The Best 35 My Birthday Jokes

Following is our collection of funny My Birthday jokes. There are some my birthday jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these my birthday puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest My Birthday Jokes and Puns

My bullies broke my MP3-Player at school. Luckily, my parents bought me an MP4 for my birthday, but these idiots destroyed it again.

Tomorrow, I'll bring an MP5.

As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said

Y'know, one would have been enough.

I finally realized my parents favored my twin brother.

It hit me when they asked me to blow up balloons for his surprise birthday party.

My wife is turning 32 soon...


I've told her not to get her hopes up for her birthday. After all, I said, The celebrations are only going to last half a minute.

What are you talking about? she asked.

I said, It's your thirty-second birthday.

I completed another lap around the Sun, but I only get half a minute to celebrate today.

It's my thirty-second birthday.


So I asked my girlfriend what she would want for her birthday next week

She said: "Well, I dreamt of a golden ring with lots of small diamonds."

I asked her: "What do you think it means?"

She smiled and said: "I don't know..."

Flash forward to her birthday, with all our family members at the table, I gave her my present.

I still don't know why she didn't like this book called 'Dreams and their Meanings'.

Most women would love to wake up on their birthday to the smell of fresh coffee, a nice breakfast, flowers and oral

But not my Sister.

Nobody will upvote a cake joke in my birthday

I feel desserted

Girls, if a guy remembers your birthday, saves your pictures knows what you enjoy and understands your family and friends,

This guy is not your man.
This guy is Mark Zuckerberg.

My teenage daughter came home in a rage.

"I've just had sex education in school today, Dad!

You lied to me!

You told me if I have sex before my sixteenth birthday my boyfriend will die!"

I put down my paper: "Oh, he will sweetheart, he will.

I bought my son a puppy for his birthday, but I accidentally backed over him in the driveway and killed him...

Sure is gonna be tough raising this puppy without him.

You can explore my birthday reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean my birthday dad jokes. There are also my birthday puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


My last 15 minutes as a 23 y/o!!

It's not my birthday but a scary looking man with a crowbar just broke into my house

My teenage daughter came home from school and she was blazing mad. We had sex education today dad and you lied to me! You told me if I have sex before my sixteenth birthday, my boyfriend will die! I put down my newspaper, looked at her and said…

Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will.

My wife's birthday is in two days, and she told me that she would be happy as long as I get her something with a lot of diamonds in it.

She's gonna love this pack of playing cards.

People say to me Jesus was not Jewish

## I say ofcourse he was Jewish

+ 30 years old, Single, Living at home with his parents
+ Working in his father's business
+ His mother thought he was God's gift

## He's Jewish. Give it up

****
_by Robin Williams_

Happy Birthday Robin!

What did the boy with no arms get for his Birthday ?

Don't know he hasn't opened it yet

For my birthday, the only thing I got was a deck of sticky playing cards.

I find that very hard to deal with.

My lesbian neighbours asked me what I wanted for my birthday.

They gave me a Rolex. I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.

A 106-year-old cowboy in Texas recently passed away.

He was asked on his last birthday earlier this year his secret to longevity.

He told them that for the past 50 years he had sprinkled a little gunpowder on his cereal each morning.

He left behind 8 children, 21 grandchildren, 32 great-grandchildren, and a 15-foot hole in the crematorium.


There was a man who was born on the fifth day of the fifth month of 1955, whose lucky number was five.

There was a man who was born on the fifth day of the fifth month of 1955, whose lucky number was five. On his birthday, he went to the racetrack and was astounded to see that in the fifth race (scheduled for five o'clock) a horse named Pentagram was running, with the odds of 55 to 1. Rushing off to the bank, the man was astonished to find he had $55,555.55 in his bank account. He withdrew the whole amount, dashed back to the races and bet all of it on Pentagram to win. Pentagram, obviously, came in fifth.

A little girl says to her mommy, instead of buying me clothes for my birthday can you send them to all of the little girls that haven't got any, you know the ones.

The ones on daddy's computer.

I got a picture of myself in a locket for my 18th birthday.

I am now independent.

I absolutely HATE when people make a post subtly implying that it's their cake day just so people can wish them a happy birthday.

You won't catch me doing that today.

I bought my girlfriend a fridge for her birthday

I know its not the greatest gift, but you should've seen her face light up when she opened it.

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?

Aye Matey!

The lesbian couple across the street allowed me to see them have sex for my birthday.

It's a beautiful and very thoughtful experience, but I think they misunderstood me when I said I wanna watch.

I got my son a trampoline for his birthday but nooooooo..

... he just wants to sit in his wheelchair and cry ...

My lesbian neighbors asked me what I wanted for my birthday.

I was quite surprised when the gave me a rolex. It was an incredibly generous gift, but I think they misunderstood me when I said "I wanna watch."

birthday card

As i handed my mom her 50th birthday card today she said " One would've done"

Congratulations to Tu Youyou on winning the Nobel Prize in Medicine and for being the most confusing person to sing Happy Birthday to.

I asked my wife what she wanted for her birthday. She said, "Nothing would make me happier than diamond earrings."

So I got her nothing

Why do ethiopian children cry on their 6th birthday?

They hit a midlife crisis

My wife accused me of ruining her birthday, but that's impossible

I didn't even know it was her birthday!

Birthdays are good for your health

Studies have shown that people with more birthdays live longer.

My son is so ungrateful. I bought him a trampoline for his birthday..

..And all he wanted to do was sit in his wheelchair and cry.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the my birthday jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working my birthday piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes