My Birthday Jokes
135 my birthday jokes and hilarious my birthday puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about my birthday that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest My Birthday Short Jokes
Short my birthday jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The my birthday humour may include short birth day jokes also.
- My bullies broke my MP3-Player at school. Luckily, my parents bought me an MP4 for my birthday, but these idiots destroyed it again. Tomorrow, I'll bring an MP5.
- As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said Y'know, one would have been enough.
- I finally realized my parents favored my twin brother. It hit me when they asked me to blow up balloons for his surprise birthday party.
- I completed another lap around the Sun, but I only get half a minute to celebrate today. It's my thirty-second birthday.
- Girls, if a guy remembers your birthday, saves your pictures knows what you enjoy and understands your family and friends, This guy is not your man.
This guy is Mark Zuckerberg. - My daughter wants a pet spider for her birthday I went to the pet store, and the owner said "that'll be $200 please", I said "$200?, it'll be cheaper getting one off the web".
- My girlfriend was really angry when I gave her a box of photos of all her old boyfriends for her birthday. I don't know why, she said she wanted an ex box.
- I bought my son a puppy for his birthday, but I accidentally backed over him in the driveway and killed him... Sure is gonna be tough raising this puppy without him.
- My last 15 minutes as a 23 y/o!! It's not my birthday but a scary looking man with a crowbar just broke into my house
- My wife's birthday is in two days, and she told me that she would be happy as long as I get her something with a lot of diamonds in it. She's gonna love this pack of playing cards.
Share These My Birthday Jokes With Friends
My Birthday One Liners
Which my birthday one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with my birthday? I can suggest the ones about birthday celebration and daughter birthday.
- Nobody will upvote a cake joke in my birthday I feel desserted
- What did the boy with no arms get for his Birthday ? Don't know he hasn't opened it yet
- I got a picture of myself in a locket for my 18th birthday. I am now independent.
- I got a sweater on my birthday I would have preferred a moaner or screamer.
- What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Aye Matey!
- Why do ethiopian children cry on their 6th birthday? They hit a midlife crisis
- Today I celebrated my 62nd birthday. It was only a minute long.
- I drink twice a year.... When it's my birthday, and when it isn't
- What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Aye matey
Credit to my sister - What did the fat kid get for his Birthday? Bullied
- I got an iPad for my birthday from my Chinese friend. Nothing beats a homemade present!
- A friend of mine and I were both born on 4/20. We always have a joint birthday party.
- Birthdays are great... ... but too many of them will kill you.
- What's a buffalo's 200th birthday called? A bisontennial.
- Ever been to a bulimic's birthday party? (fixed) The cake jumps out of the girl.
Loads of Fun with Charming Humor My Birthday Jokes
What funny jokes about my birthday you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean friend birthday jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make my birthday pranks.
I think the wife's got me a build-it-yourself scale model of a horse for my birthday next month.
I've just found a big piece of it hidden in her bedside drawer.
For my birthday, the only thing I got was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I find that very hard to deal with.
My lesbian neighbours asked me what I wanted for my birthday.
They gave me a Rolex. I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.
A little girl says to her mommy, instead of buying me clothes for my birthday can you send them to all of the little girls that haven't got any, you know the ones.
The ones on daddy's computer.
The lesbian couple across the street allowed me to see them have s**... for my birthday.
It's a beautiful and very thoughtful experience, but I think they misunderstood me when I said I wanna watch.
My lesbian neighbors asked me what I wanted for my birthday.
I was quite surprised when the gave me a rolex. It was an incredibly generous gift, but I think they misunderstood me when I said "I wanna watch."
A woman gets up in the morning
wakes up her husband and says:
- Honey, I had a wonderful dream. I dreamed you gave me a diamond necklace for my birthday. What does it mean?
The husband answers:
- You'll know it on your birthday.
The wife's birthday arrives and the husband enters the house with a package in his hand. The woman, excited, takes it from her hands, tears the paper nervously, quickly opens the box and finds a book titled: "The meaning of dreams."
My lesbian neighbors asked me what I want for my birthday.
I wanted a Timex, but all I got was a black eye.
My wife wife had s**... with a younger man yesterday
But I'll forgive her, since it's my birthday!
The worst thief ever came to my birthday party today.
I mean, I've seen other thieves, but this one took the cake.
My lesbian neighbors got me a rolex for my birthday.
I guess they didn't realize what I meant when I said I wanna watch .
My gay neighbor gave me a sextape of him and his husband for my birthday.
I think he misunderstood me when I said, "I wanna watch."
How does a cat like its steak cooked...
Raaaaaaaare.
I know I know. Dad joke but I'm desperate for some love since it's my birthday.
I am a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me LEGOs for my birthday.
I don't know what to make of it.
I know this lesbian couple who gave me a watch...
The couple gave me a very nice Rolex for my birthday. I'm slightly disappointed though. I should of clarified what I meant when I said "I wanna watch".
My wife offered to make me some s**... coupons for my birthday.
I asked her if one could be a groupon.
My lesbian next door neighbors just gave me a Rolex for my birthday
I really like it but I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch .
My smoking hot, lesbian best friends got me a Rolex for my birthday.
I guess they misheard me when I said I wanna watch.
My lesbian friends just got me a Rolex for my birthday.
I think they misunderstood me when I told them "I wanna watch."
What's the first way to know when you're growing old?
It's your birthday and the only ones who wish you happy birthday are your doctors.
(Not so much a joke. It's my birthday and guess who wished me happy birthday so far.)
Edit: finally, a couple of family members have said it. They're still outnumbered five to one by medical staff. Lol!
My lesbian neighbors bought me a Rolex for my birthday
I don't think they knew what I meant when I said "I wanna watch"
My lesbian neighbors gave me a Rolex for my birthday
It was mighty kind of them, but they misunderstood when I said "I wanna watch"
My birthday is on 9/11
60 more days to go
I hardly ever drink
Only 2 times a year to be exact
On my birthday,
And when it's not my birthday
Dad Joke
It was my birthday an me and my Dad were driving on the highway when we saw a terrible accident. My Dad said "This is the worst accident I've seen in 20years!"
Well yeah it was my 20th birthday.
My lesbian friend gave a me a Rolex for my birthday.
I don't think she understood when I said: "I wanna watch."
A wife's birthday was the next
day and she said to her husband, "Honey, for my birthday I want something that goes from 0-230 in 6 seconds to be in our driveway."
"I'll see what I can do" replied the husband suggestively.
The next morning she ran outside and found a scale in the driveway.
For my birthday my friends got me a sweater.
I would have preferred a screamer or moaner, but a sweater was fine.
I got a comically small deck of playing cards for my birthday.
It wasn't a big deal.
Son asks his father for a gift
Son: - Dad I need a gift for my birthday
Dad: - What do you want Son
Son: - I need a Bitcoin
Dad: - What?? Why do you need $ 35K for?? You know how difficult it is to earn $ 25K dollars?? You will learn difficulty of earning $ 40K when you get a job
"Dad, are you planning on getting me a gift for my birthday?"
"Of course, but your mother and I would like to get you something you will enjoy, what is it you want?"
"Well, crypto is hot - how about a Bitcoin."
"A Bitcoin? Sheesh, those things cost $45,237! Do you know how long it takes me to earn $31,479? Some day you'll have a job yourself and have a better appreciation of how much $63,981 is on a pre-tax basis! I don't understand what you're going to do with a $26,109 bitcoin anyway.
Pick something else - $4,807 for a bitcoin is more than we were going spend."
Sigh, nobody will upvote a cake joke on my birthday
I feel so desserted.
Cuban
I asked my grandmother for "something Cuban" for my birthday, and she had got me a Che Guevara shirt.
Clothes, but no cigar.
The lesbian couple across the street got me a Rolex for my birthday
It's beautiful and a very thoughtful gift, but I think they miss understood me when I said I wanna watch .
It's my birthday, so here's a related joke.
Why are birthdays good for you?
-
-
-
-
-
Statistics show: those who have the most, live the longest.
my friends gave me dirt for my birthday
I really appreciated the sediment
Baked Beans.
One day I met a sweet woman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my wife and told her that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odour of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.
Upon my arrival, my wife seemed excited to see! me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight."
She then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as she was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. She made me promise not to touch the blindfold until she returned and went to answer the call. The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my wife was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signalled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My face must have been the picture of innocence when my wife returned, apologizing for taking so long. She asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured her I had not. At this point, she removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"
I only drink in two occasions: When it's my birthday...
and when it's not.
I only drink twice a year
When it's my birthday and when it's Not my birthday
The lesbian couple next door asked me what I wanted for my birthday, so I told them.
It was very nice of them to get me a Rolex, but I think they misunderstood when I said "I wanna watch"
I got a globe for my birthday.
It meant the world to me.
I got a divorce for my birthday.
When I woke up, my wife and kids forgot to wish me a happy birthday. I didn't get any birthday cards or phone calls. When I went into work my secretary wished me happy birthday and I felt really special.
We went out for a drink after work to celebrate and she invited me back to her place. She excused herself for a minute an went into her bedroom and returned with my wife, kids and all my friends.
I was sitting on the couch n**....
So I ordered me a bust for my birthday.
I really wanna show you how it looks, but I'm getting a head of myself.
My lesbian friend and her girlfriend gave me a watch for my birthday
Which is great and all, but that's not what I meant when I said "I wanna watch"...
My grandfather was cheap. He'd give me a 50 dollar bill each year for my birthday
Not currency; an actual invoice for 50 dollars
For my birthday, I got gifted a sticky deck of cards.
I'm having a hard time dealing with it.
Student: Can we postpone the test? It's on my birthday.
