The Best 14 Muttering Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Muttering jokes. There are some muttering quietly jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these muttering commotion puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Muttering Jokes and Puns

My wife woke up just now. She is dreaming and muttering about how she wrote the Lord of The Rings trilogy.

She's Tolkien in her sleep.

I once met a crazed man muttering incoherently about Ancient Mesopotamia

But I had to stop him, because I didn't want him to Babylon

Dog Years Are Bullshit

Dog years are bullshit. My dogs 10 and she still chases tennis balls when I throw them. When my grandma was 70 and I threw a tennis ball and told her to get it she smacked me in the head and walked away muttering.

Muttering joke, Dog Years Are Bullshit

Little Erika hates hypocrisy..

Little Erika gets up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. As she passes her parents' bedroom she peeks in through the keyhole. She watches for a moment, then continues on down the hallway muttering to herself, "And she gets mad at me for sucking my thumb . "

Pythagoras walks into a bar...

...muttering, 'If a right-angled triangle has a short side, X, a long side, Y, and hypotenuse, Z, then the square of Z must be equal to the sum of the square of X and the square of, erm... uh...'

The barman says, 'Y, the long face?'


Soviet Russia

A depressed man is walking on the street muttering: "Out of milk, out of eggs, out of meat..."

A member of the police force approaches him: "Shut up or I'll wack you across the head with my gun."

"...Out of ammo"

The referee

I refereed a women's football match yesterday. It was brilliant.

I booked two for muttering under their breath, one for the silent treatment and I sent one off without explanation and left her wondering what she'd done wrong.

Muttering joke, The referee

So I went to this Vietnamese Resturaunt

...when I saw some patrons stomp out angrily muttering about someone being rude.  It smelled so good I was undeterred.  There was a soup station where they put it all together in front of you.  I asked the host how.it worked and he pointed and said "pho queue over there"

First day at a mental asylum.

There was a guy who just got a job at a mental asylum. On his first day, he wanted to familiarise himself with all the patients at the facility. While doing so, he met this dude who looked perfectly normal, muttering some things to a wall. As he came closer, he started to make out what he was saying and it sounded like "98, 98, 98". He walks up to the guy and says, "Hi, I'm John, and I just got hired here". The dude stopped talking; took a good look at him, and slapped the shit out of him, and looked back the wall and started saying "99, 99, 99".

I saw a garden elf

On the subway today muttering to himself click.... click.... click.... click....

He was a metro gnome.

In the shrinks office...

* jack paces around muttering "I'm a wig-Wam; I'm a tee-pee. I'm a wig-wam; I'm a tee-pee." Shrink urges, "you need to take a seat, you're too tents."

* meanwhile the receptionist presses the emergency button because a deranged man walked in wearing nothing but a plastic wrap thong. Shrink asks through the intercom, "why do you think he's deranged?" The receptionist responds, "Doc, I can clearly see he's nuts."

You can explore muttering sits reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean muttering leaps dad jokes. There are also muttering puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Selfless until the end.

For Pontius Pilate's birthday, the Roman soldiers lined the street to his house with Jews nailed to crosses. Walking slowly, Pilate was admiring the gesture, when he spotted Jesus on the last cross... he was was muttering something. Pilot exclaimed "fetch me a ladder! if the King of the Jews has something to say, I want to hear it!" Reaching the top of the ladder, Pilate moves in close to hear Jesus in a dry, half-audible voice, singing "Happy birthday to you..."

"Alright guys, we have lots of pictures to mount before the art gallery tonight. Like I said in the email, we'll have to use these adhesive hooks. Under no circumstances will you penetrate the wall with nails or screws. Tim, I've noticed you've already hung one picture. Great job.

Tim (hiding his drill and muttering under his breath): welp.. I screwed that up.

I saw this guy today muttering "1,3,5,7,9..." under his breath.

I thought he was odd.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the muttering mutter jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working muttering exits piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes