were born and we brought you home from the hospital a pillow fell on your head.
The third day Brick went up to her mom and goes:
-The Earth is flat!
These long quarantines have been so difficult for many marriages.
Luckily for me I have an amazing wife. Just last night I woke up to her firmly pressing a pillow against my face to protect me from Covid-19.
I accedentally dropped my pillow on the floor.
I think it has a concushion.
Here's a joke for English and irish
So 3 people go to the middle East, a German a English and a irish. They get captured and sent to a Prince, the Prince gives them each one wish and 20 whips to the back. The German goes first and asks for a pillow on his back, he gets the pillow and the whips but it doesn't work. Next is the English he asks for two pillows and again it shreds throgh them. Next is the Irish, the prince's wife grants him one more since she likes his people. The Irish man first asks for 100 whips, and for the English guy to be strapped to his back.
Sometimes my Pillow Talk can get crazy.
But only when it talks back.
Never challenge Death to a pillow fight
Unless you're prepared to handle the reaper cushions.
I created a poll to see if people preferred pillows stuffed with bird feathers or pillows stuffed with synthetic material.
Synthetic material didn't win. Too many down votes.
So I bought a memory foam pillow second-hand
Got it for a good price, all was good until I laid down and it said "who the f@#k are you?"
I used to punch my memory foam pillow whenever I got mad.
Eventually it learned my moves.
Jeff just had a pillow fight with death...
He faced the reaper-cushions
My wife wants to talk to me about my childish behaviour.
Little does she know she can't enter my pillow fort without the secret password.
Hey did you hear about those corduroy pillow cases?
They're making *headlines* everywhere!