Student: Can we postpone the test? It's on my birthday.
Teacher: Well unlike your birthday, this test was planned ahead of time.
I'm turning 32 in a few months and I'm kinda depressed about it. I only get to celebrate my birthday for half a minute....
It's my thirty second birthday...
I'd hate to be a dragon.
I'd get so angry trying to blow out my birthday candles.
When I was little, my parents got me a Dog and a Cat for my birthday.
The next day we named the Dog curiosity.
I'm devastated that I won't be able to celebrate my birthday this March
I was born in November
A penguin goes into a pub...
At the bar the peanuts say:
"Nice tie Mr!"
In the toilets the c**... machine says :
"You look s**... in that tie"
So he complains to the barman. The barman says :
"the peanuts are complimentary but the c**... machine is out of order"
This was the best joke of my birthday cards this morning, so thither I would share.
The lesbian couple next door got me a Rolex for my birthday...
I think they misheard me when I said "I wanna watch"
The two l**... next door.
The l**... next door asked me what I would like for my birthday.
I was quite surprised when they gave me a Rolex.
It was very nice of them, but I think they misunderstood me when I said, "I wanna watch."
The l**... next door bought me a nice Rolex for my birthday.
I'm trying to be grateful for the thoughtful gift, but I can't help but think they misunderstood when I'd told them that for my birthday, "I wanna watch."
I used to live next to a really nice lesbian couple
They even bought me a Rolex for my birthday! I said "thanks, but this wasn't really what I meant when I said 'I wanna watch.'"
My lesbian friend just bought me a rolex for my birthday.
I don't mean to be rude, but that's not what I meant when I said "I wanna watch".
I cut my birthday cake in half and ate both sides.
I wanted to halve my cake and eat it too
Today is my cake day
Today I'm only celebrating my birthday for half a minute!
I guess you could say it's my thirty-second birthday.
Life's been a bit weird lately.
A while back I showed up late to a dinner at my hot lesbian neighbours. They forgave me, and eventually we got chatting about my birthday. They asked me what I wanted for it. Answer was pretty obvious, I told them I wanted a watch. They giggled a bit, and eventually agreed.
I think they were just teasing me though, its been a week since my birthday and I still can't tell the time.
Seen two girls have s**... though.
A man breaks into a wealthy persons house
He hears a sobbing noise coming from around the corner so he goes to check what it is. He peeks around the corner to see a body guard sobbing saying "I C c can't believe boss forgot my birthday, I thought he was m my f f friend uhoo hoo" so he turns around and goes the opposite direction desperate to escape with something. He spots a door at the end of the hallway that appears to have been left unlocked he opens to find the houses owner. He says "YOU!! How did you get past my security" the robber says "you let your guard down"
When my wife asked me what I wanted for my birthday, I winked.
She bought me eye drops.
My birthday present from my friendly Lesbian neighbors
So it was my birthday and I'm really good friends with the lesbian couple next door. I told them what I was wanting this year and they ended up giving me a brand new gold Rolex. I was disappointed to say the least.
I think they misunderstood me when I said "I wanna watch"
Her: I like your name
Me: Thanks, I got it for my birthday
For my birthday, my friend bought me a book called, "Road Kill Recipes". As luck would have it, the very next day, I came across some road kill, so I cooked it according to one of the recipes in the book and it was delicious...
I'm just not sure what I should do with the bike...
I once told someone my birthday
And they called me a cancer, seemed harsh
I got a miniature abacus for my birthday.
It's the little things that count!
My lesbian neighbors got me a rolex for my birthday
But I don't think they understood when I said I want to watch
I got a sweater for my birthday!
I really wanted a moaner...
Three boys are complaining about their fathers...
Boy 1: My father is stingy! On my birthday, he only prepared three types of food!
Boy 2: My father is stingier. He only prepared two types of food for my birthday.
Boy 3: Your fathers are big spenders compared to mine. My father made sure I have five types of food for my birthday.
Boy 1 and 2: How is your father stingier than ours?
Boy 3: Because he asked your father for the leftovers.
My lesbian friends got me a Rolex for my birthday
I said, "Aw, thank you. But this is not what I meant when I said, 'I wanna watch.'"
My wife asked me what I wanted for my birthday...
I said, "Aw, I don't need presents, I just want a nice, relaxing massage and some of that great s**... we used to have."
Anyway guys, it worked, she is buying me so much stuff.
You know the difference between my birthday and a courtroom?
My dad shows up at a courtroom.
ilove my family...
For his birthday, I gave my son an iPhone.
My daughter received an iPod for hers.
For my birthday, I was pleased to receive an iPad.
My mother was given an iMac for her birthday.
Thinking along the same lines, I got my wife an iRon. And that's when the fight started…
When I was little, my parents bought me a globe for my birthday.
It meant the world to me
My birthday is coming up, wife agreed to bday s**....
Thankfully she'll be out of town on a business trip so I'll have the house all to myself.
